Plans For The Very Distant Future (I Hope)

[Teddy B 17,252]

Hi All,

I am a USC and my wife is Canadian living here in the states on a greencard. We were watching tv last night, 60 minutes, and they had a segment about cemetaries which brought up a question and following discussion between my wife and I. The question: Where are we going to be laid to rest when we die? With all of the planning to get married and be together permanently we never gave this end result any thought.

We are both 48 years old. My wife has family in Canada including 2 children and 5 grandkids which she is fairly close to. I have never had kids and my family here in the states aren't really all that close. She mentioned that she would like to be buried in Canada with her family members, which is fine as long as I can be buried with her. Neither of us wants to be buried apart from the other. But does my being a USC prevent me from being buried in Canada along side my wife?

Does anyone here have any experience with this or looked into this at all? Has anyone else had this conversation with their spouse, and what was the outcome?

Edited May 21, 2012 by Teddy B

[amyandjorge 76]

Yeah, I've had this conversation before with my husband. For us, the restrictions aren't too tight for burying bodies in Honduras, so I never considered not being able to be buried there... It would be much nicer to be buried together, it is very important to discuss before it ever becomes an issue. We also plan on retiring to Honduras, so god willing we will retire before being buried. (the 'when' is a huge factor for us, right now we have no children but all of our parents living).

My husband doesn't like to talk about it, but my grandfather owned a funeral home for 50 years so it's family business to me. And we are only 25 and 28.

We have also discussed the possibility of donating body parts (Honduran culture is a little different so we have to talk about these kinds of things).

[Mr. Borkström 63]

I am not religious myself but this is something that me and my wife have talked about, albeit briefly (I am 36 and my wife turns 36 later this summer).

It's a tough nut to crack. A catch 22. I have yet to find what's right for me - and I don't even believe in an afterlife. But this is something I still feel strongly about (I just haven't figured out what my feelings are).

For me, I see it as sort of an ultimate, final decision. When that day comes, will I want to be together with my wife or with my family back in the old country? For these questions, I have no answer and no advice to offer.

[Penguin_ie 5,997]

Do you want to be burried "whole", or cremated? Keep in mind that bringing a dead body internationally is expensive and hassle- may not be something you want to inflect on your kids/ whoever is taking care of your estate while they are grieving.

My husband and I have talked about this. My preference would be to be cremated and have some of my ashes scattered in all three countries I have lives for a long time (Switzerland, Ireland, USA). However, my husband is Baptist and strongly against cremation, so if he survives me, I would not want to force him to go against his beliefs, and he can do whatever he wants with my body. probably burry it locally.

[Teddy B 17,252]

Thanks for your replies.

There are a lot of particulars to think about with this issue. I too am not religious at all, so the "where" deosn't matter to me so much as long as it's with my wife. Even though I don't believe in an after life, I just want the piece of mind in knowing that we will be side by side for eternity. Penguin, you make a great point about being cremated and the cost of flying a body internationally. I also don't know what would happen if my wife passed first, was buried in Canada, and I lived another 10 years or so in the US. The thought of having to travel to Canada to visit her grave is daunting. Another scenario is I die first, if I am buried in Canada, will she stay in the states and continue her life here, or will she move back to Canada?

We are both organ donors, so cremation is not an issue in regards to "keeping the body whole" as some religions practice, so that might be an easier way for us to go. It would be a lot easier to keep ashes and travel with them to a final resting place, than having to fly a body and visit a gravesight in another country.

[Holly2234 66]

Its not really something we have looked into as such, im still young so i really hope ive got a while yet! But i want to be near my husband. If he goes first, he will likely want to stay in the US. So there he will go. And i will go right next to him. If i go first, it would make sense for me to stay in the US too so that its easier for him to get put in with me. Ive never been too picky on the location. I wont have much UK family left by then anyway.

[Xanax 349]

Spoke to Daniel about this today. I think he thinks I'm planning to kill him now!

[TBoneTX 46,164]

Spoke to Daniel about this today. I think he thinks I'm planning to kill him now!

Well, Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock, si man.

[Mr. Borkström 63]

Well, Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock, si man.

Stop it man, you're killing me!

[Nich-Nick 3,354]

Lives and families change so your final resting place may depend on things you don't know about right now. People move and adopt new places they consider "home" and partners remarry. I don't consider a grave is where somebody is and one is "with" a loved one in a plot of earth for eternity. Maybe it's my religious beliefs, but to me it's just a marker or tiny piece of history. Anyway, there's a place for me in a family plot my grandparent purchased many ages ago. I'll be next to my first husband who passed away before me. The logic is my grown children (or generations after) will find their parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents "history" together if they choose to visit the cemetery. It doesn't mean I love my new British husband any less. I smile every single day because of finding this amazing love we have for each other. My personal thoughts are cherish the time together because after you're gone, it doesn't really matter whether you're next to the right person or scattered to the winds.

[Teddy B 17,252]

Spoke to Daniel about this today. I think he thinks I'm planning to kill him now!

[Teddy B 17,252]

Lives and families change so your final resting place may depend on things you don't know about right now. People move and adopt new places they consider "home" and partners remarry. I don't consider a grave is where somebody is and one is "with" a loved one in a plot of earth for eternity. Maybe it's my religious beliefs, but to me it's just a marker or tiny piece of history. Anyway, there's a place for me in a family plot my grandparent purchased many ages ago. I'll be next to my first husband who passed away before me. The logic is my grown children (or generations after) will find their parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents "history" together if they choose to visit the cemetery. It doesn't mean I love my new British husband any less. I smile every single day because of finding this amazing love we have for each other. My personal thoughts are cherish the time together because after you're gone, it doesn't really matter whether you're next to the right person or scattered to the winds.

What does your current husband think about you being buried with your first husband, and where will he be laid to rest? I'm not trying to pry, just curious of his thoughts. There are a lot of different scenarios that come into play with 2nd marriages and kids.

[JohnR! 5,495]

1337628415[/url]' post='5392054']

Hi All,

I am a USC and my wife is Canadian living here in the states on a greencard. We were watching tv last night, 60 minutes, and they had a segment about cemetaries which brought up a question and following discussion between my wife and I. The question: Where are we going to be laid to rest when we die? With all of the planning to get married and be together permanently we never gave this end result any thought.

We are both 48 years old. My wife has family in Canada including 2 children and 5 grandkids which she is fairly close to. I have never had kids and my family here in the states aren't really all that close. She mentioned that she would like to be buried in Canada with her family members, which is fine as long as I can be buried with her. Neither of us wants to be buried apart from the other. But does my being a USC prevent me from being buried in Canada along side my wife?

Does anyone here have any experience with this or looked into this at all? Has anyone else had this conversation with their spouse, and what was the outcome?

Have you considered cremation? If that is a possibility it would solve the problem. Besides it is more economical and environmentally sound. The reason I bring up cremation is because it will be upon your children or family to deal with all the paperwork and bureaucracy involved in transporting human remains across borders if you opt for a burial.

[Teddy B 17,252]

Have you considered cremation? If that is a possibility it would solve the problem. Besides it is more economical and environmentally sound. The reason I bring up cremation is because it will be upon your children or family to deal with all the paperwork and bureaucracy involved in transporting human remains across borders if you opt for a burial.

Yes we have and it appears we're going to go that route. Cremation will also give us the option of keeping the others ashes for a while if we so desire.

[JohnR! 5,495]

1338386620[/url]' post='5408038']

Yes we have and it appears we're going to go that route. Cremation will also give us the option of keeping the others ashes for a while if we so desire.

My other half has instructions to keep my ashes in the trunk if I go first... I am a car person...