Need help, I am very worried...

[Lisamarie 79]

If it were me I don't think I would even want to move forward at this point. Someone who ignores me, doesn't respect my feelings by not answering me for I don't know how long, (surely he knows she's worried about him) is not someone I would want to build a life with, and ESPECIALLY not to go through this long, frustrating, expensive, and stressful process with. IMO

I hate to say this, but I will say this: the whole thing sounds like he's not REALLY divorced and is trying to get it... you know for what. Once in the US and ready to move on, the ex-wife becomes the former ex..... you know.

I highly suggest to the OP to do extensive research in this matter. Ok ok ok ok I shouldn't be predicting. But some of us have seen this one-too-many times....

[NY_BX 397]

If it were me I don't think I would even want to move forward at this point. Someone who ignores me, doesn't respect my feelings by not answering me for I don't know how long, (surely he knows she's worried about him) is not someone I would want to build a life with, and ESPECIALLY not to go through this long, frustrating, expensive, and stressful process with. IMO

Absolutely. Poor lady! This is expensive, frustrating and stressful.... now even more that the Consular has been replaced by a militant, mercyless new Consular in Egypt. They mean business! This would be my reaction: "What? He's ok? Really?, thank you!" Then off to change my phone number, emails and all kind of contact. Screw him!

[Mithra 1,185]

Sounds like she probably won't need to change her phone number or email. He's not contacting her. To me, it sounds like either he's still married or has found another gal. Do we know if they've even met in person? Personally, I wouldn't proceed with this guy. He obviously isn't that into the relationship.

[Crossed_fingers 128]

There are a couple million Muslims in the U.S., maybe you could find a husband from that pool?

Ok everyone, just stopping by to give an update.

A lady from this forum who's in Egypt had a male friend call him. He says he is fine! Phew!

So that just leaves the question of why he was MIA for a while... Very strange and unlike him. More than a bit inconsiderate, in my opinion. Usually, when one of us knows we will be gone for a while, we let the other know when, why and how long. So this was just strange. They asked him to contact me, so we will see if he does.

Part of me is very thankful that he is ok. But another part of me says "Ok, but what was going on then?" All we know is that he is "fine". But I guess only he can answer that...

As others have suggested, I might like to think good of him, yes. But still I have been worrying all along about all kinds of things, like does he just not care if I worry? What does that say about his seriousness? Is he there visiting a wife or something? Is that why he can't talk to me? Is he REALLY completely and legally divorced??

But see I wouldn't be freaking out about things like that, if he hadn't disappeared that way, lol.

I'm guess I'm just going to have to be cautious. I won't assume anything, or accuse him of anything unless I see some very solid proof, because that's just wrong. But at the very least, I have reasons to wonder...

Oh also-- Of course I know you don't have to convert to marry a muslim man, not if he is ok with it. I didn't convert because of him, lol. Just wanted to say that. When I was Christian, he really didn't care. The only thing he cared about was that he at the very least wanted to be with someone who believed in god. So as a former Christian, I guess I was covered on that, lol. I just studied Islam so much, because I always felt like my beliefs were extremely different from most other Christians I knew, and I noticed that Islam had a lot of the same beliefs I naturally had (ok, maybe a little more strict in a couple of areas, but hey, if you actually read the whole bible, it gets pretty strict too! lol). So I guess as I studied it, something just "clicked", lol.

Oh yeah, I know there are plenty of Muslims who do date, lol. But there are still also a lot who just go from single, to meeting someone, to engaged, lol. I guess I'm getting this from when I first started meeting a lot of Muslims--- I noticed that in the typical Western dating and engagement "process", most of my fellow Americans will live together for a couple years before they get married . In comparison to that, the Muslim meeting/engagement/marriage process almost seemed rushed in some cases.

And for a while, There was a short time before my man and I both agreed that we were definitely "exclusive", where I was kind of checking out the single muslim websites.... And I noticed that pretty much any single muslim guy who would talk to me was really insisting on getting married like... NOW! Even before we really knew each other. I mean they would be asking "So what's your decision on engagement/marriage?" like in the first few days! I would always have to be the one to say "WHOA! Slow down there guy..." lol. I'd tell them I want to talk to a person and find out as much as I can about who they are, and establish a friendship bond and LOVE, before I get married. I don't take forever to know and love someone,no, but I do at least want that to be in place. And they would always say, "Love grows when you're married, and 2 decent people can make it work if they are willing to try hard, no match is perfect, marriage is work." Etc., etc. And I would argue "Yes, but the more you know about a person before you marry them, the fewer big shocks there will be! And you can avoid a bad match much better that way." And they always had a reason why I was not entirely right, saying god wants us all to marry sooner rather than later, etc. lol. They each would tell me "This is the Muslim way."

And I would say, "Ok.... Well I may be Muslim, but I am still American, and I am still ME, so whoever I end up marrying will have to be ok with that."

I've never had this happen with any American guys. So I guess I was really just comparing my experiences talking to Western or Christian men, vs. Muslim men Huuuuuge difference in my experience, at least.

[Mithra 1,185]

These men who were telling you its the Muslim way to get married right away - are they all from other countries or were any in the US?

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

Ok everyone, just stopping by to give an update.

A lady from this forum who's in Egypt had a male friend call him. He says he is fine! Phew!

So that just leaves the question of why he was MIA for a while... Very strange and unlike him. More than a bit inconsiderate, in my opinion. Usually, when one of us knows we will be gone for a while, we let the other know when, why and how long. So this was just strange. They asked him to contact me, so we will see if he does.

Part of me is very thankful that he is ok. But another part of me says "Ok, but what was going on then?" All we know is that he is "fine". But I guess only he can answer that...

As others have suggested, I might like to think good of him, yes. But still I have been worrying all along about all kinds of things, like does he just not care if I worry? What does that say about his seriousness? Is he there visiting a wife or something? Is that why he can't talk to me? Is he REALLY completely and legally divorced??

But see I wouldn't be freaking out about things like that, if he hadn't disappeared that way, lol.

I'm guess I'm just going to have to be cautious. I won't assume anything, or accuse him of anything unless I see some very solid proof, because that's just wrong. But at the very least, I have reasons to wonder...

Oh also-- Of course I know you don't have to convert to marry a muslim man, not if he is ok with it. I didn't convert because of him, lol. Just wanted to say that. When I was Christian, he really didn't care. The only thing he cared about was that he at the very least wanted to be with someone who believed in god. So as a former Christian, I guess I was covered on that, lol. I just studied Islam so much, because I always felt like my beliefs were extremely different from most other Christians I knew, and I noticed that Islam had a lot of the same beliefs I naturally had (ok, maybe a little more strict in a couple of areas, but hey, if you actually read the whole bible, it gets pretty strict too! lol). So I guess as I studied it, something just "clicked", lol.

Oh yeah, I know there are plenty of Muslims who do date, lol. But there are still also a lot who just go from single, to meeting someone, to engaged, lol. I guess I'm getting this from when I first started meeting a lot of Muslims--- I noticed that in the typical Western dating and engagement "process", most of my fellow Americans will live together for a couple years before they get married . In comparison to that, the Muslim meeting/engagement/marriage process almost seemed rushed in some cases.

And for a while, There was a short time before my man and I both agreed that we were definitely "exclusive", where I was kind of checking out the single muslim websites.... And I noticed that pretty much any single muslim guy who would talk to me was really insisting on getting married like... NOW! Even before we really knew each other. I mean they would be asking "So what's your decision on engagement/marriage?" like in the first few days! I would always have to be the one to say "WHOA! Slow down there guy..." lol. I'd tell them I want to talk to a person and find out as much as I can about who they are, and establish a friendship bond and LOVE, before I get married. I don't take forever to know and love someone,no, but I do at least want that to be in place. And they would always say, "Love grows when you're married, and 2 decent people can make it work if they are willing to try hard, no match is perfect, marriage is work." Etc., etc. And I would argue "Yes, but the more you know about a person before you marry them, the fewer big shocks there will be! And you can avoid a bad match much better that way." And they always had a reason why I was not entirely right, saying god wants us all to marry sooner rather than later, etc. lol. They each would tell me "This is the Muslim way."

And I would say, "Ok.... Well I may be Muslim, but I am still American, and I am still ME, so whoever I end up marrying will have to be ok with that."

I've never had this happen with any American guys. So I guess I was really just comparing my experiences talking to Western or Christian men, vs. Muslim men Huuuuuge difference in my experience, at least.

Ok then - thanks for the update.

I think we can now safely say that all doubts are removed, and everything in this story falls right into place.

In my opinion, you should forget about this guy (like starting yesterday.) And don't look to random dudes on Muslim marriage websites for reliable information about your new faith, or what "the Muslim way" is. All that glitters is not gold.

[NY_BX 397]

Ok then - thanks for the update.

I think we can now safely say that all doubts are removed, and everything in this story falls right into place.

In my opinion, you should forget about this guy (like starting yesterday.) And don't look to random dudes on Muslim marriage websites for reliable information about your new faith, or what "the Muslim way" is. All that glitters is not gold.

WOM, you said it best! I have to say, it may be even insulting to Muslims to claim that's the Muslim way.

Like saying overly sexual salsa dancing is the Latin way. As a salsa dancer, and Puerto Rican, I find the stereotype ridiculous!

[meno-is-mine 37]

Put that thought out of your head. Once a divorce is final, the only way they can re-marry is if she marries another man, consummates the marriage, then divorces. That's Islam. Until that happens, they are off-limits to each other. It's a complete non-issue.

Not true actually. This is only true after the man has divorced the woman 3 times. After one divorce, they can get married twice again. Only after a third divorce does she need to marry/consummate with another man. Just saying. Don't mean to offend. Lol

Rofl Muslimy Muslimness!

I'm also loling about - " for the sake of the non-Muslims reading this - we do things differently...". And then only vaguely knows the rules about dating but has to be schooled by non-Muslims about mahr and divorce, etc. Oh noobs...they're precious aren't they?

Yo sistah! Loving it!

Not only I am a non-Muslim, I am an activist against organized religion, LOL! My parents are visiting from Puerto Rico and my mom just gave 'her humble opinion speech' to my husband. We're still married......

too funny!!!

OP, I hope things work out best for YOU!!! Whatever that may be (with or without this guy!)...

[Sarah B 26]

I think we can make a couple safe predictions. For example, I am sure he is Egyptian. I also am sure there is not an octopus involved in this story.

yay!

awwww...I was looking forward to an octopus

[Nasturtium 500]

awwww...I was looking forward to an octopus

They are super cute, no?

[Sarah B 26]

They are super cute, no?

I guffawed!!! I always think immigration and octopi go well together

[sandinista! 1,816]

They are super cute, no?

Yo, this thread is only 7 pages in. That's nothing. Don't count out an octopus appearance just yet.

And yes, they're adorable. Ayah has a big beanie baby octopus that we both adore.

[Nasturtium 500]

Yo, this thread is only 7 pages in. That's nothing. Don't count out an octopus appearance just yet.

And yes, they're adorable. Ayah has a big beanie baby octopus that we both adore.

ooo I hope so. I bet that beanie octopus is awesome!

[Sarah B 26]

any octopus is cute! How many pages until we get to it??

[Cathi 5,757]

The thing that I can't help but wonder us why he was not answering his own phone when you called? Who were the people answering in Arabic? How long was he MIA? This whole thing is very bizarre.