I opened my eyes!!!

[Cathi 5,748]

OnMyWayID: I know this COULD have been the case of someone uprooting, but it wasn't. And even if it was, how is it my fault that he turned out to be a dog? Am I to stay with him no matter what the circumstances just because he may have uprooted? He should have thought this thru before uprooting too, don't you think? He should have behave like a gentleman and honorable not like a hound dog.

You didn't know he was sexting with anyone until you confronted him about your own feelings. I am sure you knew you were having feelings of doubt long before he got here. And people wonder why the system is broken?

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

Nah, besides he's Cuban so once his feet touch US soil he is in for good. He will just claim asylum and stay anyway. Probably what he wanted

I believe this is what they all wanted. SAD, but the system was used not the individuals. To post was a cleanings of the soul.

Good luck to you both going forward.

Edited May 15, 2012 by LIFE'SJOURNEY

[Kassil&Tierce 18]

To those that seem to think the 90 days is a trial period, what did that letter mean you both wrote and signed saying you intended to marry? Do you often sign things you don't believe are true?

This, so very much.

If you go through all these hoops and procedures, could you at least have the decency to be sure about it before you start it, or at least before you finish it off? Cases like this make life harder for all the rest of us who are trying to get to where we can actually have the person we love with us.

[Hank_ 9,174]

Actually the K-1 visa is not meant to be a 'get to know you' visa. You are already supposed to be in a solid relationship and know each other. You are supposed to be engaged and ready to get married, which is why you sign letters of intent to marry within 90 days of entering the US. The 90 days is given so you have a little time to get situated, plan together and get married.

[Chicagoguy 2 27]

I understand that the K-1 visa is not for a 90 day trial period but there are times it will be used like that. For some of us it was next to impossible to have someone get a visa to come here and see what life is like so we are left with two options. At least it was for me. 1.Visit in fiance's home country. And/Or 2. Go together to some vacation place. Two, three weeks of face time? These are not always ideal or enough. Big money to continue this for a long time.

I know that emails and Skype can be a big help but there are still many failures. Therefor I will not judge someone who opts out. If not then - when?

I still believe some of this internet dating is a crapshoot. Not the normal 1 or 2 years of frequent meeting and dating that happens in your home country.

Still, I was lucky and we won. Three very happy years for us!

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

I understand that the K-1 visa is not for a 90 day trial period

but there are times it will be used like that. For some of us it was next to impossible to have someone get a visa to come here and see what life is like so we are left with two options.

At least it was for me. 1.Visit in fiance's home country. And/Or 2. Go together to some vacation place. Two, three weeks of face time? These are not always ideal or enough. Big money to continue this for a long time.

I know that emails and Skype can be a big help but there are still many failures. Therefor I will not judge someone who opts out. If not then - when?

I still believe some of this internet dating is a crapshoot. Not the normal 1 or 2 years of frequent meeting and dating that happens in your home country.

Still, I was lucky and we won. Three very happy years for us!

This is so wrong, if you are willing to invest money in a long distance relationship from the start, then why start it. It's not like you didn't know the boy/girl didn't live around the corner. This is no different than dating someone on two different sides of the US, you would still have to invest money and time if you wanted the relationship to grow.

[rayandmel 39]

Several years ago I was in a relationship with a man who was moved to Italy for his government job. He asked me to move there with him. I agreed and placed my house for sale, gave away my pets, sold much of my stuff... We loved each other and I thought had good intentions.

I visited him shortly before my move and things were BAD! This was a man I knew for years and loved dearly. He was unsure about the move and was not being honest with me. I found out from one of his friends that he was having reservations! He did not want to "lose" me but was not sure he wanted me there in Italy. I was so mad at first, I gave up so much for him already. BUT.... I had agreed to do it. That is life, you have to take chances some times. Some work out some don't.

My point is, your fiance did give up a lot to come be with you. But I would hope that was a conversation you both had and came to that decision. Life is life and bad things happen. However, if you had second thoughts, it should have been communicated to him prior to him coming. Jitters are one thing, being unsure of a life together is another.

The most unfortunate part is your case, and many others like yours, is that, it makes the process so much harder for the rest of us who have no second thoughts, have found the right person and just want to be together.

I hope for your karma sake and his, you both did not intent to scam the system. As for me, if it had not been for my previously mentioned relationship I would not know my now fiance. Karma is good to those who are good... Good luck in life.

[hannahbushell 5]

I'm glad you listened to your instincts and it turned out for the best, but why on earth are people getting engaged without already knowing, loving and trusting each other completely? Obviously you and your ex-fiance jumped into this process without understanding MARRIAGE was at the end of it. Crazyyy.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

I'm glad you listened to your instincts and it turned out for the best, but why on earth are people getting engaged without already knowing, loving and trusting each other completely? Obviously you and your ex-fiance jumped into this process without understanding MARRIAGE was at the end of it. Crazyyy.

Sometimes people change or can hold off the deceit for long enough to get a greencard. My own father did it to my mother and she told me that if she could have she wouldn't have gone through with it back then, but the greencard process was different then and by the time she found out how he had changed after coming to America they already had the greencard in hand. He had been a totally different person even when living together in England.

[sulhaq 60]

I can't believe what kind of replies are being posted in this thread. Congratulations? Really?

I'm sorry OP, but what you did was morally very wrong and you should feel guilty irrespective of the final outcome.

And NO. The fiance visa is NOT there for yanking someone out of their lives just to play with their hearts for 90 days and then go about "deciding" whether you want to go through with it or not. Genuine fiance visa candidates likely migrate to the US by completely burning their boats once ashore. They leave their jobs, their loved ones behind. Likely sell all of their property and even their homes when moving to the US. They do that in hopes of creating a new life with their significant others and not because they want to be told it just "doesn't feel right" three days later.

This isn't a child's game that you up and quit. Any reservations and doubts you have about your significant other, clear them out BEFORE starting the application process. Those 90 days are there so the couple has ample time to obtain a marriage license and easily complete the legal procedures required in order to obtain a marriage certificate. They are NOT there to play 20 questions and deciding whether or not you want to "go through with this."

The decision to "go through with it" was made the moment you filed that petition!

[unlockingsky 94]

congrats!!!

[Penny Lane 8,159]

What are people congratulating the OP for? For having someone uproot their entire life for them, meanwhile having doubts that they even WANTED to be with the person?

People who don't take this process seriously boggle my mind. This isn't a process so you can have someone come to the US and try them out for a little while. If you aren't 100% sure you want to marry this person, don't file the petition. And definitely don't wait until the beneficiary has moved EVERYTHING to say "hm, maybe this isn't a good idea."

I by no means condone the guy for the "sexting" nonsense, but let's be real, nobody here deserves a congratulations.

OnMyWayID: I know this COULD have been the case of someone uprooting, but it wasn't. And even if it was, how is it my fault that he turned out to be a dog? Am I to stay with him no matter what the circumstances just because he may have uprooted? He should have thought this thru before uprooting too, don't you think? He should have behave like a gentleman and honorable not like a hound dog.

So you expected/wanted HIM to be honorable and 'think this through' ... but you admit you had doubts for MONTHS and let him move anyway. Where's your responsibility in this? Or do you get a free pass because he turned out to be a 'dog'? Honorable. Please.

Edited May 15, 2012 by Coconuts

[Marlon&Fallon 13]

I can't believe what kind of replies are being posted in this thread. Congratulations? Really?

I'm sorry OP, but what you did was morally very wrong and you should feel guilty irrespective of the final outcome.

And NO. The fiance visa is NOT there for yanking someone out of their lives just to play with their hearts for 90 days and then go about "deciding" whether you want to go through with it or not. Genuine fiance visa candidates likely migrate to the US by completely burning their boats once ashore. They leave their jobs, their loved ones behind. Likely sell all of their property and even their homes when moving to the US. They do that in hopes of creating a new life with their significant others and not because they want to be told it just "doesn't feel right" three days later.

This isn't a child's game that you up and quit. Any reservations and doubts you have about your significant other, clear them out BEFORE starting the application process. Those 90 days are there so the couple has ample time to obtain a marriage license and easily complete the legal procedures required in order to obtain a marriage certificate. They are NOT there to play 20 questions and deciding whether or not you want to "go through with this."

The decision to "go through with it" was made the moment you filed that petition!

What are people congratulating the OP for? For having someone uproot their entire life for them, meanwhile having doubts that they even WANTED to be with the person?

People who don't take this process seriously boggle my mind. This isn't a process so you can have someone come to the US and try them out for a little while. If you aren't 100% sure you want to marry this person, don't file the petition. And definitely don't wait until the beneficiary has moved EVERYTHING to say "hm, maybe this isn't a good idea."

I by no means condone the guy for the "sexting" nonsense, but let's be real, nobody here deserves a congratulations.

So you expected/wanted HIM to be honorable and 'think this through' ... but you admit you had doubts for MONTHS and let him move anyway. Where's your responsibility in this? Or do you get a free pass because he turned out to be a 'dog'? Honorable. Please.

What these two said... I'm in agreement.

Edited May 15, 2012 by Marlon&Fallon

[Operator 1,927]

That's exactly what the Fiance Visa is about: You're given 90 days to supposedly get to know each other and if it doesn't work then move on. Glad you were able to react on time. Don't feel bad. Perfectly normal

What the?...let me get this straight.

Step 1. Ask someone to marry you

Step 2. File petition

Step 3. Get K-1 visa

Step 4. Get to know each other

Step 5. If you are happy get married if not oh well he's on his own.

I might disagree with this.

OP I hope you think a little more about petitioning for another person.

[Chicagoguy 2 27]

So it seems to be some people here are saying everyone is obligated to get married once the fiance arrives. Then after the marriage get divorced and divide the assets.

Oh,and this is assuming there are no scamers.