Should I give up or fight for him?

[Saylin 1,605]

Who's the better raider? You or him? I think he and the chick should be booted from the guild.. if they're willing to cheat on a fellow guildie with another fellow guildie they're bad for the guild and who knows who else they'd mess around with. Of course knowing guild politics like I do it's not really that simple.

I agree with what someone else said as well... I would make sure the girl knows you know. I would make sure the GUILD knows you know. Just tell one of your other closer friends "Can you believe XX cheated on YY with ZZ?". ugh. People suck. I certainly don't think he should be allowed to get out of this well.

Nope sorry. He doesn't have to pay you anything. Either for your rent or anything. My SIL had to take out student loans to support herself while she was studying (she didn't work AT ALL) so you might have to do that. I'd look into it.

I'd seriously consider the vehicle via divorce thing though. I'm not sure I'd WANT him driving me around. I'm glad he finally admitted it even though you had to tell him you KNEW... shows a little bit of shame about it. I'd talk to him about getting you a car. Don't care if he needs to take out a personal loan (not a car loan because then if he stops paying they take the car) but he should at least do THAT for you.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I can only imagine

The thing about WoW, he didn't initially meet her there. They were friends from school or something awhile back. Not sure how they actually met, but it wasn't WoW. But anyways. I was in the guild since I was level 1 in 2008. He only joined in 2010 after we met. And then this girl recently came to our guild after a server transfer. As for her, her dps sucks. Now, he heals and is one of the three main healers. I DPS and I'm usually top 3 on raids. Don't think he's going to want to leave and there's no way I'm leaving. Guess we'll just have to work through it somehow...

I've already got student loans for my tuition. So, I don't have to worry about school. It's just all the other stuff (rent, utilities, food, etc).

And I don't think he meant he'd drive me around forever, but just until I get my own place. But at that point, I'd only have my two legs or a bike to get to places, and I won't be able to do that every day. Especially in the winter or if it's raining. So, if I can get him to get me a car, I'd be a lot less worried about a lot of things. I know he's been trying to get his old car back from his aunt for months now to give to me, but no luck yet. Maybe if he explains we're going through a divorce, I'll finally get it.

Thanks again for your help.

[Trojans Fan 7]

I wish it were as simple as just changing realms. I personally have many RL friends on my server(realm) as well as in my guild. Changing servers will mean she not only separates from her husband, but also potentially friends which is what she will really need at this time. Which is why I vote for kicking him and the mistress out of the guild instead (unlikely to be her call but maybe the GM's like her more ) ... OR changing guilds and having her friends go with her

You have a point. At any rate, she will need to remove him from her real life getaway.

[Neela & Jitu 79]

Thanks Neela for your kind words

But I can't really do what you suggested at this point: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/366975-should-i-give-up-or-fight-for-him/page__view__findpost__p__5362905

What your getting divorce? nooooooooooooooooooooooooo :crying: :crying: :crying:

[Saylin 1,605]

I wish it were as simple as just changing realms. I personally have many RL friends on my server(realm) as well as in my guild. Changing servers will mean she not only separates from her husband, but also potentially friends which is what she will really need at this time. Which is why I vote for kicking him and the mistress out of the guild instead (unlikely to be her call but maybe the GM's like her more ) ... OR changing guilds and having her friends go with her

There is absolutely no way I'm changing servers, or even guilds. These people are my online friends, and I've been with them longer than he has. By TWO years. If anything, they might kick the girl out (or she'll leave herself after my husband tells her all about our conversation). I doubt they'll kick my husband though just because he's an important raider. Only time will tell on this... I should probably log onto WoW and tell one of the officers...

What your getting divorce? nooooooooooooooooooooooooo :crying: :crying: :crying:

Looks like it...

[fkhan 1]

I read this whole thing from start to finish. You have my deepest sympathies. We are all here for you if you would ever like to talk!

Garbage like that man should be punished; remember, what goes around comes around so he'll get what he deserves in the end. You seem so sweet, and it is just awful that anyone can treat their spouse like that.

Be strong; you have my prayers that you will be happier than you ever were before. I'm sure you've heard it a lot, but trust me, it is true that you deserve better and you will find better. Men and women were created in pairs; your perfect soulmate is not that man, (and I'm trying my best to be polite about your husband), it is someone who will make you feel like a Queen! You are better off without him weighing you down and depreciating your self-worth!

Good Luck!

One last thing, just think how much happier you'll be with someone who treats you like you deserve to be treated?? It will be so much better than anything you've ever experienced! (Sorry for the emotionally charged response.)

Edited May 9, 2012 by fkhan

[Mark&Fatima 14]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You've helped me and so many others on this site, it's hard to read what's happening to you.

As far as what you can do now, you may be able to get temporary spousal support awarded to you. This is paid now, before the divorce is finalized. If you can't afford a lawyer, you should look for low-income/volunteer lawyers that work on a reduced scale. Unlike a lot of divorce attorneys, you don't have to pay upfront, they will take their pay after the divorce is final, and you've been awarded a judgement.

I really wish you the best in whatever happens Saylin.

[Worried2012 1]

Glad you got a chuckel out of that

My job here is done, my work has spread far from VJ and passed via email to coworkers far and wide

In marriage do you have to be an open book in all aspects of your life? well..well.. well.. it seems but it really seems?

[VanessaTony 3,567]

There is absolutely no way I'm changing servers, or even guilds. These people are my online friends, and I've been with them longer than he has. By TWO years. If anything, they might kick the girl out (or she'll leave herself after my husband tells her all about our conversation). I doubt they'll kick my husband though just because he's an important raider. Only time will tell on this... I should probably log onto WoW and tell one of the officers...

Ha! 2 years. You win. I hope she leaves and I hope the officers/GM kick him out too. Sure he's an important raider but someone can be trained up and you really don't want that "poison" in the guild. Talk about walking on eggshells! Please let me know what they say, I hope they do "the right thing" (and well... for revenge it would be awesome too )

Edited May 9, 2012 by Vanessa&Tony

[Mrs. Best 1]

Hi Saylin, im sorry to hear you are in that position...reading your story made me sad, casue those thngs can happen.

I havent go through your situation, but a girl knows when things arent right...

If you think its worth it fight for him (if you have any kind of proof that because of this girl he completly changed his feelings for you)but if you think that he really just rushed into things and doesnt feel in love with you anymore...let him go...its the best for you both.

And just because you deserve the best...dont have sex with him anymore...cause you still have feelings and that will harm you more.

I already thought about situation and i would come back to my country and start all over again.

Best of lucks

[VanessaTony 3,567]

The thing about WoW, he didn't initially meet her there. They were friends from school or something awhile back. Not sure how they actually met, but it wasn't WoW. But anyways. I was in the guild since I was level 1 in 2008. He only joined in 2010 after we met. And then this girl recently came to our guild after a server transfer. As for her, her dps sucks. Now, he heals and is one of the three main healers. I DPS and I'm usually top 3 on raids. Don't think he's going to want to leave and there's no way I'm leaving. Guess we'll just have to work through it somehow...

I've already got student loans for my tuition. So, I don't have to worry about school. It's just all the other stuff (rent, utilities, food, etc).

And I don't think he meant he'd drive me around forever, but just until I get my own place. But at that point, I'd only have my two legs or a bike to get to places, and I won't be able to do that every day. Especially in the winter or if it's raining. So, if I can get him to get me a car, I'd be a lot less worried about a lot of things. I know he's been trying to get his old car back from his aunt for months now to give to me, but no luck yet. Maybe if he explains we're going through a divorce, I'll finally get it.

Thanks again for your help.

One of THREE healers, it's okay. It's not like he's the main tank He can be replaced I'm a kitty druid. I've only started raiding recently (after a 2 year hiatus, a new toon 3 months ago and training I regularly pull 20K.. which isn't AWESOME but it's much better than when I started). Right now we're just working on getting me "best in slot" gear. I'm getting there!

By student loans I mean (and I don't know HOW she did this) but she was able to get more money from student loans and use it to pay her rent, car loan and other bills (not phone.. she was on our plan and never paid... that's a bit of a sore point with me.. so ungrateful).

Ohhh so his Aunt is borrowing his car? Or did he give it to her? If he loaned it to her and he's on the title he can just take it back. you'll want that title in your name ASAP. That would be a HUGE load off your mind. Especially as I wouldn't move anywhere (he can't kick you out until the divorce stuff is final) until you know how you're able to survive financially.

[Mrs. Best 1]

Trust me, I wasn't fond of logging into his Facebook account. I hated doing it... but I needed to know what was going on as he hasn't told me about it.

You had the right to do it...He opened the door with that girl comment. He lost your trust at that moment...

[hikergirl 277]

Who's the better raider? You or him? I think he and the chick should be booted from the guild.. if they're willing to cheat on a fellow guildie with another fellow guildie they're bad for the guild and who knows who else they'd mess around with. Of course knowing guild politics like I do it's not really that simple.

I agree with what someone else said as well... I would make sure the girl knows you know. I would make sure the GUILD knows you know. Just tell one of your other closer friends "Can you believe XX cheated on YY with ZZ?". ugh. People suck. I certainly don't think he should be allowed to get out of this well.

As another WoWer, I totally agree with Vanessa&Tony. The guild should know about this two-bit tramp and what she is doing. Your husband may not be the only one she's been inviting to shower with her and people like her are poison to a guild. I also agree that you shouldn't let him get off lightly. Let your fellow guildies tell him what they think of him. Knowing you from the site, I think they will know he's done you wrong and you are such a nice person and do not deserve this at all!

Best of Luck to you and I hope your heart finds peace and heals!

[Jana / Robert 0]

I'm sorry for you going through it all this, trust your intuition as a wife and woman, they do not usually fail....

[Worried2012 1]

This is nice because the divorce issue is being talked about here and an eye opener for would be usc. How many % of americans go into divorce? I think it is quite high- 75 or 80% where did i read that?? and I even read that short marriages are apparent and there are even situations that in the altar usually the bride is thinking of divorcing already. So the process of divorce again will come into view- how to get one with a lawyer- it needs money ... think of the other party... I don't know where to go if there is a gratis state lawyer or something that one can approach... one has to learn the mechanics in his/her own so to minimize expenses as well as be able to follow up that what the lawyer did was correct... so one thing leads to the other... well that's us life but what i only know is if you are divorced you will have some sort of a divorce pension when you retire which is quite lower in amount as your ex husband is receiving but when you remarry this divorced pension will disappear.. it's really a learning process here..so better start learning..

[BLeNiL 1]

Hello Saylin, I'm really sorry that you're going through this..

I only read the very 1st post and sometimes men do stupid stuff like this

without offending any1, its true that men act and DO NOT think of the

consequences of the circumstances.

So i'm guessing they haven't met yet? Let's say they met, it doesn't mean they will have sex. I'm sure he's day dreaming of her but once he gets to met her he will see what kind of person she is and he will see you like he did before

I know its not right but sometimes we as women have to give them that freedom so it can open their eyes.

Most men do cheat on their wives without them even knowing about it, this is just an adventure for them,

a phase. Then they do realize its wrong.

You should go on that trip to Canada, relax and have fun.

Be strong..

Edited May 9, 2012 by AlbGrL