Messaging another woman on facebook

[Lilyena 10]

Hello all.

I donno if its directly related to the K1 visa but I still need advise. My fiance came to Miami to see me on a tourist visa while we have the K1 processing. So today I borrowed his laptop for class and when i went to facebook, he was still logged in. Since he had read my facebook messages before, i thought I would do the same for fun. To my dismay, I came across a conversation between him and a girl about whom i had already questioned him. He told me that he met her once and that she really wanted to get with him but he never found her attractive. Anyways, I started reading the conversation (which was dated recently and while he was here with me) and the conversation went something like this:

girl: i'm drunk and u are super cute

him: thanks

girl: i really like you (something along those lines)

him: but i though u liked my friend better

girl: no i dont like the #######, i like the sweet guys like u

girl: you have a gf right?

him: yeah

girl: man i have bad luck

him: too bad, i have a big one, u would have enjoyed it.

girl: wow

him: just because i'm a nice guy, doesn't mean i cant satisfy

girl: dude, u have a gf

(mind you, he did not even bother to tell her that he has been engaged for two months now)

and it continued along those lines. I confronted him and told him to delete her from his friends how explained how inappropriate and disrespectful that was. He explained that he sees her as a friend and that they always joke like that with her. I got really mad since he is offering his "you-know-what" to a girl who is drunk and obsessed with him. I did not see it as an apropriate joke between friends. So he got furious with me saying that I'm crazy and over-reacting. Did I over-react, am i really going crazy? i dont even know anymore

My concern also is will these messages have a potential to be seen by the USCIS and would they have an impact on our K1 disicion?

Hi,

Apparently your fiancé is french...Sorry to disappoint you but french men are not trust worthy at all, is in the culture to joke around like that and having unappropriate conversations with other girls. In the beginning it doesnt mean anything but if your relationship goes bad in the future he wont see cheating on you as something bad.

Of course not every french man is like that, but its quite common. I am french, and I know I am not exagerating, thats why I married an american. I m not saying cheating doesnt occur in other cultures, but in France it is just part of it.

Please do yourself a favor and don't get over it, it starts with facebook conversations, then email, then drinks, then who knows what. it might be hard, but imagine, you get married, have kids..and the guy starts flirting around, and I bet he doesnt even treat you that nicely. French guys are macho and full of themselves. There are sweet guys else where, this guy doesnt deserve you.

[Inky 1,110]

There was a case recently where a woman said the US embassy apparently had access to chats /emails that had not been given to them and had asked her spouse why he kept talking with other women while he claimed to be married. This had been posted on VJ within the last few months. ( cant locate the post though )

But thats been the only recent one I have seen. It would not be a common thing for them to have access to this stuff it seems.

[AmyWrites 593]

Personally I wouldn't move to another continent for a guy who needs to have his ego and god knows what else stroked by someone else.

[Jamie and Sveta 18]

OP... From a man's point of view (as askew as it very may well be)..... This is exactly the kind of chatting that I would have done before I met Sveta (while in other relationships I mean) as a way to let the other girl know what she COULD HAVE had, but no longer could have. I thought it was fun (slightly inappropriate) but fun. However.... there is no way that I would do it now that I have someone whom I want to spend the rest of my life with. It would hurt Sveta very much to see something like this and I am sure it would ALMOST any woman who was truly serious about her future. Even if it was just for fun. My honest opinion, you need to set boundaries. Let him know (rationally of course) that to you (don't say "I feel") this is not condusive to a healthy relationship. He should not be describing his anatomical supplies to any woman other than you. Notice that I mentioned not to say "I feel"? The reason being is that he might think that your "feelings" on the subject are overly sensitive and overlook them. Be straight... "this is disrespectful to me and I expect it to not happen again". And then make him take you to a nice restaraunt and give you a massage as remittance.

Error corrected (stupid iPhone) ?

Edited May 30, 2012 by Jamie and Sveta

[Mogambi 96]

The man is a pig. That is not in any way an appropriate conversation to be having, when you're seeing someone, engaged, or married.

[Boiler 45,558]

Why is this thread not the most popular yet?

[Jamie and Sveta 18]

Why is this thread not the most popular yet?

It is quickly heading there!!! ?

[Boiler 45,558]

Go VJ go!

[Penguin_ie 5,994]

**** Moving from K1 to Off Topic as not K1 process related ****

[Sveta & Ron 23]

be careful i have read even on vj some people during visa interveiw got questioned about things in facebook as they search there also for truth

[twitchy 2]

A bigger issue, for me, at least, would be him calling you "crazy" and insisting you're overreacting when you are telling him this isn't acceptable to you...That is not only ignoring your feelings, it's pushing blame onto you instead of dealing with the issue he caused by crossing that line. "Flirting" does not normally involve discussion of the size of someone's genitals, it's understandable it upset you, especially since he's told you he didn't find her attractive, etc.

[Tinchen_ 21]

I'm curious what this statement means. No females invest personal times to talk to men unless they have an agenda?

most females dont spend all the time to talk to a guy online just cuz they have an agenda..they want something from him. if it is a friendship or a relationship.. lets face it, me myself as a female know that we females can get really malicious if we want to. we calculated species. so if u dont know the girl dont trust the girl. saves u a lot of backstabbing. hehehehe

she should watch out cuz that girl going to keep doing her thing and going to keep flirting with him.

[Orando 57]

Wow, I do not think you over-reacted. Compared to the way my wife would react to me talking with another female in a sensual way like this, you reacted quite calmly and rationally.

[X Factor 1,112]

Run - run far away.... This is a troubled relationship. He is not ready to be exclusive

[aaydrian 479]

him: just because i'm a nice guy, doesn't mean i cant satisfy

This good guy is going to be ridden by his fiancée /wife and other lucky ladies simultaneously for a looooong time. And they said nice guys finish last.