bad american or bad problem

[jamster 31]

k) the village is a VERY, VERY close knit family. (think of Hatfields and McCoys)

[B_J 2,752]

If you're asked, then let them know that you think this guy is bad news (and from what you've said, I agree). After that, let her dad deal with it. I'm pretty sure he'll know how to handle this guy.

[Emmysaur 29]

Sorry I come and go right now. But i am dealing with a major problem in the village form a bad American.

the first time they met, he would not let her look at his passport, nor see his airline tickets or anything. She was not allowed to touch ANY of his belongings. (no engagement party) He spent the whole time basically drunk. He also invited people to drink with him but only bought them one bottle to share. He also told the girl he is engaged to, he will not bring her to the USA but leave her there in the village and help out. This guy also spent 3 days in the village nipa hut without a shower or shave and couldn't walk a straight line if he tried. He also did not eat any of the native food as well. (I don't like tamban or the "duck eggs", but I will try just about anything you put in front of me.)

He bought a boat for the family, with no engine. said they could paddle. Then bought them an engine. then nets. Just a little at a time, like watching what I did then copying what I did.

According to information from a very, very, very reliable friend of his, this guy has another girl who he fathered a daughter with in another part of the same island.

the next visit This guy fly's her from the village on a one way ticket. (He claims to be engaged to her, but said the only way to see him is her come to him in that part of the Philippines.) (again she is not allowed to touch his things)

They got in an argument about her family spending money on a gas stove and other things for the family. (now mind you, this guy sent money for a boat with no engine, told them they could paddle, then sent money for an engine, then nets, and some money for hte boat and home improvements.) He has been auditing every single penny sent to the her.

She walked away from him. Went to a cousin's house. and called her parents. Her mom took a ferry and went and got her. Her parents then brought her back to the village at their cost via the ferry.

the guy merely called to check to see if she was back in the village.

He is now in another city on the same island. According to information he is planning on taking the PNP to the village with him. Maybe he is afraid of her father. I do not know.

this guy has made it extremely clear to the village him and I do not get along.

i have ben trying to stay out of this situation, but I am getting dragged in. To me, this guy seems to be using the village naivete against them, plus since it is a remote village able to string them along as well for however long.

2. I tracked the numbers online.... amazing what you can find on the internet....I don't have access to the applications at the office.

(I try to stay out of it, but since the two girls are like sisters... I get dragged back in like a riptide.)

1) the only reason I got involved was:

A) I never heard of this guy until after engaged to my fiance.

B) He was the first person to befriend my fiance while I was in the air coming home.

c) His comments on FB made me think he was chasing "browntail" tuna and not in for a serious relationship. Besides, I spent a lot of time with "his" girl as our escort, I thought he might want answers to questions, or to know more about the village and her from me.

D) I just got engaged, I was curious to what was going on that I did NOT know about.

E) after getting my fiance to the states, she talked to him on the phone within a couple of days at the family house. He did not call her number or my number to talk with her, but waited until she was away from me. The family was sleeping at the time. It really raised my eyebrows on what was going on and should I be concerned. My wife and I had a long conversation then on her intentions. I explained to her how I felt about him, and left it alone after that.

F) this guy recently came up with some hair brained scheme to catch one tuna with a banka boat and run up to the Japan market to make money. He was going to bank the money and leave the village hanging. I refused to go in the venture with him which ended up with him cussing me out.

G) this guy sent money to the family INTENDING the money to be used for a business but the family used it for their needs. What was done, and what was INTENDED were not communicated.

h) This guy has been auditing all money spent and brought in by the boat he bought for the family. He wanted to know how much money was being made on a daily basis. He considered the boat his, and not the families.

I) the guy has stated he will not marry or bring the girl to the US but leave here there in the village. His intent is to have them work (boat/some girls run a sari-sari) while he lays on a beach drinking Mai-tai's, san Mig, and tanduay.

J) the two dads are brothers (my wife and this girl). So no matter how much I try to stay out of it. I still have issues to deal with in my in-laws because of what he is doing to the other family.

k) the village is a VERY, VERY close knit family. (think of Hatfields and McCoys) Even if you are not related to the other parts of the village, you are considered family. (of course there are a few exceptions.)

L) the girls are like sisters, if she ends up marrying this guy, I will no doubt be seeing a lot of him no matter where in the world they are. I was trying to extend friendship to someone who would be an extended part of the family.

After reading these posts, I realized that we are dealing with an American who has a really big problem (*points at you*). Like seriously, mind your own business. You cannot solve their problems.

[B_J 2,752]

If you want to truly help, then keep your nose out of it. If this girl's father cannot convince her to forget about the guy, who do you think you are to change her mind? Putting your nose in another person's business is giving a bad name to kanos coming to the area. You're acting like they are too stupid and naive to handle their own affairs and need being saved by the big great white man. Her father knows he's trouble, and no doubt everyone else does to. You really need to stop portraying the village as being these helpless tribal natives who don't know what they're doing. You're just setting yourself up for an eventual big fall if you keep it up. They know thousands of times better what works there than you do with your few weeks of vacation time in the country.

I wish I could +1 this more than once.

[Penny Lane 8,159]

You don't try to stay out of it, let's be real. You live for this nonsense, judging by your constant posts.

Spend time worrying about your own life and your own relationship, not everyone else's. Get a hobby or something. Whatever, just ... stop.

Edited June 6, 2012 by Evylin

[pepper 34]

You don't try to stay out of it, let's be real. You live for this nonsense, judging by your constant posts.

Spend time worrying about your own life and your own relationship, not everyone else's. Get a hobby or something. Whatever, just ... stop.

+1

Wasted another 5mins reading & commenting on the Darren-Gretchen saga. Stupid me! I don't mind other people posting or airing their dirty laundry here in VJ but Darren just tops it all! First time I replied to his post was that stupid 'American vs Filipino' ice cream topic. This is like watching reality TV ugh. You married a Filipina, been there a few times and now you think you know it all. Super Darren please mind your own ####! Get a LIFE!

[thinkerlove0212 158]

He just like posting and writing stories because that is his hobby "posting other life story" what is the sense of this post?

[Hank_ 9,174]

I wish I could +1 this more than once.

Done ~

[jamster 31]

If you want to truly help, then keep your nose out of it. If this girl's father cannot convince her to forget about the guy, who do you think you are to change her mind? Putting your nose in another person's business is giving a bad name to kanos coming to the area. You're acting like they are too stupid and naive to handle their own affairs and need being saved by the big great white man. Her father knows he's trouble, and no doubt everyone else does to. You really need to stop portraying the village as being these helpless tribal natives who don't know what they're doing. You're just setting yourself up for an eventual big fall if you keep it up. They know thousands of times better what works there than you do with your few weeks of vacation time in the country.

I wish I could +1 this more than once.

Done ~

and done ~

[thinkerlove0212 158]

c) His comments on FB made me think he was chasing "browntail" tuna and not in for a serious relationship. Besides, I spent a lot of time with "his" girl as our escort, I thought he might want answers to questions, or to know more about the village and her from me. insulting--- and your just afraid your losing control of Gretchen and jealous because another "Kano" is moving into your terroritory. Your implying "the village" "the Family" or any Filipino cant handle there own matters

[rlogan 2,036]

Navy Seal Team 6 is sending live feed here to the situation room. Heavy casualties are being reported and collateral damage of three brown-tail tuna necessitates cease-fire and negotiations for terms. Situation has been elevated from San Miguel to Tanduay status.

[Moomin 292]

There is no problem to fix, no issue to solve. Boy and girl meet. Girl goes home, boy goes home. Village forgets about boy and move on. Please don't feed your 8 months pregnant wife with concern-cookies when there is no problem.

Edit: I know I'm posting in the regional forum but I figured the question was just as relevant in the regional forum as I am.

Edited June 6, 2012 by moomin

[ThomasJones 11]

After reading this entire post, I would like to have back the 5 minutes I spent reading this post.

And I'm going to say to you like everyone else has said....

MIND YER OWN BUSINESS!!

It doesn't matter if this is "family" or not. Your only going to stress your wife, and cause all SORTS of issues if you continue to worry about something that you have No control over.

You maybe family, but you are a KANO.. and I'm sure that this remote fishing village has been dealing with problems like this for many years before you married into it, and will be dealing with them LONG after you are gone.

Your "FAMILY".. but.. yer still a KANO.

My rant is done.. and I still want back my 5 minutes.. plus the 3 extra it took me to type this..

[sunandmoon 450]

IF you keep this up Darren, how long do you think it will be before Gretchen starts having " buyers remorse".

Edited June 6, 2012 by sunandmoon

[thinkerlove0212 158]

Darren, ask her what she thinks about being referred to as "brown tailed tuna" or any other derogatory terms you can come up with. That is one I haven't heard.