cooking

[abner137 48]

Darren from reading your multi post, you have given others to believe that you don't understand how or what your marriage should consist of. Not quite sure if consist is the right work right now. But, you would benefit from some individual marriage counseling. You don't understand the expectations or what you should give or receive from within a marriage. Remember this is your 2nd marriage and you are asking about everyday situations that most would expect young couples to be having issues with in their marriage.

Cooking, a shared responsibility.

Throwing away of food, make the statement that this is unaccepatable.

Wife pregnancy, this is her first time, she has no idea what to expect.

Speaking in a forgein language when you are present, explain it is not acceptable in your home and present. You can't control other peoples home.

Reading to your kids, note those are your kids reading is YOUR quality time with them. If she wants to be present then that will need to be a decision wife will have to make on her own. Wife is learning many new things at one time, you must learn to be patient. gees

If you teach, she will learn, if you expect and demand of things she has no knowlege how can you complain.

Darren seek professional marriage counseling, or you will continue to make everyone un-happy.

[LSnBigBear 61]

First of all never ever ever compare to ex's... I got my well you know in the ringer with my fiancee just because I made a few just a few comments about how she was budgeting her money compared with my ex's. I spent many years in RP living and working so I have a lot of war wounds, so to speak with women..... So now that I got that out of my system about comparing..... IMHO you need to relax bro.. This is a wonderful time in your life, with your wife expecting. Enjoy this time as I have two grown son's and wish, plus hope I can have one more before I leave this earth as my fiancee wants a child and I love her enough to grant her this if we can.

I see your posts as something is amiss about something.. I cannot pinpoint what you are thinking..... I can only let you know some of my past junk that caused me problems of which most, quite honestly were self inflicted with how I acted and un-trusted my ex's.

I can say that as others pointed out.. Your house, your rules on conversation. Speak English when someone is present that does not speak their language. I did this with my ex and her kids when lived in Cebu.. I made it very plain the rules. That was about my only rule as I could give a rip about cooking or anything else. I was even so tough about this that I sent her and the kids home to her parents for two days as they were not listening to my

English English rule at home when I was there. I just told them to go live back in their home with their family minus air con and cable tv...... Well over there that was easy enough to break them as they begged to come back after one night.. I made them stay an extra night because I am a jerk... Or was as I have learned lol.

Just be honest and speak english... Now I do have a friend that learned visyian or however they spell and pronounce. He said it is nice to know the language but let few know he knew how to speak.. Reason is some talk bad about their husbands right in front of their friends.... I understand little but had it better when I lived their fulltime....

Not sure if you need marriage counseling or just a slap back to reality. People change.... Our wonderful woman we met and bring here to be with us will change and needs to change some... You just want her Filipina values as we believe "typical" valued Filipina to remain the same. That is all you can hope for....

I say relax relax relax... I am sure down the road there will be much more concerning things to get wound up about..

Good luck Brother

Edited June 16, 2012 by LSnBigBear

[Tahoma 2,292]

I am sure down the road there will be much more concerning things to get wound up about.

Is that possible?!?

[beejay 123]

I am learning visayan so they cannot shut me out of the conversations....

Why do you think it's about you? Did you ever think it's just nice for her to be able to speak in her native language? It sounds like your wife is going through a lot right now and it probably is helpful for her to express her feelings in her own language to someone who is willing to listen and not tell her what to think.

I also have never understand why people get so worked up about their significant other speaking their native language when around others who speak the same language. It seems mean and rude to try and control that. It can be a source of comfort in a foreign land and a relief to just be able to speak and not have to think so much about what you are going to say. If someone is so worried about what your significant other is saying when speaking in their native language then there are probably other problems they need to worry about. Forcing English to be spoken in the house also means that children won't grow up learning the language. Why deprive your children of the gift of a 2nd language. Makes no sense to me.

[rlogan 2,036]

hmmmm. I will be going ot visit my fiancee this coming week and they always cook way too much food. Especially rice and they throw it out to. I suggested they give it to the neighbors who have very little and they asked me why. So I asked Ann why she cooks so much and she says they never know who might show up so they want to be prepared for guest if they stop by.

Something wrong with this picture.

Throwing out food (money) can mean it is someone else's money. You are helping them financially?

When i visited her relatives in Quezon they did the same thing, lots and lots of food because they presumed since I was an american I needed to eat a lot.

There is often the "party, party!" "special occasion" "won the lottery" atmosphere when the Americano shows up. Roll out the red carpet. Charter limo, pig roast, live it up, and oh this is all for the Americano even though he doesn't want it. So take a guess who it is really for.

This may not be the case, but put a stop to it if it is. They can't be blaming their own excess on imaginary guests and you.

[sunandmoon 450]

Darren, it sounds like you are trying to fit Gretchen into a mold. did you discuss with Gretchen your expectations before she came here? or did you just make assumptions? have you tried preparing some filipino dishes? as far as learning visayan, you doing it for the wrong reason if it's as you say," so they can't shut me out of conversations."

Edited June 16, 2012 by sunandmoon

[renecherubs 18]

as for speaking "visayan" language with a fellow filipina is always a treat for me. my husband speaks tagalog and most of the people around us speak english. and sometimes, i wish to relax my mouth,tongue and brain from all this english. it's a good thing to practice english as it is an international language, but i just want to speak visayan when the one i'm talking with knows how to speak visayan language. isn't that a big of a wish?

[andrew&evelyn 6]

In a couple of weeks hubby and I are going to celebrate our 5th year wedding anniversary. He has different taste when it comes to food and so do I. He doesn't like filipino food and I don't like american food. But this differences of ours its not a big deal for us at all. I cook filipino food anytime I want. He cook some of his meals once in a while but most of the time I do the cooking for him.

Did I heard you right? Are you complaining about your wife not cooking this time? Your wife is pregnant and she is almost close to her due date. When I was pregnant I hate spending time in the kitchen standing because its really hurt your back so I always asked my husband to just buy some fast food for us and all I want is to lay on the couch all day .It's not being lazy it just that you don't have energy standing and moving around. I hope you understand your wife situation. Give her a break:)

[actob99 156]

the cooking bothers me because of my ex, and how II had to make my own meals with my ex the last few years of marriage.... it sometimes had me "feeling" like I am still married to my ex. realizing this may just be pregnancy related right now,

I am drifting back to watching more cooking shows again... I just don't know if it is for her benefit or for mine.

I notice a LOT of visayan conversation at the family home to the point of exclusion of the Americans there. Me, I am learning visayan so they cannot shut me out of the conversations....

More racism and male shovenism on a topic you have already beaten to death... WHat is it with you??? Do you think your funny or are you that out of touch?? Did/DO you have issues playing well with others?? It makes me angry and happy that everyone from the Phils or connected to the Phils via relationship, gets to read all of your nonsense.. They get to see that there are some real carracters out there(YOU), and they can be glad to be in a good relationship and not be with someone like YOU!

[moonandsun 16]

Darren, just relax. Your wife is pregnant. She hates the smells of some things right now. So give her a little break. After the baby, you will see her cooking more. Its easy and comforting for your wife to speak Visayan with her friends. Just turn on the TV and ignore the conversation. Good luck!

[A and T 82]

I say give her a break, don't be on her all the time about everything.

She left her country for a new one, thats a huge and often difficult change. Plus being pregnant on top of it, she has many big changes going on in her life. Try to up lift her, help her, make her feel welcome. An old saying goes " dont forget to date your wife" . Give each other space , she doesnt have to speak english just to include you. If you want to speak as well, learn the language.

With that being said, i see so many concerning posts . Why dont you show your wife these posts or let her post her thoughts here?

At some point she is going to wise up and when she sees you were talking about taking her virginity and other crazy stuff online she is probably going to leave you. I mean no disrespect to you, but i highly advise to change the way you think about things and what personal info you post online about her if you want to keep her as a happy wife.

[rlogan 2,036]

We had a cook when my wife first came. After the two kids came we had to start cutting back on expenses so I said "honey, why don't you learn to cook and we can get rid of the paid chef". She said "OK honey, then you learn to screw me properly and we can get rid of the gardener too."

[-=Mai and Timmy=- 12]

hmmmm. I will be going ot visit my fiancee this coming week and they always cook way too much food. Especially rice and they throw it out to. I suggested they give it to the neighbors who have very little and they asked me why. So I asked Ann why she cooks so much and she says they never know who might show up so they want to be prepared for guest if they stop by.

When i visited her relatives in Quezon they did the same thing, lots and lots of food because they presumed since I was an american I needed to eat a lot.

she cant deny that shes a filipina and filipina are always hospitable!!

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Darren,

Thank you for not posting a racial stereotype.

I hope you will answer a few questions. Please help me garner a better understanding.

I promise I won't harsh you (in this thread) if you don't stereotype. (and) I bet other VJ's won't harsh you (excessively) if you keep focus on you and yours (and avoid stereotyping).

(It's really ez to do...think of it like this...You and I are American but...we are obviously different in many many ways .So...don't assume we will agree on anything just bcoz we are both American...get it?)

Okay...let's review.

I should stress the reasons I post on here are to help me with my wife.

Do you think your wife should submit to you? Ephesians 5:22 (NIV)= "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord".. Is this your mindset?

the cooking and throwing out of food bothers me (besides reading with the kids at night when we have them here).... cooking very, very much (just one of those childhood things)

Do you have a freezer?

Are you complaining your wife is not reading to your kids?

I notice a LOT of visayan conversation at the family home to the point of exclusion of the Americans there. (there are just 2 Americans there, me plus the other guy.) I know he gets extremely frustrated because of it. Me, I am learning visayan so they cannot shut me out of the conversations....

"Shut me out"...hmmmm...That phrasing sends a negative message. Are you paranoid? Why does her speaking Visayan bother you? (I wish you point by point this.)

Edited June 17, 2012 by Crashed~N2~Me

[sam357 4]

We had a cook when my wife first came. After the two kids came we had to start cutting back on expenses so I said "honey, why don't you learn to cook and we can get rid of the paid chef". She said "OK honey, then you learn to screw me properly and we can get rid of the gardener too."

Best thing I have read in this thread....