Husband is missing

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

how do people meet these scammers?? let me tell you they wait out there like sharks for the feeding. there are soooo many ways, even spam emails from people claiming to be singles wanting to meet to internet dating sites and the list goes on. however, one of the best ways to avoid a lot of this is by getting to know the person and not rushing into anything. the scammer will be in a hurry to make things progress. IMO

Let's also define "getting to know" the person.

How long is long enough?

[PMartin37 161]

I am sorry you are going through this! if you are sure you he is not coming back and it is over you do need to protect yourself. here is what i would do, wait a few days. if nothing has changed, go to the police and report him missing but on his own accord. Really no need to search for him, just a need to cover your bases, and yes emails in the US can usually be traced to the router through which it was sent, but why. then i would follow the other advise here and cancel the 184. If he does turn up and file for food stamps ect. you could be held financially responsble and have to pay them back. There are a few other things i would do, but i wont get into that here. Above all protect yourself. i hope things get better for you!

My reason for suggesting this is because more than likely , the police might be interested in finding him and passing the info along to immigration - if he doesnt adjust status, he'll be illegal. My concern is that if this guy is callous enough to do this to the OP...why would he hesitate to use another female to petition for him? After all, he got away with it the first time?

[t & f 7]

I cannot understand how people can advise the OP to wait for her husband. The guy told her exactly how he feels about her and their marriage, then walking out and emailing her, from a place where I assume he's settled, to let her know that he doesn't want anything to do with her since he has all needs. So what exactly should she be waiting for?

Edited June 6, 2012 by t & f

[eric n tessa 1]

Let's also define "getting to know" the person.

How long is long enough?

i think it depends on the couple, but IMO at least 6 months to a year with at least one visit or more if possible. but that is just my opinion, but would you marry someone having known them in person for only 6 months? again it depends on the couple. form what i have seen, beware if they try to rush into the visa process.

[fantonledzepp 159]

People, he is not a missing person. The police department will tell the OP that he is not missing because he left after a fight. Unless there are extraordinary circumstances, he is not considered a missing person. That is what most big city police agencies will say. Small towns, that's a different story.

OP: Where do you live?

[eric n tessa 1]

My reason for suggesting this is because more than likely , the police might be interested in finding him and passing the info along to immigration - if he doesnt adjust status, he'll be illegal. My concern is that if this guy is callous enough to do this to the OP...why would he hesitate to use another female to petition for him? After all, he got away with it the first time?

yes i agree with you. i was just saying that she does not need to try to find him. the police and ICE on the other hand, have at him. i do believe she has been scammed. if you wanted to find him the IP would be a start, but i would also contact USCIS and find out if his green card had been sent and to where, see if he filled a change of address with them.

[Ban Hammer 13,343]

one post removed for tos violation, along with two quoting.

the two quoting returned below minus the tos violation. do not post insults and stereotyping in this thread.

the above message is not directed at the two members quoted below.

Oh my life. This is just terrible, horrifying. If he doesn't return within the standard missing-persons time window observed by law enforcement, then you should definitely withdraw your support of your husband's AOS. The timing of his disappearnce is suspicious enough that I think USCIS will do the math and back you up. My heart hurts for you.

You're right, it is easy to think this was a fraud. Why? Because the husband HIMSELF said he didn't need his wife anymore, that he can now just disappear into the US without her ever finding him. Also that he was going to go "see his life" now. How long do you suggest the OP wait before taking some kind of action to protect herself?

Edited June 6, 2012 by charles!

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

i think it depends on the couple, but IMO at least 6 months to a year with at least one visit or more if possible. but that is just my opinion, but would you marry someone having known them in person for only 6 months? again it depends on the couple. form what i have seen, beware if they try to rush into the visa process.

I did, and we stayed married for almost 14 years and 4 kids.

And I've known folks that have been friends for 10 years or more, got married and were promptly divorced in less than two years.

IMHO, a lot of the issues lays in cultural differences. For example, some countries (ha I didn't stereotype - lol) are pro polygamy, with average citizens very poor (using US standards). So how long should you date someone from such a country like that before you can truly figured them out?

[Sandra G. 5,048]

Gowon how long is enought? in my opinion people should wait at least 2 years, and visit the person at least three or four times . Meet ALL his family and friends. I am sick and tired to see people here getting married after just a few months and saw the guy once or twice...well when you rush you risk to pay the price.I am not saying is her case at all, I don't even know how long they dated before getting married.

Regarding the web site you asked, the one I read several times I couldn't find.I read several times because a friend of mine got married with one guy from Ghana, he came to USA with CR1 visa and after 24 hours he got here he just left her, she didn't even know he had cousins here, but after some search she could find informations and he was living with his cousin and dating one girl from Ghana and she started reading sites about scammers and I read many times with her.I was in shock how many women were scammed.

There is a huge difference between a married couple that lived together 05,10 years and ended up in divorce and a scammer that just got here or got his GC and vanished. Don't get me wrong there are scammers all over the word, but usually most of the cases published are guys from Ghana and Nigeria. In several sites the guys are using other guys pictures, many say they are american working in Nigeria

Check it out some stories

http://ghana.usembassy.gov/romance_scam.html

http://www.datingnmore.com/fraud/scam_database.htm

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090411191557AAiT8Kj

http://antifraudintl.org/showthread.php?318-Nigeria-Scammer-uses-a-womans-faith-against-her!

http://www.delphifaq.com/faq/male_scammers/f2738_0.htm

http://www.delphifaq.com/faq/male_scammers/f3624_0.htm

Edited June 7, 2012 by sandranj

[DandT14 272]

I don't know if I'd be so quick to pull the I-864.

People say and do a lot of dumb things when they are fighting. I certainly have. What makes this different than a "regular" couple fighting is the immigration issue. He can throw out the "I don't need you anymore" thing as a way to hurt her, and she has the power of being able to screw up his greencard. Feels wrong to me to use that power. Unless, of course, she's really sure it's fraud. Otherwise I wouldn't be so quick to take such a drastic step. Does he really deserve that, if it's a "real" relationship that didn't work out?

[Cathi 5,753]

The OP stated that her husband made it perfectly clear that he got what he wanted, he wanted out of the marriage, and he was going to disappear never to be found. Why are people advising her to stay with this man who very obviously scammed her? OP you sound like an intelligent, strong young lady, time to give him what he wants and cut him loose. If it were me I would do everything in my power to cancel the i-864, at this point who knows what else he is capable of, and I'll venture to guess that he would not give a rat's ####### if he went on public assistance and that you are obligated to pay it back. Use common sense. Good luck, I really hope this works in your favor.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Gowon how long is enought? in my opinion people should wait at least 2 years, and visit the person at least three or four times . Meet ALL his family and friends. I am sick and tired to see people here getting married after just a few months and saw the guy once or twice...well when you rush you risk to pay the price.I am not saying is her case at all, I don't even know how long they dated before getting married.

Regarding the web site you asked, the one I read several times I couldn't find.I read several times because a friend of mine got married with one guy from Ghana, he came to USA with CR1 visa and after 24 hours he got here he just left her, she didn't even know he had cousins here, but after some search she could find informations and he was living with his cousin and dating one girl from Ghana and she started reading sites about scammers and I read many times with her.I was in shock how many women were scammed.

There is a huge difference between a married couple that lived together 05,10 years and ended up in divorce and a scammer that just got here or got his GC and vanished. Don't get me wrong there are scammers all over the word, but usually most of the cases published are guys from Ghana and Nigeria. In several sites the guys are using other guys pictures, many say they are american working in Nigeria

Check it out some stories

http://ghana.usembas...mance_scam.html

http://www.datingnmo...am_database.htm

http://answers.yahoo...11191557AAiT8Kj

http://antifraudintl...ith-against-her!

http://www.delphifaq...ers/f2738_0.htm

http://www.delphifaq...ers/f3624_0.htm

Thanks for the links.

[mrsbinns 2]

Did u say real intentions well he showed his real intentions when he left, u have been given some great advice here please use it sever Ur ties and make sure he hasnt changed the address to get his green cars somewhere else. This is a sas case but good thing u found out sooner than later, I will also b praying for u.

[rlogan 2,036]

So how long should you date someone from such a country like that before you can truly figured them out?

It has less to do with how long you've known them, and more to do with knowing how to spot manipulative people.

Manipulative people are predators, constantly sizing up everyone they see, and they target people who are vulnerable. In criminology they talk about the "victim stance" that purse-snatchers, robbers, and rapists use to decide who to attack. With green card scammers, they're looking for naiive, trusting, gullible, lonely people who listen to the sweet words being spoken instead of the malicious actions. They do not listen to their gut instincts. The predator has quick explanations for the inconsistencies, and can tell one lie after another to cover the last lie that didn't work.

The literature tells us that there two extremes to potential targets, with a lot of middle ground. At one extreme are people that don't listen to a word you say, and only look at actions. These people are very difficult to manipulate, and also are unforgiving when a sincere explanation is given for something that looks shady. At the other extreme are people that seem blind to what people do, and trust everything they are told no matter how ridiculous. Child-like in their trust. These are of course the ideal people to manipulate.

Manipulators all take you through what the researchers call the "evaluation phase". They are going to try out different tactics on you to see what works and what doesn't. They find out your vulnerabilities. What you feel guilty about, what makes you angry, what your political and social beliefs are, etc. They are chameleons and will morph into the ideal mate, just by reflecting back what you showed them about yourself.

I had a handicap with this so I had to study a great deal to overcome that handicap but now it's a hobby spotting them. To defend against these predators it turns out your gut instinct is the best thing you've got, and you have to learn to listen to it. The second thing is to relentlessly watch actions instead of being fooled by words. The third thing is learning how to identify the list of tactics they use, and it is a remarkably consistent list from emotional vampires through serial killers. Guilt-tripping, shaming, evasion, diversion, selective attention/inattention, etc. The best book I have ever read is In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with manipulative people.

Without the right tools you could easily spend years before figuring out you are sleeping with the enemy. But if you have those tools you can spot them the first time you meet them.

[PMartin37 161]

It has less to do with how long you've known them, and more to do with knowing how to spot manipulative people.

Manipulative people are predators, constantly sizing up everyone they see, and they target people who are vulnerable. In criminology they talk about the "victim stance" that purse-snatchers, robbers, and rapists use to decide who to attack. With green card scammers, they're looking for naiive, trusting, gullible, lonely people who listen to the sweet words being spoken instead of the malicious actions. They do not listen to their gut instincts. The predator has quick explanations for the inconsistencies, and can tell one lie after another to cover the last lie that didn't work.

The literature tells us that there two extremes to potential targets, with a lot of middle ground. At one extreme are people that don't listen to a word you say, and only look at actions. These people are very difficult to manipulate, and also are unforgiving when a sincere explanation is given for something that looks shady. At the other extreme are people that seem blind to what people do, and trust everything they are told no matter how ridiculous. Child-like in their trust. These are of course the ideal people to manipulate.

Manipulators all take you through what the researchers call the "evaluation phase". They are going to try out different tactics on you to see what works and what doesn't. They find out your vulnerabilities. What you feel guilty about, what makes you angry, what your political and social beliefs are, etc. They are chameleons and will morph into the ideal mate, just by reflecting back what you showed them about yourself.

I had a handicap with this so I had to study a great deal to overcome that handicap but now it's a hobby spotting them. To defend against these predators it turns out your gut instinct is the best thing you've got, and you have to learn to listen to it. The second thing is to relentlessly watch actions instead of being fooled by words. The third thing is learning how to identify the list of tactics they use, and it is a remarkably consistent list from emotional vampires through serial killers. Guilt-tripping, shaming, evasion, diversion, selective attention/inattention, etc. The best book I have ever read is In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with manipulative people.

Without the right tools you could easily spend years before figuring out you are sleeping with the enemy. But if you have those tools you can spot them the first time you meet them.

:thumbs: