How have your children been with new hubby/fiancee?

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

You seem to be saying both, as evidenced by the quote below from one of your posts in this thread...

"Secondly, it is very uncommon for a single man to marry a girl with kids overseas so most do not have the tools to take on step parenting. This is not a one case situation. This is most cases."

You also highlighted the "overseas" part of it, which has no bearing on step-parenting or parenting abilities at all.

You also say "we" in most of your first post about the topic. Speak for yourself - replace all those "we's" with "I". The majority of the women who have responded do not seem to be in the same situation you have described, experienced and in which you fully participated. Continually generalizing their experiences because of your own actions and your husband's is offensive.

I didn't have children when I met my husband. Perhaps, I get a medal in this bizarre world of vj-mena because of that fact.

medal awarded LOL

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Honestly, I don't think so. It depends on the guy and how he feels about living with/caring for another man's kids. I don't think my ex would be a good step dad because he's not a kid person. He has kids not because he likes kids necessarily but because that is what you do - get married, have kids. My current husband loves kids, in general. He's good to my kids, our kid, his co-workers' kids, etc.

You dont find out until they are here. Anyone can wave in a webcam but its a lot different when you are not on vacation anymore and the person has to make major adjustments or sacrifices for kids that are not their own.

Being a good step dad is a very hard thing.. step mom too...

[Shoot Em Straight 385]

I like waving in my web cam...I do many private fun things too

It is what we have for now... So Be It

But What someone might see as negative Major adjustments and Sacrifices...another couples see as finally

we are a family and can move on to growing together.

Lets Roll!!!!

[Mithra 1,185]

It's true that you really don't know how things are going to be until "they" get here but if you're a good judge of character, chances are things are going to be ok. I knew my husband was going to be ok when I saw him with his niece and nephews and his cousins' kids. My kids needed to adjust more than my husband did. Now they claim to like my husband more than their dad. I'm sure it has to do with my ex being way more strict than my husband. We have a more laid back home environment than at their dad's house. They don't like their step mother at all. It's mostly because she is young and inexperienced and doesn't even know how to parent her own kids very well.

[Amber & Ahmed 133]

Yawn...can we please go back to OTHERS sharing THEIR stories? Enough with the KAT show.. you have more than shared your opinion based on your circumstance. Must every thread turn into us being subjected to the same story... just told thru different words? I am sorry if this offends anyone but really I was enjoying reading the posts you ladies were sharing and becoming encouraged thru those posts... the OP came up with a great topic IMO...

[CarolAnn&Eddy 12]

I like waving in my web cam...I do many private fun things too

It is what we have for now... So Be It

But What someone might see as negative Major adjustments and Sacrifices...another couples see as finally

we are a family and can move on to growing together.

Lets Roll!!!!

:thumbs:

[Amber & Ahmed 133]

I like waving in my web cam...I do many private fun things too

It is what we have for now... So Be It

But What someone might see as negative Major adjustments and Sacrifices...another couples see as finally

we are a family and can move on to growing together.

Lets Roll!!!!

TOTALLY AGREE. Ahmed and I along with the kids tried to spend every moment we could together as a family thru tje webcam... it was our only choice. Ahmed did work so much that sometimes we couldnt even be on cam... but he would call to check on us and tell me when to expect him home. I wanted to prepare not only him and the kids for the transition but myself as well. I think that isnt discussed so much but it is true there was a transition for me too... I had to adjust from single parenting to allowing someone to parent along side me... to take heed of his opinion and advice. Like Mithra said I too seen my husband with the kids in his family as well as with orphan children and I knew instantly he would be an awesome dad to my kids and our future kids. He spent a lot of time with the orphans in Giza and him along with his mom n dad support the orphans financially and with time. I knew he would come to love my kids as his own... and I see it evolving daily with all of us growing closer. We are living learning and growing together ALL OF US. I see that many of you still have your exes involvexd with your children and thats great I even envy that somewhat... but with me my ex took out my leaving him on our kids... his view if I aint giving up the goodies then he aint going to be involved except for the occasional attempt to sabatoge my happiness...

[Shoot Em Straight 385]

but with me my ex took out my leaving him on our kids... his view if I aint giving up the goodies then he aint going to be involved except for the occasional attempt to sabatoge my happiness...

Forgive me for speaking of your ex..but you sound way better off. I stayed many years in fear of mine doing this too... if I ever got the courage to end it how to protect the kids? Men tend to be so selfish.

And mothers remain mothers, through everything....thank GOD.

[Mithra 1,185]

Not trying to be picky but some mothers abandon their kids, too. Some ppl are just crappy - men and women.

I know where Kat's schpeel about moms caring more about their new man than their kids comes from. We've had members in the past just abandon their kids and move to their husbands' country. And they had the nerve to stick around and act like that was cool and normal.

Edited June 8, 2012 by Mithra

[Amber & Ahmed 133]

but with me my ex took out my leaving him on our kids... his view if I aint giving up the goodies then he aint going to be involved except for the occasional attempt to sabatoge my happiness...

Forgive me for speaking of your ex..but you sound way better off. I stayed many years in fear of mine doing this too... if I ever got the courage to end it how to protect the kids? Men tend to be so selfish.

And mothers remain mothers, through everything....thank GOD.

Shoot girlfriend I am not offended by you calling a spade a spade. I will admit to staying too long in his mimd games and abuse... but once I seen my sons acting like him... in my mind I always convinced myself I hid the abuse from the boys because they were too young to understand. Then one day I seen my oldest acting like my ex towards his younger brother it hit me I wasnt hiding nothing and I refused for my sons to become him... so I broke camp the next day. I went running to my mom 700 miles away and never looked back.

I do not wish to hyjack this thread as it is a wonderful topic but I just wanted to say.. if it wasnt for my ex I wouldnt have been able to see the true treasure my family and I have found. I cherish our family and life. My husband is a good man and he is willing and able to help me raise the boys into manhood and that means more to me than all the riches in this world.

[Amber & Ahmed 133]

Not trying to be picky but some mothers abandon their kids, too. Some ppl are just crappy - men and women.

I know where Kat's schpeel about moms caring more about their new man than their kids comes from. We've had members in the past just abandon their kids and move to their husbands' country. And they had the nerve to stick around and act like that was cool and normal.

Yes your so right parents abandon their babies all the time. I have been thru hell and high water for my kids and I am willing to run thru hell in gasoline bra and panties if that is what I got to do.

I will never understand ding dong ditching someone whom I created but the sad simple truth parents do it all the time and it is sad. I hope nothing I have said here today comea off as generalizing I was just talking of my own life and how very special our family unit is to me and my husband and kids we all see the beauty and blessing in what God put together. Yes we had to adjust... but the important ingredient that causes us to put in the effort is dedication to our life as a family.

[Staashi 371]

Not trying to be picky but some mothers abandon their kids, too. Some ppl are just crappy - men and women.

I know where Kat's schpeel about moms caring more about their new man than their kids comes from. We've had members in the past just abandon their kids and move to their husbands' country. And they had the nerve to stick around and act like that was cool and normal.

Amen, Mithra. This is one of my biggest concerns around here, too. So many women left their kids for months and even years to go be with their man. That's some serious bullsh!t. Even the one lady who wanted to do a parenting co-op so that her VJ friends could watch her kids and vice versa. If you have to resort to strangers watching your kids, an international, multi-continent love affair might not be the best idea at the time.

However, that truly doesn't have anything to do with how foreign spouses will adjust to step children.

[Mithra 1,185]

That co-op idea was LOL. I wonder if that person was really serious.

[Staashi 371]

That co-op idea was LOL. I wonder if that person was really serious.

I know, but around here I would tend to believe it.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

That co-op idea was LOL. I wonder if that person was really serious.

I say parenting time share so women can go off and stay in mena with their men LOL

I call red week 51 LOL..co op is too much.. lets do a parenting time share

To see this nonsense is to believe it. LOL

its like watching a really involved tv series. You wont understand episode 23 if you didnt see 11 12 and 17 LOL