overwhelmed, confused, lost... need some advice!

[lrbirdsong 29]

hello. my name is Laurie. i am an American citizen, my boyfriend/fiance is Belgian. we have a 3 and a half year old son. i am almost 42, he is almost 29. (yes, i am aware that so called large age differences are "red flags" for couples seeking marriage... )

here is our predicament.. we want to be together. we are in love. we want to be a family.. but we don't know what would be the best way to make this happen.

he is currently in the US on a visa waiver. we are talking about all of our various options, and we feel daunted by them.

we've been together since 2007. in that time we conceived a child that was still born. shortly after that, we conceived our son. during the pregnancy he had to leave the country. he returned for the birth, and was only able to spend a few months with our baby, before he had to return to Belgium. he was unable to return to the US for almost 3 years... but we kept in daily contact, skyped and phone calls.

we have looked at work visa options, but he does not have any special skills. we have talked about school, but neither of us have that kind of money.

we've talked about marriage (which we WANT to do anyway.. we'd have done it by now, in fact, if we could figure out how... ) - i am currently receiving state aid while i work through severe depression issues, and also a chronic pain issue. i have a very, very limited income. i certainly don't have the kind of money that is required for me to sponsor him in marriage.. but we thought perhaps that would be a reason why he should be here, to care for our son while i receive treatment...

we also thought that perhaps it would be easier for he and i to be married in Belgium... but we are unable to find information on how we would be able to return to the US.. i have older children from a previous relationship, and am a home owner with a mortgage.

we can't afford a lawyer/attorney. we are in love. we just want to be together, as a family, but seem to find more and more red tape the more we look into options.

if anyone can offer any kind of advice, or information that would at least point us in the right direction i would be SO grateful..

i am sorry to paint such a vague picture of our situation, but i would be happy to clarify as necessary.

thank you in advance..

sincerely, Laurie

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

You can get married next week in the US. It is very simple. I am not sure what the confusion over that is.

If you want to sponsor him to live in the US based on your marriage, then since you have limited income, you would need a co-sponsor. The forms also cost money ($1000+). You can check out the required yearly income required for your family size at uscis.gov. If you make under that, you can get a co-sponsor for that aspect. Read that website and follow the links for "I want to help my relative immigrate." This website has good guides too.

Once you've read over that, I'd come back with further questions.

Edited June 25, 2012 by Harpa Timsah

[Ning 619]

hello. my name is Laurie. i am an American citizen, my boyfriend/fiance is Belgian. we have a 3 and a half year old son. i am almost 42, he is almost 29. (yes, i am aware that so called large age differences are "red flags" for couples seeking marriage... )

here is our predicament.. we want to be together. we are in love. we want to be a family.. but we don't know what would be the best way to make this happen.

he is currently in the US on a visa waiver. we are talking about all of our various options, and we feel daunted by them.

we've been together since 2007. in that time we conceived a child that was still born. shortly after that, we conceived our son. during the pregnancy he had to leave the country. he returned for the birth, and was only able to spend a few months with our baby, before he had to return to Belgium. he was unable to return to the US for almost 3 years... but we kept in daily contact, skyped and phone calls.

we have looked at work visa options, but he does not have any special skills. we have talked about school, but neither of us have that kind of money.

we've talked about marriage (which we WANT to do anyway.. we'd have done it by now, in fact, if we could figure out how... ) - i am currently receiving state aid while i work through severe depression issues, and also a chronic pain issue. i have a very, very limited income. i certainly don't have the kind of money that is required for me to sponsor him in marriage.. but we thought perhaps that would be a reason why he should be here, to care for our son while i receive treatment...

we also thought that perhaps it would be easier for he and i to be married in Belgium... but we are unable to find information on how we would be able to return to the US.. i have older children from a previous relationship, and am a home owner with a mortgage.

we can't afford a lawyer/attorney. we are in love. we just want to be together, as a family, but seem to find more and more red tape the more we look into options.

if anyone can offer any kind of advice, or information that would at least point us in the right direction i would be SO grateful..

i am sorry to paint such a vague picture of our situation, but i would be happy to clarify as necessary.

thank you in advance..

sincerely, Laurie

I also dont see what the huge problem is here. You dont know how to get married? Go to your local court house.

Sponsor him in marrige? You must mean to sponsor him as it relates to obtaining his green card. You would need & could use a co sponsor.

If he leaves the USA to be married in Belgum he would then need a C R 1 visa to return. If you have the money to do this you must not have the money problem you describe.

What you can do is pretty simple really. Begin with the guides here on V J. Formulate some follow up questions to find the right plan that fits your situation. As you do that you may realize how lucky you are to have him inside the USA now. You just need to find the right way to obtain his legal status so he can go to work.

[lrbirdsong 29]

thank you for your reply.

yes, we are familiar with the co-sponsor scenario.. however, we don't know anyone who would financially obligate themselves to him/us.

that's a big commitment..

anyway, i have been to uscis.gov over and over and over again.. there is nothing there that answers question for our specific situation..

like, if we get married in Belgium, how soon could we all move back here? because getting married in Belgium doesn't require a co-sponsor..

but how could we come back to the US if i am unemployed due to pain and depressive issues that keep me from gainful employment?

You can get married next week in the US. It is very simple. I am not sure what the confusion over that is.

If you want to sponsor him to live in the US based on your marriage, then since you have limited income, you would need a co-sponsor. The forms also cost money ($1000+). You can check out the required yearly income required for your family size at uscis.gov. If you make under that, you can get a co-sponsor for that aspect. Read that website and follow the links for "I want to help my relative immigrate." This website has good guides too.

Once you've read over that, I'd come back with further questions.

[amykathleen2005 441]

You can marry where ever you want to. But to have him live permanently in the US you are going to somehow need a sponsor (or higher paying job) to fulfilling the requirements.Going to Belgium and marrying is going to cause the same problem.

[lrbirdsong 29]

thank you for your response, AmyKathleen.. i appreciate that you didn't seem to insult my intelligence or imply that i am better off than i described.. FYI, i would SELL everything i own to go to belgium.. IF it was the best way for us to be together..

i have read that getting married abroad makes it easier to return to the US with a foreign born spouse... but i could not find the reasons that was so.. and, as i have said, i don't have an income to support him.. i just get by..

so we were looking at options, and became overwhelmed by the red tape..

sorry if i come across as not having done my homework... i will mention, again, that i am suffering from severe depression in addition to trying to hold my family together, knowing that i am also physically incapable of working, and feeling guilt for that..

people could stand to be a bit empathetic.. we're all on this planet together..

You can marry where ever you want to. But to have him live permanently in the US you are going to somehow need a sponsor (or higher paying job) to fulfilling the requirements.Going to Belgium and marrying is going to cause the same problem.

[Ning 619]

thank you for your reply.

yes, we are familiar with the co-sponsor scenario.. however, we don't know anyone who would financially obligate themselves to him/us.

that's a big commitment..

anyway, i have been to uscis.gov over and over and over again.. there is nothing there that answers question for our specific situation..

like, if we get married in Belgium, how soon could we all move back here? because getting married in Belgium doesn't require a co-sponsor..

but how could we come back to the US if i am unemployed due to pain and depressive issues that keep me from gainful employment?

Getting married in the USA doesnt require a sponsor at all.

If you marry in Belgum, you as the USC would have to file a petition for him to be granted a CR1 type visa. That process will take about 9 to 12 months. From what you said this will not be possible unless you find a co sponsor.

You as a USC could come back to the USA at any time as you must know. As a citizen of Belgum his situation is totaly different than yours.

[amykathleen2005 441]

thank you for your response, AmyKathleen.. i appreciate that you didn't seem to insult my intelligence or imply that i am better off than i described.. FYI, i would SELL everything i own to go to belgium.. IF it was the best way for us to be together..

i have read that getting married abroad makes it easier to return to the US with a foreign born spouse... but i could not find the reasons that was so.. and, as i have said, i don't have an income to support him.. i just get by..

so we were looking at options, and became overwhelmed by the red tape..

sorry if i come across as not having done my homework... i will mention, again, that i am suffering from severe depression in addition to trying to hold my family together, knowing that i am also physically incapable of working, and feeling guilt for that..

people could stand to be a bit empathetic.. we're all on this planet together..

I am not sure if you are being ironic or not in your response to me. I didn't mean to sound harsh if I did, but you asked for an answer. There is not a way around the requirement. Immigration is not going to be empathetic when they see your application they will simply deny it. If you move to Belgium you will have to live there legally for some time to do a DFC and even with that you will still need to show enough income to support the immigrant after immigration to the US. I wish you the best in your journey.

[amykathleen2005 441]

You would be surprised at how low the threshold is for income. You can use assets to help make up the difference as well.

Here is the amount needed. You are a family of three correct? If you live in the continental US you will need almost $24,000 or a combination of incomes from you and your household or co sponsor.

http://www.masslegal...delines-article

You won't need a lawyer, you can do all the filing yourself. You just have to worry about the filing fees and sponsorship, medical, airfare, passport pics and courier services.

Edited June 25, 2012 by amykathleen2005

[lrbirdsong 29]

--snip-- I wish you the best in your journey.

i was being quite sincere.. thank you.. you've been very helpful

there just seems to be a void of information, or a lack of overlap... it has been frustrating for us.

my apologies for the chaotic nature of my situation... we'll just keep trying to find the way that works for us.. i hope there is one.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Any way for your future husband to stay here legally will require a co-sponsor. If you marry in Belgium, he can come back in 9-12 months once his spousal visa is insured. Or, since he is here already, you can marry and file for his Greencard from within the US and he can stay throughout the process. That will also require a co-sponsor. There is no way around this requirement, however, the person is not really "financially obligating themselves" to you and will most likely never see any difference in their lives because of it. They are basically vouching for you. Please look up what it really means and inform yourself based on fact and not hearsay.

USCIS.gov is very helpful... did you find the "I want to help my relative immigrate" page? That will explain to you your two options.

[SOflaherty 40]

His best bet is to stay in the US and file to adjust his status from where he is now once you are married. The one thing I will say is it is VERY important he not leave the US once those papers are filed until his petition is approved. My own husband did it this way(and ended up overstaying the VWP for 2 years before we were financially able to file) and it went smoothly, our interview is at the end of next month. So long as you get married and he doesn't leave the country, it's far cheaper and easier to adjust his status here after you marry rather than move, go through DCF, and then move back again.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Based on what you wrote and what others have said.

You should marry here in the US now, get money together for the AOS and get a sponsor.

I think him leaving the country will be more expensive.

[Peter_Pan 661]

His best bet is to stay in the US and file to adjust his status from where he is now once you are married. The one thing I will say is it is VERY important he not leave the US once those papers are filed until his petition is approved. My own husband did it this way(and ended up overstaying the VWP for 2 years before we were financially able to file) and it went smoothly, our interview is at the end of next month. So long as you get married and he doesn't leave the country, it's far cheaper and easier to adjust his status here after you marry rather than move, go through DCF, and then move back again.

Yes, but he won't be able to work in that time, and financially, he would be an added burden (to be blunt).

How about him, does he not have assets in Belgium?

[happiestmanalive 23]

thank you for your response, AmyKathleen.. i appreciate that you didn't seem to insult my intelligence or imply that i am better off than i described.. FYI, i would SELL everything i own to go to belgium.. IF it was the best way for us to be together..

i have read that getting married abroad makes it easier to return to the US with a foreign born spouse... but i could not find the reasons that was so.. and, as i have said, i don't have an income to support him.. i just get by..

so we were looking at options, and became overwhelmed by the red tape..

sorry if i come across as not having done my homework... i will mention, again, that i am suffering from severe depression in addition to trying to hold my family together, knowing that i am also physically incapable of working, and feeling guilt for that..

people could stand to be a bit empathetic.. we're all on this planet together..

I understand your pain. The fear of not being able to be with the one you love, and wondering about what will happen with the child, can be very overywhelming. There is a lot of good advice in these posts. I personally applied for a visa while my fiance was in her home country. But in your case, maybe marrying while you are both in America, and then filing for an AOS for love reasons. Take lots of pictures. Family and friends together. Dads and kids and moms. Whatever evidence you can use to prove that it is a real bonafide realationship, then it will help you with whatever happens in the future. I'm not sure your exact route you would have to take. Which is why I'm appreciative that this website puts everything together in forums and downloadable forms.

Good luck~

And May the power of love be with you.