Just for the Ladies

[Marilyn. 340]

[Dixie_Peach 1]

ahhhhhhhh... marilyn!!! hilarious!!! i am so glad that you post these... i look forward to these chuckles! keep up the good work!... ps: how about the bees thing? hope the landlady got them gone!

[Marilyn. 340]

Difference Between How Men & Women See Themselves...

[Bootylicious!! 2]

So true!

[Marilyn. 340]

He didn't like the casserole

And he didn't like my cake.

My biscuits were too hard...

Not like his mother used to make.

I didn't perk the coffee right

He didn't like the stew,

I didn't mend his socks

The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer

I was looking for a clue.

Then I turned around and smacked him...

Like his Mother used to do!

[Marilyn. 340]

The Good Housekeeping Way #1

Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

The Real Women's Way

Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for God's sake.

You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.

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The Good Housekeeping Way #2

To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

The Real Women's Way

Buy Smash mashed potatoes mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

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The Good Housekeeping Way #3

When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking tin,

use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and

there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

The Real Women's Way

The CheeseCake Shop sell cakes. They even do decorated versions.

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The Good Housekeeping Way #4

If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a potato slice.

The Real Women's Way

If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's tough.

Please recite with me the Real Women's motto:

"I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."

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The Good Housekeeping Way #5

Wrap celery in aluminium foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

The Real Women's Way

It could keep forever. I don't eat it.

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The Good Housekeeping Way #6

Brush some beaten egg white over piecrust before baking to yield beautiful glossy finish.

The Real Women's Way

Sara Lee frozen pie directions do not include brushing any egg whites over the crust so I don't do that.

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The Good Housekeeping Way #7

Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead.

The throbbing will go away.

The Real Women's Way

Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and drop it in 8 ounces of tequila.

Drink the Tequila. You might still have the headache,

but at least you will be too drunk to give a darn.

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The Good Housekeeping Way #8

If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves.

They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

The Real Women's Way

Go ask mister tight ####### cutelegs, single neighbour to do it for you.

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And finally the most important tip -

The Good Housekeeping Way #9

Freeze leftover wine into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

The Real Women's Way

Leftover wine?????

[rejane 1]

[Bootylicious!! 2]

The Good Housekeeping Way #7

Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead.

The throbbing will go away.

The Real Women's Way

Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and drop it in 8 ounces of tequila.

Drink the Tequila. You might still have the headache,

but at least you will be too drunk to give a darn.

This one is my favorite.

[almaty 19]

[Marilyn. 340]

The Spanish Computer

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike

English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."

"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two

groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves

whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each

group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of

the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other

computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long

term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself

spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should

be Masculine ("el computador"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half

the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had

waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won!!

[Peggy 1]

LMFAO

These are so funny

[Marilyn. 340]

Some Signs For The Ladies....

[Bootylicious!! 2]

Those are good Marilyn. Where do you find all this stuff?

[Marilyn. 340]

I have my sources

[Peggy 1]

I like those signs

Especially the one about the kitchen.

I hate to cook