Work in the US

[kelly11anne 6]

I feel like I've written this so many times, but what have you all done to find work here in the US coming from another country? If you didn't speak English what did you do? Did you find work without a degree? I don't know what to do anymore with my husband. He came here and doesn't speak English, he is ready to divorce me and go back to his country because he can't find decent work. I have tried to help doing anything I can but I don't even know what to do. He's been here almost a year and works for a moving company that does not treat him fairly. It has been one horrible year!

[Joandjo 20]

I don't know your location so that can make it harder. I'm here in the DFW area. (I'm assuming his language is spanish because Ecuador). The company I have worked for is a steel company and has a very strong spanish speaking culture. They are semi-skilled tradesmen, welders, fitters, press operators.

It's part of the history of the U.S. that people have immigrated here from overseas and been unable to perform their previous professions, Doctors, Lawyers, etc.

It's particularly hard right now for someone with a degree that speaks english in many areas. My suggestion is 2 things. Help him gravitate to spanish speaking friends, if your friends are all professionals, help him find his own, church, civic organizations, spanish speaking lodges,(here the Knights of Colombus has a spanish chapter) even if he's not particularly religous. It's so much easier to get a job through a friend than it is through a resume.

Finally if he's going to get into his profession he should absolutely be pecking away at english classes.

He can do it because so many have.

Good luck to both of you!

[kelly11anne 6]

We are in Milwaukee which has a large hispanic population. He works with men who speak Spanish but are giving the work to their family members who just came from Mexico. I have tried introducing him to Spanish speaking friends I have. One of them helped him get the job he has. I just feel like no matter what I do it will never measure up to what he had in Ecuador and because of that, he is completely convinced it will never work here. From the time I was living in Ecuador I have told him that English is the key to success for him here, but he just hasn't given that much effort at all. He has taken classes, but they don't seem to help much. He was bought the Rosetta Stone program but hasn't even opened it. I hate to see him so frustrated but I don't know what to do. I'm starting to think returning to Ecuador is the only thing, but now the jobs he had there are taken. He just tells me he destroyed his life coming here. It's dragging me down too because I try to stay positive and help, but he's so defeatist.

[C-ma'am 684]

We are in Milwaukee which has a large hispanic population. He works with men who speak Spanish but are giving the work to their family members who just came from Mexico. I have tried introducing him to Spanish speaking friends I have. One of them helped him get the job he has. I just feel like no matter what I do it will never measure up to what he had in Ecuador and because of that, he is completely convinced it will never work here. From the time I was living in Ecuador I have told him that English is the key to success for him here, but he just hasn't given that much effort at all. He has taken classes, but they don't seem to help much. He was bought the Rosetta Stone program but hasn't even opened it. I hate to see him so frustrated but I don't know what to do. I'm starting to think returning to Ecuador is the only thing, but now the jobs he had there are taken. He just tells me he destroyed his life coming here. It's dragging me down too because I try to stay positive and help, but he's so defeatist.

The way you are explaining the situation, it sounds as if he has no interest whatsoever to learn English and/or aspire to a better job. I don't think there's anything you can do really, you have done a lot (introducing him to Spanish speaking friends, etc). You said it yourself, "he just hasn't given that much effort at all"...... I don't see how someone without interest can achieve something greater, when they are not putting on their energy there. It should be up to him to get that better job... after all, he'll be the one working, correct?

Perhaps, he needs some counselling?

[kelly11anne 6]

Yeah, he does need it, but would never go. He blames me for it. He says he was so stupid for believing me when I said there were opportunities here. I was just so blind at the beginning. How would I know it would be like this? He said he would do anything to make it work. It was HIS idea in the first place to come here. I was the one that said we should stay in Ecuador for a few years before trying to come to the US. That was back when I had a job there. Now neither of us have anything there either. My job here can support us, but that doesn't matter to him if he's not producing. I just don't know where to turn anymore. I have tried everything I can think of.

[Penny Lane 8,159]

Yeah, he does need it, but would never go. He blames me for it. He says he was so stupid for believing me when I said there were opportunities here. I was just so blind at the beginning. How would I know it would be like this? He said he would do anything to make it work. It was HIS idea in the first place to come here. I was the one that said we should stay in Ecuador for a few years before trying to come to the US. That was back when I had a job there. Now neither of us have anything there either. My job here can support us, but that doesn't matter to him if he's not producing. I just don't know where to turn anymore. I have tried everything I can think of.

I think you have much larger problems than his lack of employment, to be honest. He's changed his entire life, and now resents you for it. The employment situation is a problem, but his growing anger towards you and his lack of effort in making anything better isn't going to disappear.

[C-ma'am 684]

Yeah, he does need it, but would never go. He blames me for it. He says he was so stupid for believing me when I said there were opportunities here. I was just so blind at the beginning. How would I know it would be like this? He said he would do anything to make it work. It was HIS idea in the first place to come here. I was the one that said we should stay in Ecuador for a few years before trying to come to the US. That was back when I had a job there. Now neither of us have anything there either. My job here can support us, but that doesn't matter to him if he's not producing. I just don't know where to turn anymore. I have tried everything I can think of.

I always say.. It takes two to tango! Whatever decisions you made as a couple, were made by the two of you; and it's unfair to put the blame of you for something that requires an effort on his part. I doubt you put a gun to his head and made him move here.

It's always easier to blame someone else than take responsibility for our actions.

Ask yourself these questions (no need to post about them, just be honest to yourself)... Is this the only thing that is going on? Are we overlooking other factors that may, in summation, be collaborating with his lack of interest? Is he home sick? Do you guys need a vacation? Maybe visit Ecuador?

Are you going to counselling? Maybe someone can help you reach out to him?

[TBoneTX 45,229]

Maybe visit Ecuador?

According to their timeline, the green card isn't approved yet, and they didn't file for the I-131, no man.

Are you going to counselling? Maybe someone can help you reach out to him?

I will ask Mrs. T-B. for her advice, si man.

[Penguin_ie 5,993]

*** Moving from AOS to Finding Work ****

[C-ma'am 684]

According to their timeline, the green card isn't approved yet, and they didn't file for the I-131, no man.I will ask Mrs. T-B. for her advice, si man.

Si, man.

[VivaBaños 2]

I posted on a thread when you wrote earlier, but I think that it's worth reiterating how hard this whole process is. It gets easier to some extent, but it's never not hard if that makes any sense. My husband is much more comfortable today in the US than he was years ago, but there is a certain sense of control that you lose when you are not in your home country--even if that control is simply based on understanding how things work or why you do X the way you do.

So since your husband's job in Ecuador has now been filled and the current job he has is not working out as well as one would hope, I bet he feels like he's stuck between a rock and a hard place. And you're the closest one to him (physically and emotionally I assume) to know what his life was like there and what it's like now. So I'm not surprised he's frustrated and you're the one on the receiving end. (This doesn't make it any easier for you of course.) And I bet he's feeling a lot of responsibility to "make it here" for you, his family, even friends, and most certainly to himself.

So beyond stressing about the job right now (which is so tricky to find as a recent immigrant, without a sure handle on the language)--I wonder if you two might be able to do some "new" things together to create fun new experiences and thus memories to reinforce your connection. This might give you both the boost in small ways to remind yourselves that "you're in this together" and boost his confidence to try again (either with another job search, or english lessons/classes, or making new friends). Sometimes this can be as simple (and cheap) as both of you in the kitchen making ecua-recipes together, or playing cuarenta, or discovering new nearby towns or festivals.

For us, there are some things my husband misses down to his core and those aspects are usually related to some of the basic cultural differences between here and there. I'm sure you understand this because you lived in Ecuador for a while and you got to know him on "his own turf."

I wish you well and hope you both can weather this storm.

Edited June 23, 2012 by VivaBaños

[VivaBaños 2]

I feel like I've written this so many times, but what have you all done to find work here in the US coming from another country? If you didn't speak English what did you do? Did you find work without a degree? I don't know what to do anymore with my husband. He came here and doesn't speak English, he is ready to divorce me and go back to his country because he can't find decent work. I have tried to help doing anything I can but I don't even know what to do. He's been here almost a year and works for a moving company that does not treat him fairly. It has been one horrible year!

I guess I didn't directly answer your questions.

1. Husband began volunteering when nothing was happening on the job front.

2. He took English classes at the local college/university, community center, and library. Some we paid for, some were free.

3. He began volunteering in an area that drew upon his educational and professional background and was ultimately employed at this same place on the basis of his degree + professional experience and what they learned about his work ethic as a volunteer. (And even with his skills, he feels some negativity at work because of his accent, or inability to express himself as well in English the rest, and because he's the only Latino + recent immigrant in this area of the workplace.)

Edited June 23, 2012 by VivaBaños

[Samuel5028 2]

you can ask your husband to get into manufacturing sector where work has major role to play more than language.