American vs Filipino

[Autumnchik 6]

That is really sad. Why did that happen? I'm appalled such discrimination can still exist. Sigh.

You are right that discrimination does exist, but how do we know that is truly what happened in this case. All we have is Darren's perspective. How do we know that his friends don't speak to him because they can't stand the condescending and belittling way he treats his wife? The way he posts online about her is that way, and it likely carries over into his everyday life.

[sunandmoon 450]

perhaps it had to do more with her age than ethnicity. maybe it's more than just a single factor.

[Hank_ 9,174]

[sunandmoon 450]

Darren, it's time to start following your own words. "home. home. home. Now we start adjusting to being together all of the time." start, before it's too late.

[jamster 31]

darren's top 20 fun and light-hearted comments

I could rant, rave, get angry, be upset over food...what I am trying to do is bring some light hearted things to mind... things which may be funny...

20. my wife does not eat much american food or even cook american food yet in the 9 months of being here.

19. She does cook mac and cheese for the kids, help with cereal, and occasionally cooks me red beans and rice, normally in the morning brings me hot chocolate, but meals are still not cooked.

18. I make 90% of my meals or stop to buy something on the way home from work. If I focused on how tired I was from work, then had to cook or make my own meal and eat alone...I could get extremely frustrated.

17. I could express how frustrated I am in going over to the family house, how there is not typical American comfort food found.

16. i made swiss steak, and threw most of it out because my wife did not eat any.

15. I could fuss on how I just threw out $15 dollars in steak (4 tenderloin steaks) which were never cooked.

14. Or how I threw out half a pound of sliced turkey breast, and half a pound of ground hamburger.

13. Or how most leftovers are never eaten, being thrown out unless I eat them.

12. I am throwing out $200 in food each month, over 10 months that is $2,000 or more1!!!

11. I am at the point where I have just about given up on Food and making any "family" meals anymore

10. I am just trying my utmost right now to deny myself this one thing which aggravates me to help our relationship.

9. Kroger, Safeway, Food lion, Albertson's are "not her food stores", only the Asian market is "her store". (she actually said this recently, I boiling mad inside, but I did not say anything.)

8. realize the tough situation I am going through.... I have not talked to my family since December.

7. Have not seen my parents for 2 years, my sister for 5 years, and my brother for 7 years.

6. All of my closest family has disowned me.

5. My brother in law comes to Phoenix but never, ever looks me up or visits.

4. I have an ex-wife who takes me to court just about every 6 months which means another 30 times in family court at the least.

3. I lost a lot of friends in my divorce, then lost more when marrying a Pinay.

2. I could go on about educating my wife's family on how Americans are not rich and more....

1. I am not trying to stereotype

darren, if those are your top 20 fun and light-hearted things, i'm pretty sure i don't want to read your bottom 20.

[gretchen_darren 67]

darren's top 20 fun and light-hearted comments

darren, if those are your top 20 fun and light-hearted things, i'm pretty sure i don't want to read your bottom 20.

You know... I think you hit my bottom 20 with that list...

......not the top 20.....

Top few:

number 1, would be married to a wonderful, loving caring wife.

number 2: my kids and my wife accept each other

number 3: despite all my faults, my wife accepts me, and knows I am trying to improve

number 4: i accept her as she and try my best not to force her to be what I want.

number 5: I can't stand being away from my wife. She is wonderful. Home is very tranquil and peaceful. What I love most about her is how she loves me. She tries her best.

number 6: she accepts my work and the crazy hours it brings....

[gretchen_darren 67]

perhaps it had to do more with her age than ethnicity. maybe it's more than just a single factor.

it may be more then one factor....pregnancy, work, her being shy, I don't know...maybe she gets invites I don't know about until later on.... I have noticed in her family there is always the "don"t tell dad rule" what he doesn't know won't bother him. (I think this partly translated to "don't tell hubby" rule... I have been working hard on getting us over this one...) The hard part has been getting bank accounts setup with her on them so she can take care of bills, plus know where money is going... there has been the perception of us having lots and lots of money plus also the shock in cost of items in the USA being more then expected by her standards.

[aaydrian 479]

it may be more then one factor....pregnancy, work, her being shy, I don't know...maybe she gets invites I don't know about until later on.... I have noticed in her family there is always the "don"t tell dad rule" what he doesn't know won't bother him. (I think this partly translated to "don't tell hubby" rule... I have been working hard on getting us over this one...) The hard part has been getting bank accounts setup with her on them so she can take care of bills, plus know where money is going... there has been the perception of us having lots and lots of money plus also the shock in cost of items in the USA being more then expected by her standards.

Aaahhh, so you do treat her like a child.

You're contradicting your wife's behaviour. If prices are higher than she expected why would she be as wasteful as you make her out to be?

You also complain your wife's not into Southern comfort food (by your pic u look 2 comfortable to me) or American food but how much have you compromised on eating food from her culture?? As much as you may find food from the Philippines unsavory, your wife finds American food just as bad. Have you tried to see if both of you like French foods, Italian, Mexican, Chinese, Japanese or Thai foods? Have you tried making your meals be a good combo of American and Philippines styles of cooking?

Edited June 18, 2012 by aaydrian

[B_J 2,752]

The hard part has been getting bank accounts setup with her on them so she can take care of bills, plus know where money is going... there has been the perception of us having lots and lots of money plus also the shock in cost of items in the USA being more then expected by her standards.

Why don't you just go ahead and let Gretchen take care of the budgeting? She might surprise you.

You're contradicting your wife's behaviour. If prices are higher than she expected why would she be as wasteful as you make her out to be?

I've already found out that I'm the wasteful one in my house.

You also complain your wife's not into Southern comfort food (by your pic u look 2 comfortable to me) or American food but how much have you compromised on eating food from her culture?? As much as you may find food from the Philippines unsavory, your wife finds American food just as bad. Have you tried to see if both of you like French foods, Italian, Mexican, Chinese, Japanese or Thai foods? Have you tried making your meals be a good combo of American and Philippines styles of cooking?

again. Compromise should be pretty easy. Maybe things are harder due to the pregnancy but I wouldn't think it would be so difficult for two adults to find a meal they can agree on.

[aaydrian 479]

Why don't you just go ahead and let Gretchen take care of the budgeting? She might surprise you.

I've already found out that I'm the wasteful one in my house.

What guy doesn't love a woman who doesn't decrease the zeros his bank account?

I was very surprised at what was said about this Filipina. I've never heard of a squandering Asian woman...unless their husband/boyfriend pretended to be a big poppa and bit of more than they could chew.

[B_J 2,752]

I was very surprised at what was said about this Filipina. I've never heard of a squandering Asian woman...unless their husband/boyfriend pretended to be a big poppa and bit of more than they could chew.

I've already found out that we never throw anything away. We've got food that neither one of us likes, but we keep it in case somebody comes over and maybe they'll like it.

[jamster 31]

You know... I think you hit my bottom 20 with that list...

......not the top 20.....

darren, that was your list, not mine. you said you wanted to talk about lively, funny, and light-hearted stuff, but you went on to post a laundry list of your problems. what's up with that?

Kroger, Safeway, Food lion, Albertson's are "not her food stores", only the Asian market is "her store". (she actually said this recently, I boiling mad inside, but I did not say anything.)

this was one of the most disturbing things you said. why in the world were you boiling mad that gretchen likes the asian market? isn't the asian market the store where you can buy filipino food? what's wrong with gretchen eating filipino food? strange.

The hard part has been getting bank accounts setup with her on them so she can take care of bills, plus know where money is going... there has been the perception of us having lots and lots of money plus also the shock in cost of items in the USA being more then expected by her standards.

darren, would you please stop blowing hot air. there's nothing hard about setting up bank accounts. it took 15 minutes at the bank for my wife and i to do it.

also, gretchen has been there for nine months, so she knows how much things cost. if you have shown her your monthly household budget and she still has the perception that you have lots of money, then there's a problem. then she's telling you she doesn't care.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

her being shy, I don't know...

I know the definition of shy. I know shy people. I grew up with friends that were shy. I worked with shy people. I've seen shy children, I've seen shy adults.

Having seen her FB... Having seen the pictures that she has on public display, having seen you and your wife's adult conversation displayed on FB for everyone to read...

...Believe me, your wife is NOT shy.

Edited June 18, 2012 by ~happyndinlove~

[DaRoq 36]

perhaps it had to do more with her age than ethnicity. maybe it's more than just a single factor.

Age is a factor too many don't want to admit matters.

Young[er]: Defiant; the world is your oyster.

Old[er]: Compliant; the world is what you make of it.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Age is a factor too many don't want to admit matters.

Young[er]: Defiant; the world is your oyster.

Old[er]: Compliant; the world is what you make of it.

Younger = spoiled, demanding, foolish

Older = mean, miserly, boring