husband tells lies about me to his family

[lei1111 3]

i am REALLY struggling with this topic. i can see how horrible your situation is and i appreciate your feeling alone, helpless and worthless BUT you MUST take action. you MUST stop being a victim and do something to help yourself and your child. you have been given a lot of really good advice here.

i hate to have to appear insensitive to you but i feel like i need to say this to help push you to get some help. words like NEVER and ALWAYS are clear indications that you may be stuck in a cycle of staying and fighting it out with him. there is no right person in a fight. violence of ANY kind, physical or verbal abuse is NEVER okay.

you are stronger and more important than you know. you can live a healthy life with your child on your own IF YOU CHOOSE to stop fighting and start walking in a new direction. does posting and asking for us to tell you "he is an ####" help you to fix your situation? HE IS AN ####! but you are allowing your child to see all this abuse and yes, i believe you are contributing to this abuse by allowing this. break the cycle. i am sorry you are going thru this. you must take the step. it will be hard and scary. you can do this.

[lei1111 3]

There are resources for abused women. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233)

Also if you decide you want to stay in the states, please check out this website: http://www.ourbodies...?id=8&compID=65

[Kazulie 132]

If that Relationship was Abusive. There would be a record/arrests etc. Non of that is mentioned.

This is one persons side of the story alone posting here. Surely, there are 2 sides to every story.

I see what you see. A relationship in deep trouble where as: The OP asks questions to members on a Forum. Is the the answer to their problems. NO

We are strangers and know nothing about the relationship at all. Is it a cry for help? Yes. You only got one side of the story. I would suggest a temporary separation and lay-down some guild-lines between both parties. Work it out! Thats what a Counsulor would say and I just said it for free.

OP If you are unable to compremise and he won't budge as well. The only one that really suffers in the end is YOUR CHILD

Just because we only see one side of the story doesn't mean you get to MAKE UP the other side of the story! Jeez.

[katraska78 6]

Well, this is how I read it. It is normal to have Maritol problems and stress. We attack the ones we love.

Your husband, is dealing with finaces and even worse a 'fidelity' issue and you are'nt helping. I imagine you have begun to like to argue just like him. Where does that go. ? Nowhere! Thats why your writing this. If you need to seek Independant help from an Outside (of family) Counsular then do so. I don't think the Issue is a job. I think you maynot be showing the Support (Emotionally) as a wife. Thats what I think he is looking for. You mentioned his argument was your love for the Sofa. (Thus, sit on your Butt all day). I'm not saying thats true.

Try and make-up and that will take your strength. He is on the defensive as you are. You need to bow down a bit and try and show effort. Whether looking for a job or just be a better Wife and waiting for his arrival to argue is a endless battle.

It's up to you.

??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[katraska78 6]

Get a job! It will surely boost your self-esteem. Don't just give up your marriage. When my hubby is in temper, I don't try to reason with him, I give him space, I would pray and keep myself busy reading, cleaning or take a walk then when hubby is in loving mood I would embrace him and start talking about what he just did, that I was upset but I understand. Try to put yourself in his shoes is a good tactic, so you would understand what and how it is from his perspective. Financial stress could put so much strain in marriage, maybe he is worried about your future, he is the man and must be a good provider of his family which is the best way of showing love- giving security. Apologize that you haven't been a help financially and tell him about your plans of stepping up by looking a job, involve him in the job hunting process so he knows you are serious about it. Marriage is not easy but it is the only possible lifetime career that a person could possibly have no matter how low our economy tank down. In my observation battered women are those that verbally fights back to non-stop. Open communication is good but refrain from talking if one is not thinking straight and is emotional. In marriage I learned "easy to forgive easy to forget" really works.

Really????? This post seems to be taken out a 1950 soap opera! I'm not saying fighting is the way, but becoming a door-mat doesn't cut the deal either!

[Cathi 5,794]

ANOTHER VJ CLASSIC...

• OP Seeking relationship advice on the internet!
• Others picking on fellow posters!!
• DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA
• Off topic BS!!

To the OP.. THe internet (VJ Included) is the worst place in the world for Relationship advice.. Please, go and talk to a counselor, a pastor, or family, or a friend you trust.. Most internet sites are full of people thriving on this Drama and have nothing helpful to offer.. The relationship advise you get here or other internet Forums, is simply dangerous. Especially if you put any credibility in it,

I am not saying there are n't good people here, but there are a whole bunch of bad advise and nobody should consider following advise on managing relationships from things said on a website.I cant stress enough, unless you don't care about your relationship, the internet and forums, is not a place to seek advise or encouragement. There are too many people simply not interested in giving mature advise.. It is great for Immigration Questions, but from only a few who give good advise, but the relationship stuff is best handled by family, friends, pastors, and real-life counselors...

Those of you getting your rocks-off on picking on Tim/Mav and others, Please! get a life.. Not everyone is as eloquent as you are...

Sincerely hope the best for you...

By far the best advice on this thread. This is a site meant for helping people through the visa process, not for asking marital advice. You need to seek help from people in real life, family, friends, church ect...