What should the Asian women do for their lives and their families if they married to American citizen men?

[David-Hien 11]

After passing the painful legal process of visa application, what can Asian women get in the US if they do not know the law? John Marzulli reports one case of a Vietnamese woman, Ly Huong, who did not know clearly about the law and overreacted to her broken American marriage by fleeing to Vietnam with her daughter. She was arrested and accused as a child kidnapper in the U.S. court (Marzulli). A mother can be accused as her own child’s kidnapper? This is a concept that a Vietnamese woman never knew. I think, in this case, she may have simply thought that living on her country is safer than the U.S., so she stayed in Vietnam with her little daughter until the day Ly Huong came back to the U.S. to watch her father’s martial art performance and got arrested. This is just one of the unfortunate cases of the Asian women who are unfamiliar to the new country, new tradition, and new law.

So, after passing the test at the interview of visa application, the Asian women must know about the law to survive on the new land. Some of these Asian women even cannot speak English, so they have limited knowledge about this immigration law. The issue is in the visa application process; the husbands have to guarantee and sign on an affidavit to support financial resources to their immigrant wives. Then, in case the divorce happens, the male American citizen has to pay for this guarantee. To avoid this expensive support to their ex-wives, the American husbands could try to accuse or set up their ex-wives for any crime or even send a complaint to USCIS to declare that their wives only use them for gaining an American passport. Under immigration law, if the wives who are only permanent residents are convicted, they will be deported. In many cases, the husbands were successful to convict their wives by their attorney’s help. So, the wives come to the U.S. as baby makers. They make the children for American citizen husbands, then are deported to their own countries, and lose their children’s custody right because of a prejudiced legal action that they don’t know about. This is not better than the tradition in feudal culture that the women have no value and are just baby makers for their husbands in Asia.

If these Asian wives do not violate the law and do not have any mistake in the first three years, what they could get in the US? The second issue is: In addition to the unfamiliar laws and traditions, the Asian women’s culture shock and English ability affect on their marriages. Homesickness makes these wives seriously depressed. Even though, a lot of Asians move to and live in the State of California increasing the population of Asians like the China Town (Chinese), or Orange County (Vietnamese), and some other concentrated areas to make them feel like in their home country, but California is just one state in the US and they are still the minority population groups. The change of weather, the change of food, and the change of language make the Asian women not able to go to work. They have to stay home with children or to study for a new degree that is accepted and credited by the new country.

Therefore, the requirements of the American labor force and educational system force these women to have to study again to have a certain English language and education level which is acceptable to work in the offices, or they have to work in the manual labor jobs such as nail technician, waitress, or even gardeners. Those jobs are not better than their jobs in their own countries before they came to the US. Studying or jobless mean that these women have no income and must depend on their American husbands, the sponsors.

For some Asian women, who are luckier with a good support from their husbands, these women can come to school to study for a new career or to update their educations. However, it still takes them at least three years of working hard in school to complete a college degree and at the same time taking care of a new baby if any. It means their life is relatively poor because only one husband’s income supports to the whole family.

For other Asian women, who marry to husbands with limited financial sources, these women have to work and take care of their children. Without education and language abilities, their jobs consist of manual work even if in their country, they used to work in business administration or own their own businesses. Some Asian women even used to work for the international companies or corporations on their country with a good salary, but they quit those good jobs to move to the US, then they must study and look for a job again.

Edited June 12, 2012 by David-Hien

[David-Hien 11]

i agree with jonnie, especially about those fake "battered women" cases. hien needs a dose of reality. her research is very skewed and incomplete, and she's letting her personal bias blind her from doing good research. you're not writing a good paper if you come in with a set preconceived notion already.

If she is not happy in the USA, why didnot she come back to her country? Do you think that I believe those cases? The purpose of marriage is happiness, not the US passport.

Edited June 12, 2012 by David-Hien

[Darnell 8,478]

well, you've got a few nice opening paragraphs for yer essay.

suggest you flesh it out a bit, more about the women who were successful with successful marriages. Thanks so much !

[lierre 224]

Hien, I honestly cannot finish reading your statements cause they are all so full of bias.

I'm sorry, dear, but are you just out to prove your own view on the subject matter or have you even tried looking at this without bias and pre-conceptions?

I suggest you do the latter, Hien. And PLEASE don't include the term "Asian women" when, in fact, your examples and "source essays" were only about Vietnamese women.

[JonnieK 0]

After passing the painful legal process of visa application, what can Asian women get in the US if they do not know the law? John Marzulli reports one case of a Vietnamese woman, Ly Huong, who did not know clearly about the law and overreacted to her broken American marriage by fleeing to Vietnam with her daughter. She was arrested and accused as a child kidnapper in the U.S. court (Marzulli). A mother can be accused as her own child’s kidnapper? This is a concept that a Vietnamese woman never knew. I think, in this case, she may have simply thought that living on her country is safer than the U.S., so she stayed in Vietnam with her little daughter until the day Ly Huong came back to the U.S. to watch her father’s martial art performance and got arrested. This is just one of the unfortunate cases of the Asian women who are unfamiliar to the new country, new tradition, and new law.

So, after passing the test at the interview of visa application, the Asian women must know about the law to survive on the new land. Some of these Asian women even cannot speak English, so they have limited knowledge about this immigration law. The issue is in the visa application process; the husbands have to guarantee and sign on an affidavit to support financial resources to their immigrant wives. Then, in case the divorce happens, the male American citizen has to pay for this guarantee. To avoid this expensive support to their ex-wives, the American husbands could try to accuse or set up their ex-wives for any crime or even send a complaint to USCIS to declare that their wives only use them for gaining an American passport. Under immigration law, if the wives who are only permanent residents are convicted, they will be deported. In many cases, the husbands were successful to convict their wives by their attorney’s help. So, the wives come to the U.S. as baby makers. They make the children for American citizen husbands, then are deported to their own countries, and lose their children’s custody right because of a prejudiced legal action that they don’t know about. This is not better than the tradition in feudal culture that the women have no value and are just baby makers for their husbands in Asia.

If these Asian wives do not violate the law and do not have any mistake in the first three years, what they could get in the US? The second issue is: In addition to the unfamiliar laws and traditions, the Asian women’s culture shock and English ability affect on their marriages. Homesickness makes these wives seriously depressed. Even though, a lot of Asians move to and live in the State of California increasing the population of Asians like the China Town (Chinese), or Orange County (Vietnamese), and some other concentrated areas to make them feel like in their home country, but California is just one state in the US and they are still the minority population groups. The change of weather, the change of food, and the change of language make the Asian women not able to go to work. They have to stay home with children or to study for a new degree that is accepted and credited by the new country.

Therefore, the requirements of the American labor force and educational system force these women to have to study again to have a certain English language and education level which is acceptable to work in the offices, or they have to work in the manual labor jobs such as nail technician, waitress, or even gardeners. Those jobs are not better than their jobs in their own countries before they came to the US. Studying or jobless mean that these women have no income and must depend on their American husbands, the sponsors.

For some Asian women, who are luckier with a good support from their husbands, these women can come to school to study for a new career or to update their educations. However, it still takes them at least three years of working hard in school to complete a college degree and at the same time taking care of a new baby if any. It means their life is relatively poor because only one husband’s income supports to the whole family.

For other Asian women, who marry to husbands with limited financial sources, these women have to work and take care of their children. Without education and language abilities, their jobs consist of manual work even if in their country, they used to work in business administration or own their own businesses. Some Asian women even used to work for the international companies or corporations on their country with a good salary, but they quit those good jobs to move to the US, then they must study and look for a job again.

Nobody "forced" those women to come here, the US, for whatever reason. Economic reason, as mentioned in your writing, hardly is a valid excuse. The majority of those women often come back to visit VN as early as the very first year they're here in the States. In this kinda hard down-turn economy, some ppl barely can afford to have proper nutritious food on their dinner table. Yet those women don't mind spending thousands of dollars going back to their birth country, for whatever reason. They're hardly "economically challenged"!!!!!

As I mentioned before in my first post in this thread, these women's "suffering" is miniscule compared to other VNese women who lost their lives on the Pacific ocean, some being raped like animals by pirates. Those women HAD NO CHOICE. If they didn't leave Vietnam, they would be put in prison (or their husbands already spent time in VC's prison, which was a violation of the Geneva Convention agreement in regards to treatment of war prisoners). Their children would not be allowed to have adequate education. And if they were lucky enough to survive their journey on the high sea (unlike your women who spent some 20 plus hours on A/C airplanes with food) and stepped their feet on the land of freedom, USA, they do not have the liberty to go back to Vietnam, their birth country, in the event they failed to adapt to the new life here. They certainly do not have the luxury to travel back to Vietnam a couple times a year for fun. They know failure is not an option for them. They MUST PREVAIL. They already know that when they drifted on the Pacific ocean for days, weeks, months. They know the true meaning of "life, liberty, and happiness."

And most importantly, they know those special, and precious items are NOT free and don't fall off from the sky. They've paid dearly with their lives once before and they know what it takes to preserve those items in their hands........................

Don't take things for granted!!!!!!

Which women deserve more sympathy now?

[David-Hien 11]

Those necessary things in this first step of an international marriage can be really painful for both wife and husband. It costs her time and health to set up a new life and update her education, and his financial source to support for her and their children. Their international marriage becomes expensive and sometime affects their family status due to limited financial resources. Some families can get over these obstacles, but some families cannot. This status can cause a bankruptcy or a broken family. Under the U.S. legal system, a broken family in the first three year means a deportation of Asian wives. Again, these Asian wives are volunteers serving their husbands within three years, making a baby, and they could come back to Asian countries after they completed their motherhood jobs. These Asian women did not dream for a broken family or a deportation, and they do not dream for husbands who have advantages on their countries hire attorneys to convict their wives. According to Immigration Policy Center, “Every year the U.S. deports thousands of LPRs[(Legal Permanent Residents)]—in fact, 10% of all people deported each year are LPRs. And 68% of them are deported for committing minor, nonviolent crimes.” (http://www.immigrationpolicy.org/just-facts/ones-they-leave-behind-deportation-lawful-permanent-residents-harm-us-citizen-children). So, where is the paradise in those women’s dreams?

Furthermore, the ability of English communication and the gap of different cultures between husband and wife also play an important role in their marriage relationship. With few English communication skills and jobless, the wife is depressed because she has to stay home while the husband is stressed because he has to work hard and support his wife, a new comer, in a new country. Their family conflict can happen anytime by any reason because the misunderstandings in English communication and the short time of knowing each other. For example, the love through internet sounds very romantic at the beginning. The couples only have their conversation by phone calls through years of waiting for the visa process. Their marriages can be counted for years on documents, but in fact they only meet for some weeks in the husband’s vacation time that he saves to fly over for a visit to his wife or prospective wife (in fiancé visa).

Besides English communication, the gap of cultures is also a factor which makes these international marriages difficult. Some habits that she usually enjoys in her Asian country might not be suitable in the US, and even the foods they eat are different. In some cases, they try to adapt to each other cultures. In the first period, the differences can be welcomed, and they can feel interested in those differences. However, not all the differences can be acceptable by both parties such as the husbands cannot eat rice and sea food all times, but the Asian wives, especially those who are from Southeast Asia, might want to eat rice and sea food daily. Furthermore, the American society, which is completely different from where she used to live in Asia, will put her in culture shock at first.

Finally, the countries’ economies in Asia develop strongly creating a new trend of women’s life. According to The Economist, the employment rate of women is increasing as follows:

Asia’s economic miracle has caused—and been caused by—a surge of women into the formal workforce. In East Asia two-thirds of women have jobs, an unusually high rate. In South-East Asia the figure is 59%. In South Korea the employment rate of women in their 20s (59.2%) recently overtook that of twenty-something men (58.5%). (http://www.economist.com/node/21526329).

The women lives in Asian countries are changing and improving. So, these Asian women do not want to quit their good jobs to do other things. There is a trend that more Asian women do not want to get married or marry later, and it is called “Marriage Strike” (“The Flight”). Therefore, if the Asian women agree to marry American men, planning to move to another country for a better life might not be practical. In the case of an Asian wife, who is successful in her country and has strong financial resources, the move might make her completely shocked and disappointed because she cannot have a strong position like she had in her country. To marry her lover, she might want to settle in the USA with the American husband; however, she should set up a business between two countries to earn and prepare for a back-up resource from her own country. This will be a good base for her American citizen husband to move to later if he has any problem with his job in the US.

In addition to the potential abilities of Asian wives in their own countries, the development in Asian countries in current time could make a better situation. The American man can move to Asia to live with his wife and travel between countries to help his wife doing business instead of working hard in the US while the Asian wife suffer the cultural and financial shock of moving to new country.

In some special cases, such as the Asian wife who is very poor and who cannot support herself in her Asian country, she might want to change her life by accepting to move to the US for her new life. Even in this case, she should think carefully if it would be worth the move and prepare her knowledge regarding English communication skill, American legal system, strong financial resources, and a new career before moving to a new country.

Sincerely, I do not try to prove that the US is a bad country to live. However, the purpose of marriages is happiness. So, the couples should choose the best option which is suitable for their happiness and lives. They have both countries to settle their life and vacations, so why don’t they do that in both countries to enjoy their life? The US is not the only option that the couples of international marriages must choose for their life settling.

[David-Hien 11]

Don't take things for granted!!!!!!

Which women deserve more sympathy now?

I don't ask for sympathy. I said what I saw. If I want to complain about the immigration law or criminal law, I should send my writing to the Senators, not this forum. You are not authorized to make the law.

"Don't take things for granted"??? wow, what did it granted? to be "baby maker"? Even if the women came to the US by boat, she must be deported if she violated the law when she was not US citizen.

[David-Hien 11]

well, you've got a few nice opening paragraphs for yer essay.

suggest you flesh it out a bit, more about the women who were successful with successful marriages. Thanks so much !

Well, I don't know whether a marriage is successful or not because it can exist for 20-30 years or may be broken immediately after I declare that marriage is successful.

However, I study about the unsuccessful marriage to avoid the mistakes and to improve mine.

A study about marriage must go through factors affected and marriage status (broken or successful). You see successful marriages at the last part as above.

Edited June 14, 2012 by David-Hien

[lierre 224]

Advice: Stop using "Asian women".

Clearly, you only know the Vietnamese experience.

[David-Hien 11]

Advice: Stop using "Asian women".

Clearly, you only know the Vietnamese experience.

The case of "baby maker" which applied for a Mexican wife first, then other women got it as precedent.

You are upset because I didn't use evidence of women in other countries in Asia? There are a lot, but I don't have much time to argue for unnecessary details. My family and my life are the most important. Now, I want my relaxing time with my family.

Again, you should learn the Bill of Rights of the USA: Freedom of speech. And do not make baby before you get US citizenship.

Good luck.

Edited June 14, 2012 by David-Hien

[lierre 224]

You are upset because I didn't use evidence of women in other countries in Asia? There are a lot, but I don't have much time to argue for unnecessary details. My family and my life are the most important. Now, I want my relaxing time with my family.

Again, you should learn the Bill of Rights of the USA: Freedom of speech. And do not make baby before you get US citizenship. Good luck.

It's upsetting how utterly fast & irresponsible you generalize for Asian women. When in fact, you seem to have only based your logic on the Vietnamese experience.

I can probably pinpoint which parts of your essay does not apply to me or to any other Asian woman for that matter.

You asked for help, but you don't take criticism well. Many well-meaning people, such as myself, have said again and again that your "research" is not research at all. And that what you need to do is see beyond your biases to be able to write this topic well. It's a very good topic, but it requires a lot more responsible research that what I think you are doing.

Also, I know about freedom of speech. And you shouldn't care one bit about when my fiance and I decide to have children.

I could go on and on, but, clearly, everything being said on this thread has fallen on deaf ears.

Edited June 14, 2012 by ivyanddan

[Bradinator 0]

Hien,

When I read what you have so far for your essay it does a good job of showing that things can be quite difficult for Vietnamese women that marry US citizens. It seems to me that the point of the essay is to actually discourage these marriages from happening by providing several examples of bad things happening and scarcely mentioning positive outcomes. Assuming that this essay is written to be persuasive (just my take on it) I'd say it's pretty good at arguing the point that coming to the US can be very hard and it can certainly not be the dream that some think it is before they come here. When I read something like this it always makes me curious about the other perspective, but I'd like to think that I'll find that out myself once my wife gets back to the US.

On a side note, don't be surprised at negative feedback on this forum. Many users of this site are in the process of getting their loved ones to the US or have already gotten them to the US.

[Darnell 8,478]

Well, I don't know whether a marriage is successful or not because it can exist for 20-30 years or may be broken immediately after I declare that marriage is successful.

However, I study about the unsuccessful marriage to avoid the mistakes and to improve mine.

A study about marriage must go through factors affected and marriage status (broken or successful). You see successful marriages at the last part as above.

oh - I am suggesting MORE CONTENT on the successful marriages.

Don't have it? Please to do more research.

[JonnieK 0]

Well, I don't know whether a marriage is successful or not because it can exist for 20-30 years or may be broken immediately after I declare that marriage is successful.

However, I study about the unsuccessful marriage to avoid the mistakes and to improve mine.

A study about marriage must go through factors affected and marriage status (broken or successful). You see successful marriages at the last part as above.

A marriage lasting a long time does not necessarily mean a HAPPY one! VNese women (the older generation) are well known for supporting their hubbies, at all cost. It's not very acceptable in the old VNese tradition to have divorces in families. That doesn't mean they're happily married.

Considering the time you've been in the US (for your own personal marriage), I doubt you've collected enough real life experiences on your own to make judgement calls on what "successful" and "happy" marriages actually mean.

The fad of native VNese gals marrying foreigners (of any race) just get started recently, and for a good reason (US Consulate in Saigon denies the other marital cases b/w Vnese and Viet Kieu too often so this method is no longer effective and desired). Good luck on gathering statistics!

Edited June 14, 2012 by JonnieK

[The Rice King 1]

Right now with my Vietnamese fiance beside me we are reading and laughing at this post. We just woke up and still in our luxurious floor bed (sarcasm) in the middle of Mekong Delta jungle waiting to receive our visa in mail. Our K-1 was approved last week. W00t!!!

Edited July 2, 2012 by Jacob and Ngan