blue

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I woke up this morning and had a story in my head. Often, when I begin to write in an automatic way ( kind of like the dada movement from the 1920.s) words just fly into my head and I think of story after story.

The story I thought of today was about a passport

Blue

Inside of me are a thousand dreams

My father laying wounded on Omaha Beach as the navy corps struggled to reach him to put him in a hospital boat

Inside of me, a blue small book

Are a thousand hopes of a nation built

So as you carry me and cross the sea, moving across borders freely

Know I was born in noble sacrifice

That people died for my pages, my stamps, my wording

Know that I , perhaps seem unimportant

But I was given with love and hopes and dreams

And offered only as a part of what I represent

I am blue, I am small

But my sister who laid her heart down for you to have me

Is inside of every page

Her aunt who soothed dying soldiers in world war 2

Her great grandmother who worked as an Irish seamstress

We are all inside this little book, this blue remembrence of who she was

So as you hold her and touch her and use her through your life

Know what love was inside that book

To be american and to be bold

And keep it safe and someday give back to the people who loved this land

By honoring it and being a good person

I am just a small book, a blue remembrance

But its who I represent

the immigrants, the soldiers, the natives of this land who were mistreated, the souls of thousands before you

I am just a small book of blue

But I was offered in love and sacrifice

I am only small but I carry many

Go forth with me and live an honorable life

And as you do, you will remember her and everyone who built the place you adopted

I am only a small book of blue

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I woke up this morning and had a story in my head. Often, when I begin to write in an automatic way ( kind of like the dada movement from the 1920.s) words just fly into my head and I think of story after story.

The story I thought of today was about a passport

Blue

Inside of me are a thousand dreams

My father laying wounded on Omaha Beach as the navy corps struggled to reach him to put him in a hospital boat

Inside of me, a blue small book

Are a thousand hopes of a nation built

So as you carry me and cross the sea, moving across borders freely

Know I was born in noble sacrifice

That people died for my pages, my stamps, my wording

Know that I , perhaps seem unimportant

But I was given with love and hopes and dreams

And offered only as a part of what I represent

I am blue, I am small

But my sister who laid her heart down for you to have me

Is inside of every page

Her aunt who soothed dying soldiers in world war 2

Her great grandmother who worked as an Irish seamstress

We are all inside this little book, this blue remembrence of who she was

So as you hold her and touch her and use her through your life

Know what love was inside that book

To be american and to be bold

And keep it safe and someday give back to the people who loved this land

By honoring it and being a good person

I am just a small book, a blue remembrance

But its who I represent

the immigrants, the soldiers, the natives of this land who were mistreated, the souls of thousands before you

I am just a small book of blue

But I was offered in love and sacrifice

I am only small but I carry many

Go forth with me and live an honorable life

And as you do, you will remember her and everyone who built the place you adopted

I am only a small book of blue

All of you sisters are my muse. When I wrote several books 6 years ago, I met people who became my muses and I wrote to them. I never believed that my sisters on here would be my muses but you have become them because only you guys can understand what I endured the last 6 years and I feel as if I can write to you. At one point 6 years ago, in three weeks I wrote a thousand pages, one right after another and it was in this writing frenzy that a book was born. I am now writing the sequel to this book and if you will allow me, I will write to all of you. Some of it will be about immigration but honestly, everything has become so much bigger to me than that. Right now, my purpose has changed. I am writing to survive everything that has happened. I am not saying that I feel bad every single moment. On the contrary. Happiness has begun to seep in to every single day. The anniversary of my son's death is coming in a few months and for a month, I walk through each day from beginning to end and I struggle.

I have become very sick with auto immune disease again and am struggling to walk. I had several months symptom free but the mixed connective tissue disease has gone into my legs and they burn and hurt when I walk. I am trying to take gabapentin to help me get through it but eventually I hope I am approved for biologics like humira. On state medicaid they only give methotrexate and you take it once a week. Its a chemo med and it makes my hair fall out so its not fun. I am just so grateful for Mithra, WOM and Staashi and the people I have known through the years and had a chance to talk to . I don't know how you guys became my muses, or inspiration but WOM and Mithra especially have become a comfort to me. As I travel the last part of this journey, I may type quite a bit to you or write to you.. I am just getting things out and trying to move foward. Thank you for being there for me.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

Keep writing, girl - let the butterfly emerge after a long winter.

[Mithra 1,185]

Keep writing, girl - let the butterfly emerge after a long winter.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Mithra and WOM

Was it written in the stars

For me to love someone who did not receive it

Or lay my dreams upon the ground, for someone to walk over them.

Was it written in the stars, for me to lose the bitterness?

For my love to turn into forgiveness?

And my heart changing its tune?

As I packed his bag and took him to leave, I felt no emptiness or sorrow

He said no I love you or I will call you, he simply turned away

But the confusion of the brand new world that he received, because of my existance

Was a sight to behold in the morning sun

Knowing that I changed his life forever

He can move freely to be with his mother who was separated from him by a small sea

He can develop his heart and build his life

But was it written in the stars, what would happen to me?

Was I supposed to feel like I was flying or free at last from bondage?

My love for him began to leave and was replaced by solemn fortitude

Was it written in the stars that I would recover sisters. Was it written in the stars that I would find the end to all of this inside my own heart?

I did the right and mystical thing by carrying him to safety, however undeserving he might have been, because I knew that God would carry me in the end.

Was it written in the stars that I would cry and cry and in the end my tears dried on their own?

I stood in the sun as the plane took off and felt a rush of wind blow by and somehow knew that I would survive the loss..

But was in written in the stars ,sisters?

Was it written somewhere that I would sacrifice everything I had to build another person's life?

Sisters , was it written in the stars?

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

His accent is not very thick here but just in case...

And it was written
Up in the book of life
Cause the man shall
Endure forever more

Well did you know the pen
Is stronger than di knife
And they can kill you once
But they can't kill you twice..... Edited May 21, 2012 by wife_of_mahmoud

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

His accent is not very thick here but just in case...

And it was written

Up in the book of life

Cause the man shall

Endure forever more

Well did you know the pen

Is stronger than di knife

And they can kill you once

But they can't kill you twice.....

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

Nice tune ! I had not heard of her before - I likey

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Nice tune ! I had not heard of her before - I likey

its the song from the lowes commercial.. I make my own sunshine..shes just covering the original

For whatever reason... I need Dusty Springfield

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

its the song from the lowes commercial.. I make my own sunshine..shes just covering the original

For whatever reason... I need Dusty Springfield

she starts out talking....listen wom.....this son is amazing.....yesterday when i was young

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

its the song from the lowes commercial.. I make my own sunshine..shes just covering the original

OMG now I don't like it quite so much

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

OMG now I don't like it quite so much

Oh come on now...it was written before the commercial LOL.. be nice

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Mithra and WOM

Was it written in the stars

For me to love someone who did not receive it

Or lay my dreams upon the ground, for someone to walk over them.

Was it written in the stars, for me to lose the bitterness?

For my love to turn into forgiveness?

And my heart changing its tune?

As I packed his bag and took him to leave, I felt no emptiness or sorrow

He said no I love you or I will call you, he simply turned away

But the confusion of the brand new world that he received, because of my existance

Was a sight to behold in the morning sun

Knowing that I changed his life forever

He can move freely to be with his mother who was separated from him by a small sea

He can develop his heart and build his life

But was it written in the stars, what would happen to me?

Was I supposed to feel like I was flying or free at last from bondage?

My love for him began to leave and was replaced by solemn fortitude

Was it written in the stars that I would recover sisters. Was it written in the stars that I would find the end to all of this inside my own heart?

I did the right and mystical thing by carrying him to safety, however undeserving he might have been, because I knew that God would carry me in the end.

Was it written in the stars that I would cry and cry and in the end my tears dried on their own?

I stood in the sun as the plane took off and felt a rush of wind blow by and somehow knew that I would survive the loss..

But was in written in the stars ,sisters?

Was it written somewhere that I would sacrifice everything I had to build another person's life?

Sisters , was it written in the stars?

Where was I inside your journey?

The journey to a different life for you left me restless and tied

I did my best to rise above the heartless pursuit of a better life

And everyone around me could see what was being done to me but I kept thinking I needed to be the bigger person

Was it written in the stars that it was fair to me to keep me bound to you until you had received everything you wanted?

The day you left to board the plane, you looked at me and told me you appreciated everything I did for you.

But what did you do for me? Leaving me in limbo to find my way out of a situation that I might not have the strength to endure?

I endured the loss of my star, my angel and worked to provide and supported you for years

When you became able to give back, you refused. I chalked it up to what you were capable of.

I looked for compassion inside of my mothers arms, to comfort me, but all she felt was disdain and rage towards you

I think there is no more frightening feeling than loving someone undeserving

Blue is the only thing I can see..the blue in my memories, my memories of promises, a future that would never arrive

And now in the relative safeness of my separation from you, I feel forever bound by grief to a person who feels nothing for me.

My sisters, my mother and the ones who have walked this path before me offer words of advice

But I have decided that betrayal is not just fidelity, its offering promises that will never be kept and someone who takes from you with no intention of ever giving anything back.

I loved you, for me that is the true tragic thing, because my heart is no longer my own and I don't know when it will be freed, to dance, to love again, to belong to someone else who treasures it and honors it. I paid an immeasurable price for years to set you free. Now I would like to reclaim some sense of my own life again

I am left in a blue place that I cannot find the exit from... but I will, I just do not know when

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0mzLQyd36A&feature=related