missing husband

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Don't blame the victim.

Impossible, I'm glad you decided not to take him back. Time really does heal. This will end soon.

While I agree that a victim should never be blamed for the actions of another I would also say that it doesn't hurt to remind the victim that at the end of the day they always had the power to stop what was going on.

I say this because it isn't putting her down but rather empowering her.

[lierre 224]

While I agree that a victim should never be blamed for the actions of another I would also say that it doesn't hurt to remind the victim that at the end of the day they always had the power to stop what was going on.

I say this because it isn't putting her down but rather empowering her.

This isn't empowering...

Yes, she is. She was naive and allowed him to keep on hurting her. She is the main person to be blamed, and it is time for her to step up and take responsability.

[erminaNaydin 5]

i am so sorry. this could happen to anyone im so sorry it happened to you...

it is a shame what people can do to abuse you.

when you love someone you would want to do anything for them. and that is what he used.

but i dont understand how he could fake love for 2 years. maybe he didnt fake it. but you know it is 2 different cultures maybe yall didnt understand each other and thats the problem.

again i am so sorry!

[Sandra G. 5,047]

Peter Pan I recommend you educate yourself regarding domestic violence. Victims do not share the responsibility of the offence with the perpetrators.

[forchika 4]

Sorry you had to experience such heartache knowing you had only good intentions. You should not worry, he will get his in due time, because what comes around goes around and comes back ten fold. The sooner you get things squared away, the sooner you can get on with your life. Wishing you the very best

[Peter_Pan 661]

Peter Pan I recommend you educate yourself regarding domestic violence. Victims do not share the responsibility of the offence with the perpetrators.

I disagree. There is a difference between being a victim of domestic violence in Afghanistan and being one in the US. In the second case, it is the abused person's fault for staying because she made that choice.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

I disagree. There is a difference between being a victim of domestic violence in Afghanistan and being one in the US. In the second case, it is the abused person's fault for staying because she made that choice.

I agree with you, but up to a point.

We have a member on here (we'll leave the names out to protect the innocent), that was brutalised by her Spouse (what I believe is traumatic body damage but I am not a Doctor). For this first offence at the hands of her raving lunatic Spouse she has no culpability.

Fast forward, Judge granted a PPO but then she cancelled the PPO (in fron tof Law Enforcement no doubt) and allowed this monster back into her domicile. If any further violence occurs then I woudl agree with you that she is an enabler.

Just like smoking and stuffing our faces with fatty foods, we Americans are almost unique in the regard that we have all the data, in front of us to make sound judgement and decisions.

Please, before the rebel rousers start hopping on their soap boxes, Gowon is in no way blaming any victim but simply expect victims to take proper actions to empower themselves.

[Laveau 67]

I agree with Gowon in this particular case.

[Golden Gate 530]

There are a multitude of factors which keep the abuser and abused in the cycle of abuse. It has become an intricate web, from which the abused finds it difficult to extricate him/herself. That is why it is so important for the abused to seek outside help from a professional, so that she or he can get to the point of accepting that they are being abused and get out of the situation.

[Sandra G. 5,047]

Peter Pan THANK GOD our Justice doesn't share your thoughts and opinions, because the abuser will be always punished regardless if he battered the victim once or ten times.

[SweetDelish 38]

Gowon, I can understand where you are coming from, I often have these thoughts about someone being abused and choosing to stay in the relationship, though if I think about my own situation I can kind of understand that its really not their fault. Sometimes the mental capacity of the victim plays a part. Often the emotional abuse started way before the physical, while the victim probably knows they shouldn't stay, they are not emotionally or mentally capable of making that choice.

I only speak about this from my own experience with my mother, its not the same relationship as a partner, but the concept is the same, the head and the heart, they don't often speak the same language, I eventually got out but had to cut off all ties, while I am in my late 30s now, I still start shaking at the thought of her being anywhere near me, or in the same place.

[Golden Gate 530]

Gowon, I can understand where you are coming from, I often have these thoughts about someone being abused and choosing to stay in the relationship, though if I think about my own situation I can kind of understand that its really not their fault. Sometimes the mental capacity of the victim plays a part. Often the emotional abuse started way before the physical, while the victim probably knows they shouldn't stay, they are not emotionally or mentally capable of making that choice.

I only speak about this from my own experience with my mother, its not the same relationship as a partner, but the concept is the same, the head and the heart, they don't often speak the same language, I eventually got out but had to cut off all ties, while I am in my late 30s now, I still start shaking at the thought of her being anywhere near me, or in the same place.

Sorry you have had to endure this. That is really sad.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Gowon, I can understand where you are coming from, I often have these thoughts about someone being abused and choosing to stay in the relationship, though if I think about my own situation I can kind of understand that its really not their fault. Sometimes the mental capacity of the victim plays a part. Often the emotional abuse started way before the physical, while the victim probably knows they shouldn't stay, they are not emotionally or mentally capable of making that choice.

I only speak about this from my own experience with my mother, its not the same relationship as a partner, but the concept is the same, the head and the heart, they don't often speak the same language, I eventually got out but had to cut off all ties, while I am in my late 30s now, I still start shaking at the thought of her being anywhere near me, or in the same place.

Thanks for sharing, must be hurtful. Hopefully you two will be able to come to an understanding in the future.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Usually an abuser has managed to alienate your support group. Either through distance or just plain old bad behavior. They will do things like interagate your every moment on the phone until it is easier not to call anyone. They will question/time/challange your separate time out of the house until it is easier just to stay home. They will devalue your every action, usually the mental abuse and isolation are in place long before a hand is raised for the first time. They must have already made you feel that you are low in the order of life and deserve to be taught a lesson, to be corrected. It is your fault the car broke, that dinner was cold when he arrived home hours late , that they didn't get the promotion domeone got, that they have gained weight and can't fit into their clothes. If it wasn't for your stupidity, your worthlessness life would be better, and if you can't change your ways then that makes you more worthless, more stupid and lower in the order in life.

Anyone that believes the victim is somehow to blame doesn't understand the whole picture of those that fall into the cycle and to point fingers is akin to the Nazi's agreeing blindly that non whites are in some form less human that whites and as such as underserving of the same life. Shame on all of you that said such.

[Golden Gate 530]

Usually an abuser has managed to alienate your support group. Either through distance or just plain old bad behavior. They will do things like interagate your every moment on the phone until it is easier not to call anyone. They will question/time/challange your separate time out of the house until it is easier just to stay home. They will devalue your every action, usually the mental abuse and isolation are in place long before a hand is raised for the first time. They must have already made you feel that you are low in the order of life and deserve to be taught a lesson, to be corrected. It is your fault the car broke, that dinner was cold when he arrived home hours late , that they didn't get the promotion domeone got, that they have gained weight and can't fit into their clothes. If it wasn't for your stupidity, your worthlessness life would be better, and if you can't change your ways then that makes you more worthless, more stupid and lower in the order in life.

Anyone that believes the victim is somehow to blame doesn't understand the whole picture of those that fall into the cycle and to point fingers is akin to the Nazi's agreeing blindly that non whites are in some form less human that whites and as such as underserving of the same life. Shame on all of you that said such.

Well said!