DCF in Senegal

[livindadream 156]

I totally understand. I live in Dakar with my husband, but since December I have had to fly back and forth between Senegal and the US three times. Which doesn't sound like a lot but it takes a lot to recover from jet lag and I always get a respiratory infection when I travel. So I get you. Bon chance!

That is a lot of times and YES, jet lag is horrible...mix that in with adjusting to the time difference and then adjusting back and it seems like your whole life is out of whack. lol. I never got a respiratory infection..that sounds horrible. I wish you both the best of luck !!

[M & C 6]

All this negativity surely will bring bad karma...wats up with that? Did I do something to offend you? sorry, I want to bring an end to all this traveling back and forth. I didnt go to Naija for a week or two and then rush home to the states to start filing petitions. I have been here a longgg time and now would like to stay in one place, hence the reason for petitioning. Maybe you shud spread knowledge and not judgment..if you live your life that way, you wont have to have chats with GOD when things go wrong in your life. Maybe you feel cuz your husby is there with you (a month) that you can no be condesending to others...maybe I will check back with you in 6 months....lol

WOW-Just wondering if you really believe this comment and your last one do not seem judgmental and condescending...You are very fortunate that your job, financial situation, and family situation allow you to live for "months upon months" outside the U.S. and still make enough money to sponsor your husband once that time comes. You are also fortunate to be able to afford so much traveling back and forth. Others of us have different situations.

I, for example, have two children to take care of here in the U.S., while my husband has our other daughter in Ghana. So yes, after being together for a few weeks in Nigeria, we returned to our separate lives and responsibilities in different countries. In order to hopefully speed the process of being together permanently, we filed his and our daughter's petitions right away. Does our differing situation mean I love my husband any less than you love yours or that I have any less desire to be with him? That would be a HELL NO. If it were possible for us, I'd be there with him in Ghana now, waiting for the paperwork to go through while still being together physically.

Now, as far as work goes, my job requires me to be physically present in the United States. I, like many others, need to keep this job in order to make the money required to sponsor my husband and get him here. This also doesn't lend itself well to staying "months upon months" in another country.

You may not have done anything originally to offend Olami, but with these ignorant comments you've just made, I am sure you have now done plenty to offend most people on VJ, who are trying to find a way to have a life with the loved ones they are currently missing.

[livindadream 156]

WOW-Just wondering if you really believe this comment and your last one do not seem judgmental and condescending...You are very fortunate that your job, financial situation, and family situation allow you to live for "months upon months" outside the U.S. and still make enough money to sponsor your husband once that time comes. You are also fortunate to be able to afford so much traveling back and forth. Others of us have different situations.

I, for example, have two children to take care of here in the U.S., while my husband has our other daughter in Ghana. So yes, after being together for a few weeks in Nigeria, we returned to our separate lives and responsibilities in different countries. In order to hopefully speed the process of being together permanently, we filed his and our daughter's petitions right away. Does our differing situation mean I love my husband any less than you love yours or that I have any less desire to be with him? That would be a HELL NO. If it were possible for us, I'd be there with him in Ghana now, waiting for the paperwork to go through while still being together physically.

Now, as far as work goes, my job requires me to be physically present in the United States. I, like many others, need to keep this job in order to make the money required to sponsor my husband and get him here. This also doesn't lend itself well to staying "months upon months" in another country.

You may not have done anything originally to offend Olami, but with these ignorant comments you've just made, I am sure you have now done plenty to offend most people on VJ, who are trying to find a way to have a life with the loved ones they are currently missing.

And hereeee we go again....nothing I said was out of ignorance. Do you think that me being here for months means Im not missing anyone anywhere else when I'm here. Guess what..I TOO have family that I leave behind everytime Im here and have to miss them tremendously while im gone. When Im home in the states, Im missing my husband. I came and asked a question because Im tired of this back and forth #######. Im tired of missing one person or the other cuz Im away. I want to be in one place and know where Im waking up everyday. I was considering all options and looked for information about somethings I wasnt sure about and all I got from this your Olami was a bunch of judgmental bullshit. If she doesnt want to get offended, maybe she shud reserve remarks and proverbs that she tried laying on me....or when I tried to explain my reasons for saying what I said, her comment was "uh huh"...wat kind of ####### is that? Please...glass houses shouldnt throw stones. we are ALL in the same situation.

[romnick 15]

I completely understand but ensure you arrive on a difinite decision soonest as to move to the next level. We couldnt do a DCF cos my wife couldnt afford to stay more than 2 weeks out of job. Keep me posted.

[livindadream 156]

I completely understand but ensure you arrive on a difinite decision soonest as to move to the next level. We couldnt do a DCF cos my wife couldnt afford to stay more than 2 weeks out of job. Keep me posted.

Ok, I understand. Ghana may still be slow regardless of the DCF, so going back thru 9ja was probably just as well. We know which direction we're headed and going to start putting things together. Thanks for your support...we'll keep you posted.

[M & C 6]

And hereeee we go again....nothing I said was out of ignorance. Do you think that me being here for months means Im not missing anyone anywhere else when I'm here. Guess what..I TOO have family that I leave behind everytime Im here and have to miss them tremendously while im gone. When Im home in the states, Im missing my husband. I came and asked a question because Im tired of this back and forth #######. Im tired of missing one person or the other cuz Im away. I want to be in one place and know where Im waking up everyday. I was considering all options and looked for information about somethings I wasnt sure about and all I got from this your Olami was a bunch of judgmental bullshit. If she doesnt want to get offended, maybe she shud reserve remarks and proverbs that she tried laying on me....or when I tried to explain my reasons for saying what I said, her comment was "uh huh"...wat kind of ####### is that? Please...glass houses shouldnt throw stones. we are ALL in the same situation.

I don't believe that by pointing out how some of your comments can be construed as negative is throwing stones. These are the comments I was referring to:

"...unlike OTHER posters, who went to see their spouse/fiance for a week or two and then came back to start filing things ASAP."

"I didnt go to Naija for a week or two and then rush home to the states to start filing petitions."

I'm simply letting you know that these comments can be and are offensive to some people. It you have a problem with one user and what they have said, please keep your comments based on that one person, and not make broad general comments about "OTHER posters, who went to see their spouse/fiance for a week or two and then came back...". You did things the way you felt was best for you. My husband and I did things the way we needed to for our situation. Others do things differently, because it works for them. Yes, we all have the same ultimate goal of being with our SO, but our situations are NOT all the same.

We come here and ask questions, hoping someone may be able to give us information we need. I believe these questions can be asked and responded to respectfully, without making off-hand comments about other users, and the way they chose to deal with their various situations.

I wish you the best of luck with YOUR journey and pray things will go smoothly for you.

[livindadream 156]

I don't believe that by pointing out how some of your comments can be construed as negative is throwing stones. These are the comments I was referring to:

"...unlike OTHER posters, who went to see their spouse/fiance for a week or two and then came back to start filing things ASAP."

"I didnt go to Naija for a week or two and then rush home to the states to start filing petitions."

I'm simply letting you know that these comments can be and are offensive to some people. It you have a problem with one user and what they have said, please keep your comments based on that one person, and not make broad general comments about "OTHER posters, who went to see their spouse/fiance for a week or two and then came back...". You did things the way you felt was best for you. My husband and I did things the way we needed to for our situation. Others do things differently, because it works for them. Yes, we all have the same ultimate goal of being with our SO, but our situations are NOT all the same.

We come here and ask questions, hoping someone may be able to give us information we need. I believe these questions can be asked and responded to respectfully, without making off-hand comments about other users, and the way they chose to deal with their various situations.

I wish you the best of luck with YOUR journey and pray things will go smoothly for you.

I said what I said in my own defense and not to offend other VJ members. But honestly, in my opinion, I dont see how someone can go see someone for a week or two and make the decision that they should marry and then never see the person again for a year or more. Then when they are actually living together in the states and things go wrong, they wonder why. I'm talking from personal experience and observation of others. I think anyone doing this process should spend time with their significant other before deciding to rush into things. And that should mean making sacrifices to be there with him/her. I had a job too. And I left it and risked going into business for myself so that I could spend time away...work from abroad...to still make enough to support myself and satisfy any affidavits of support. When your spouse/fiance leaves their country to come live in the states with you..he/she is leaving their family, their friends, in some cases their work, etc. Cant we make the same sacrifice for them? Or are they the only ones that should be required to do that? I'm not judging...but wow..I would never ..I mean NEVER in my life have a child and then leave that child in another country. It's hard enough to leave your man, but your child...?? Anyhow...Good luck with YOUR journey as well.

[M & C 6]

I said what I said in my own defense and not to offend other VJ members. But honestly, in my opinion, I dont see how someone can go see someone for a week or two and make the decision that they should marry and then never see the person again for a year or more. Then when they are actually living together in the states and things go wrong, they wonder why. I'm talking from personal experience and observation of others. I think anyone doing this process should spend time with their significant other before deciding to rush into things. And that should mean making sacrifices to be there with him/her. I had a job too. And I left it and risked going into business for myself so that I could spend time away...work from abroad...to still make enough to support myself and satisfy any affidavits of support. When your spouse/fiance leaves their country to come live in the states with you..he/she is leaving their family, their friends, in some cases their work, etc. Cant we make the same sacrifice for them? Or are they the only ones that should be required to do that? I'm not judging...but wow..I would never ..I mean NEVER in my life have a child and then leave that child in another country. It's hard enough to leave your man, but your child...?? Anyhow...Good luck with YOUR journey as well.

WHAT are you even talking about?

"I'm not judging...but wow..I would never ..I mean NEVER in my life have a child and then leave that child in another country."

I never once spoke of EVER and I mean EVER leaving my child or expecting my husband to leave his child to live in another country. I am pretty sure what I said is that in order to NOT leave our children behind to live in another country, we both went back to be with them while we file for BOTH our daughter AND my husband.

Read back through your posts and please realize that the more you say, the more judgmental and very young you sound. This is not even worth my time. I will now leave this post and never look back. You might want to consider removing that gigantic chip from your shoulder. It's got to be heavy and eventually, it will make your back crooked.

[M & C 6]

I said what I said in my own defense and not to offend other VJ members. But honestly, in my opinion, I dont see how someone can go see someone for a week or two and make the decision that they should marry and then never see the person again for a year or more. Then when they are actually living together in the states and things go wrong, they wonder why. I'm talking from personal experience and observation of others. I think anyone doing this process should spend time with their significant other before deciding to rush into things. And that should mean making sacrifices to be there with him/her. I had a job too. And I left it and risked going into business for myself so that I could spend time away...work from abroad...to still make enough to support myself and satisfy any affidavits of support. When your spouse/fiance leaves their country to come live in the states with you..he/she is leaving their family, their friends, in some cases their work, etc. Cant we make the same sacrifice for them? Or are they the only ones that should be required to do that? I'm not judging...but wow..I would never ..I mean NEVER in my life have a child and then leave that child in another country. It's hard enough to leave your man, but your child...?? Anyhow...Good luck with YOUR journey as well.

Furthermore, in MY experience, any time someone begins a statement with "I'm not judging, BUT..." the 'but' has always been followed by a judgmental phrase.

I like to compare this to the popular statement often used in the United States "I'm not racist, BUT..." That's another one. It's always followed by a racist comment.

It's as if by qualifying their judgmental/racist comments, they believe it erases the the judgment or racism that's about to spew forth from their mouths.

In actuality, all it does is put the listener on alert that their next comment will be judgmental or racist.

Something to think about...

[livindadream 156]

Furthermore, in MY experience, any time someone begins a statement with "I'm not judging, BUT..." the 'but' has always been followed by a judgmental phrase.

I like to compare this to the popular statement often used in the United States "I'm not racist, BUT..." That's another one. It's always followed by a racist comment.

It's as if by qualifying their judgmental/racist comments, they believe it erases the the judgment or racism that's about to spew forth from their mouths.

In actuality, all it does is put the listener on alert that their next comment will be judgmental or racist.

Something to think about...

So now your pulling the race card?? wowwww...wat has this turned into? i mean really?

"I, for example, have two children to take care of here in the U.S., while my husband has our other daughter in Ghana. So yes, after being together for a few weeks in Nigeria, we returned to our separate lives and responsibilities in different countries"

Maybe you shud have clarified wat you meant cuz it sounds to me like you 'left your child" . ANYHOW.... as for any 'chip' you think I have on my shoulder, thats kinda funny. I came here and asked a question and someone passed judgement on me instead of answering my question. Then YOU come along and try to come to someone's rescue by jumpin on me too. Like what was your business with it anyways? Did I ask about your situation or how you are filing, etc? Maybe next time you wanna be captain hero, you think twice about it. If anyone has a chip on their shoulder it's you and your friend. Cant you find someone on here that needs your advice or something? Or better yet, go look for who your friend has pissed off again and you can join in that one too...I pray you leave the thread and never look back like you claim.