She wants to go back Home (Philippines)

[rade2rising 205]

well I hope she is no longer in the country

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

I wonder why OP has been offline since starting this thread. Maybe he's embarassed about handing his wife over to a VJ mob? I find it strange the MODs have allowed many posters to refer to OP's wife with derogatory accusations and vulgar insults. I wonder if it's because she's a Filipina? I wonder why the MODs torelate the misogynistic posts.

Poor woman. She is being slaughtered by people who don't have any clue what is really going on inside the OP's house. Judging someone without hearing their side of the story, IMHO is ridiculous.

I actually find your suggestion offensive.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

I actually find your suggestion offensive.

Did you notice the ?..? It was a question not a suggestion. Don't twist my word.

Edited June 27, 2012 by ~happyndinlove~

[Ban Hammer 13,530]

one post removed for baiting.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Did you notice the ?..? It was a question not a suggestion. Don't twist my word.

I don't have to twist your words, they speak for themselves and which is why I quoted you and in full.

Let's try this then: I find your suggestive question offensive.

How's that?

[Ban Hammer 13,530]

enough with the bickering.

[thinkerlove0212 158]

She's been here a bit over a year and she's having this reaction. Make's me wonder what her underlying reasons for feeling this way are. Homesickness, no work, not fitting in, feeling like a nanny and not a wife, she is responsible for the home and kids but not in control of the kids, etc... Could be lots of reasons this is coming up, I'd assume you've seen the warning signs before now. I'm guessing this lashing out and demanding is because she does not feel she has a life here. Its not her kids and a big fear she'll not have her own children. No work, so she has no pride in what she can bring home economically, something that bothered my wife a lot, your wife may fear she'll never have work here. Even now that's she's working, she fears her work isn't stable and she may be out of a job again. Fear is a big driver that can bring out this type of reaction and make her want to change everything or run away back home.

I'll assume, there I got again assuming but you haven't given us a lot to work with, that you love your wife and want to build your life with her. Start trying to find out what her fears are. Try to reassure her about them and help her to find the solution to them. Try to find out what she's really missing in life here, its not easy to build a life in America, and it could be she feels she's getting swallowed up by someone else's life. I know some women are not the best at explaining where their fears are coming from, they just react and lash out when they feel them. But if you work at it, you can find most of them. I have to deal with my wife's fears to, she'll say things she doesn't really mean also. Not really the best way to deal with it, but hey some people react that way. She's learning better ways as we work on her fears and the things that brings up her homesickness bouts. Your wife might say she wants to return home, she may say to send the kids to their mother so you two can start your own family, but I think they are only surface reactions to things going on underneath that you'll need to find and work on.

Good luck, I hope you and your wife can find what's truly bothering her, find solutions and keep your marriage and love alive.

[DandT14 272]

Personally, I think the most important thing is the kids.

I don't care how the wife was raised. I don't care what country she's from. I don't care if she knew the kids lived with him before they got married. If she didn't, it might make me have sympathy for her, but it doesn't change the fact that she asked him to get rid of his kids.

People suggesting that she be given a chance to adjust, get counseling, etc. are very compassionate, for her. But I have to wonder how much damage she's doing to these children she doesn't want while she's "adjusting" to her new life.

How much of the children's happiness and well-being is it ok to sacrifice to save this relationship? My answer is none. Maybe the children are troubled and difficult to handle, and she doesn't want to deal with them. Ok, that's her right, but then she should leave. And the dad should focus on the children, not her.

Whatever her reasons are for feeling this way are irrelevant, if the kids are being hurt. She has the right to leave. She doesn't have the right to tell the children to leave.

[Tahoma 2,292]

[nate and riyn 11]

i think she has her own reason why she wants to go back.. you both need to talk why she felt that way.. maybe she feels like you ignore her for your kids and you dont have much time to have her.. or maybe shes afraid you might not like to have kids with her because you got two children... all you both need to do is to have a good communication, respect, understand and also think about all youve been through specially in filing the visa on how you both want to be together... so dont give up that easily... everything happen for a reason... and tell your wife not to be selfish a bit coz in the first place she already knew you got two babies before marrying you.. God bless you both!

[X Factor 1,112]

I don't know were to start? She want's me to give up my two young boys to my X who is the none custodial parent. She wants her own family/kids....mmhmhm Well of course,, I understand

I said! She also can not find work. .,,,so she wants to go back.?

How long has she been in the US? For some the culture shock is quite challenging. It can take more than a year to get used to living in the US. And there are other underlying reasons that others are pointing out that could impact her decision.

[charlie471963 3]

I was wondering do you have contact with your exwife if so this sounds like the root to all of your problems .

[Andy & Rena 2]

I have two boys with my X and if my now fiance ever hinted that she doesn't want me to have my boys or any communication with them I would have to let her go as much as I love her. Gosh I am so sorry that this is happening to you. Perhaps she will have a change of heart? Unlikely but maybe...Good luck to you.

Andy

[Brian121957 43]

I was wondering do you have contact with your exwife if so this sounds like the root to all of your problems .

It is common and many time encouraged in the US for both parents to stay active in the life of the kids and this causes contact with the X. As I understand continued contact with the X even when kids are involved is not the norm in the Philippines.

[nate and riyn 11]

It is common and many time encouraged in the US for both parents to stay active in the life of the kids and this causes contact with the X. As I understand continued contact with the X even when kids are involved is not the norm in the Philippines.

oh yes totally not, im a single mom and my son is no longer communicating with his dad since we broke up, its not because

im selfish and wants my son alone but because he cant even afford to help me financially with our son, and keep begging to his parents...here in philippines we have many reasons why we no longer communicate on our exes, and one of those is to respect our present relationship. most filipino guys are very jealous on our exes, thats why we use to respect our present relationship and if possible we dont talk about our past, staying friends after breaking up is ok but not totally close like always communicating...