How to keep your sanity

[abbi627 43]

ok I know I am not nearly in this as long as all of you. And I have not even met him in person yet (very soon just a few more weeks) but I really could just use a little encouragement right now. I used to think I was a completely sane and rational person - apparently not lol. But let me tell you how I am acting lately. Now first of all I have a very very full life. I have my special needs son and all of his therapy and appointments, I have my own business, I am looking for a second job and I am taking online courses to further my education. So it is not like I am sitting around all day. But anyway the thing is I just practically live to talk with my SO. My phone rings and I grab for it like a crazy person and if I see that it is him my heart starts racing a million miles a minute. Same thing when he pops up on IM and when I get an email from him. But especially the phone - the sound of his voice makes drives me crazy. And saying goodbye or goodnight is horrible. I am smiling and laughing on the phone with him and then we say goodbye or goodnight and then I am standing there holding the phone crying like a little baby. My emotions are all over the place. I go from extremely happy to extremely sad and then back again. And I know this whole process has not really even started for us yet. I'm trying to act like the person I used to be - you know thinking clearly, sane, logical, rational but I seem to have turned into an emotional mess. Oh yeah, another example is one night this past week he called later than usual. Well that is not a big thing right? Well it shouldn't be but in my mind I started to think what if something happened to him - what if he was in an accident and even what if he is dead. I really went off the deep end a little until he called. I have to calm down a little. I guess there is nothing anyone can really tell me. I suppose I just needed to write this out. And I thank you for listening and I will be happy to listen to anything anyone has to tell me.

[Shoot Em Straight 385]

This is a little encouragement for you to get a hold of yourself...

One person should not hold your happiness the way you describe it

It is nice to look forward to hearing from a person you like

It is a good feeling to be reminded you are thought of by phone calls

It is sweet to dream of a happily ever after....

but the way you describe you ways it is not healthy.

And you have yet to meet???

I cant imagine if he would have not called that night...what you would have driven yourself too???

Take good care of your son as you describe you do. Stay focused on what is in front of you and then when you finally meet you are coming to this person more as a whole person...not a mess of emotions.

[abbi627 43]

I guess I did describe myself as a crazy person didn't I lol? No one who knows me or deals with me on a daily basis has any idea of what I am feeling. I don't walk around showing my feelings. But these are just feelings I have inside and I will be the first to admit this is probably not a normal way to be feeling. And I am working on it. I guess I'm just a little surprised at myself - this is NOT the way I would normally react to anything. I think it helped me to write it down - I read it after I posted it and thought "yep I sound totally nuts" lol. Thanks for listening.

[Shoot Em Straight 385]

GF

There is no judgement from me

Just calling it the way I read it

Be strong within yourself

and all else that is meant to be will follow

You cant rely on one person ( a man!) for all your happiness, needs and fulfillment ( even after you meet )

[abbi627 43]

Oh I did not think you were judging me. I wrote this because I wanted to hear from others and also because this is not my normal way of acting so I figured I needed a kick in the backside to get myself back to normal. I appreciate your words and I am working on calming myself down. Thanks!

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

GF

There is no judgement from me

Just calling it the way I read it

Be strong within yourself

and all else that is meant to be will follow

You cant rely on one person ( a man!) for all your happiness, needs and fulfillment ( even after you meet )

agreed.. Its also important to not make them your whole life because if it does not work out after a couple of years, you are totally devastated because you built your world around them

[X Factor 1,112]

agreed.. Its also important to not make them your whole life because if it does not work out after a couple of years, you are totally devastated because you built your world around them

Exactly - especially after 2 years the honeymoon period is over and the dopamine wears off.

[SaharaSunset 165]

Abbi,

You are not so crazy You are just falling in love with someone and that often makes people feel and act a little abnormal. So I guess I'm saying, its normal to feel abnormal

And I so remember feeling very similiar! Its sounds to me like a person in love...and again, its pretty normal for your world to revolve, to some extent, around someone you care for...especially in the early infatuation phase. Even with a full and busy life, love seems to take over and dominate our emotions...like it or not

And I kind of think the hard goodbyes are par for the course of long distance relationships. I met my husband while traveling in Morocco, and when I left for home we began our "long distance" relationship. It was somewhat casual at first(although we had daily contact). I remember being so excited to get a text from him, or talk to him in any way. I still remember the thrill of hearing that little chime that I had text. And I remember feeling like my day wasn't complete until we had that contact. And if a text was later, or shorter than usual, I remember feeling a little thrown off and sometimes worried. But how can you not? You don't see them everyday, and you totally want to see them everyday. That daily contact is like food for a hungry person... it feels like you need it to survive! All you can do it just have faith that things will work together for your good.

Don't be so hard on yourself, I really don't think you are so crazy to crave that interaction with someone you care for. And saying goodbye is ALWAYS hard when someone you wish was close to you, is far away. I have sister who lives in another state that I am very close to and miss so much. Sometimes after we skype I cry because seeing her makes me miss her and I'm sad we don't live close anymore. Does that make me crazy and irrational? No. It just means I miss her and I wish our circumstances were different.

But prepare yourself that it could get even harder after you meet and then have to leave him. I remember after I went back to visit my (now)husband the first time, I knew I loved him, and then it got even more difficult. I couldn't stop crying after we parted at the airport. Everyone kept asking me if I was okay. After that first visit we also knew we were heading in the marriage direction, and I missed him so much, I too felt like a crazy person!!!! And it was so hard not to have those irrational thoughts creep in - especially about his safety. He was a tour guide, so he was on the road a lot, and oh I how worried something would happen to him.

During our K-1 application, I went and stayed with him for 2 months. After coming home, there were days I missed him so much I thought I was going to die. I too had a busy full life (I'm a teacher and was a waitress nights at the time) - but I LIVED to talk to him. We'd talk in skype and I sometimes I would have to leave for a minute, pretending to go to the bathroom, because I was starting to cry. Seeing him actually made me miss him even more I did feel a little out of control of my emotions then...but given our difficult situation, I just kind of had to deal with it.

And despite all my "crazyness," it still worked out. We've been married now for almost a year, and couldn't be happier. Now, that being said, am I still sometimes emotionally dramatic? - yes. Do I still worry something bad will happen to him? - yep. But I've always been a worrier. Especially about people I love. Maybe you can ask yourself if perhaps you are just feeling an intensified version of "normal" behaviors for you? I know for me, although I did feel "crazy" sometimes, the reality is, I am a bit of an emotional drama queen in the first place. And healthy or not, I still survived.

Honestly it sounds to me like you're just super excited to have him in your life, and starting to feel all the swirling emotions that come with falling in love. It sounds pretty abnormally normal to me. You are in the infatuation phase, and I think most of us had our own similiar version or what you are experiencing and feeling at the moment. You are not crazy. Heavens sake, this IS an exciting romantic time! So my advice is just try to relax as much as you can, and enjoy all of your emotions in all their crazyness!

Edited July 1, 2012 by SaharaSunset

[abbi627 43]

Hi and thank you for the wonderful reply. And you said something that made a lot of sense when I thought about it. You asked if what I was feeling might just be an intensified version of normal for me. Well it probably is. I can even remember being on vacation and harassing the pet sitter by calling multiple times a day to see if my dogs were ok. And on a more serious note I just talked to my sister-in-law on the phone. She lives in another state and she is battling cancer. I talked to her and then hung up the phone and burst into tears. So I guess I am a fairly emotional person. Thanks for helping me see I am not completely crazy lol. And my son is such a joy in my life. I adopted him from foster care and his adoption was final back in February. He is 10 years old and has cerebral palsy and he is the light of my life. I am now in pre-placement visits with my soon-to-be second son who has autism. He lives 5 hours away so most weekends I am traveling back and forth to visit him. So my life in general is kind of crazy right now. Again I thank you for your responses. I know I don't really know any of you but I feel comfortable coming here to talk. And I appreciate that.

[together4evr 360]

My husband has been here for 3 months and I still feel the same!!! If he enters the room I am in, I still melt. I look forward to coming home after work just to see him in real life. It is amazing to be able to love someone so deeply and powerfully.

Enjoy the passion your are feeling. I think it is normal and healthy.

Good Luck

[rade2rising 205]

things always changes

time is your worst enemy