Just need to RANT!

[Lynnami 8]

Like the title says. I need to rant for a moment.

Yesterday my brother called to let me know our sister tried to take her own life by overdose and alcohol. She did not succeed. And I am happy about that.

Today my brother called me again to give me a heads up on her situation and told me that she is physically doing better but mentally very ill. She blames ME of all people for her sorry decision. She blames me for running away to another continent to watch her suffer from a distance. In her eyes our parents love me more. Her husband is not helping either and accused me of neglecting her while she is the one that has not been wanting to talk to me in the past 2 years. I have to add to this that it started when I lost our youngest son. my sister just so happened to be visiting the States and drove my way when I told her I lost my baby. The day after she arrived, her husband called and started cussing her out over unimportant things that were going on between them. My sister broke down in tears and told me he had been mentally abusing her for years already. I called him back (keep in mind I had enough SHlT to handle on my own a couple days after losing my youngest child) and asked nicely for him to stay calm and talk things out so she could still enjoy her vacation. He started shouting at me over the phone and told me that he was sorry for my loss but that his business was way more important then me losing my baby. I think every normal person will understand I could not believe what he just said and handed the phone to my sister. After she got of the phone I told her what he had just said to me. She said she understood I was upset and the next morning she left. Never heard from her again, I tried calling, writing, visiting when I went back "home", contacting her daughters to try get in touch again. Nothing worked. And now I am the one that drove her to take her own life... It breaks my heart! But I think it proves how sick she is in her head.

Ranting done.

Edited June 23, 2012 by Lynnami

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I am so sorry! Vent away!

It is so tough when people try to make you the scapegoat for another's actions and choices. If it helps any, I suspect a lot of your brother's motivation is fear. When someone dies or tries to kill themselves, those left behind often are afraid that they did something or didn't do something or think that someone else should have done something to prevent it . It is easier to blame others than to think that perhaps there is something they could have done as well, so are quick to strike out in their fear at someone else, in hopes that if they can pass the blame, it will help them feel better.

I've been where you are with a family member making unfair accusations that were totally unrealistic and blaming me for marrying someone who lived in a different country so that I wasn't there to do something that he believed should be done so he could stop worrying about it. He honestly thought my real responsibility was to leave my husband and return back home. There was a lot of anger and fear behind his words and I think there must be a lot of anger and fear behind your brother's words as well. Your brother in law, on the other hand, sounds like a thoroughly selfish man.

The point is that your sister is an adult and responsible for her own actions. It is sad that she feels like she wishes to take her life but you being there or not being there does not remove her responsibility for her own actions. Life does throw bricks at us every now and then. We all have to learn how to deal with things. Some have harder times than others but it still doesn't mean that someone else is responsible for another's inabilities to deal with their own challenges.

I hope you will be able to find some peace for yourself in knowing that his accusations are out of line and unfair.

Edited June 24, 2012 by Kathryn41

[Pooky 3,791]

Vent away. Some of us here are good listeners.

[unlockingsky 94]

forgiveness is hard. if you can do it, then you will learn from it.

[Darnell 8,478]

Rants is hard. I learned is possible to forgive someone's actions and not need to forgive the person or give them a single step back into yer life.

IMO, yer sister is twisted, and based on what you've written, it's not yer dealio, at all.

IMO, stay away from the situation. Think about it a mo? if you got on the next plane out, got to her bedside in the next 72 hours - what would that accomplish for her?

[Lynnami 8]

Oh I know there is nothing I could do even if I wanted to. And everyone knows I am not responsible for her stupid action. My brother is not blaming me, he just told me what our brother in law (our sister's husband) told him. He (our BIL) was shouting at my brother. Telling him I was the one that drove her to take the pills and alcohol. Everyone knows I am no way near to be blamed. I talked to all my family today and everyone says the same. That she is very sick in her head.

There is no way in hell I will take a plane to be by her bedside. Even if things were different between us I would not have done that because I am not a psychiatrist. She and her husband both warned my brothers that they can never mention my name to them anymore. And if I will try to see or contact them they will kill me. IMO my BIL is sick in his head too. I am not afraid of them. Don't worry. But I am afraid of my sister her health. To me it sounds like she is brainwashed by her husband who is mentally abusing her for years already. And who is mentally ill himself! Poor poor sis

Thanks for letting me vent people.

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

Oh I know there is nothing I could do even if I wanted to. And everyone knows I am not responsible for her stupid action. My brother is not blaming me, he just told me what our brother in law (our sister's husband) told him. He (our BIL) was shouting at my brother. Telling him I was the one that drove her to take the pills and alcohol. Everyone knows I am no way near to be blamed. I talked to all my family today and everyone says the same. That she is very sick in her head.

There is no way in hell I will take a plane to be by her bedside. Even if things were different between us I would not have done that because I am not a psychiatrist. She and her husband both warned my brothers that they can never mention my name to them anymore. And if I will try to see or contact them they will kill me. IMO my BIL is sick in his head too. I am not afraid of them. Don't worry. But I am afraid of my sister her health. To me it sounds like she is brainwashed by her husband who is mentally abusing her for years already. And who is mentally ill himself! Poor poor sis

Thanks for letting me vent people.

You came here and unburdened your sorrows so please don't feel the need to thank us, we are here to help in any way we can. Whatever you do we've got your back!