How have your children been with new hubby/fiancee?

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

That co-op idea was LOL. I wonder if that person was really serious.

sounds like she was Mith...but no one would ever believe any of this unless they saw it

the one who's ex sent cell phone pictures of his privates to her was classic...then she told us all about it and then got in a fight with the egyptian so on here...unbelievable

I still think the worst one was the guy who's american fiancee died and then he dressed up the new one, who was on the boards in the dead womans engagement dress..and then took pictures YIKES

And the second one( the new fiancee of the dead fiancees husband ) posted pics

I like waving in my web cam...I do many private fun things too

It is what we have for now... So Be It

But What someone might see as negative Major adjustments and Sacrifices...another couples see as finally

we are a family and can move on to growing together.

Lets Roll!!!!

I sure hope the web cams arent in a cyber cafe..yikes

[msheesha 548]

Giving up on words - just going with emoticons....

[Mithra 1,185]

Let's not derail this thread talking about odd balls. I apologize for mentioning anything OT.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Let's not derail this thread talking about odd balls. I apologize for mentioning anything OT.

agreed...

Giving up on words - just going with emoticons....

we are going back to topic, dont worry

back to topic

Let's not derail this thread talking about odd balls. I apologize for mentioning anything OT.

Its hard to stay on topic when we veer off into other subjects...this derailing is stopping..I hope we can get back on topic

somehow anyway

[Shoot Em Straight 385]

"I sure hope the web cams arent in a cyber cafe..yikes"

Ah Yeah. No Thankfully both my husband and I can separately afford our own laptops.

BTW....OP if you dont mind sharing...how did a woman from McMinnville, Oregon meet a Jordanian?

This world is so amazing now a days.

I hope this is not too far off topic...because She did have a good thought to post.

[Moh&Tamz 3]

"I sure hope the web cams arent in a cyber cafe..yikes"

Ah Yeah. No Thankfully both my husband and I can separately afford our own laptops.

BTW....OP if you dont mind sharing...how did a woman from McMinnville, Oregon meet a Jordanian?

This world is so amazing now a days.

I hope this is not too far off topic...because She did have a good thought to post.

Inluvnwaiting, what is OP? I guess you referring to me about McMinnville. lol I actually call it Bubbaville but VJ wouldn't let me post that. Like most of us on here I met DH online, but I have been to Jordan prior to meeting him and have several family, social, and business ties there so it all has been very easy for me to adjust and even have him checked out before I got there. lol Alhumdollah for everything!

[Moh&Tamz 3]

Amen, Mithra. This is one of my biggest concerns around here, too. So many women left their kids for months and even years to go be with their man. That's some serious bullsh!t. Even the one lady who wanted to do a parenting co-op so that her VJ friends could watch her kids and vice versa. If you have to resort to strangers watching your kids, an international, multi-continent love affair might not be the best idea at the time.

However, that truly doesn't have anything to do with how foreign spouses will adjust to step children.

That is so sad when the children are left and forgotten don't people forget we are going to be accountable to how we treat these precious gifts. My youngest is 15 and goes to boarding school so it's easier for me to travel at times then others. Ya Rabb my heart goes out to those kiddos.

[Shoot Em Straight 385]

Inluvnwaiting, what is OP? I guess you referring to me about McMinnville. lol I actually call it Bubbaville but VJ wouldn't let me post that. Like most of us on here I met DH online, but I have been to Jordan prior to meeting him and have several family, social, and business ties there so it all has been very easy for me to adjust and even have him checked out before I got there. lol Alhumdollah for everything!

I like that!!!

Thanks for sharing. OP is original poster

[Bajih 4]

It has been a while since I have been on Visa Journey, and I have to say that my kids had (and are having) a hard time adjusting. I am surprised that more people haven't had similar experiences, but maybe it is a taboo topic to admit things are not always peachy.My kids were 11 and 17 when my husband came to the US. They both knew of him for two years prior to that and have talked via Skype. (more my daughter than son). Things seemed like they would be okay....but i wasn't ready for the cultural shock and adjustment period we would all need. I kept that in mind that first year.. There were just so many things we had to learn from each other, being online is not living with someone day in and day out..no matter how well you know them. We are still learning and I think this is healthy for us. My daughter is in counseling and I hope she can work out her feelings there.. My husband and I are doing great...and I constantly keep the lines of communication open for my daughter and son to talk to me about anything. I think you have to keep it real.. There will be an adjustment period and this is not only okay, it is normal. It is okay if not everyone in the family is singing odes of joy to each other all of the time. Relationships take hard work. My kids know they are unconditionally loved . That, in itself, is the greatest gift I can give them. Freedom to be who they are and to feel what they do. Would I like them to eventually have a close relationship with my husband? Sure. But in their own time....and we have plenty of time....

Feels food to be back on Visa Journey and to hear all of your stories. It reminds me that I am not alone...

bajih

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

It has been a while since I have been on Visa Journey, and I have to say that my kids had (and are having) a hard time adjusting. I am surprised that more people haven't had similar experiences, but maybe it is a taboo topic to admit things are not always peachy.My kids were 11 and 17 when my husband came to the US. They both knew of him for two years prior to that and have talked via Skype. (more my daughter than son). Things seemed like they would be okay....but i wasn't ready for the cultural shock and adjustment period we would all need. I kept that in mind that first year.. There were just so many things we had to learn from each other, being online is not living with someone day in and day out..no matter how well you know them. We are still learning and I think this is healthy for us. My daughter is in counseling and I hope she can work out her feelings there.. My husband and I are doing great...and I constantly keep the lines of communication open for my daughter and son to talk to me about anything. I think you have to keep it real.. There will be an adjustment period and this is not only okay, it is normal. It is okay if not everyone in the family is singing odes of joy to each other all of the time. Relationships take hard work. My kids know they are unconditionally loved . That, in itself, is the greatest gift I can give them. Freedom to be who they are and to feel what they do. Would I like them to eventually have a close relationship with my husband? Sure. But in their own time....and we have plenty of time....

Feels food to be back on Visa Journey and to hear all of your stories. It reminds me that I am not alone...

bajih

I think it is to your credit that you put your daughter in counseling. I think older kids sometimes have the hardest time adjusting to a new person taking a place in the heart of their mom. It sounds like an honest and forthright answer. Secondly, it can feel like a taboo when you admit that it has not been easy. At least you admit it. It makes it very hard when you don't have the ability or space to talk about what went on during your journey. You sound like your head is straight on your shoulders and you will never regret , as time goes by, making sure your kids got what they needed.

And people have had similar experiences. I had very little trouble with my youngest but my teen went through a rough spot and it was very difficult dealing with a teen who was struggling and what felt like another child albeit a man going through their own period of adjustment. I think the reason you don't hear about the similar experiences is because many don't come back and post because they are post journey or maybe don't want to open up about it. But its there and sometimes its very hard. Looking back, it sure doesnt look like the nightmare it was but honestly, many times especially 2 years ago, I was holding on for dear life, trying to make a living, keep the house together and help my teen.

Edited June 9, 2012 by Beauty for Ashes

[ErikaAndHamit 73]

Ditto on non-peachy times with teens and the new stepdad who was all gung-ho first year lol!! Hes definitely not so gung-ho and peachy keen about itvanymore...i hate being in the middle of it all too...there isnt anything like actually being here a while to se reality...not saying things cant be good one day as they will, but it aint easy!! lol he though it would be easy,,,,just like having our own triplets together would be easy (yes he thought this when i was pregnant)....NOT!!!

[Ihavequestions 419]

I think you are missing the point. I didnt say that marrying a woman with kids does not happen. I am saying that many of these guys are ill prepared to come over here and be instant fathers.

No, you're missing the point, that being there is no one-size-fits all marriage and relationship guide because MENA is different from country to country, family to family, and individual to individual, yet you continue to paint with a ridiculously wide brush and legitimize your misinterpretations as experience based on time spent as if it's all been an in-depth study, complete with a book in the works.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Ditto on non-peachy times with teens and the new stepdad who was all gung-ho first year lol!! Hes definitely not so gung-ho and peachy keen about itvanymore...i hate being in the middle of it all too...there isnt anything like actually being here a while to se reality...not saying things cant be good one day as they will, but it aint easy!! lol he though it would be easy,,,,just like having our own triplets together would be easy (yes he thought this when i was pregnant)....NOT!!!

His family must be over the moon about having triplets !

How wonderful and what a blessing?

I would think that the other kids would kind of like it and be annoyed by all the attention the triplets get

[ErikaAndHamit 73]

Aw thanks for asking. Yes they are over the moon and really want to see them, but um yea international flight with triplet babies is not happening until after 3 years old...more like 5 years old lol. The other kids are all teenagers, so they dont mind at all, in fact they really love them. Hubby was surprised how much he has to help and this has caused our first real issues in our marriage, but yea, goodbye honeymoon stage for sure! He told me and I am quoting "you just feed them and then put them down to sleep" hahahahaha.....yea. This came form a man who babysat his nieces/nephews and loved babies, etc etc...I dont know, but me thinks he gave back the babies when they cried.

Edited June 9, 2012 by ErikaAndHamit

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Aw thanks for asking. Yes they are over the moon and really want to see them, but um yea international flight with triplet babies is not happening until after 3 years old...more like 5 years old lol. The other kids are all teenagers, so they dont mind at all, in fact they really love them. Hubby was surprised how much he has to help and this has caused our first real issues in our marriage, but yea, goodbye honeymoon stage for sure! He told me and I am quoting "you just feed them and then put them down to sleep" hahahahaha.....yea. This came form a man who babysat his nieces/nephews and loved babies, etc etc...I dont know, but me thinks he gave back the babies when they cried.

well with 3 kids, his ticket is written like they say in arabic..maktoob.. it is written

Just think, 3 5 year olds on a plane, throwing sippy cups. 3 haircuts at the barber shop, three kindergardeners.. YIKES. I am going crazy with my 7 year old little smarty pants.

I am imagining how overwhelmed your husband must be with 3 babies LOL...how wonderful though LOL