Need advice:Canadian married to American-Immigration questions

[canucklady 0]

Hello everyone!

This is my first post here, though I've been reading your forums for a little while....I hope someone can give me some direction.

My husband is American and I am Canadian (both citizens). We have been in a long term relationship for over 7 years, going back and forth over the border pretty regularly. We have just gotten married in the U.S. recently but as yet have not told the border people. Having read here that it's better to do just do it, and handle the rest later. We were engaged for about 4 years before this, and just stayed in our own countries as we had a few "issues" to deal with before we decided to begin the process of moving one way or the other for good.

We were both working when all this began....then he retired, and a year ago I retired too.

He had two elderly parents that still lived in their home, and he shared some of the "looking after" with his sister....not that they needed that much till recently as they were both doing well in their middle 90's, and were even still driving up until about 3-4 years ago! But despite their being pretty healthy, he still felt the need to be nearby, plus he still had one child in college, and had financial and emotional ties for this also.

I have two fairly young (14 and 9) grandchildren here that I'd like to see grow up a bit more before I "fly the coop"...

I also own a home here in Canada, and he is in an apt. and is more flexible that way....but he has a holiday cottage property that he owns there.

So now...my husband's father has just passed on after a brief illness at 97, and his mom is 95 soon. She needs full time care, as she has early Alzheimer's, and has a carer looking after her all week, and goes to his sister's house on the weekends.

This arrangement is not ideal, but works for now. My husband takes his mom out and visits daily when he's in his country (most of the time he's there)...and while his father was ill he slept there and took most of the care of his father, later joined by hospice when he died at home...so my hubby has tried to do his share of the caring for both his parents, as he isn't working and his sister is....but they both do A LOT!

I have worked my life around his life, and my own (worked 12 hr shifts for years while travelling back and forth)....for all these years. It's been hard on both of us. During these years together we have gone through a lot....he has been treated successfully for cancer, my mother became ill and died over in England, and we have both had stress at work (thank goodness that's over!!) Not to mention the stress and strain of a long distance relationship and keeping THAT going!

Soooo....now you've heard our background...this is where we're at: We decided we wanted to get married even though ideally we cannot just up and move at this point....and so we did get wed in the States on one of my visits....and no, we haven't told the border people or anyone else except friends and family.

We think what we're going to do long term, is apply to have him become a permanent resident of Canada and live with me. We will stay here for a few years until my grandkids are older, and then possibly move to the States if we feel we want to...doing whatever we need to do legally with immigration at that time.

While he's living here, we would likely go down south to the States as Snowbirds in the winter.

However, we aren't ready to do this yet, as his mom is still in this transition period. She doesn't want to go "in a home" and no one's really looking at this anyway...she's still pretty good mentally, just gets confused a bit, and though she's had a couple of "funny turns" recently she's still doing okay for her age. I don't know what's in store on that score...but it's a burden on his sister (she has no life on the weekends now) and on my hubby as we can't begin our life together...and he feels a strong sense of responsibility. We're trying to support her as much as we can, as she goes through the grieving process, and the adaptation to living on her own (with a full time carer in her 'space'!)

I have considered selling up and moving there (of course once the legal stuff is done)...but a) I'd have to fix up my house to sell it, and all that takes time and money, and b) I don't really want to live full time in the U.S., not at this point anyway.

It's all so complicated isn't it...but life is full of complexities, and I know there's got to be a solution for us.

My question is this....when do we tell the immigration people that we got wed?

We both have a Nexus card, and this worries me as I think we have to tell them of any change in status right?

Once we do though....what happens? I will not be able to pass over the border to visit, or he won't be able to come here to visit me?

We don't plan on working in either country, we both have pensions to live on, and money isn't an issue on that score.

I don't want us to get into trouble by not telling the authorities the update in our status as married. I just returned from our honeymoon, and we both returned to our "lives" in our countries...he cannot become a PR as yet until the issues with his mom are settled. So I don't want to start the paperwork of sponsoring him as yet....however, I'm not sure if I need to tell the Nexus people?

I hope this isn't too convoluted for you all to read through! Sorry in advance if it is....ask me questions and I'll answer them.

Edited May 30, 2012 by canucklady

[Ontarkie 14,605]

You can still visit the US while married, when asked your purpose for your visit just say you are going to visit your husband. Bring lots of evidence that you will return home. Also you can mention to the US border if asked that atm he is not ready to move to Canada. When he is able to move you will be applying for him to come to Canada. That you have no interest in moving to the US and you just want to visit. When he comes up to visit you same thing, visiting wife, not ready to move yet and bring ties to home showing he will be returning to the US.

Now I'm not sure how ling the process is to move to Canada when applying since this is a site set to move to the US, but I heard that applying from outside the US takes longer, that may be enough time to help him. Something to look into.

Once he is a PR of Canada you can still do the snow birds thing, just be prepared to show your ties to Canada.

When you are ready to move to the US you will start that process at that time, you will be able to find lots of help for that process here.

[canucklady 0]

You can still visit the US while married, when asked your purpose for your visit just say you are going to visit your husband. Bring lots of evidence that you will return home. Also you can mention to the US border if asked that atm he is not ready to move to Canada. When he is able to move you will be applying for him to come to Canada. That you have no interest in moving to the US and you just want to visit. When he comes up to visit you same thing, visiting wife, not ready to move yet and bring ties to home showing he will be returning to the US.

Now I'm not sure how ling the process is to move to Canada when applying since this is a site set to move to the US, but I heard that applying from outside the US takes longer, that may be enough time to help him. Something to look into.

Once he is a PR of Canada you can still do the snow birds thing, just be prepared to show your ties to Canada.

When you are ready to move to the US you will start that process at that time, you will be able to find lots of help for that process here.

Thanks for this reply Ontarkie!

I didn't know this site was just for people moving to the U.S., sorry! I thought it was both ways.

Anyhow, are you sure it's okay to tell them we're married? I can't imagine them letting us just go on our merry way even with a return ticket home (these can be cancelled!).....I know we've had many car searches, questioning etc. when we were single, and had a history of going back and forth and returning on time, and giving no reason for them to be that way,...other than they can be!

Do you have any idea about the Nexus card? Or does anyone else here? Any other advice or info welcome....even if I am on the wrong site maybe someone here can tell us a little more...thank you!

[Ontarkie 14,605]

Their are a few members who have gone back to Canada that can tell you more about that process and give you a link to a Canadian site like this one sorta.

I don't know much about that process, or about how the nexus card works. Someone will eventually gives you some advice for that.

[canucklady 0]

Their are a few members who have gone back to Canada that can tell you more about that process and give you a link to a Canadian site like this one sorta.

I don't know much about that process, or about how the nexus card works. Someone will eventually gives you some advice for that.

Thanks so much!

[SF2007 48]

You will find more expertise on www.roadtocanada.com. Good luck!

[canucklady 0]

You will find more expertise on www.roadtocanada.com. Good luck!

Thank you for the link! I may be back a few years from now for advice going the other direction!

[Krikit 1,165]

You may also want to try http://www.loonlounge.com/

I recently updated my NEXUS information online through GOES. When I couldn't update some details I called the Enrollment Centre directly. They didn't much care about additional details.... just as long as they had my current mailing address. Give them a call. You may find that too. I can tell you one thing, however. They sure as heck would prefer that you kept them informed as opposed to them finding out by accident. They can, and will, revoke the pass.

Welcome to VJ.