IMBRA Article in NY Times

[Caladan 19]

Because anyone who reads this in the NYT who isn't going through this process will think 'Gee, why should I worry about IMBRA, it's only creeps who hate American women who bother to look overseas anyway.'

Unfortunately no one who reads about IMBRA, in any context or situation is going to care if it doesn't affect them.

There would be ways to make it more sympathetic... you know, unfortunate Texan-Mexican couple who grew up only 10 miles apart but have to wait a year to marry legally... because they're being legal.... I can hear the violins... and you could spin it as 'being tough on immigration means not punishing those who do it legally'... but they spun it like it was some sort of catalog thing where you could match your foreign spouse with your wardrobe. ('Latina girls match my shoes!') Very frustrating.

[garya505 2]

"“It all started with women’s lib,” said Sam Smith, a former salesman of insurance and mutual funds, who founded I Love Latins in Houston six years ago. “Guys are sick and tired of the North American me, me, me attitude.’ ”"

You know, just once, I wish they'd profile a couple that met while studying abroad or on Yahoo, because quite frankly, no one cares if some white, middle-aged bitter divorcée gets his woman whom the translator assures loves him here on time. He's not a sympathetic character, and frankly, the article reads like anyone upset about IMBRA is some loser whiner who wants a foreign bride because if she leaves him, she won't be able to get his money.

I totally agree with you. That article completely rubbed me the wrong way. We had to wait 5 months for our NOA2 because of the IMBRA backlog! and for what? I have nothing to do with marriage brokers or internet dating, in fact I'm a woman applying for a man. I don't think people who actually met their significant other in real life should be categorized with men who troll for women on the internet. I wish they would have profiled someone whose visa was innocently held up because of it.

Hmmm, sounds like ignorant bias and prejudice to me. I met my fiance on the internet and I take offense to your attitude.

[aussiewench 9]

"“It all started with women’s lib,” said Sam Smith, a former salesman of insurance and mutual funds, who founded I Love Latins in Houston six years ago. “Guys are sick and tired of the North American me, me, me attitude.’ ”"

You know, just once, I wish they'd profile a couple that met while studying abroad or on Yahoo, because quite frankly, no one cares if some white, middle-aged bitter divorcée gets his woman whom the translator assures loves him here on time. He's not a sympathetic character, and frankly, the article reads like anyone upset about IMBRA is some loser whiner who wants a foreign bride because if she leaves him, she won't be able to get his money.

I totally agree with you. That article completely rubbed me the wrong way. We had to wait 5 months for our NOA2 because of the IMBRA backlog! and for what? I have nothing to do with marriage brokers or internet dating, in fact I'm a woman applying for a man. I don't think people who actually met their significant other in real life should be categorized with men who troll for women on the internet. I wish they would have profiled someone whose visa was innocently held up because of it.

Hmmm, sounds like ignorant bias and prejudice to me. I met my fiance on the internet and I take offense to your attitude.

I thought same. I met my now hubby on the internet and he (USC) certainly didn't troll on the internet for me. Real life I thought mine was The internet is just another medium, broadening the pool.

[garya505 2]

"“It all started with women’s lib,” said Sam Smith, a former salesman of insurance and mutual funds, who founded I Love Latins in Houston six years ago. “Guys are sick and tired of the North American me, me, me attitude.’ ”"

You know, just once, I wish they'd profile a couple that met while studying abroad or on Yahoo, because quite frankly, no one cares if some white, middle-aged bitter divorcée gets his woman whom the translator assures loves him here on time. He's not a sympathetic character, and frankly, the article reads like anyone upset about IMBRA is some loser whiner who wants a foreign bride because if she leaves him, she won't be able to get his money.

I totally agree with you. That article completely rubbed me the wrong way. We had to wait 5 months for our NOA2 because of the IMBRA backlog! and for what? I have nothing to do with marriage brokers or internet dating, in fact I'm a woman applying for a man. I don't think people who actually met their significant other in real life should be categorized with men who troll for women on the internet. I wish they would have profiled someone whose visa was innocently held up because of it.

Hmmm, sounds like ignorant bias and prejudice to me. I met my fiance on the internet and I take offense to your attitude.

I thought same. I met my now hubby on the internet and he (USC) certainly didn't troll on the internet for me. Real life I thought mine was The internet is just another medium, broadening the pool.

I agree. The question is not how we met, but whether we have real relationships.

[Caladan 19]

I met my fiancé online, too, and I agree it's just another medium. But I didn't read Martin & Amie as being offensive, just frustrated that as far as the media are concerned, marrying a foreigner is JUST like 'Green Card', or that it's something only rich geekish men do. They couldn't profile a single female USC?

[garya505 2]

I met my fiancé online, too, and I agree it's just another medium. But I didn't read Martin & Amie as being offensive, just frustrated that as far as the media are concerned, marrying a foreigner is JUST like 'Green Card', or that it's something only rich geekish men do. They couldn't profile a single female USC?

Of course they could have profiled a single female USC petitioner, but male-bashing is more popular these days.

[amwo 0]

They couldn't profile a single female USC?

.....I wonder, why?

Of course they could have profiled a single female USC petitioner, but male-bashing is more popular these days.

.....I wonder, why?

[kirk and Jenny 0]

I met my fiancé online, too, and I agree it's just another medium. But I didn't read Martin & Amie as being offensive, just frustrated that as far as the media are concerned, marrying a foreigner is JUST like 'Green Card', or that it's something only rich geekish men do. They couldn't profile a single female USC?

More than just another medium. I live in a community of 900 people. The 3 most eligible women are a murderer and 2 meth addicts. The internet expands the possiblity for someone like me from 3 to thousands. Maybe for some of us who don't fit in the USA, we fit elsewhere. As an attorney who has done over 70 divorce cases and has made in total $3,500 on these cases maybe I just don't fit. But isn't it nice that I can get in to Filipino culture where I feel comfortable.

[Captain Ewok 1,900]

I try to stay impartial but I want to point to the misleading statistics used in this article that claim an increase in IMBRA filings. If you look closer the statistics actually show no increase in the proportion of people filing for domestic violence.

In 1998 they state 2500 people filed for domestic violence. In 1998 they also claim 9500 people entered under a fiance visa. That is a ratio of 2500/9500. Last year they claim 37500 people entered on a fiance visa. If the same ratio/proportion of people filed for domestic violence last year then you would have 37500 * 2500/9500 = 9868 people filing. In fact they quote that 9500 people filed (domestic violence) last year which means that basically nothing has changed since 1998 (which they try to argue and say has increased quoting absolute #'s and not looking at the proportion of people).

It is a shame that by wording things the way they do they quote an "absolute" increase although the %/proportion of people filing for the domestic violence clause is still roughly the same (or actually less using their figures).

Either way my only comment was that the article is misleading with that statistic. A good example would be to say that since 1960 murders in the UK have doubled. Wow you might say! At first glance you may think that things are getting, well, worse. Then what if I told you that the population of the UK has doubled since then as well. If that is the case then the murder "rate" has not changed at all. That is the key.

[AKW65 0]

Very well said. This thought hit me this morning, it's true that there may be some men who seek a forign bride with aspirations of having a woman to cook, clean and listen to them. Not all men are nice, not women are either. So, IMBRA is written to protect those relatively few women who fall victim to that kind of man.

It's also true that some executives (Senators or Representatives as well) might hire a young female personal assistant or administrator to handle their paper work. SOME of these men will seduce or sexually harrass these girls, they might have affairs which would destroy families. There isn't a law that requires these men to provide background checks to these women before they hire them in order to protect them... To me, IMBRA could lead to pretty much all men having to provide background checks to all kinds of women...

[Erichu 0]

... the story didn't come out the way it was meant to be.

For the record, I apologize to anyone who has experienced any stress as a result of this story. I had hoped for something completely different. In fact, if you go to the audio/multimedia link, you can hear an interview with her and I over the phone, we don't sound like the story reads at all.

ALSO, the quote attributed to Sam Smith is taken out of context. I spoke to him today and he was flabbergasted!

I forgot to mention one other point, I NEVER went on any "romance" tour, used a translator, etc.. The ONLY thing the ILoveLatins.com agecncy did for me was to give me Yesenia's email address. That's it. Nothing more. I contacted her on my own, got to know her on my own, and went to meet her, eventually get engaged, and plan for our future on my own. This is not any kind of arranged "mail order bride" situation where I'm spending thousands of dollars on some company to provide me with a service and eventually a wife!@#$%. I got her email address, that's it. The rest we did as any other couple might if they met on Match.com, eharmony, or any other site...

Adam

Hi Adam,

No need at all to apologize as your intentions were totally reasonable. We are getting mistreated through an ill-conceived new government requirement that is based on an unfair stereotype. The rate of abuse of foreign spouses is NOT increasing and there were no attempts to see if it is in any way different than the rate for the general population. There's no question the rate of happy marriages with foreign spouses is also dramatically increasing!

The article could have explained more about the completely botched execution of the law. The delay in releasing the proper form, much longer wait times, random processing of individual petitions - some fast, others incredibly slow, and the total lack of information or access to the processing centers. IMBRA was a new requirement but it was terribly wrong to have the law take effect before the USCIS was ready to handle it.

I'm glad you set the record straight here about your own situation because I could see that the article was pushing the "mail order bride" stereotype rather than trying to see if things have changed simply because of the much easier ability today to meet someone a long distance away and maintain a close, daily relationship through live chatting. If you ask me, this is the real story of foreign spouses.

Well good luck to you and Yesenia. We wish you a very happy life together!!

Edited October 19, 2006 by Erichu

[garya505 2]

Very well said. This thought hit me this morning, it's true that there may be some men who seek a forign bride with aspirations of having a woman to cook, clean and listen to them. Not all men are nice, not women are either. So, IMBRA is written to protect those relatively few women who fall victim to that kind of man.

It's also true that some executives (Senators or Representatives as well) might hire a young female personal assistant or administrator to handle their paper work. SOME of these men will seduce or sexually harrass these girls, they might have affairs which would destroy families. There isn't a law that requires these men to provide background checks to these women before they hire them in order to protect them... To me, IMBRA could lead to pretty much all men having to provide background checks to all kinds of women...

There are a lot of cases of foreign women who victimize men, so maybe there should a law to require background checks on the women?

... the story didn't come out the way it was meant to be.

For the record, I apologize to anyone who has experienced any stress as a result of this story. I had hoped for something completely different. In fact, if you go to the audio/multimedia link, you can hear an interview with her and I over the phone, we don't sound like the story reads at all.

ALSO, the quote attributed to Sam Smith is taken out of context. I spoke to him today and he was flabbergasted!

I forgot to mention one other point, I NEVER went on any "romance" tour, used a translator, etc.. The ONLY thing the ILoveLatins.com agecncy did for me was to give me Yesenia's email address. That's it. Nothing more. I contacted her on my own, got to know her on my own, and went to meet her, eventually get engaged, and plan for our future on my own. This is not any kind of arranged "mail order bride" situation where I'm spending thousands of dollars on some company to provide me with a service and eventually a wife!@#$%. I got her email address, that's it. The rest we did as any other couple might if they met on Match.com, eharmony, or any other site...

Adam

Hi Adam,

No need at all to apologize as your intentions were totally reasonable. We are getting mistreated through an ill-conceived new government requirement that is based on an unfair stereotype. The rate of abuse of foreign spouses is NOT increasing and there were no attempts to see if it is in any way different than the rate for the general population. There's no question the rate of happy marriages with foreign spouses is also dramatically increasing!

The article could have explained more about the completely botched execution of the law. The delay in releasing the proper form, much longer wait times, random processing of individual petitions - some fast, others incredibly slow, and the total lack of information or access to the processing centers. IMBRA was a new requirement but it was terribly wrong to have the law take effect before the USCIS was ready to handle it.

I'm glad you set the record straight here about your own situation because I could see that the article was pushing the "mail order bride" stereotype rather than trying to see if things have changed simply because of the much easier ability today to meet someone a long distance away and maintain a close, daily relationship through live chatting. If you ask me, this is the real story of foreign spouses.

Well good luck to you and Yesenia. We wish you a very happy life together!!

Very well said.

[AKW65 0]

Very well said. This thought hit me this morning, it's true that there may be some men who seek a forign bride with aspirations of having a woman to cook, clean and listen to them. Not all men are nice, not women are either. So, IMBRA is written to protect those relatively few women who fall victim to that kind of man.

It's also true that some executives (Senators or Representatives as well) might hire a young female personal assistant or administrator to handle their paper work. SOME of these men will seduce or sexually harrass these girls, they might have affairs which would destroy families. There isn't a law that requires these men to provide background checks to these women before they hire them in order to protect them... To me, IMBRA could lead to pretty much all men having to provide background checks to all kinds of women...

There are a lot of cases of foreign women who victimize men, so maybe there should a law to require background checks on the women?

... the story didn't come out the way it was meant to be.

For the record, I apologize to anyone who has experienced any stress as a result of this story. I had hoped for something completely different. In fact, if you go to the audio/multimedia link, you can hear an interview with her and I over the phone, we don't sound like the story reads at all.

ALSO, the quote attributed to Sam Smith is taken out of context. I spoke to him today and he was flabbergasted!

I forgot to mention one other point, I NEVER went on any "romance" tour, used a translator, etc.. The ONLY thing the ILoveLatins.com agecncy did for me was to give me Yesenia's email address. That's it. Nothing more. I contacted her on my own, got to know her on my own, and went to meet her, eventually get engaged, and plan for our future on my own. This is not any kind of arranged "mail order bride" situation where I'm spending thousands of dollars on some company to provide me with a service and eventually a wife!@#$%. I got her email address, that's it. The rest we did as any other couple might if they met on Match.com, eharmony, or any other site...

Adam

Hi Adam,

No need at all to apologize as your intentions were totally reasonable. We are getting mistreated through an ill-conceived new government requirement that is based on an unfair stereotype. The rate of abuse of foreign spouses is NOT increasing and there were no attempts to see if it is in any way different than the rate for the general population. There's no question the rate of happy marriages with foreign spouses is also dramatically increasing!

The article could have explained more about the completely botched execution of the law. The delay in releasing the proper form, much longer wait times, random processing of individual petitions - some fast, others incredibly slow, and the total lack of information or access to the processing centers. IMBRA was a new requirement but it was terribly wrong to have the law take effect before the USCIS was ready to handle it.

I'm glad you set the record straight here about your own situation because I could see that the article was pushing the "mail order bride" stereotype rather than trying to see if things have changed simply because of the much easier ability today to meet someone a long distance away and maintain a close, daily relationship through live chatting. If you ask me, this is the real story of foreign spouses.

Well good luck to you and Yesenia. We wish you a very happy life together!!

Very well said.

Thanks for your support everyone. I can't wait for Yesenia to get here and I know this site will help us both with the AOS process and beyond.

[1HappyGuy 45]

Adam,

Please let Yesenia know that all of us at VJ welcome her to America. The fact that everyone here is doing it according to the laws sets us apart from the immigration debate. It is insulting the way people are treated when they try to use the system legally. My wife was laughed at by some illegals in her English as a Second Language class last spring because she was waiting for her work permit before looking for work. By the way, she speaks much better than they do, and is only looking to improve her English.

The article in the NY Times just continues to stereo type people. It is true that many applicants fit the profile of middle aged men, (myself included) but everyone is different. For the NY Times to make it seem that the vast majority are men looking for submissive women is a disservice to everyone. As matter of fact, looking at Captain Ewok's statistical analysis, it looks as if the rate of abuse cases is actually dropping.

I think we should organize a letter campaign to the NY Times and get everyone to write a letter the same day. I have always been a supporter of the press and the job they do, but when we see such blatant misuse of the written word for the purpose of sensationalizing the story then it is time to react.

The new media has to be questioned also.

[AKW65 0]

Adam,

Please let Yesenia know that all of us at VJ welcome her to America. The fact that everyone here is doing it according to the laws sets us apart from the immigration debate. It is insulting the way people are treated when they try to use the system legally. My wife was laughed at by some illegals in her English as a Second Language class last spring because she was waiting for her work permit before looking for work. By the way, she speaks much better than they do, and is only looking to improve her English.

The article in the NY Times just continues to stereo type people. It is true that many applicants fit the profile of middle aged men, (myself included) but everyone is different. For the NY Times to make it seem that the vast majority are men looking for submissive women is a disservice to everyone. As matter of fact, looking at Captain Ewok's statistical analysis, it looks as if the rate of abuse cases is actually dropping.

I think we should organize a letter campaign to the NY Times and get everyone to write a letter the same day. I have always been a supporter of the press and the job they do, but when we see such blatant misuse of the written word for the purpose of sensationalizing the story then it is time to react.

The new media has to be questioned also.

Thanks very much! You are correct. I was completely misquoted, stereo typed, and basically throw in the gutter to make us all look bad when my intent was to try to do some good. For the most part, the fallout has died down. I did write to the editors, they never responded. At this point, I'm happy to let this story stay in the past.