Wife wants to kick me out of US and also asked me to leave the apartment

[Selim Khan 0]

If your situation is as bad as I'm thinking and you don't distance yourself from your wife (at least until she gets professional help & there is a meeting of the minds between you both as to how things will proceed hence forth) then you're going suffer badly emotionally, physically, financially, socially and have a number of run ins with the law.

Thanks a lot for your reply. I definitely don't want those? However, I have been suffering already emotionally, physically, financially and socially. Please let me know my options and how to proceed those. your suggessions are highly appreciated

[John and Camie 39]

You mean an arrange marriage failed?

Aww, that's not nice. We're here to support each other.

Hang in there, Selim. Maybe roses and some space for your wife, then gently suggest marriage counseling. She sounds too angry and disillusioned to want to be cooperative with you right now. Don't force the issue until she calms down.

[Selim Khan 0]

Aww, that's not nice. We're here to support each other.

Hang in there, Selim. Maybe roses and some space for your wife, then gently suggest marriage counseling. She sounds too angry and disillusioned to want to be cooperative with you right now. Don't force the issue until she calms down.

Force her! me! No way my friend! I suggested marriage counseling in several occasion but she never agreed to accompany me. She accuses me responsible for everything and asks me to change as she wants. did I mention she never gets too angry?! I talk loud when I get angry and after calming down I am the one in 99% case break the ice. She talks in cold blood, I am not sure how it is possible for a human being to talk all those ugly things about some family or her loved ones staying very calm. I am sorry my friend she shows almost no sign of anger and stay cold allmost all of the time she talks those stuffs which simply kills me inside. The worst part is, once she starts, nothing dare to get in her way to stop her!

[NY_BX 397]

Force her! me! No way my friend! I suggested marriage counseling in several occasion but she never agreed to accompany me. She accuses me responsible for everything and asks me to change as she wants. did I mention she never gets too angry?! I talk loud when I get angry and after calming down I am the one in 99% case break the ice. She talks in cold blood, I am not sure how it is possible for a human being to talk all those ugly things about some family or her loved ones staying very calm. I am sorry my friend she shows almost no sign of anger and stay cold allmost all of the time she talks those stuffs which simply kills me inside. The worst part is, once she starts, nothing dare to get in her way to stop her!

Listen to what other posters have hinted: ABUSE. This is a ticking time bomb waiting to explode (legally speaking). You are the beneficiary and you may be able to claim spousal abuse- which protects you. You need evidence though. You should remove yourself from this situation before she ends up accusing you of abuse and then.....

If you are a green card holder, you won't be removed from the US easily. She can try, however. At this point, you should concentrate in gathering evidence; even if that includes recording/ filming her anger outbursts and abusive behavior.

If she is cold blood, it doesn't matter. You can be as calm as a snake or as loud as a lion, abuse is abuse.

[NY_BX 397]

Aww, that's not nice. We're here to support each other.

Hang in there, Selim. Maybe roses and some space for your wife, then gently suggest marriage counseling. She sounds too angry and disillusioned to want to be cooperative with you right now. Don't force the issue until she calms down.

I'm with Peter_Pan on this one. Support isn't asking a "victim" to kiss his/ her abuser's butt. If the OP was a woman, would you suggest the same thing?

[Sandra G. 5,057]

Abuser shouldn't get roses,but jail time.Each nine seconds one person is abused in the USA.Last year in the USA 220.000 people had medical assistance because of the abuse and 2.300 people were killed by their spouses. She already hurt you and violence is not ok.We don't solve domestic violence giving roses but calling the cops,period. I own a non profit organization who helps victim of domestic violence,and i submitted more than 6.000 Vawa petitions in the last seven years. Dont be silent...speak out, violence is not ok.

[NY_BX 397]

Abuser shouldn't get roses,but jail time.Each nine seconds one person is abused in the USA.Last year in the USA 220.000 people had medical assistance because of the abuse and 2.300 people were killed by their spouses. She already hurt you and violence is not ok.We don't solve domestic violence giving roses but calling the cops,period. I own a non profit organization who helps victim of domestic violence,and i submitted more than 6.000 Vawa petitions in the last seven years. Dont be silent...speak out, violence is not ok.

There's a misconception that only women suffer domestic violence. Men do too.

[Iyawo Ijebu 157]

Sir, please leave NOW and take all your evidence with you that you will need. You already have a GC, have documentation that you entered in good faith, joint stuff, etc

Rent a room in a house close to your job so that you can walk/bus/bicycle there - ask your coworkers for assistance. You're bargaining from a position of weakness if you continue to allow yourself to be in your existing household and be abused. Then after you've established that you don't need her then maybe you Guys can go to counselling, etc and patch things up but you would have fired a salvo across her bows.

I firmly beleive in this, that once the Police department is involved in your household then all is compeltely lost. The Police are not marraige counsellors, they are there to decide what crime has occured and who to arrest and haul in.

I'm personally convinced that you won't take steps to help yourself and you will continue to make excuses and your next posts will be how you were arrested, etc

PS: I grind my teeth whenever I read these posts where the Parents are so heavily involved in their adult childrens life decisions.

[Selim Khan 0]

Guys,

I appreciate all your suggessions and I am sure I am not going to make it to live with her like this. If I am not mistaken I will have to file for I-751 with waiver after final divorce. The thing is I am not sure what kind of documentations needed for that as evidence to prove the marriage in a good faith? I have the following stuffs right now:

1. Joint Account (Only handfull of transactions for shopping, paying bills)

2. Lease documents showing me as a tenant ( Note that, its not a joint lease as she leased it after I got the visa and before I came here. Same for the utilities, cables and mobiles)

3. My Life Insurance from my employer where she is the primary beneficiary

4. My 401K retirement plan where she is the beneficiary

5. The money I transfered to her paypal and also, from paypal to her bank account with her banks statements

6. Shopping reciepts

7. Some photos we took after I came here in US

8. Photos of marriage ceremony

9. Joint Tax returns for last year (I am not sure if its valid or not cause I came in US in the end of february and she filed after I get the social security number, the ssn is there on the tax return but I wasn't here during the last financial year!)

and thats it. Do you guys think that above documenation will be enough to prove my marriage in good faith? There is another big issue, we only lived together for 3 months here in US, though we lived another 3 months in my home country after our marriage. Please guide me. thank you

[Iyawo Ijebu 157]

"I transferred over more than 20K USD (Which I understand isn't lot)"

By the way $20K cash, not credit card, is a LOT of money my friend.

[NY_BX 397]

Guys,

I appreciate all your suggessions and I am sure I am not going to make it to live with her like this. If I am not mistaken I will have to file for I-751 with waiver after final divorce. The thing is I am not sure what kind of documentations needed for that as evidence to prove the marriage in a good faith? I have the following stuffs right now:

1. Joint Account (Only handfull of transactions for shopping, paying bills)

2. Lease documents showing me as a tenant ( Note that, its not a joint lease as she leased it after I got the visa and before I came here. Same for the utilities, cables and mobiles)

3. My Life Insurance from my employer where she is the primary beneficiary

4. My 401K retirement plan where she is the beneficiary

5. The money I transfered to her paypal and also, from paypal to her bank account with her banks statements

6. Shopping reciepts

7. Some photos we took after I came here in US

8. Photos of marriage ceremony

9. Joint Tax returns for last year (I am not sure if its valid or not cause I came in US in the end of february and she filed after I get the social security number, the ssn is there on the tax return but I wasn't here during the last financial year!)

and thats it. Do you guys think that above documenation will be enough to prove my marriage in good faith? There is another big issue, we only lived together for 3 months here in US, though we lived another 3 months in my home country after our marriage. Please guide me. thank you

This is all good.

[Almost done 0]

So sorry you are going through this, I will never treat my spouse like #### after all the stress of bringing him in. Its sad your wife is just after material comfort and things from you and not truly interested in you as a person or your relatives.

From where i originally come from, once you are married, you are also married to your husbands family and vice versa.

There should be love and respect between husband and wife and both families. I will put you in my prayers and pray God directs you in the right path concerning your situation.

All the best and pls be very careful.

[No-Where-Man 147]

Man, everything is gonna be alright.

Once I cam to the U.S, I have little issues here and there with my wife. It all was because of the different ways we manage and run our daily life but through understanding these differences we learned from each other we do really really good.

I understand your situation is different. But hey, the most precious to any human being is pride, if lost , nothing left.

According to what you said, seems you are a good man and doing your best. God will bless you for that regardless with your current wife or anyone else.

And If you pay attention, GOD is already blessing you, you have a job, makes some good money.

She drops you off and started having an issue with that---------------------you have a job, try to get a car, If you did not establish a credit yot, go for credit unions banks and you will get a loan for a car, does not need to be a new one, but a one that will do.

Her name is in the apartment contract, you are not a joint as you said-------- search for an apartment for you, and move (hard to do, but please try for your sake)

Her name is on most of the bills (make her pay it), if she used the word (you are the husband da da da), tell her (in America we are equal, we r the same). if she refused to pay it, it will hurt her, not you.

Starting now, do all what it takes to get more proves of the good faith of that marriage (any current or earlier joint accounts, insurance, any joint bills etc etc etc)

Also, if you can have a prove of her abuse that would be a very good thing ( if she bit you, call the police. if she insults you record for her. record your calls with her parents as a prove of trying to work the relation with their daughter.

Remind her she is finanicaly responsible for you through the affidavit she signed (im telling you not to use it, but to get her to understand she can not bring you, and then decide to kick you or hurt you whenever she wants... she needs to understand she is responsible for the human she brought from abroad as much as you are responsible for her, this is what is marriage is after all)

If she found that you are solid enough to take care of your self without her and that your pride is No. 1. It will be her call either to work it out with you, or continue and you will leave and she wont feel strange about it after all what you are trying to do for you both.

I am being honest and I feel for you.....

Edited May 24, 2012 by no_where_man

[Caryh 5,206]

"I transferred over more than 20K USD (Which I understand isn't lot)"

By the way $20K cash, not credit card, is a LOT of money my friend.

I'm a little worried about that transfer. If was before he came to the USA, could it be interpreted as payment for marriage to get him to the USA? I thought arranged marriages were not lightly broken. Three months together here and they divorce? I think his standard of proving this was a legit marriage might be a bit higher. Affidavits from family on both sides I think are definitely in order. Attempting to continue to save the marriage are in order, even if you go to marriage counselling alone. It might open his eyes to new ways of saving their marriage. But definitely he should not be staying in the same residence now, not with the risk of the police getting involved. These threats to send him back don't sound good either.

[Selim Khan 0]

Man, everything is gonna be alright.

Once I cam to the U.S, I have little issues here and there with my wife. It all was because of the different ways we manage and run our daily life but through understanding these differences we learned from each other we do really really good.

I understand your situation is different. But hey, the most precious to any human being is pride, if lost , nothing left.

According to what you said, seems you are a good man and doing your best. God will bless you for that regardless with your current wife or anyone else.

And If you pay attention, GOD is already blessing you, you have a job, makes some good money.

She drops you off and started having an issue with that---------------------you have a job, try to get a car, If you did not establish a credit yot, go for credit unions banks and you will get a loan for a car, does not need to be a new one, but a one that will do.

Her name is in the apartment contract, you are not a joint as you said-------- search for an apartment for you, and move (hard to do, but please try for your sake)

Her name is on most of the bills (make her pay it), if she used the word (you are the husband da da da), tell her (in America we are equal, we r the same). if she refused to pay it, it will hurt her, not you.

Starting now, do all what it takes to get more proves of the good faith of that marriage (any current or earlier joint accounts, insurance, any joint bills etc etc etc)

Also, if you can have a prove of her abuse that would be a very good thing ( if she bit you, call the police. if she insults you record for her. record your calls with her parents as a prove of trying to work the relation with their daughter.

Remind her she is finanicaly responsible for you through the affidavit she signed (im telling you not to use it, but to get her to understand she can not bring you, and then decide to kick you or hurt you whenever she wants... she needs to understand she is responsible for the human she brought from abroad as much as you are responsible for her, this is what is marriage is after all)

If she found that you are solid enough to take care of your self without her and that your pride is No. 1. It will be her call either to work it out with you, or continue and you will leave and she wont feel strange about it after all what you are trying to do for you both.

I am being honest and I feel for you.....

Thanks a lot for your good words, it really means a lot. I have been trying to work out this marriage for nearly 1 and half years. The situation getting worst to even more worst and what I found out is she hates me only because I want to support my parents. She thinks my parent as her competitors and responsible for every single misdeeds in her life and thats the only reason she always hearts me saying absolutely shits about my family. I am preparing myself mentally to get out of this mess. As I mentioned above I have the following documents:

1. Joint Account (Only handfull of transactions for shopping, paying bills)

2. Lease documents showing me as a tenant ( Note that, its not a joint lease as she leased it after I got the visa and before I came here. Same for the utilities, cables and mobiles)

3. My Life Insurance from my employer where she is the primary beneficiary

4. My 401K retirement plan where she is the beneficiary

5. The money I transfered to her paypal and also, from paypal to her bank account with her banks statements

6. Shopping reciepts

7. Some photos we took after I came here in US

8. Photos of marriage ceremony

9. Joint Tax returns for last year (I am not sure if its valid or not cause I came in US in the end of february and she filed after I get the social security number, the ssn is there on the tax return but I wasn't here during the last financial year!)

Finding or preparing anyting jointly may not possible as everything is on her names. I am also scared if she call ICE or police after I leave the apartment to live seperately. What are my chances to get the approval on waiver if she does that and also file complains against me (I believe she will get support from her family and they will certainly stand for her)