• My K1 status wife now says she wants to leave the US

[Xanax 349]

Sounds like you're being used ... from the beginning. Let her go back, tell her you will send money monthly (but don't), when she leaves you are through with her, and you don't owe her a thing so forget about her. Just get her out of the country and your responsibilities to her are over.

I would not lie to her, lies wont help the situation.

I wish you the best of luck, OP!

[Gosia & Tito 199]

My wife of four months now says that she is not happy here, she has problems with her daughter to deal with etc. She now is saying she simply wants to leave the US and return home to Lima, although I am in the process of completing her 485, 765, and 131.

I haven't sent them in yet., so her status is still K1.

because of an unhappy situation created by her minor daughter who is living with us, our homelife is now really strained.

Nobody else will take the daughter, so my wife wants to leave here, return to a job with her ex-employer, and she now says she is ambivalent about being together with me again since the whole experience has been so negative.

We have been married for 4 months, and I brought her here on a fiance visa, so her status is still K1.

She has also informed me that I will need to send her money each month in Peru.

Basically I feel that I have done everything for her and her daughter, and that I am now being used as a cash machine.

If she leaves the country with only her K1 visa, is she basically abandoning the marriage and the US forever?

She is giving me no choice in the matter, she now says she just wants to leave. Can I divorce her in absentia if she leaves in this manner, to never return?

I am completely dazed and confused at this point.

Thanks,

USAmale

A new immigrant is always very very very overwhelmed and stressed, even if she speaks English well. It takes time to adjust and a support network; add to that this problem you noted with daughter and the easy way out is go back. I'd first look into whether the 'problem' with daughter is solvable. I have direct experience in Peru and I just don't buy the no one wants to take her, unless she is a problem teenager/child, this kid needs some discipline that no one has provided and essentially your wife is the only one who would put up with that behavior. Before anything, I'd see about solving the daughter problem. If it was a marry your wallet, you would have been supporting her since long ago, before she came here. Since she is leaning to call it quits, I doubt is a GC what she was/is after. It seems to me that is stress.

The advice about connecting with other con-nationals is sound; that is the very first thing I did for my wife. Luckily I had friends from her country and they hit it off. She now can speak her own language any time; can visit. Then out of her English class, 2 other friends also foreigner. The only one who truly understands how your wife feels and is going through is someone else going thru same. Them Skype and backup phone cards so she can talk to family at will.

Good luck

Just my 2 pennies

[Sandra G. 5,048]

Let her go and move on. You deserve better.As soon she leaves never look back.

[USAmale 1]

ok,,the latest news is that the daughter is leaving next week.....so that is one major headache out of my life,,hopefullY!!!!

[EminTX 131]

Does this mean that your wife is staying? How is the relationship with that daughter? What is the plan for the future--both near and distant with all the parties involved? (It really isn't necessary for you to answer those questions here, but it is very important to answer them with your family and have a plan.)

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Does this mean that your wife is staying? How is the relationship with that daughter? What is the plan for the future--both near and distant with all the parties involved? (It really isn't necessary for you to answer those questions here, but it is very important to answer them with your family and have a plan.)

This is a very astute post, very logical.

[USAmale 1]

The daughter is leaving in a few days,,,,for now, my wife says that she wants to stay with me,,,,of course she could change her mind any day, any minute. Plus as soon as the daughter has problems of any sort (which could be immediate!) back at home, she will want to rush there to deal with it...to say that I am of secondary importance in this situation would be to vastly over-estimate my importance,,,

Edited June 29, 2012 by USAmale

[Andie 147]

Well now you know her status, if things flare up and she has to return home immediately, then she can't come straight back.

Edited June 29, 2012 by Andie

[Moomin 292]

The daughter is leaving in a few days,,,,for now, my wife says that she wants to stay with me,,,,of course she could change her mind any day, any minute. Plus as soon as the daughter has problems of any sort (which could be immediate!) back at home, she will want to rush there to deal with it...to say that I am of secondary importance in this situation would be to vastly over-estimate my importance,,,

Leaving before AOS or during AOS(and before getting AP) is considered abandoning status.

You mentioned your wife saying you'd have to send money monthly if she went to live in Peru. Did you do that prior to her arrival in the US? Am asking since you also mentioned that she had a job she could return to. And she is not sure if she wishes to continue your relationship after going home? Relationship = marriage. Marriage = commitment. It's up to you to define what a commitment consists of in your relationship.

However, you being comitted to make it work is not the same as your wife being comitted to receive money from you overseas, IMO.

[Mateo&Raquel 28]

A new immigrant is always very very very overwhelmed and stressed, even if she speaks English well. It takes time to adjust and a support network; add to that this problem you noted with daughter and the easy way out is go back. I'd first look into whether the 'problem' with daughter is solvable. I have direct experience in Peru and I just don't buy the no one wants to take her, unless she is a problem teenager/child, this kid needs some discipline that no one has provided and essentially your wife is the only one who would put up with that behavior. Before anything, I'd see about solving the daughter problem. If it was a marry your wallet, you would have been supporting her since long ago, before she came here. Since she is leaning to call it quits, I doubt is a GC what she was/is after. It seems to me that is stress.

The advice about connecting with other con-nationals is sound; that is the very first thing I did for my wife. Luckily I had friends from her country and they hit it off. She now can speak her own language any time; can visit. Then out of her English class, 2 other friends also foreigner. The only one who truly understands how your wife feels and is going through is someone else going thru same. Them Skype and backup phone cards so she can talk to family at will.

Good luck

Just my 2 pennies

.............

VERY GOOD ADVICE!

[Mateo&Raquel 28]

A new immigrant is always very very very overwhelmed and stressed, even if she speaks English well. It takes time to adjust and a support network; add to that this problem you noted with daughter and the easy way out is go back. I'd first look into whether the 'problem' with daughter is solvable. I have direct experience in Peru and I just don't buy the no one wants to take her, unless she is a problem teenager/child, this kid needs some discipline that no one has provided and essentially your wife is the only one who would put up with that behavior. Before anything, I'd see about solving the daughter problem. If it was a marry your wallet, you would have been supporting her since long ago, before she came here. Since she is leaning to call it quits, I doubt is a GC what she was/is after. It seems to me that is stress.

The advice about connecting with other con-nationals is sound; that is the very first thing I did for my wife. Luckily I had friends from her country and they hit it off. She now can speak her own language any time; can visit. Then out of her English class, 2 other friends also foreigner. The only one who truly understands how your wife feels and is going through is someone else going thru same. Them Skype and backup phone cards so she can talk to family at will.

Good luck

Just my 2 pennies

.............

VERY GOOD ADVICE!

WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU, YOUR WIFE, AND DAUGHTER!! HANG IN THERE. IVE LIVED IN PERU FOR A LITTLE WHILE WITH MY FIANCEE AND HER FAMILY, AND I KNOW IT IS GOING TO BE VERY DIFFERENT FOR HER HERE IN THE STATES..ITS GONNA TAKE A LOT OF LOVE, PATIENCE, UNDERSTANDING, AND A LOT OF GOD!!! REMEMBER THE VOWS YOU TOOK AND SAID. NO ONE EVER SAID MARRIAGE WAS EASY. BUT US HUMANS HAVR A TENDENCY TO MAKE IT A LOT HARDER...WHEN MY FIANCEE AND I HAVE A DISAGREEMENT, I HAVE NOTICED THAT, IF THE SUBJECT ISNT ALL THAT IMPORTANT, AND I HOLD MY TONGUE 90% OF THE TIME, EVERYTHING WILL BE JUST FINE. IM NOT SAYING JUST ROLL OVER EITHER, BUT TRY TO SIT DOWN AND TALK THINGS OUT..TRY TO UNDERSTAND HER FEELINGS AND LET HER KNOW YOU ARE AT HER SIDE AND HAVE HER BACK NO MATTER WHAT...I HAVE SUGGESTED TO SOMEONE ELSE HERE AT VJ TO FIND AND WATCH THE MOVIE FIREPROOF..IT IS A GREAT MOVIE ON MARRIAGE..WATCH IT TOGETHER OR WATCH IT ALONE, BUT WATCH IT..YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS!! BEST ADVICE OF ALL...PRAYER..I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU BUT I HAVE FAITH AND BELIEVE EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!!!

[Ning 619]

.............

VERY GOOD ADVICE!

WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU, YOUR WIFE, AND DAUGHTER!! HANG IN THERE. IVE LIVED IN PERU FOR A LITTLE WHILE WITH MY FIANCEE AND HER FAMILY, AND I KNOW IT IS GOING TO BE VERY DIFFERENT FOR HER HERE IN THE STATES..ITS GONNA TAKE A LOT OF LOVE, PATIENCE, UNDERSTANDING, AND A LOT OF GOD!!! REMEMBER THE VOWS YOU TOOK AND SAID. NO ONE EVER SAID MARRIAGE WAS EASY. BUT US HUMANS HAVR A TENDENCY TO MAKE IT A LOT HARDER...WHEN MY FIANCEE AND I HAVE A DISAGREEMENT, I HAVE NOTICED THAT, IF THE SUBJECT ISNT ALL THAT IMPORTANT, AND I HOLD MY TONGUE 90% OF THE TIME, EVERYTHING WILL BE JUST FINE. IM NOT SAYING JUST ROLL OVER EITHER, BUT TRY TO SIT DOWN AND TALK THINGS OUT..TRY TO UNDERSTAND HER FEELINGS AND LET HER KNOW YOU ARE AT HER SIDE AND HAVE HER BACK NO MATTER WHAT...I HAVE SUGGESTED TO SOMEONE ELSE HERE AT VJ TO FIND AND WATCH THE MOVIE FIREPROOF..IT IS A GREAT MOVIE ON MARRIAGE..WATCH IT TOGETHER OR WATCH IT ALONE, BUT WATCH IT..YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS!! BEST ADVICE OF ALL...PRAYER..I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU BUT I HAVE FAITH AND BELIEVE EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!!!

I am sorry but when I put this against the reality of the situation the OP expressed to me I have to laugh. The agony that the OP has endured and contiues to go thru is beyond repair. Certianly too late to watch a movie to find a way to put the fire out.

[Mateo&Raquel 28]

Sorry Ning..but you didnt see my point. Unless there is abuse or adultry going on, then one must try to fix things. Nothing is impossible for God! America has the highest rate of divorces, and mainly do to people wanting to take the easy way out. When people say and take their vows in their weddings, it not just words. That is why they are called VOWS. People seem to forget them too easily and the reason why they got married. I have seen too many people on these forums telling people that divorce is the answer. Its sad that divorce is the first "solution" most people give. He asked for advice, and I simply gave him advice. But I will leave with a question. If your wife/husband came looking for advice on how to help or fix the marriage, how would it make you feel to know that just about every answer she/he recieved was "divorce," and she/he made her/his decision based on those anwers? Unless there is any type of abuse or adultry involved, divorce should never be an answer that we give. Again, OP, I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU!! Goodnight.

[Ning 619]

Sorry Ning..but you didnt see my point. Unless there is abuse or adultry going on, then one must try to fix things. Nothing is impossible for God! America has the highest rate of divorces, and mainly do to people wanting to take the easy way out. When people say and take their vows in their weddings, it not just words. That is why they are called VOWS. People seem to forget them too easily and the reason why they got married. I have seen too many people on these forums telling people that divorce is the answer. Its sad that divorce is the first "solution" most people give. He asked for advice, and I simply gave him advice. But I will leave with a question. If your wife/husband came looking for advice on how to help or fix the marriage, how would it make you feel to know that just about every answer she/he recieved was "divorce," and she/he made her/his decision based on those anwers? Unless there is any type of abuse or adultry involved, divorce should never be an answer that we give. Again, OP, I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU!! Goodnight.

This is probably not the right place to enter into this but you deserve a responce. You may believe in the god concept but I dont. If you are right why is the divorce rate as you say it is? Those people you speak of the took those vows should have had you watch over them and seek advise from you. Then again the divorce rate was over 50% last time I checked. That means that 50% were lying? Didnt many of them get married in a church? Incredible disrespect isnt it?

No one should come to a public forum for advise on marrige. But they do it here on an immigration based web site all the time. When they do that they are subject to every and all types of responces including divorce. Do you think they follow the advice of people they will never know in such a serious subject?

You give the answers you want. Others will do the same. Do you think you can determine what others think or say? People have to figure out for themselves what is best for them. Just like you do. Jim Jones was talking about god and serving kool aid if you remember.

I hope the OP will respond to let us know if your prayers influenced his think or the outcome. In the mean time she has a flight to catch next month. He can decide about the future of his marrige when he has had time to recover from the abuse HE suffered during her time in the USA.

[delreb1 2]

OP we are in the same boat. My filipino wife informed me that she wants to leave. I have an 8 year old son who has grown quite fond of her and he will be very hurt when she leaves. His mother left him when he was 6 months old After all the stuff people have to go through to get a ki and now she wantd to throw her cards in. Wow, what happened to the vows that we are supposed to hold sacred? Thanks, folks.