Who has made more adjustments?

[deeshla 0]

I might be being nosey... since I am not from the Middle East

But aside from the fact that you SO comes from another country, which is per se the MAJOR adjustment/change that they could do. I think all couples being new to living with each other go through different things, to adjust and adapt to a life in common.

Changes should not be 'requested' or at least I wouldnt 'request' because that would sound so much as an imposition, and believe me, even the most in-love person would react to that. As far as feeling guilty, that would also be wrong... it would be manipulative and for me that's a red flag.

Dont worry about your guy coming over, as difficult as it may be to leave everything behind, this is a choice he has made, for you, and if you try your best to support him through this process, changes and adaptations will happen without either of you even noticing.

Good luck on your interview, and congratulations in starting your new life together...

Ana

Some ME/NA men have firm ideas on what a woman should wear. Some want no dogs in the home. No pork, only halal meat. No male friends. Muslims in particular have certain ideas about cleanliness. Men from these regions may also think it should be the woman that cleaning even though it is his standard. Surely I am missing a few. I think these things should be discussed beforehand and worked out, but that doesn't always happen. These sound like horrible stereotypes but I think several women have seen one or more of these issues arise.

They happen a lot and American women get surprised when confronted with these things the first time. A big one, applicable to Western women, is the issue of having male friends. Most of my friends are male and my best friend is a man - I had to be sure that this would not pose a problem for my husband - and it hasn't. Have a heart-to-heart with your SO about these things and tell him your expectations as he will certainly tell you his. Don't wait for the surprise.

[Henia 11]

My husband insists on keeping the bathroom door open when it's just us in the house. I guess I don't mind. normally when one of us is in there we are having a conversation while we are doing our things. Now as for passing gas, it used to be that he would run to the bathroom and let it out, now he does it everywhere! I still hold it sometimes, but only when I am in public, at home I don't care nor does he. I hate being uncomfortable when I am at home. I put new comfy clothes on as soon as I get home from work. So does Adil, so he doesn't mind me in my sweats. I've worn a nighty twice my whole life. He doesn't understand the point in me wearing it because it gets in the way. I have free reign of the clicker because he is not home when I watch TV. Haven't had to sit through movies I hate, just movies I can't understand cause they are either in Arabic or in French. But those are definately some adjustments that can be difficult. I guess you just have to get A LOT more comfortable with each other. (Not saying that you two aren't comfortable with each other)

Oh all that was for my first marriage....which ended in divorce so there ya go. lol.

I still don't think I could let one go in front of my husband though. Nor do I think I could go to the bathroom with him there. Just me I guess. It's embarassing!

Ye me either...I was too shy to undress at the doctor's office while my husband was there, let alone do #1 or 2 with him staring at me. Snaps!

[Bosco 1]

They happen a lot and American women get surprised when confronted with these things the first time. A big one, applicable to Western women, is the issue of having male friends. Most of my friends are male and my best friend is a man - I had to be sure that this would not pose a problem for my husband - and it hasn't. Have a heart-to-heart with your SO about these things and tell him your expectations as he will certainly tell you his. Don't wait for the surprise.

On the other hand, there are the men who give the answers the women want to hear, expecting to lay down the law once they are married and he is here. I think if someone is just starting out, it may be best to approach some of these things indirectly without voicing your expectations to get a real sense of where he stands.

[AngelK96 0]

I just remember another adjustment I had to make. It was concerning my physician who is male. I had to switched to his partner who is a female and my husband doctor is now my old physican. I had to go see an OB GYN but they are all males here. Once we seen the ob gyn and we talk to him and he answered all my husband's questions and respected my husband. He then was ok with me having a male doctor. What helped also was the ob gyn was the husband of our nurse practitioner in our clinic and he met her and he thought she was very nice.

[maggieNomar 0]

They happen a lot and American women get surprised when confronted with these things the first time. A big one, applicable to Western women, is the issue of having male friends. Most of my friends are male and my best friend is a man - I had to be sure that this would not pose a problem for my husband - and it hasn't. Have a heart-to-heart with your SO about these things and tell him your expectations as he will certainly tell you his. Don't wait for the surprise.

On the other hand, there are the men who give the answers the women want to hear, expecting to lay down the law once they are married and he is here. I think if someone is just starting out, it may be best to approach some of these things indirectly without voicing your expectations to get a real sense of where he stands.

That is so true. I have a male roommate (friend of my daughter) and another male friend who rents an apartment above my garage. Omar was unhappy with it at first, but now he has learned what a help they have both been for me and he has made friends with them. He understands that it is normal here. But we had to have several chats about it!

[cbd2cai 0]

I just remember another adjustment I had to make. It was concerning my physician who is male. I had to switched to his partner who is a female and my husband doctor is now my old physican. I had to go see an OB GYN but they are all males here. Once we seen the ob gyn and we talk to him and he answered all my husband's questions and respected my husband. He then was ok with me having a male doctor. What helped also was the ob gyn was the husband of our nurse practitioner in our clinic and he met her and he thought she was very nice.

most of my doctors are female (gp and gyn). allergist and dentist are male. I asked my husband if he was OK with going to a female doctor as she is very good and i have been going to her for awhile. First he said "sure", then he said "we'll see" . . . so I might be looking for a new doctor for him. But his first experience will probably be a civil surgeon because he needs to get a physical for the AOS once he gets here as it has been over one year since his last physical (at least that is how I have understood those instructions).