Less and Less Communication

[Hank_ 9,174]

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For sure! Could only +1 to you once... but sooooooooo agree with your ratings!!

[Caryh 5,206]

Maybe your right about, maybe Im acting too mad or bothered about this. I thinking you have some good

point about some of what you said. Im really confuse about what to do now.

Im thinking maybe Im give in him some freedom about what hes going to do there when Im not there ?

Other post have also good advice, but always wants to end this relationship. This is the only so far

thats seems maybe gonna be good marriage after.

Wish Im gonna make a decision about and not keep going back and forth. If this post is not going to

happen then Im decision was to not marry this person, now Im thinking about if Im to do that.

Now Im just pray and hope make right choice.

My wife used to say it was alright if I needed to find a woman here in the USA to satisfy my needs. After all, a guy is a guy, and a guy needs a woman to take care of his needs. Our relationship was many years long before she came here and we got married. It wasn't easy being apart, it wasn't easy going without sex and waiting a year or more to be together again. But I do know it was important to me as a man to choose to only be with her. I can understand a guy that can slip up, and have sex when the distance is far and long. Things can happen, and to a degree a guy is a guy. But a guy that truly loves a woman would feel really bad he slipped up. Your guy didn't just slip up, he's having a relationship! He didn't even say he would end it until after you were here! A marriage is not always easy, it will take hard work and at times things can be rough between a couple. A man that chooses to stay true despite the distance, is a man that will stand true and strong to his marriage when the rocky times come. The man that chooses another relationship because its easier than waiting, is a man that will walk away from his marriage just as fast. This isn't about a guy being a guy, this is about the character of the man. Does he do whats right or does he choose whats easy be it right or wrong? Boys choose whats easy and makes them feel good regardless of the pain it will cause another. If you wish to be married to a boy, who will only care about what feels good and is easy for himself, then stay in your relationship. Heck it could be when you get there, you'll still be sharing him with this other woman. If you want a man that will stick with you when the going gets tough, then send him on his way and when you're ready, find a man instead.

[Tahoma 2,292]

This isn't about a guy being a guy, this is about the character of the man.

:thumbs:

[B_J 2,752]

Your guy didn't just slip up, he's having a relationship!

That's another excellent point. When it's an ongoing relationship, there is no excuse at all for the behavior. Actually, there's no excuse for cheating ever, but a relationship is even worse. It's not a mistake or an accident; the guy just doesn't care enough about his fiancee to be faithful.

[Shawn C 11]

Two words..."run away"

He doesn't deserve you and deep down you'll never be able to trust him (he also will never really trust you)

Just my opinion

[newbster 4]

Uh yah, forget this guy. Just the fact that he wasn't communicating with you upsets me. I don't believe in "no time" for communication with your future spouse and your true love. He should have broken it off with you instead of just letting communication trickle off. You deserve to be treated fairly not strung along - and he's only interested in stringing you along selfishly. Move on and forget this loser.

[pinay&kano 1]

No, don't call him and break up with him. Keep the break up to yourself. And when it's time for needing money for the visa, etc. etc. Just collect it and enjoy it for yourself and your family. Just don't get on any planes. He's a douchebag who would only make you feel exactly what you're feeling now, your whole marriage ..and beyond. If he has time, see if he contacts you asking how come you never got off the plane when he was waiting for you at the airport. Just reply, "Oh sorry, I was too busy making "boom boom" with some guy. You are so far away for so long. I have my needs."

Sincerely,

The kano of pinay&kano

Edited July 12, 2012 by pinay&kano

[actob99 156]

No, don't call him and break up with him. Keep the break up to yourself. And when it's time for needing money for the visa, etc. etc. Just collect it and enjoy it for yourself and your family. Just don't get on any planes. He's a douchebag who would only make you feel exactly what you're feeling now, your whole marriage ..and beyond. If he has time, see if he contacts you asking how

come you never got off the plane when he was waiting for you at the airport. Just reply, "Oh sorry, I was too busy making "boom boom" with some guy. You are so far away for so long. I have my needs."

Sincerely

The kano of pinay&kano

That would make it two douchebag's then!!!!!! Do onto other's as you want done to you...

[Hank_ 9,174]

... or do onto others BEFORE they do it to you!

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

My advice? You should change your name to JulietteandNORob...

I read up to the point of you finding out he cheated on you, and a few replies after that, then skipped them all to just reply to you myself.

I am a man, and I have needs, too. I need the love of a faithful woman. The price for that? Being faithful myself. If I truly love and respect my asawa and myself, I will be true to her, because I expect that from her. No one in this world NEEDS sex, period. They just WANT it. If he is doing it because of your distance now, then he will just make excuses and lower his distance requirement once you are in the US with him. He will FIND WAYS to cheat on you. That's just the kind of person he is. Do not waste your time trying to change him, cuz Honey, it ain't gonna happen!!

Sorry to hear about your bad luck, but not all men are like him, and you deserve someone who will love you enough to wait. I did it for 17 months after I left my baby in the PI and had to wait for her arrival, as have many on this site alone. Don't you want that kind of love and respect in return for what you have to offer him?

To some, messing around is not a big deal. Sounds like it is to you. Do NOT settle for less than you are willing to give, otherwise you will spend years regretting your decision. Let him pass by, and be patient knowing a better man for you WILL come along. Don't go looking for love, it will find you when you least expect it. Best of luck to you in a difficult situation, I know it hurts, but time heals all wounds, even daggers to the heart.

[Tahoma 2,292]

I am a man, and I have needs, too. I need the love of a faithful woman. The price for that? Being faithful myself. If I truly love and respect my asawa and myself, I will be true to her, because I expect that from her.

Dave...+1 ...

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

You must remember that everyone on here giving you advice had to go half way around the world to find someone willing to marry them.

Ummm, wrong again, Kimosabe. Some of us met in person, and CHOSE to marry someone from a different country, but by no means did we HAVE to. I chose to because I know several Filipinas, and loved what I see in their personalities, culture, and devotion to their men. Far better than what I have experienced in other cultures, including my own Kano one.

Far from "had to go half way around the world", I (and I probably speak for many on here) CHOSE to do it. Please do not project your own situation/circumstances onto the rest of us. Say "I" vs. "everyone".

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

Dave...+1 ...

Thanks, Tahoma. I'm just so tired of hearing that old excuse... "A man has needs". Whatever. We all have wants, but the ability to choose right from wrong (for each individual), as well as the ability to do it for pleasure (or WAIT for said pleasure with someone special) is what sets us apart from the animals who copulate just to procreate.

Not saying monogamy is for everyone, and not judging if a swinging lifestyle is what floats your boat. As Rlogan said, it's not the act that's the crime, it's the dishonesty. If they were both doing it, or at least agreed to it, no issue. But he lied to her, and she is hurt by it, so it's NOT a reciprocal situation.

Needs? Yeah, I need to be rich, handsome, young, and well hung. *sigh* I guess one out of four ain't bad....

[Iraqvet 68]

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This post bored me the most. -4

[Iraqvet 68]

Unbelievable... If the OP was a guy he would've been called out as a troll and lectured to no end. Instead, everyone is coddling this girl who's doing no less than making tampo.

As they say,"There are two sides to every story", and we've only read one of them. It's entirely possible that the OP'a judgement was clouded by the prospect of a "better" life. How soon did she fall in love with the guy anyway? Had they ever met in person and consummated the relationship? Maybe the guy wasn't in the same place yet, but felt compelled to say the "sweet" things Filipinas seem to demand.

I hope some lessons will be learned from this experience:

1. Not only Filipino Men cheat. You should keep your heart open to ANY man who will love you, regardless of ethnicity.
   
2. Don't be so quick to give your heart to someone else. Allow the man to express his feelings when he's ready.
   
3. Putting yourself out there for the purpose of marriage and emigrating to the U.S. is risky.
   
4. Men don't like women who are needy. The quickest way to point us to another woman is to expect too much, such as twice-daily calls or e-mails.
   
5. Distance matters. Even with all the technological advances, there's no substitute for actually being together in the same place.
   
6. Sex matters. If it didn't, there wouldn't be a market for "male enhancement" drugs.
   

Agreed!