American vs Filipino

[Dan and Judy 614]

This is a derogatory comment most Pinays and Pinoys miss. It was posted on a fb account (which shall remain nameless)... It infuriated me, and made me extremely upset.(when I read the post on FB, I was ready to "Pac-man" the guy.)

I would NEVER EVER use the term. Somehow, some people on VJ thought it was "me" saying the term because the "quote" was understood wrongly. I grew up in the deep south. I Know I may be a "little" racist (I know I have a big problem with alternative lifestyle people.), but working as a supervisor and manager, I let people decide how they want me to treat them regardless of race, color, religion, etc.

I have been trying to not post the exact quote from the person's fb account. The post on the fb account is something even my wife did not understand.

all i am going to say on the subject.....

Darren, you could say "It's a nice day" and you'll get jumped on .

I agree that when you used it, you were making a statement about the other guy's attitude. not yours

Some might think you were looking for an excuse to use the expression without bearing

the responsibility for it. I think those people are over estimating.

[gretchen_darren 67]

Everything you have posted may be the "typical" routine and "RITUAL" at your wife's area BUT, DO NOT include me (my family and ours) in ignorant BS stereotypes!

What I am trying to do is to get people to post about differences in THEIR areas of the Philippines versus THEIR areas here in the USA.

This is not meant to stereotype but to enlighten each other to the differences and culture adjustments BOTH asawa and bana have to make for each other regarding the differences.

I am trying to focus on those things to help people out, and make it lively and heartening....

I could rant, rave, get angry, be upset over food. the cost of food, the differences in food. The fact my wife does not eat much american food or even cook american food yet in the 9 months of being here. She does cook mac and cheese for the kids, help with cereal, and occasionally cooks me red beans and rice, normally in the morning brings me hot chocolate, but meals are still not cooked. I make 90% of my meals or stop to buy something on the way home from work. If I focused on how tired I was from work, then had to cook or make my own meal and eat alone...I could get extremely frustrated. I grew up in a family home where family ate dinner together at the family table at night. We waited on dad to come home or we had a different family meal such as breakfast or lunch. I MISS those. I WANT it for MY family, but I am trying to adjust because of her being pregnant and the strangeness of most American food (the difference in tastes)

I am trying to keep my mind off the fact because of my wife being pregnant. I know what she is going through with how strange American food is, then to be pregnant on top of it. I could express how frustrated I am in going over to the family house, how there is not typical American comfort food found. (salted fish, pancit, etc... lots and lots of Filipino food. I miss my parents, siblings, family and friends going over to eat and having typical American meals.) How much I miss a good pot roast, meatloaf, chicken and dumplings, stuffed pork chops, borscht, sour cream, homemade mashed potatoes, homemade gravy, biscuits, etc. i made swiss steak, and threw most of it out because my wife did not eat any. I could fuss on how I just threw out $15 dollars in steak (4 tenderloin steaks) which were never cooked. Or how I threw out half a pound of sliced turkey breast, and half a pound of ground hamburger. Or how most leftovers are never eaten, being thrown out unless I eat them. I am throwing out $200 in food each month, over 10 months that is $2,000 or more1!!! I am at the point where I have just about given up on Food and making any "family" meals anymore....I miss something so much as a kid that I wish for it so much.... I am very, very, very happy with my wife. I love her very much. I am just trying my utmost right now to deny myself this one thing which aggravates me to help our relationship.

I am trying to learn from others on here.... and not cause stress right now to asawa ko or to our marriage. Kroger, Safeway, Food lion, Albertson's are "not her food stores", only the Asian market is "her store". (she actually said this recently, I boiling mad inside, but I did not say anything.)

I am not trying to stereotype, but to remind me of how different life in the Philippines is from living in America.... and to help me understand what she is going through... including being pregnant in a foreign country without her close family nearby. You want to beat me up.... go ahead.... but realize the tough situation I am going through.... asawa ko is pregnant, she is teaching me visayan, her family she has not seen since last September. I have not talked to my family since December. Have not seen my parents for 2 years, my sister for 5 years, and my brother for 7 years. All of my closest family has disowned me. My brother in law comes to Phoenix but never, ever looks me up or visits. I have an ex-wife who takes me to court just about every 6 months which means another 30 times in family court at the least. I lost a lot of friends in my divorce, then lost more when marrying a Pinay. I could go on about educating my wife's family on how Americans are not rich and more.... but what I am trying to do is bring some light hearted things to mind... things which may be funny, but also make us realize what each other is going through to adjust....

what i find most disturbing on VJ is the amount of attacking people do.... why can't we just help each other??? is it necessary to attack someone over an idea, concept, or belief which is different from your point of view????

[B_J 2,752]

What I am trying to do is to get people to post about differences in THEIR areas of the Philippines versus THEIR areas here in the USA.

This is not meant to stereotype but to enlighten each other to the differences and culture adjustments BOTH asawa and bana have to make for each other regarding the differences.

I am trying to focus on those things to help people out, and make it lively and heartening....

I could rant, rave, get angry, be upset over food. the cost of food, the differences in food. The fact my wife does not eat much american food or even cook american food yet in the 9 months of being here. She does cook mac and cheese for the kids, help with cereal, and occasionally cooks me red beans and rice, normally in the morning brings me hot chocolate, but meals are still not cooked. I make 90% of my meals or stop to buy something on the way home from work. If I focused on how tired I was from work, then had to cook or make my own meal and eat alone...I could get extremely frustrated. I grew up in a family home where family ate dinner together at the family table at night. We waited on dad to come home or we had a different family meal such as breakfast or lunch. I MISS those. I WANT it for MY family, but I am trying to adjust because of her being pregnant and the strangeness of most American food (the difference in tastes)

I am trying to keep my mind off the fact because of my wife being pregnant. I know what she is going through with how strange American food is, then to be pregnant on top of it. I could express how frustrated I am in going over to the family house, how there is not typical American comfort food found. (salted fish, pancit, etc... lots and lots of Filipino food. I miss my parents, siblings, family and friends going over to eat and having typical American meals.) How much I miss a good pot roast, meatloaf, chicken and dumplings, stuffed pork chops, borscht, sour cream, homemade mashed potatoes, homemade gravy, biscuits, etc. i made swiss steak, and threw most of it out because my wife did not eat any. I could fuss on how I just threw out $15 dollars in steak (4 tenderloin steaks) which were never cooked. Or how I threw out half a pound of sliced turkey breast, and half a pound of ground hamburger. Or how most leftovers are never eaten, being thrown out unless I eat them. I am throwing out $200 in food each month, over 10 months that is $2,000 or more1!!! I am at the point where I have just about given up on Food and making any "family" meals anymore....I miss something so much as a kid that I wish for it so much.... I am very, very, very happy with my wife. I love her very much. I am just trying my utmost right now to deny myself this one thing which aggravates me to help our relationship.

I am trying to learn from others on here.... and not cause stress right now to asawa ko or to our marriage. Kroger, Safeway, Food lion, Albertson's are "not her food stores", only the Asian market is "her store". (she actually said this recently, I boiling mad inside, but I did not say anything.)

I am not trying to stereotype, but to remind me of how different life in the Philippines is from living in America.... and to help me understand what she is going through... including being pregnant in a foreign country without her close family nearby. You want to beat me up.... go ahead.... but realize the tough situation I am going through.... asawa ko is pregnant, she is teaching me visayan, her family she has not seen since last September. I have not talked to my family since December. Have not seen my parents for 2 years, my sister for 5 years, and my brother for 7 years. All of my closest family has disowned me. My brother in law comes to Phoenix but never, ever looks me up or visits. I have an ex-wife who takes me to court just about every 6 months which means another 30 times in family court at the least. I lost a lot of friends in my divorce, then lost more when marrying a Pinay. I could go on about educating my wife's family on how Americans are not rich and more.... but what I am trying to do is bring some light hearted things to mind... things which may be funny, but also make us realize what each other is going through to adjust....

what i find most disturbing on VJ is the amount of attacking people do.... why can't we just help each other??? is it necessary to attack someone over an idea, concept, or belief which is different from your point of view????

This is advice from Jessa who, if it helps, grew up less than an hour from Butuan.

She didn't like American food when she got here. What she does now is add Ginisa seasoning mix to almost everything. ( And I mean everything ) Also, if Gretchen needs someone to talk to who is going through the exact same experience, she can talk to Jessa any time.

Jessa also has no Filipino friends here in San Antonio and doesn't watch Filipino television. Luckily, Nanay told her before she came here that she needed to adjust to America and not expect America to adjust to her. She has made some friends here and she now controls the television remote control at night.

Hopefully, things will get better for Gretchen after the pregnancy but maybe Gretchen needs to talk more with Filipinas who are adjusting to America.

[Hank_ 9,174]

I do take it personally. Polished rice = empty calories. Brown rice is full of good things. Thank the British for creating a fad that has damned generations of people to a higher incidence of diabetes, rickets, and colorectal cancer than their counterparts in the rest of the world.

High Diabetes Rates for Minorities

Identifying disparities is a first step toward understanding what causes them and what can be done to reduce them.

• Different studies found that African Americans are from 1.4 to 2.2 times more likely to have diabetes than white persons.
• Hispanic Americans have a higher prevalence of diabetes than non-Hispanic people, with the highest rates for type 2 diabetes among Puerto Ricans and Hispanic people living in the Southwest and the lowest rate among Cubans.
• The prevalence of diabetes among American Indians is 2.8 times the overall rate.
• Major groups within the Asian and Pacific Islander communities (Japanese Americans, Chinese Americans, Filipino Americans, and Korean Americans) all had higher prevalences than those of whites.

http://www.ahrq.gov/...tm#HighDiabetes

More Brown Rice, Less White Rice Could Reduce Diabetes Risk, Study

This does not point to rice consumption so much as it points to TOO MUCH consumption... obesity. Real Mexican food is not heavy with rice but for sure is loaded with fats, re-fried beans and tortillas cooked with lard. Same with a few other styles of ethnic cooking.

[B_J 2,752]

This part is from me, Benny..

The differences I experienced in the Philippines were that people seemed much happier. I also grew to like all the singing. It seemed like everyday when I woke up, somebody in the neighborhood was having a birthday party and the singing had already started.

For some reason, I liked seeing basketball played everywhere. Until I got involved in a game and got beat by a bunch of kids half my age and they were all wearing flip flops. But, I liked that it was a fun game; not an angry, viscous trash-talking game.

I really can't explain it, but I simply loved our transportation in town. If we need to go somewhere, we start walking and before we get to the end of the block, a trike would pick us up. And I really, really loved riding trikes. I'm like the Geico piggy, weeeeeeeeeee!

I loved the scenery when we'd go from one city to another. It seemed like I was the only one in the van looking around all the time.

I didn't even mind that little stared at me all the time. And it was really cool the first time a kid slapped my hand on his forehead. Yesssssss!

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

I am not trying to stereotype,

There you go. Wouldn't it be great if you would indeed try to be careful with your "choice" of words and phrases in the future?

You want to beat me up.... go ahead...

Oh! (again) You play the victim..? BS! You are repeatedly beating US (filipinos) with your racial BS stereotypes.

what i find most disturbing on VJ is the amount of attacking people do.... why can't we just help each other??? is it necessary to attack someone over an idea, concept, or belief which is different from your point of view????

This last part of your post disgusts and repulses me most. You, in so many different ways, have "attacked" Filipinos. Including your wife. Yet, here you are, trying to act "innocent" and play "victim". Your definition of "attack" is despicably unbelievable. Despicable because you try to "blame" others for your mistakes. Unbelievable because your racial stereotyping post history exposes your true POV. Your racial stereotyping degrading Filipinos sharing intimate knowledge about your wife play victim blah blah blah behavior is disturbing.

Trying to side step? BE ACCOUNTABLE!!

Edited June 16, 2012 by ~happyndinlove~

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

I would NEVER EVER use the term. Somehow, some people on VJ thought it was "me" saying the term because the "quote" was understood wrongly.

Never ever? The quote was misunderstood? Let's take another look at what you wrote.

"c) His comments on FB made me think he was chasing "browntail" tuna and not in

for a serious relationship.

Why do you blame other people for your post? Nobody misunderstood. It's very clear you used the "tuna" statement. It's written first person. Why won't you be accountable and apologize?

I Know I may be a "little" racist (I know I have a big problem with alternative lifestyle people.),

So you are a racist and a bigot? Finally, some truth comes out. Your words "do" match your behavior.

[beejay 123]

<snip>

I am trying to learn from others on here.... and not cause stress right now to asawa ko or to our marriage. Kroger, Safeway, Food lion, Albertson's are "not her food stores", only the Asian market is "her store". (she actually said this recently, I boiling mad inside, but I did not say anything.)

<snip>

Not sure why that made you mad but I think trying to not cause your wife stress during her pregnancy is a good thing. I'm a little confused though because it sounds like your wife is cooking meals but you are just upset she is not cooking what you want. Did you picture having a wife to be like ordering room service ? She has enough to worry about being pregnant in a new country with a husband she is still trying to get to know (who from what I can tell has a lot of hang ups and baggage that is preventing him from bonding with his new wife). Why do you want to make her learn to cook new food with tastes she doesn't like? If she is bothering to make meals why don't you just say 'Thank you' and eat what she is making - especially if you are so focused on family meals. Does Gretchen ever make Sinigang? Lami kaayo! That's something that should be 'easy enough' for everyone to eat. You could ask her nicely to make it with shrimp or meat depending on your preference. The opportunity for family meals are there, embrace it.

Are the leftovers you are throwing out the food she cooks or the food you cook? Are you cooking food you know she doesn't like and then getting upset when she doesn't eat it and then throwing it out? If you know your wife isn't going to eat it then don't cook more than you can eat. Ask her ahead of time if it is something she would like. If not, ask her how you can cook it differently so she will eat it.

As a side note change in food/diet can be one of the hardest things to adjust to when living in a new country, maybe eating 'her food' for awhile can help give you a little empathy for her situation. Also the people on this board are not going to be able to give you insight into your wife, even if they have SO's from the same country. Speak to your wife to understand her wants, needs and thoughts. She is an individual not a form for you to insert your preconceived/stereotyped notions into. Based on your other posts she's also not a doll for you to play dress up with nor a cook for you to place meal orders with. Did you expect her to come here and become your idea of American in 7 months? Let go of whatever you thought it was going to be like and focus on the realities of your situation and figure out how to find common ground. It certainly can be good to ask for advice but I think you spend too much time outside of your marriage asking other people about it, be in it. Are you by any chance on the spectrum? It actually would explain a lot.

[sunandmoon 450]

I am trying to learn from others on here.... and not cause stress right now to asawa ko or to our marriage. Kroger, Safeway, Food lion, Albertson's are "not her food stores", only the Asian market is "her store". (she actually said this recently, I boiling mad inside, but I did not say anything.)

what i find most disturbing on VJ is the amount of attacking people do.... why can't we just help each other??? is it necessary to attack someone over an idea, concept, or belief which is different from your point of view????

this I do not understand. my wife's favorite grocery store is Island Pacific. I'm happy there's a store nearby she can find things that are not available at Safeway.

are you really looking for help? your posts seem to indicate you're looking more for sympathy or validation.

[TiklingGuy 211]

Gretchen sounds just as picky with food as Monreal is. I would get yourself a deep freezer and save that food. Thats alot to be throwing away. Gretchens tastes will change over time. Monreal out of nowhere came to me the other day and said that she now loves cheeseburgers! Frickin Awesome! I love cheeseburgers to, which you could probably tell by my figure that i have some experience with them! Give her some time to adapt to the food. She is going several life changing events, moving here, being pregnant. Her tastes will come around and then you can open up that new freezer with all that food you saved and go to town on it!

[Hank_ 9,174]

Sinigang & adobo!! Now you have my attention... when's dinner?

But today I made shrimp primavera, what can I say its a fav of my wife's

[lierre 224]

What I am trying to do is to get people to post about differences in THEIR areas of the Philippines versus THEIR areas here in the USA.

This is not meant to stereotype but to enlighten each other to the differences and culture adjustments BOTH asawa and bana have to make for each other regarding the differences.

... I lost a lot of friends in my divorce, then lost more when marrying a Pinay. I could go on about educating my wife's family on how Americans are not rich and more.... but what I am trying to do is bring some light hearted things to mind... things which may be funny, but also make us realize what each other is going through to adjust....

That is really sad. Why did that happen? I'm appalled such discrimination can still exist. Sigh.

Do you know how to cook Pinoy food? My fiance, bless his adventures in the kitchen, now knows how to cook adobo-style, lumpia & leche flan (caramel custard). When he visited Manila last April, he was also not squeamish with eating other Pinoy dishes, like sinigang, pinakbet... In fact, he loved them, too. Pinoy food is wholly different from what he's used to... Mexican fare, typical Texan meals... but, he's open to trying out our food.

Maybe, instead of insisting on cooking food you love but she doesn't like, try to learn to cook Pinoy dishes. And be open to trying out the different flavors Pinoy food offers. Tell her it can be a compromise. One night's Filipino night, the next is Mexican food night, the next Thai...

I eat American food, but I honestly found it difficult to eat the way my fiance ate most of the time. I truly appreciate that he makes a big effort towards cooking Pinoy cuisine with me, too. Makes me love him more and more!

Edited June 17, 2012 by ivyanddan

[actob99 156]

I would NEVER EVER use the term.

BS!!!!!

"c) His comments on FB made me think he was chasing "browntail" tuna and not in

for a serious relationship.

That is your comment from your post.. Now we can add your a lier to your profile.. Oh and now you confirmed your a racist, makes a lot of sense now.. Move your racism to a different website, I'm sick of hearing it!!!!

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

BS!!!!!

"c) His comments on FB made me think he was chasing "browntail" tuna and not in

for a serious relationship.

That is your comment from your post.. Now we can add your a lier to your profile.. Oh and now you confirmed your a racist, makes a lot of sense now.. Move your racism to a different website, I'm sick of hearing it!!!!

[actob99 156]

Ya, and I'm a layed back, easy going, non-confrontational guy... But when someone gets under your skin, its hard to shake..

I like the pic, haha...