Divorce

[eric n tessa 1]

I am very sorry to hear what you are going through. you are doing the right thing for yourself and your children YOU deserve better! Leave him and don't look back! Don't believe his lies! keep records of his threats for the divorce. I wish you and your children the best! be safe!

[John and Ann 10]

He sounds like bi-polar personality to me, I've known many! Don't think another thought about it, keep going. Leave anything there behind, and keep you and your kids safe; start new life.

Its happened to me before... :-)

The best thing is just to get out NOW!

[Darnell 8,479]

well now that you have a green card,

make sure you get a SSN,

then get yer own bank account

then get yer own paypal account.

then get own with the business (IMO)..

if you have online catalogs, change the paypal link or he'll just blow through the money.

Also suggest you set a filter on his incoming email so that it is auto-deleted. Failing that, can you get new email accounts, tell all but him ?

When you go to collect your stuff, hire an off-duty policeman as your armed escort. Be prepared to pay for a 4 hour block.

Good Luck ...

[luvmykids2012 1]

well now that you have a green card,

make sure you get a SSN,

then get yer own bank account

then get yer own paypal account.

then get own with the business (IMO)..

if you have online catalogs, change the paypal link or he'll just blow through the money.

Also suggest you set a filter on his incoming email so that it is auto-deleted. Failing that, can you get new email accounts, tell all but him ?

When you go to collect your stuff, hire an off-duty policeman as your armed escort. Be prepared to pay for a 4 hour block.

Good Luck ...

I do have my SSN, but I haven't opened a bank account yet.

I don't think I need it for now. I still have some money from my parents when I left them 2 wks ago.

And I don't think I'd continue my life here eventhou he still keeps begging me to come back.

These scary thoughts still haunt me and I think my kids are safer in my home country.

And yes, I do have another email to communicate with my parents and the companies, but he and I still communicate by using my old one.

I did go to our apt to get some of my stuffs out last Tuesday. I did call the police before I went there, and they were willing to escort me.

In the morning before I went there, he told me not to bring the police, and I didn't.

I trusted him. I told the taxi driver, If he goes crazy, please call 911 immediately, but everything was alright.

I could get all my documents. He even gave me our photo album. He begged me to rethink about all this for a week.

He told me that he goes to the Anger Management and also Church.

I was willing to trust him, but I'm really so scared to be near him. He's just so unstable.

So I was there for less than an hour. He hid all my expensive bags. He said that he was afraid I'd bring the Police and tried to take all of those. I didn't say a word. In my heart I was just thinking, how could I still trust him when he still has so many negative thoughts about me?

But then he showed up in my hotel's room the following day. I was shocked and couldn't believe he'd come before telling me.

He tried to get in. I tried to calm down because my kids were there.

And like a police, he searched the room. I'm sure he tried to find any man's underwear or something. I really felt so disgusting of myself. I wanted to scream but I was afraid the kids would get scared.

So I let him search the room.

After he couldn't find anything, he was so sweet and calm down again.

He cried and begged me to come back, but I said NO. He still begged and begged, but I told him nicely to leave.

He then said, we still have a week to rethink about this, right? I said, YES.

My kids and I moved out the following day. He told me that he wanted to come again.

I told him that we moved out. He got soooo upset. He called me names and said that I needed to go to the psychiatric. He said that his therapists told him that I must be seeing a man. That's why I didn't tell him where I was.

I told him to have his therapists put those words in writing because I know those words came from his negative thoughts. He still kept on sending me emails, but I didn't reply it for a couple of days until he asked me again last night whether it was really over or any chance to reconcile. I told him, "It's really over. We're not meant for each other. Let just proceed this divorce peacefully. You can have everything. I must take my kids back to my country before the school starts."

Then he started begging again with all his promises and saying love love and love again.

I really feel so beat up. The main problem is : I still love him too.

I actually don't wanna hurt anyone's feeling. My main reason to live is to raise my kids. I'm not a teenager anymore. I must put aside my own feeling for the sake of myself and my kids' life.

And at this point, my mind's still struggling. I know that he'd find a way to attack my feeling again if he doesn't get his way.

I know that for sure, but sometimes HOPE and FAITH, that he'd really change, make me feel so stupid

Thank you so much for your sympathy. Please keep me in your prayers so that I'd really make my best decision.

I give myself until this week to decide whether I'll file for a divorce or not. He said that he'd never do it. He said that all his threats were just words, he didn't mean it. I really don't know what to trust from him anymore.

[luvmykids2012 1]

I am very sorry to hear what you are going through. you are doing the right thing for yourself and your children YOU deserve better! Leave him and don't look back! Don't believe his lies! keep records of his threats for the divorce. I wish you and your children the best! be safe!

I know.. I can't believe his words any longer. Everytime he begs me to come back, it does make me sad and sadder.

I told him, "I don't wanna go back for I know the same things will happen again and again. I don't want us to waste our life for those fights and arguments." But he kept bugging me with his emails and begging me to start all over again.

We're safe now. Hopefully he won't be able to find us for awhile. I really need time to meditate and pray.

I'll surely file for the divorce or go back to him this week. And after I file it, I'll take my kids go back to my country.

It's still my deep thought right now. For now, I'm still so scared to meet him. I've been having nightmares every night.

I think he's right, I'm going insane. I do need time to heal this broken mind I'm having right now.

Thank you so much for taking time to give me advices. I really appreciate it.

[luvmykids2012 1]

He sounds like bi-polar personality to me, I've known many! Don't think another thought about it, keep going. Leave anything there behind, and keep you and your kids safe; start new life.

Its happened to me before... :-)

The best thing is just to get out NOW!

You're so right. He's like a baby when he cries and begs me, but then he could be like a monster when he can't get what he wants.

Usually I'd fall into his game when he cried and begged me, but now I tried and tried my hardest not to follow his game anymore.

But it's still difficult

I still do love him. I care so much about him.

One side of my mind saying : I'm not gonna allow him to trap me into his unstable emotions game anymore.

But the other side saying : Give him one last chance.

What makes me feel so much relieved now that I've got the important stuffs from our apt.

I don't care about other things there. Let him have it all. I do wanna move on. Life is so beautiful.

Thank you so much for your advice and your encouragement words.

God bless you abundantly.

[DandT14 272]

You're so right. He's like a baby when he cries and begs me, but then he could be like a monster when he can't get what he wants.

Usually I'd fall into his game when he cried and begged me, but now I tried and tried my hardest not to follow his game anymore.

But it's still difficult

I still do love him. I care so much about him.

No, you don't love him. You love the person you thought he was. You made a mistake, and now you're correcting it.

Take your kids home, give them the stable, healthy life they deserve. Don't subject them to another moment of that man. This isn't about you and him anymore, it's about what's right for your children. And he is NOT right for them. I don't know what you're waiting for. I'm sure you can even file for divorce from your home country.

If he shows up at your hotel room unannounced again, please call 911. Don't let him in. This is only going to get worse until you are safely out of his reach.

[luvmykids2012 1]

No, you don't love him. You love the person you thought he was. You made a mistake, and now you're correcting it.

Take your kids home, give them the stable, healthy life they deserve. Don't subject them to another moment of that man. This isn't about you and him anymore, it's about what's right for your children. And he is NOT right for them. I don't know what you're waiting for. I'm sure you can even file for divorce from your home country.

If he shows up at your hotel room unannounced again, please call 911. Don't let him in. This is only going to get worse until you are safely out of his reach.

I have to totally agree with you. My most concern must be my kids, not my own self.

He still doesn't realize that he used to abuse them emotionally. What he wants now is how to get me back.

And you're right, it's not love. Love isn't supposed to be this way.

I'll file the divorce tomorrow. There's a court house not far from here. And then I'll take my kids back home immediately.

Thank you so much for opening up my thought. As a mother, I must not let anything nor anyone could harm my kids eventhou it's just emotionally or psychologically.

God bless your wonderful heart.

[DandT14 272]

I have to totally agree with you. My most concern must be my kids, not my own self.

He still doesn't realize that he used to abuse them emotionally. What he wants now is how to get me back.

And you're right, it's not love. Love isn't supposed to be this way.

I'll file the divorce tomorrow. There's a court house not far from here. And then I'll take my kids back home immediately.

Thank you so much for opening up my thought. As a mother, I must not let anything nor anyone could harm my kids eventhou it's just emotionally or psychologically.

God bless your wonderful heart.

You have to get the paperwork to file the petition for divorce. Then, you have to have him served with the petition. You can't serve him. I would suggest you get a process server, or someone you trust to serve him after you're already on a plane out of town. It might push him over the edge that he seems to be sitting on at the moment. You don't want to be around if that happens.

[rlogan 2,036]

Classic abuser.

They have no empathy. They use your empathy against you. That's what is behind all the tears and begging. They don't mean a bit of it. A hallmark of the abuser is keeping the abused in a state of constant fear about whether he will blow up into a rage. Just as you described.

[Sandra G. 5,057]

I am glad you found the strength to leave. You need immediately block all contact with him, manipulation and abuse can and will continue even when its over. Its up to you to put a stop to it! Abusers will never change. You have your kids to protect and yourself as well. Let go and move on, and believe me as soon you close this bad chapter of your life you will be able to find peace in your mind,spirit and soul.Do not forget love is not supposed to hurt. Peace.

Edited July 4, 2012 by sandranj