missing husband

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

I have to disagree, abuse is never that cut and dry, if it was more people would remove themselves from it sooner. We all preach about getting help and it sounds good on paper, but nobody knows what that person is going through. Maybe they can't due to fear of harm or even death for them or their loved ones. There are so many variables I can't even name them all. But you two seem to have it all figured out.

My mother stayed with my father when he was abusing her, when I was old enough I stood up to him and it was enough to stop him. My mother finally gathered the strength to leave him and get help. It was a dark time for her, and I am glad she got out before he took her life or my own. Now her reasons are her own as to why she stayed for as long as she did and I've made peace with it as she has. My father has gotten help, so I've made peace with him. It's because of what he did and what I went through that makes me the man I am now. And no matter how many times I deal with people who are in abusive relationship, I never belittle them.

By both of your accounts, my mother and the countless women that are caught in these nightmares are weak and stupid. No one has the right to judge, and I will never tell someone in that situation that's what they are. Compassion is a blessing.

Please quote where I wrote the underlined.

It is possible to debate with logic and without grasping at outlandish untruths. I do not know your story, and frankly I don't really care to, in order to form my own educated opinion.

This is a fruitless endeavor, I will excuse myself from this thread.

Gowon yields the floor. As you are.

[BethandBilly 86]

People are victims for different reasons, some have been so worn down by their abuser that they feel they have no where to turn, others are victims because abuse has been a constant since they were children. Abuse is never a "one size fits all", how we react is not a "one size fits all". My Mother was physically violent to my brother and I, my brother stopped it in his teens and has grown up a very insular self pitying person, I let the abuse go on for years, but I never got angry and I am infact an outgoing person, who loves deeply and I would protect my family with my life. So although we grew up in the same household, I dealt with the abuse for years and I don't feel a victim, I feel like I got older and moved on, my brother hasn't. So yes people deal with abuse in different ways.

Peter_Pan you have not got over your abuse and your hostility shows through, calling someone stupid and weak for not following your lead is as abusive as the original abuser. I think you need to seek some form of counselling before you drive yourself crazy with the hatred and bile that you have within you. I am sorry for the abuse you went through, but you don't seem to have dealt with it, you don't seem to have got out the abuse ring at all, the anger is there simmering below the surface and one day it will all spill out, please get help.

[Penguin_ie 5,993]

**** Topic closed for going way off topic. *****