Advice needed VJ Family Plzz!!

[MrsJohnson 0]

Hi Mrs Johnson. I can relate to what you are saying. My husband is 24 and I am much older than him. However I would like to say I dont believe he is cheating on me because he is a dj with a popular sound system, and if there was girls they would should up at the parties. When I am there I am right by his side and he is introducing me to everyone and even giving me bigups over the mic. I sometimes have to look at it like this. When he leaves Jamaica he is leaving all those b@#$%s behind and coming directly to you. I know it can be frustrating especially when you love and have feelings for that person otherwise you would have never married him. Remember that old saying "Women mature alot quicker than men". As for the phone aside from all the information in which you have found, I have noticed that a large portion of Jamaicans cherrish their phones like crazy. I guess it is because a lot of them dont have much so when they do have something they are very fond of it. The distance hard. I have have found myself wanting company from another man (not sexually) to pass the time, but yet I have changed my mind because they might take it the wrong way. It is hard to tell you what to do because I do not know what is in your heart. It is a call you will have to make and be willing to live with. Please just tell your husband that if he does fool around to please wear protection out of respect for you and try not to make any babies. Talk to him some more and confirm if this marraige is something he wants. If so he really needs to prove it to you.

i see what ur saying. My problem with him is this...my husband is spoiled i spoil the hell out of him ok. Every hot phone that comes out he got it all the cool looking clothes and shoes and jewelery he rockin it. I always put him first in everything i do. I dont get sh*t from him not even damn card on my bday. Im in JA every couple of months to go see him and his cell phone is up his behind. Ive seen text from girls ive seen a lot of nasty things. He thinks im stupid. How is it that the last time i was out in JA he did a master reset on his phone...does he think im a dummy?? Ive looked for comfort from another man but i just dont have it in me to have another man touch me knowing im married. I would feel ashamed! ive told him a couple months ago i wanted a divorce do u think he gave a fu*k...NOPE! yeah he begged for about a day and that was the end of it. He went on his merry way without fighting for this marriage. Ive told him plenty of times if he cheating rap it up because i dont want nothing from him or anybody for that matter. I do use protection with him when i visit (sometimes)

[aaydrian 479]

Hi Mrs Johnson. I can relate to what you are saying. My husband is 24 and I am much older than him. However I would like to say I dont believe he is cheating on me because he is a dj with a popular sound system, and if there was girls they would should up at the parties. When I am there I am right by his side and he is introducing me to everyone and even giving me bigups over the mic. I sometimes have to look at it like this. When he leaves Jamaica he is leaving all those b@#$%s behind and coming directly to you. I know it can be frustrating especially when you love and have feelings for that person otherwise you would have never married him. Remember that old saying "Women mature alot quicker than men". As for the phone aside from all the information in which you have found, I have noticed that a large portion of Jamaicans cherrish their phones like crazy. I guess it is because a lot of them dont have much so when they do have something they are very fond of it. The distance hard. I have have found myself wanting company from another man (not sexually) to pass the time, but yet I have changed my mind because they might take it the wrong way. It is hard to tell you what to do because I do not know what is in your heart. It is a call you will have to make and be willing to live with. Please just tell your husband that if he does fool around to please wear protection out of respect for you and try not to make any babies. Talk to him some more and confirm if this marraige is something he wants. If so he really needs to prove it to you.

Not bashing/questioning your relationship/marriage but yuh seriously tink seh cause a man seh ovah sown system seh yuh ah im woman im definitely naaw get p****y elsewhere? Dwl. Actions speak louder than words. Not because someone shouts to an audience that he has a girlfriend/wife means automatically they are faithful.

we met through a friend of the family

Okay. If your husband being a ####### bag if perfectly fine with you then you and your marriage will survive this. If not you trying to push for a 180°on his part isn't going to work. He's highly unlikely to ever change as Gyalis mentality is highly praised in Ja.

[Therealworld 90]

Also remember that no marraige is perfect. You go through good and bad, etc. My parents have been married for more than 50 years never seperated yet during every augument they mention the word divore. I think it is just part of their every day conversation at this point! Marraige is not easy and i think a lot of people can tell you that. Please make your final decision based on your on personal life, heart and feelings. In the end it is you living with your decisiion not the rest of us. Way the bad vs the good. None of us know anything about your relationship with your husband personally. I am sure he does truly love you but may not be mature enough to handle it.

[tberta.brooks 3]

Oh my . . . very sorry to read this post . . . but not that unexpected. Yes, I have several friends (some I have met while in jamaica and some here in the states) who have jamaican men and I do hear that they are dogs or can be. You do not sound like a silly person. You know right from wrong and you should know what You want. I agree with Renee . . . tell him to use protection . . for your sake . . . Aids is rampant down there and Brooks knows of a few that have died from it.

When I visit the island Brooks introduces me to everyone . . . and I mean EVERYONE . . .remember it is an island and if your man stays in the same area then they all know each other . . Where does your man live? My man is in the Jungle/country. I find that the city guys act very different than the countrymen . . . I can tell the different when I am there.

I suggest that you search within yourself and what do you feel. Think about the outcome will be once he gets here . . will old habits continue?

And why does people not know he is married . . . does he KNOW he is married?

[SweetieOne 41]

im not sure if i will be happy thats the thing...i honestly feel like this relationship is done and if he did get the chance to come here by me filing for him it wouldnt last. And the truth is if he had another way to come to america he would come here and be with me

Has he ever been to the states (Guessing not)? If you don't mind me asking, where is your husband from in Jamaica? Is he a city boy or a country boy? If you are feeling this way now, chances are it will get worse once he is here in the US!!

My husband was not happy in his first marriage and that is why it didn't work for him in the US. His ex was not so nice to him. I am not saying that B-cuz he is my husband either. I lived it, with him and her, I saw what she did to make things worse for him (I never said anything but always felt bad for him). They were not happy and he ended up back home in Jamaica with her, it didn't last long and she had endless money. He said he would eat tin mackerel before he would ever ask her for a ting.... Just take time before you make the final dissension.

[SweetieOne 41]

At this point the only one that holds the answer to this, is YOU, god & your husband!! Spoiling him is not always the right thing to do, then they expect things and get an attitude like a child that gets anything they want!! To have a good strong relationship you need to take care of you first and foremost. Think about it, in case of an emergency always put your oxygen mask on first, then assist others… A very true statement, you cannot help others if you do not put YOU first. You sound like a lovely, care giving woman. Don’t let him take that from you.

I do a lot for my husband, with the reality of knowing there is not much he can do for me on a financial side of things. However, I have to give him credit where it is due. He does give what he can and he shares what he has. I always tell him, I really appreciated that you called me back just to tell me how you love my smile as we hung up on our Skype call (it the little things that mean the most). Or that when I am in town, he brings me my favorite treat or drink when he makes a trip to the shop. Or how he made me homemade greater cake and sent it to me through another traveler. I always have my eyes wide open with Jamaican men, dem nah easy at all. I have been very close to his family for 9 years, that is how we ended up where we are today. I lived in a small bored house with his sister and my infant daughter for 9 months, his family took very good care of me ALWAYS. We too have had our drama, TRUST ME!! 3 days after we got married and I returned home I received a call from his daughters mother (Never met her) she claimed that as soon as I left he was inna her bed. Funny thing, she had no idea we had Skype and that we always sleep with our Skype on, I still fell for it and wanted a divorce ASAP (Actually an annulment). Never talked to her ever or had a problem. Wanted to show her a little respect since she was the girl’s mother and I love my husband. She went on and on and still carries on but I can’t let her take this from me so I just decided to be kind to her, cuz I love the kids and my husband loves the kids and she was trying to tell him he could no longer see his kids. Ugh, sometimes I truly miss my days as a tourist ….

Good Luck and I really hope it works out the way you want.

Nattie

[teach_says 4]

I think only you can determine if you have had enough. Has he admitted that he has cheated or is he denying it? I think that makes a big difference. Also is this the only time or has it happened before?

Marriage is difficult, especially with an ocean between you. But someone who constantly cheats on you is different from someone who is young and cheated once.

Also remember some Jamaican's have a very different mentality and they enjoy passa... Sometimes they will lie just to see how much drama they can cause.

Edited June 6, 2012 by teach_says

[Tinchen_ 21]

i see what ur saying. My problem with him is this...my husband is spoiled i spoil the hell out of him ok. Every hot phone that comes out he got it all the cool looking clothes and shoes and jewelery he rockin it. I always put him first in everything i do. I dont get sh*t from him not even damn card on my bday. Im in JA every couple of months to go see him and his cell phone is up his behind. Ive seen text from girls ive seen a lot of nasty things. He thinks im stupid. How is it that the last time i was out in JA he did a master reset on his phone...does he think im a dummy?? Ive looked for comfort from another man but i just dont have it in me to have another man touch me knowing im married. I would feel ashamed! ive told him a couple months ago i wanted a divorce do u think he gave a fu*k...NOPE! yeah he begged for about a day and that was the end of it. He went on his merry way without fighting for this marriage. Ive told him plenty of times if he cheating rap it up because i dont want nothing from him or anybody for that matter. I do use protection with him when i visit (sometimes)

hi mrsjohnson. sorry to hear that..maybe im wrong ( hope for your case i am) but it sounds like he is a lil gold digger..u pay for everything so he has a good life.he gets everything from you, you bring him to the states and he still can have fun and fool around. so in his eyes it might seem like why change. he doesnt get any consequences for his behavior. just ask urself the question is that a marriage u wanna have?? with the trust issues and thinking he is cheating or maybe he is cheating on u.. and ur health u dont know if he uses protection when he has sex with someone else...

[--- 42]

Hi MrsJohnson! I am deeply sorry to hear about what you are going through. I honestly think that you need to have a long hard discussion with yourself and map out all the pros and cons of this relationship. Think about your potential future. Do you want to put any future children/family members/etc into this situation? Is this the quality of life you want for YOURSELF? After you think about this (if you haven't already, it seems as if you have) then you need to go to him about it. Tell him what a marriage entails, it isn't a part-time job or part-time GAME. A heart is nothing to be fooled with especially when not only your heart is involved, but also finances and a significant amount of sacrifice.

As a married couple, you guys have to coexist and sacrifice to make things work. If he's not willing or emotionally able, then it's time to say goodbye. You as a human deserve so much more than that and I don't think you want your future to consist of snooping in on his cellphone and worrying if there is another woman in his life. A relationship needs trust, and if it isn't there and has no potential to be there, then you don't need to be in this situation.

My only advice is to think about yourself, think about him, and be as rational as possible in this circumstance. You seem like a wonderful giving woman and if he can't appreciate it then there is a million other men in the world that can. Best of luck.

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

gd morning...im so upset this morning. ive never shared my personal life on here but i just need some advice. Ive been with my husband over 2 years and i filied for him back in april. Im starting to regret ever being with him. There is sooo much heart ache i go thru with him. ever since we been together he's been cheating on me. he doesnt help me out any type of way. He doesnt call me how he is suppose to. i know he doesnt love me but i do believe he does care about me. Im going to be honest he is very young (21) and age shouldnt matter but i feel like im with a little kid. He is very selfish and stubborn. To be honest the only reason why i feel to stay with him is because i feel like invested so much into this boy. ive spent thousands and thousands of dollars on his sorry ####.

Im just sick of him and want to drop everything and stay far the hell away from him before he hurts me even more. Any advice!

You know, I have been sitting here trying to think of what to say about this, so I'll break this down into two points:

1. In all of your posts, you have called this dude so many bad names, I've lost count. ####### bag, selfish, stubbon, and basically a devil in the flesh. This is your husband, and yet you can't seem to find anything nice to say about him. You also know he doesn't love you, that right there would be enough for me to leave. No birhtday gifts, and you spend so much on him? You don't need advice, the answer is clear as the sky is blue. Divorce him so you can move on and find a man that respects you in every way.

2. Marriage vows are eternal and not conditional, just because he is away from you doesn't give him the right to treat you this way. Someone suggested using protection when you are with him, if it comes to that why are you married in the first place? It takes a lot of hard work and sacrifice, but constant cheating and lying never belong in the equation. Counseling would only work if these were minor issues(not seeing eye to eye, different opinions) but this is beyond that in leaps and bounds.

I believe you know the answer to this dilemma, but you came here to hear ways to stay in this marriage. Don't, you're better than this...

[SweetieOne 41]

This one is for you Mrs. Johnson, one of my favorites:

"When you give yourself to someone who doesn’t respect you, you surrender pieces of your soul that you’ll never get back. There comes a point when you have to let go and stop chasing some people. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll find a way to put you there. Sometimes you just need to let go and accept the fact that they don’t care for you the way you care for them. Let them leave your life quietly. Letting go is often times easier than holding on. We think it’s too hard to let go, until we actually do. Then we ask ourselves, “Why didn’t I do this sooner?” :bonk: :bonk:

[mrettercap 24]

Why are you still with him if he cheats on you?

You say you cracked codes on his phone etc... this doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship.

You've admitted that you've checked out of the relationship already, and it sounds like he's not terribly invested either, so — why bother? Just end it.

[John and Camie 39]

If you are feeling this way now, chances are it will get worse once he is here in the US!!

I wouldn't invest another cent in his immigration. It's expensive and time-consuming, and it sounds as if you've already got your hands full. Once he gets that 10-yr. Green Card, he'll really show you his true colors, because then he'll have nothing left to lose.

[fantonledzepp 159]

OP, if you have proof of infidelity, why stay with him? I can only tell you that if I suspected infidelity, much less have proof, the relationship is over. No ifs, ands or buts! But that's just me. To me this is the ultimate type of betrayal and not forgiven.

You don't need this pain if you lived with yor husband, much less a long distance relationship. End it and move on.

Edited June 6, 2012 by fantonledzepp

[chikings 27]

Greetings sister,

First thanks for sharing such raw details of your personal life so that we may support you and help. First, you gave enough reason for anyone to walk away with out any guilt. It seems you made up your mind with lots of help from him. Your marriage can be salvage through therapy and commitment but I feel you sometimes a person know when to fold and walk away. You mention you have a child. A young child. I feel this would be a toxic situation for your child to have to go through. Children may not know how to verbalize whats going on ,but they see and feel it all. Plus they need to know Moma will always provide a loving and sercure home for them. Finally, be patieint and true to your intuition and emotions.. You only have one life, don't be guilted into anything. Pray and pay attention to how and when God answers.

Peace,

Chi