What should the Asian women do for their lives and their families if they married to American citizen men?

[David-Hien 11]

No, I thought the first post was from a man because it is hard to believe that it is the "Asian woman" who has bad attitude and stereotyping other Asian women.

Do you really think that you know better than the husbands about how their wives are thinking?

Come on! Happy marriage with love and care does exist even you have never seen it.

You know, a fish will never believe that there is something can live or fly in the air.

And please write your essay only about troubles that you have seen, do not write the assumption about others that you don't understand them.

The Bill of Rights mentioned about "freedom of speech." I say what I think and you can say what you think. No one can force others say somethings that they don't want to say.

[David-Hien 11]

From five hundred years ago, the time that Columbus discovered America in 1492, the US was the country of immigrants. The waves of immigrants arriving America over time created the complexity and diversity of the US. With a large land surface and open-door policy to immigrants, America has become the paradise for people from poor countries. Gradually, the immigrants were not only Europeans or other Caucasian people, but Asians from the other side of the earth. Fiancé and marriage visas, which are faster and lower cost than other legal immigrating processes, made Asian families and women, especially women in poor Asian countries, hope to change their life by marrying American men, who were citizens, then move to the US for a better life. However, the new life in the US is not usually as these Asian women’s dream; therefore, they should not risk their lives to hope for a paradise in the US. First, Asian women should recognize that the men to whom they marry might not be good matches as any normal marriages or even worse, so their lives with these husbands promise for potential divorces. Second, in addition, if the man is a match for the relationship, the culture shock and the barrier of English language still make their relationship vulnerable. Third, moreover, the recent development of Asia created many jobs and opportunities for women; therefore, they do not have to risk their lives and happiness to move to a new country. Even if the women lives are very poor on their countries and love American citizen men, they still should prepare their financial support, legal knowledge, and English ability. In short, Asian women should avoid settling in the US unless they have strong financial and social support.

[ScottThuy 140]

Keep practicing.. Eventually you will get it right...

Hmmm if you don't have enough friends you shouldn't marry, or if you are poor.. don't marry, or if you are not familiar with the US legal system don't marry... At some point you will realize that it's not these things that are most important.. It is finding the right person and sometimes that person is from another country, culture or financial level. All too often people marry the wrong person.. the divorce rate is higher when there are two USC's that when it is a USC and someone from VN...

[VinceN 25]

Keep practicing.. Eventually you will get it right...

Hmmm if you don't have enough friends you shouldn't marry, or if you are poor.. don't marry, or if you are not familiar with the US legal system don't marry... At some point you will realize that it's not these things that are most important.. It is finding the right person and sometimes that person is from another country, culture or financial level. All too often people marry the wrong person.. the divorce rate is higher when there are two USC's that when it is a USC and someone from VN...

Well, I guess I should be glad my wife married a poor unfriendly butched-looking dude so I have all my base covered. It doesn’t get any worse than this so we’re safe from being another divorce statistic.

Looks like OP’s husband has his hands full.

[David-Hien 11]

Keep practicing.. Eventually you will get it right...

Hmmm if you don't have enough friends you shouldn't marry, or if you are poor.. don't marry, or if you are not familiar with the US legal system don't marry... At some point you will realize that it's not these things that are most important.. It is finding the right person and sometimes that person is from another country, culture or financial level. All too often people marry the wrong person.. the divorce rate is higher when there are two USC's that when it is a USC and someone from VN...

How can you know that is the right person or not? Just making conversation by phone call and camera chat does not show the true characters of both sides. Divorced rate will be higher than normal.

[David-Hien 11]

First, can an international marriage give Asian women a better life and marriage?

Under Asian people’s point of view from poor countries, which are limited by media and the education level, they always see on television, in films, or even on internet that American citizens always move by car on large streets, stay in beautiful and convenient houses, and eat burgers all the times. That is very nice, convenient, and completely different from their countries, where the weather is very hot and dusty with unsafe vehicles as motorbikes and bicycles (like in India, China, and Southeast Asia). They don’t know that these American citizens pay for their houses and cars by mortgages, so if they lose their job, they can lose their cars and houses. Furthermore, these American citizens have to eat burgers because they have no time to cook at home. Unhealthy food seems convenient and delicious for some poor Asian people, who usually eat vegetables and rice.

Furthermore, on the other side of this issue, according to the statistics of American government, the US has the highest divorce rate comparing to European countries in the nearest time, from 2005 to 2008 (US Census); therefore, after the first or second marriage fails, many male American citizens want to look for a woman from another country with hope for a better marriage. In addition, a chance of mixed culture in their family sounds interesting. So, they aim to Asia where the tradition of men-dominated exists, and the Asian women might be more patient with their men. Knowing that this is a good business, international marriage brokers tried to persuade the women in the poor countries, especially the communist countries, that a marriage to an American man is the best option and best method to change their lives. These broker’s promises are very attractive to these communist countries’ women because they are dreaming to escape the communist legal system and poor economic environment.

However, from 2006, the US government issued and applied a new Act, Violence Against Women and Department of Justice Reauthorization Act, to limit these marriage brokers and protect the immigrant women (http://www.uscis.gov/USCIS/Laws/Memoranda/Static_Files_Memoranda/Archives%201998-2008/2006/imbra072106.pdf). The U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services—USCIS—began to apply this process to check the background of the husbands for the purpose of immigrant brides’ protection. If these men pass the criminal background check, USCIS prolongs the process to make them have time to judge their relationship and marriage. The legal process requirements of the immigrant spouses are at least three years after the date of receiving a permanent resident card to apply for American citizenship. So, these immigrant spouses only can be sure that they can continue staying in the US after three years marriage if the marriage status is still good and if they are without a felony record. It seems like the immigration agencies try to protect both sides and their marriages.

The above regulations are the reactions from the authorities. How about the news, which affects American citizens’ thoughts? Until 2011, five years after the above Violence Against Women and Department of Justice Reauthorization Act was issued in 2006, Victoria Thompson and Edward Lovett reported about the mail order bride and investigation about the American citizen men who play an important role in this adventure. Their abc News’s article showed how the American men were impressed in their tour searching for mail bride order: “Women outnumber men 25 to one” (http://abcnews.go.com/US/online-international-marriage-broker-promises-men-love-women/story?id=14326719). However, the men are portrayed as the vulnerable persons later.

[lierre 224]

OP: You should not post as if it applies to everyone who's ever met their American fiance/husband online.

Are you referring to the Vietnamese experience?

Because for sure... you are not referring to my experience as an Asian woman.

And also... you say how can true affection be formed with just chats and emails? I am quite confused as to why you would think no one can ever gain romantic affection towards another person he/she constantly communicates with and who he/she admires and respects. My experience may not fly for everyone on VJ, but I know for a fact that I am not that type of Asian woman you're implying.

Also, I remember immigration guidelines state that they required meetings in person for the petitioner and the alien. But, I'm sure you already know that.

[JonnieK 0]

First, can an international marriage give Asian women a better life and marriage?

Under Asian people’s point of view from poor countries, which are limited by media and the education level, they always see on television, in films, or even on internet that American citizens always move by car on large streets, stay in beautiful and convenient houses, and eat burgers all the times. That is very nice, convenient, and completely different from their countries, where the weather is very hot and dusty with unsafe vehicles as motorbikes and bicycles (like in India, China, and Southeast Asia). They don’t know that these American citizens pay for their houses and cars by mortgages, so if they lose their job, they can lose their cars and houses. Furthermore, these American citizens have to eat burgers because they have no time to cook at home. Unhealthy food seems convenient and delicious for some poor Asian people, who usually eat vegetables and rice.

Furthermore, on the other side of this issue, according to the statistics of American government, the US has the highest divorce rate comparing to European countries in the nearest time, from 2005 to 2008 (US Census); therefore, after the first or second marriage fails, many male American citizens want to look for a woman from another country with hope for a better marriage. In addition, a chance of mixed culture in their family sounds interesting. So, they aim to Asia where the tradition of men-dominated exists, and the Asian women might be more patient with their men. Knowing that this is a good business, international marriage brokers tried to persuade the women in the poor countries, especially the communist countries, that a marriage to an American man is the best option and best method to change their lives. These broker’s promises are very attractive to these communist countries’ women because they are dreaming to escape the communist legal system and poor economic environment.

However, from 2006, the US government issued and applied a new Act, Violence Against Women and Department of Justice Reauthorization Act, to limit these marriage brokers and protect the immigrant women (http://www.uscis.gov/USCIS/Laws/Memoranda/Static_Files_Memoranda/Archives%201998-2008/2006/imbra072106.pdf). The U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services—USCIS—began to apply this process to check the background of the husbands for the purpose of immigrant brides’ protection. If these men pass the criminal background check, USCIS prolongs the process to make them have time to judge their relationship and marriage. The legal process requirements of the immigrant spouses are at least three years after the date of receiving a permanent resident card to apply for American citizenship. So, these immigrant spouses only can be sure that they can continue staying in the US after three years marriage if the marriage status is still good and if they are without a felony record. It seems like the immigration agencies try to protect both sides and their marriages.

The above regulations are the reactions from the authorities. How about the news, which affects American citizens’ thoughts? Until 2011, five years after the above Violence Against Women and Department of Justice Reauthorization Act was issued in 2006, Victoria Thompson and Edward Lovett reported about the mail order bride and investigation about the American citizen men who play an important role in this adventure. Their abc News’s article showed how the American men were impressed in their tour searching for mail bride order: “Women outnumber men 25 to one” (http://abcnews.go.com/US/online-international-marriage-broker-promises-men-love-women/story?id=14326719). However, the men are portrayed as the vulnerable persons later.

Hien, you've left out the "other" important details of the "BIG" picture: all those women (VNese, I don't dare to refer to the other Asian ethnics) that came here in the US, then falsely accused their hubbies for domestic abuse (by setting them up with calling cops for false arrests, knowing the law is leaning on their sides. They sometimes intentionally created their own bruises and scratch marks, etc). Some women are decent and patient enough to wait til they've got their perm 10-year GC. Some just don't care. They hire pro-bono lawyers right after setting their feet in the US and start to legal process to put their feet on their hubbies' behinds.

Don't take me wrong. Your ESL essay is wonderful. We've got your point but your "survey" here is very heavily opinionated and biased.

PS> Hien, if honestly you think anyone should not take a chance to "gamble" by marrying someone from a country half the world away, (and this will apply to VNese perfectly), feel free to seek freedom on your own. You're a VNese, so you should be aware of the boat people of the 1980's. They risk their lives for freedom without DEPENDING ON ANY ANYONE ELSE. Heck as of today, there are still people who get stuck in a limbo in Thailand, waiting for their approval to come to the US (Con Dau people)!!!!!!

And I certainly don't see those boat ppl whining about their "miserable" lives, either on the high sea or here in the US. Their first few years here in the States surely were nothing but difficulties and obstacles. Their trip was nothing compared to your trip (on an A/C equipped airplane and someone was paying the cost for you)

Edited June 12, 2012 by JonnieK

[ScottThuy 140]

How can you know that is the right person or not? Just making conversation by phone call and camera chat does not show the true characters of both sides. Divorced rate will be higher than normal.

You are assuming this is the case for most or every immigration based couple? I met my wife at work and spent months together before we started the proccess...

You assume it would be higher but statistics show lower...

[JonnieK 0]

"Luoi khong xuong, nhieu duong lat leo." Chi hay la anh gi do, viet sai chinh ta nhieu qua'. Mat goc Vietnam roi :-((

Vay thi em thich noi sao cung duoc ma? Ai biet la yeu that hay gia? Dieu quan trong la cuoc song moi tren dat My co hanh phuc nhu nguoi ta mong muon hay khong?

Sure about that part Hien? He still keeps his VNese last name and so will his children, how about you? Will your children bear a VNese last name? Who will preserve the VNese heritage if every woman is like you?

[David-Hien 11]

Those are the international marriages through brokers, so how about other types of international marriage? How can the men and women meet and talk before their marriage? In present time, without the help of international marriage brokers, the development of internet help these American men look for their women from Asia. Through the chat room of the dating websites or the arrangement of family members, men can choose any woman for their purposes, which can be for chatting or serious marriage. The situation is more complicated than the operation of those international marriage brokers. These Asian women voluntarily enter the marriage with a male American citizen that they might not certainly know well, and some men are older than their women by twenty years. These women may think that could help to have a better life in the U.S. However, without knowledge of law, little English language ability, and no financial resources, these women can be easily controlled and are forced to be more patient with their husbands.

From this, there are many problems happen for both the Asian wife and American citizen husband, but why do the news and the legal system always protect the American citizens? It is simple that the government and reporters want to have some security for their American citizens. So, should the Asian women come to the US to accept this paradise?

The waves of Asian fiancées and spouses still come to the US daily. These Asian couple’s starting point is different from marriage through an international broker that they meet on chat room or in person by arrangement of family members and handle their situation by themselves. The Asian wives who love their husbands and enter their marriage by love are imposed in the same group with the ones who only want an American passport at any price.

However, it is no matter which one is real or fraud marriage, the first barrier they have to pass for their family union is the process of visa application. As of May 28, 2012, according to statistic from users on visajourney.com, first period of a process of visa application for fiancé and marriage visa is from 143 days to 156 days (“USCIS Processing”). Then, they must wait for a second period of the process which is in the local country of the spouses. This second stage of process can take several months. The protection for American citizens is even better at the interview of the spouses in their local country for visa application. The visa application can be denied for any vague reason or without reason as Marc Ellis, an immigration attorney, mentions and advises to his peers and clients:

[The fiancé or wife] failed to satisfy the ‘Reasonable Person’ Standard, and that has been boot-strapped more or less into a finding of Misrepresentation by the consulate... [then] What exactly was the misrepresentation? Nobody seems to know. DOS doesn’t give you a specific answer (http://www.ilw.com/articles/2006,0323-ellis.shtm).

I am wondering, “What does it mean to be a ‘Reasonable Person’ in love relationship?” So, it means an Asian woman who is supposed to be in love with an American citizen must pass a standard to marry her man? The above reason was stated in many replies from the US Consulate in Asia countries for cases of fiancé and marriage visa application, so attorney Ellis write about it to advise his clients. At this round, the US Consulate or Embassy selects wives for their American citizen men very carefully. If the women are lucky, they can pass the test.

You are assuming this is the case for most or every immigration based couple? I met my wife at work and spent months together before we started the proccess...

You assume it would be higher but statistics show lower...

I didn't finish yet. I knew that someones entered their marriages by love.

[David-Hien 11]

Sure about that part Hien? He still keeps his VNese last name and so will his children, how about you? Will your children bear a VNese last name? Who will preserve the VNese heritage if every woman is like you?

What a heartless comment. You know my last name? You know my children's last name? Why do I have to report to you? So what do you mean? All the mixed-race people are demons?

I just don't like to see people write wrong Vietnamese. Even if he is an Caucasian men, he should do it correctly when he write Vietnamese. I feel sad for this part, people write Vietnamese with so many intentional mistakes, for what? I don't know.

[VinceN 25]

What a heartless comment. You know my last name? You know my children's last name? Why do I have to report to you? So what do you mean? All the mixed-race people are demons?

I just don't like to see people write wrong Vietnamese. Even if he is an Caucasian men, he should do it correctly when he write Vietnamese. I feel sad for this part, people write Vietnamese with so many intentional mistakes, for what? I don't know.

If you expect a Caucasian man to write Vietnamese correctly, then perhaps you should do the same while writing English, I’m just saying. You seem to be a very strong opinionated woman and I admire that, but you’re fighting for the wrong cause.

[quann 26]

i agree with jonnie, especially about those fake "battered women" cases. hien needs a dose of reality. her research is very skewed and incomplete, and she's letting her personal bias blind her from doing good research. you're not writing a good paper if you come in with a set preconceived notion already.

[ScottThuy 140]

What a heartless comment. You know my last name? You know my children's last name? Why do I have to report to you? So what do you mean? All the mixed-race people are demons?

I just don't like to see people write wrong Vietnamese. Even if he is an Caucasian men, he should do it correctly when he write Vietnamese. I feel sad for this part, people write Vietnamese with so many intentional mistakes, for what? I don't know.

The only people that wrote Vietnamese here were Loi and DQ and they are. Of Caucasian. Sometimes the mistakes are an iPhones fault.