How have your children been with new hubby/fiancee?

[Moh&Tamz 3]

Hi,

I am very curious to find out your new marriage or engagement has worked out with your children?

This could be during the visa process, but more curious about after your partner was here how everything went.

So far in mine all my kids are doing okay with relationship even though we are in the waiting stages.

Thanks for your input!

[CarolAnn&Eddy 12]

My kids are excited and just don't understand why it takes so long to get my fiance here. lol

They were heartbroken and so upset waiting for him to arrive on his planned visit in February, when he was denied entry, and was not able to show up. It is hard to ignore the waiting when I get asked everyday if I have heard anything from USICS on our petition.

[Peace.... 281]

Well after looking at Mohammed year after year online, she was excited to finally meet him in person. They both were very nervous LOL but things went so smoothly and life is good for them both. The first few months, my daughter taught hubby how to work the Wii and play Mario Cart with her. This year, my daughter took her first French class and Mohammed was very helpful in teaching her how to speak and write French. Tomorrow is the last day of school, and she was awarded high honors with a 98% class grade average of the entire French class at her school. We are very proud ...

So short story, we are all very happy and life is a blessing for us.

[zahrasalem 114]

My daughter is 7 now, she started meeting Ahmed on Skype daily with me in late 2008 when we were engaged. He arrived in March 2010 and at the airport, she ran past me and jumped into his arms, she was so excited to have him home with us!

He has a lot of kids in his family and they love him so much, he's a real natural with kids. They get along very well, he is a very strong and stable father figure for her, they have fun together, he goes to school events with us, she can count on him in every situation, and she sees that he and I love each other very much.

She still comes to me first with most things, but I'm sure it's because I'm mom and she is a girl.

She and I really are blessed to have him in our lives and she keeps asking us when we're going to have a new baby! (we're trying!!!)

[sandinista! 1,816]

Their main source of disagreement seems to be in regards to Star Wars. My son loves Star Wars, has since he was like 3, but my normally really into sci-fi husband just doesn't get what all the fuss is about. Outside of that, they're very close, and like two peas in a pod. They do fun guy stuff together, and I can tell they are both very happy to be in each others' lives. My son was 6 when my husband moved here, he's now 11.

[RFQ 110]

I have a 6y/o dd and 3y/o ds who adore my husband it seems. My daughter is very bashful with him on skype. I think she is still working out how he fits into her life since she is very much her daddy's little girl. I can tell she cares for him though. My son- he has taken straight to him and hopes that my husband will snuggle him when he gets here. <3

[tany1157 161]

My son is 7... Him and my husband had a pretty solid relationship over the years, but finally meeting in person....the look on his face at the airport said it all. Thank God I captured it on film. We are still wayyyy early in this adjustment phase, but so far, those 2 adore each other. My husband started caring for him before/after school a week after getting here. They have a routine. They ride bikes together and horse around. My husband went to the dentist with him this morning, as my son requested he be right next to him during his cleaning. We also had their end of the year class party today, and my son was so happy to introduce his stepdad to his classmates My husband has been very supportive, cheering him on at all his baseball games, helping him with his homework and such. I really couldn't have asked for a better relationship between them.

Edited June 6, 2012 by tany1157

[saudiwife 7]

With us, I believe the transition went well. My son is Mauritanian-American. Before the meeting my son was totally everything Mauritanian. I was kinda concerned about it the meeting. My husband being from a big family in KSA, he wasn't nervous about meeting him, but he was nervous about being a 'father type' figure to him since he has never dealth with other people's children before.

When they met, my son just loved him instantly. My husband fell in love with instantly as well. Now, instead of speaking Hassaniya Arabic, my son is following my husband around begging to speak Hijazi Arabic. So, they now have classes together 2x's a week. For every moment as his school, he tries his best to be at the appointments. Speaking with the teachers weekly and they send emails reguarding him all the time.

Now that it is summer, my son is involved with so many activities, my husband is tries his best to be at every baseball game, every swim-meet, everything. It hurts my husband when he can't be there.

My son is asking if my husband can adopt him. So, if everything goes smoothly at the interview, we are looking for him to be a permanant guardian for him, since KSA does not recongize full-adoptions. They only acknowledge sponsorship.

So, their relationship is very strong and bonding, ALHAMDULILLAH!

~Saudiwife

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I think that any mom bringing someone over here needs to understand the impact of bringing someone new into the family unit. Too often, these relationships are all about the mom's desired and not enough about the kids. Also, with the divorce rate among these couples after status, its very important that the immigrant spouse realise their impact on the american kids as well. These relationships are a lot more involved because of the fact you are sponsoring someone, they are relocating from a foreign country etc, unlike meeting someone stateside and building a potential relationship or marriage. Too often, it seems as if the relationships do not really incorporate the kids..there is a lot more to parenting than talking on yahoo or skype, and boom, someone is a dad. So many of these guys are not emotionally prepared, as much as we would like to think they are, to come over here, adjust to a new life and then all of the sudden, have a kid thrust on them.

Having been through this journey and I am now 6 years into it, I would advise anyone marrying from overseas like this, petitioning for a foreign spouse to make sure your kids have some kind of support system or counseling. When things are good, they are very very good but when they go south, things can go very badly and yes, it does affect your kids. If the foreign spouse is only it in for papers, that affects the kids for a lifetime. My children became very attached to the man I married. He on the other hand had swung back and forth between caring about them to just caring about himself.

I think that these relationships , if handled incorrectly can cause permanent damage to kids. These men that we are petitioning over, some have never been alone in their whole life, then to be thrust all of the sudden into a new culture with new people and kids to take care of and nurture. I think taking the whole transition very seriously is a given and also its important that the foreign spouse understand just how important it is to be a good step parent to the american kids. I have met very few mena who have been divorced from their american sponsors that continue to keep in touch with the step kids after divorce. I think there is a general perception that perhaps we are more used to divorce etc and its not a big deal to leave or cut off contact afterwards

Edited June 7, 2012 by Beauty for Ashes

[msheesha 548]

[tany1157 161]

I think that any mom bringing someone over here needs to understand the impact of bringing someone new into the family unit. Too often, these relationships are all about the mom's desired and not enough about the kids. Also, with the divorce rate among these couples after status, its very important that the immigrant spouse realise their impact on the american kids as well. These relationships are a lot more involved because of the fact you are sponsoring someone, they are relocating from a foreign country etc, unlike meeting someone stateside and building a potential relationship or marriage. Too often, it seems as if the relationships do not really incorporate the kids..there is a lot more to parenting than talking on yahoo or skype, and boom, someone is a dad. So many of these guys are not emotionally prepared, as much as we would like to think they are, to come over here, adjust to a new life and then all of the sudden, have a kid thrust on them.

Having been through this journey and I am now 6 years into it, I would advise anyone marrying from overseas like this, petitioning for a foreign spouse to make sure your kids have some kind of support system or counseling. When things are good, they are very very good but when they go south, things can go very badly and yes, it does affect your kids. If the foreign spouse is only it in for papers, that affects the kids for a lifetime. My children became very attached to the man I married. He on the other hand had swung back and forth between caring about them to just caring about himself.

I think that these relationships , if handled incorrectly can cause permanent damage to kids. These men that we are petitioning over, some have never been alone in their whole life, then to be thrust all of the sudden into a new culture with new people and kids to take care of and nurture. I think taking the whole transition very seriously is a given and also its important that the foreign spouse understand just how important it is to be a good step parent to the american kids. I have met very few mena who have been divorced from their american sponsors that continue to keep in touch with the step kids after divorce. I think there is a general perception that perhaps we are more used to divorce etc and its not a big deal to leave or cut off contact afterwards

It is quite brave of you to assume that people who sponsor foreign spouses don't think of their children first. I don't normally take anything personal on this site, but how dare you assume that I, or anyone else, puts our children on the back burner for our own needs. Some people certainly do, but I am not one of them. You know nothing about me, or many other people on this site. My sons needs and what is best for him are always the forefront of my thoughts. I would never let a man come before him, and as much as I love my husband, his needs are second to my son's needs, and he has always accepted this. I am also inclined to not take advice from a person who let her and her kids be abused over and over again by a horrible man. The day my husband tries to manipulate/control/abuse me or my son, his azz is out of the house. I don't care how much I love him, I just don't roll like that. Next time you should choose your words better...just because you let yourself/continue to let yourself be manipulated by a man is your problem, and does not mean that every foreign spouse will be like that. Men/people will treat you the way you LET them treat you. And yes, I was in a manipulative/abusive relationship once....I had the sense to get the hell out, in case anyone thinks I don't know what I am talking about.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

It is quite brave of you to assume that people who sponsor foreign spouses don't think of their children first. I don't normally take anything personal on this site, but how dare you assume that I, or anyone else, puts our children on the back burner for our own needs. Some people certainly do, but I am not one of them. You know nothing about me, or many other people on this site. My sons needs and what is best for him are always the forefront of my thoughts. I would never let a man come before him, and as much as I love my husband, his needs are second to my son's needs, and he has always accepted this. I am also inclined to not take advice from a person who let her and her kids be abused over and over again by a horrible man. The day my husband tries to manipulate/control/abuse me or my son, his azz is out of the house. I don't care how much I love him, I just don't roll like that. Next time you should choose your words better...just because you let yourself/continue to let yourself be manipulated by a man is your problem, and does not mean that every foreign spouse will be like that. Men/people will treat you the way you LET them treat you. And yes, I was in a manipulative/abusive relationship once....I had the sense to get the hell out, in case anyone thinks I don't know what I am talking about.

This has absolutely NOTHING to do with your case. I dont know you from adam nor have I followed your immigration case

I will say however that some of these relationships are very damaging to the children and with the success rates of most of these relationships being very low, its very important that kids are not thrust into the relationship. I not only speak from experience, I have watched it happen time and time again. No one wants to give you advice, you wouldnt take it anyway because you know everything apparently LOL but having been around the boards for 6 years and around mena marriages and the community for over 10, very few of the couples that I have seen bring kids into the marriages are still together years later. And unfortunately, you are taking this to heart and what I am saying has nothing to do with your case whatsover. Secondly, it is very uncommon for a single man to marry a girl with kids overseas so most do not have the tools to take on step parenting. This is not a one case situation. This is most cases. If it works with a blended family, in my opinion, its to the credit of the wife because most of the bending is done by the petitioner not the petitioned. I dont have to choose my words. I honestly think alot of women leap into these relationships not thinking about the consequences for their children and its all about them. I dont think its as simple as just marrying someone and bringing them here. Also putting a new spouse into instant daddy role just because you dont have a father figure for your kids is kind of selfish too. This is not their dad. Its their step dad and until you really know hes going to stick, I wouldnt build a world around them.

Sorry if you took offense but many of the women I know that brought step children into marriages are no longer married or in the process of divorce from when some of us petitioned 6 years ago. If some of them could talk.. doodlebug and several others they would tell you that perhaps an instant family isnt as good as making sure things will stick before completely blending

I am surprised that you took this comment personally because it absolutely wasnt directed towards you. Ask anyone around the boards how many of the relationships that were ongoing 6 years ago are still ongoing and its not a whole hell of a lot. Many had kids. Thats where I am basing this comment...what happened to the kids post relationship?

Edited June 7, 2012 by Beauty for Ashes

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

My kids are excited and just don't understand why it takes so long to get my fiance here. lol

They were heartbroken and so upset waiting for him to arrive on his planned visit in February, when he was denied entry, and was not able to show up. It is hard to ignore the waiting when I get asked everyday if I have heard anything from USICS on our petition.

thats why it might have been a good idea to get them ready without exposing them to the stress of the visa process to begin with.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

My son is 7... Him and my husband had a pretty solid relationship over the years, but finally meeting in person....the look on his face at the airport said it all. Thank God I captured it on film. We are still wayyyy early in this adjustment phase, but so far, those 2 adore each other. My husband started caring for him before/after school a week after getting here. They have a routine. They ride bikes together and horse around. My husband went to the dentist with him this morning, as my son requested he be right next to him during his cleaning. We also had their end of the year class party today, and my son was so happy to introduce his stepdad to his classmates My husband has been very supportive, cheering him on at all his baseball games, helping him with his homework and such. I really couldn't have asked for a better relationship between them.

Only having one son is actually alot easier than having several and you two are also close in age. Its not like you are in your 40s with teenagers petitioning for someone younger. He is close in age and honestly, that helps.

Not everything that we talk about on here is going to apply to every single situation and its good that you are all helping each other.

Unfortunately , when the goal is more to get here, get status and adjust and get papers, which sometimes happens in these relationships, if the kids develop attachments to the person, it really hurts the kids.. Its hard to bond and then be ripped apart from someone who is a stand in for a father figure...

[CarolAnn&Eddy 12]

thats why it might have been a good idea to get them ready without exposing them to the stress of the visa process to begin with.

Get them ready? Not sure what you are referring to... We had no option other than fiance visa in our eyes. Well I guess I could have just ran off to Canada and married him without my kids being there, but because I am one that has always put my kids first, that will not happen.

My kids have also chatting with my fiance on IM and phone. He asks about their school, how their day went, and is trying to build a relationship.