Looking for advice from the Veteran VJ RUB Couples

[MikeAndIryna 0]

I'd caution not to push this though. My wife didn't care much about meeting up with other Russians. As she put it, "if you lived in my country, would you become friends with somebody just because they're American and speak your language?" We've made friends with some Russians, but not because we actively sought them out. It just sorta happened. (and one couple we met here on VJ)

Mox, would agree with you to some extent. She met a women from Kazakstan who became friends, I helped her get work, they hung out, yada yada, but it appears, like ANY country, there are good people and bad ones. He friend was a bad one who used our family and we finally cut the cord when she started treating my wife like a pet instead of a friend. But, she stays in constant contact and made trips to see her GF in CO, talks to others in Canada, Moscow, UK and happy she has a friend moving her soon, pending K-1 approval, about 20 minutes away. I think it's like any friendship, there has to be something more than just the language, but being able to share their experiences, on both sides of the pond, traditions, recipes and just chat over chi and cognac can make for less homesickness.

[mox 298]

Dang, sounds like a bullet dodged.

[eekee 182]

I think it's important to have both friends from your native country/culture and friends from your new country. Have only locally-born friends and you'll long for a friend who is coming from a similar place as you and who understands you in a way that someone from a foreign culture can't; have only friends from your native land and you'll never really integrate or feel at home.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

I think it's important to have both friends from your native country/culture and friends from your new country. Have only locally-born friends and you'll long for a friend who is coming from a similar place as you and who understands you in a way that someone from a foreign culture can't; have only friends from your native land and you'll never really integrate or feel at home.

+1

Kira has two Russian professors (husband & wife) that live here along with another gal from Ukraine and they all get together every so often to have cake and tea and it's been a big plus imo to her keeping her sanity after her having to deal with all the morons day in and day out that live in these parts.

[1HappyGuy 45]

I think it's important to have both friends from your native country/culture and friends from your new country. Have only locally-born friends and you'll long for a friend who is coming from a similar place as you and who understands you in a way that someone from a foreign culture can't; have only friends from your native land and you'll never really integrate or feel at home.

That's a really good perspective. Lena was very homesick after about a month here until we found Russian stores. Later it was finding our way into the small Russian speaking community. The ladies get together a few times a year to talk and eat home style foods. As for U.S. grown friends that has been a little more difficult but we are working on it. Now my wife says she has "Russian speaking acquaintances, but not really any friends". She bases friendship more on the traditional definition that is used for real friends.

+1

Kira has two Russian professors (husband & wife) that live here along with another gal from Ukraine and they all get together every so often to have cake and tea and it's been a big plus imo to her keeping her sanity after her having to deal with all the morons day in and day out that live in these parts.

I have always maintained that if you introduce your SO to others from their region of the world, make sure they are happily married. Otherwise you might be getting a lot more than you wanted.

[eekee 182]

Yup, friendship takes on a much deeper meaning in RUB countries.

[Tanya and Barry 59]

Tanya has made many Russian friends here. Mostly through a church we go to sometimes. I think sometimes she just need to speak to someone in Russian. I know when I made extended visits to Ukraine when I heard someone speak in English I would almost have an orgasm so I can sorta understand how it must feel to go an extended time without hearing your mother tongue.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

That's a really good perspective. Lena was very homesick after about a month here until we found Russian stores. Later it was finding our way into the small Russian speaking community. The ladies get together a few times a year to talk and eat home style foods. As for U.S. grown friends that has been a little more difficult but we are working on it. Now my wife says she has "Russian speaking acquaintances, but not really any friends". She bases friendship more on the traditional definition that is used for real friends.

Like ekee pointed out RUB people don't call think of anyone as a "friend" until they have known them for god only knows how long and even then it's like they have to be in the same click or something.

I have always maintained that if you introduce your SO to others from their region of the world, make sure they are happily married. Otherwise you might be getting a lot more than you wanted.

The only ones on my ####### list in that regard are a few dentist she works with, but I got that one ironed out real fast.

The only single RUB gal here is the Ukraine gal she was married to a cop here who was a total jerk off. He cheated on her while she was pregnant not to mention he slapped her around a few times. He's gone since then and she's stuck it out here in the ####### hole village working at city hall for peanuts plus his child support but she's totally cool. The man and wife Russian professors that live her during the school months are nice peeps, and it's ironic that the husband teaches English at the university and his wife teaches English and Spanish....they used to live in Texas so I'm guessing that's where she got it.

Now there's a RUB gal here that's married to a state trooper and has two kids with him and she's a total h0. She's hot looking yet every time he leaves town on one of his drug bust thingys she's at the bar picking some guy up. She looks totally hot though and that's after having two kids. She's not in their little RUB click. For some odd reason the wife doesn't want her around.

[Brad and Vika 129]

I have always maintained that if you introduce your SO to others from their region of the world, make sure they are happily married. Otherwise you might be getting a lot more than you wanted.

This is one of Vika's pet peeves about the Russian community here. They tend to look at new arrivals as "new meat" in a variety of ways. The Russian speakers that I knew in town before before I met Vika told us so, and my wife was surprised at the truth of it. She really doesn't have a desire to mix with the Russian store community at all. She makes acquaintances among some women of similar age and circumstance to herself, and very cautiously.

[1HappyGuy 45]

This is one of Vika's pet peeves about the Russian community here. They tend to look at new arrivals as "new meat" in a variety of ways. The Russian speakers that I knew in town before before I met Vika told us so, and my wife was surprised at the truth of it. She really doesn't have a desire to mix with the Russian store community at all. She makes acquaintances among some women of similar age and circumstance to herself, and very cautiously.

Although we don't have a lot of fresh meat here, I know what you mean about new arrivals. As far as Russian store people, it is a 1 1/2 hour drive for us, so it is occasionally for us and mostly when my wife is in need of special items. I will admit the deli at the Russian stores has a lot more delicious meats than any of the ones in our town.

It seems that our Russian speaking community is splitting into various groups with a lot of gossip and talking behind peoples backs which my wife hates. Our exposure to them is becoming less and less.

In the end, it is all about you and your spouse.

[mox 298]

It seems that our Russian speaking community is splitting into various groups with a lot of gossip and talking behind peoples backs which my wife hates. Our exposure to them is becoming less and less.

Yeah, this is a big reason why my wife is extremely choosy about who she befriends. Of the dozens of FSU people we've come across, we really only stay in touch with two. Lot of back-biting that goes on in these communities, although to be fair I don't think it's so much a Russian thing. I've been in American/Western expat communities overseas, and it was just as bad. I think it's the isolation that drives it. In any case, we don't choose to be any part of it.

[Brad and Vika 129]

It seems that our Russian speaking community is splitting into various groups with a lot of gossip and talking behind peoples backs which my wife hates. Our exposure to them is becoming less and less.

In the end, it is all about you and your spouse.

So true - you have to focus on your family.

Yeah, this is a big reason why my wife is extremely choosy about who she befriends. Of the dozens of FSU people we've come across, we really only stay in touch with two. Lot of back-biting that goes on in these communities, although to be fair I don't think it's so much a Russian thing. I've been in American/Western expat communities overseas, and it was just as bad. I think it's the isolation that drives it. In any case, we don't choose to be any part of it.

Isolation or whatever it is, it definitely is a turn off. We do go to parties sometimes with a fairly high ratio of Russian speakers, and we both tend to have a good time. Nothing like the culture of hospitality I have found in Eastern Europe though. I'll take the real deal.

[mox 298]

Nothing like the culture of hospitality I have found in Eastern Europe though. I'll take the real deal.

[Tanya and Barry 59]

The truth is it all depends on what kind of person your wife is. If she was a quality person in the FSU with quality friends there she will seek out quality friends when she gets here and you will have few problems because of it. Most men who marry women women from the FSU don't really know them that well (if they will admit it or not). If things go south in your marriage because of the friends she makes here there is little you will be able to do about it...and you will not know about it until it is too late...

[baron555 934]

The truth is it all depends on what kind of person your wife is. If she was a quality person in the FSU with quality friends there she will seek out quality friends when she gets here and you will have few problems because of it.

Very true. My wife knew of some gals already here in the US who she keeps in casual contact, one of her best friends had come over on a K-1 a few months before her, who she keeps in regular contact with (phone or Skype) and good friends who we made via VJ (Antonina and Alla had their interviews on the same day and both them and the small boys and dogs flew over on the same plane) we see regularly, now that they have moved to the Chicago area.

From the local Moms Club, she has met a nice woman from Ukraine and has met another new friend from St. Pete who has a daughter the same age as her son. They visit each other regularly.