Should I give up or fight for him?

[Saylin 1,605]

This is truly a sad story. I feel very bad for you.

But, I think that you already know what you have to do. I know that it will be hard. I've had a couple of relationships in the past (not marriages but serious relationships) where I felt that I couldn't live without him, but the feelings HAVE to go both ways. And after I broke up with those guys, I felt sad and alone, and I felt that I could never love someone again. But now, I know that those feelings were only tricking me. And eventually you will find the ONE. You say that he is your soul mate, right? But I think if that is so, he will feel that you are his soul mate as well. I know that you love, and I know that you are hurting right now, but over time, that pain will fade. And YES, you WILL find your true soul mate. Any man (or woman) who feels the need to cheat on their loved one (gf/bf or spouse) should just be honest in the first place with everything.

I'm sorry for the pain that you are going through, but know that with time, everything is healed.

Be strong, believe in yourself, do the things that are right for YOU!

Thanks. I know what you're saying is true (about the soulmate and such), but it's just really hard for me to accept and imagine being with someone else right now...

Honestly, my advise to you is to look after you first; I had to leave my ex-husband for my sanity and my happiness. we were living like friends, I came to dispise him daily and realised that it was eating away at my happiness.

People dont know what they have until they lose it (like my ex husband). I walked away and now I'm happier than I've ever been in my entire life.

It maybe hard but the hardest of decisions are the ones with the giant rainbow at the end.

I have to keep this in mind... That there's a reason for everything... Just right now, I can't see that reason whatsoever.

Saylin, never fight for a man, he's the one who should fight for you! The right man will fight tooth and nail to be with you and to make you happy, because he knows you're the best thing that ever happened to him and he can't bear the thought of not being with you. Fight for yourself, make the best life you possibly can for yourself, so you're ready to share it when your true soulmate comes along. Good luck on your journey!

Although this is true, shouldn't it also be the other way around?

I am so sorry this is happening to you. Please stay strong. Please do not continue to have sex with him. Tell him how you feel and what you want and see where he wants to go from there, Do not keep yourselves in this "limbo" it isn't fair.

In my honest opinion, regardless of the fact that you love him and are loyal to him, he is disloyal to you and not faithful to you. Would you want to stay in a relationship where you may always have doubts, even if he did want to work this out?

Good luck and please keep us updated.

Brittany

Thanks for your kind words. Means a lot, even if I don't know you or anything.

And I'll definitely keep everyone updated here. My husband is coming home in an hour and I'm trying to pluck up the courage to talk with him.

[CourtneyRox 25]

Oh hunnie my heart go out to you, this is something i fear will happen but we dont know till it does happen. Hold on as much as you can for what you beleive in you heart to be true but dont let anyone take you for a fool. Being in a long distance relationship is a big excitment, it's like withholding all you have till that final moment again. Some people finally get together and then realise they miss that excitment and think they dont have feelings. You followed your heart and you left all you know behind to face this just doesn't seem fair. The only advice i can give is to pray about it and ask God to help you and show you the way (im not a Godly person but i beleive).

Best of luck...

I couldn't agree more! I would fight for him, but like she said don't let him take you for a fool!

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

I am very sorry you are going through this. It's truly heartbreaking... how you found out and everything. Pretty slimy on his part, and I am very sorry.

I do have one dose of bitter medicine though, just for thinking about life-lessons. This is exactly what you did to your ex-bf.

I am glad you plan to have a talk tonight. Best of luck to you.

[Saylin 1,605]

I couldn't agree more! I would fight for him, but like she said don't let him take you for a fool!

Thanks.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I hope I'm not too late but before he gets hope I suggest you download/copy/save ALL the evidence of the affair, you might need this if he gets mean with the divorce stuff (if that's the path you go down). I'll write more in another reply but I wanted to make sure you got this BEFORE you talked to him because he'll delete all evidence of it (and then deny he was having an affair).

[Saylin 1,605]

I am very sorry you are going through this. It's truly heartbreaking... how you found out and everything. Pretty slimy on his part, and I am very sorry.

I do have one dose of bitter medicine though, just for thinking about life-lessons. This is exactly what you did to your ex-bf.

I am glad you plan to have a talk tonight. Best of luck to you.

I know this is similar to what happened with my previous boyfriend, but I at least broke it off with him instead of sneaking around his back planning visits and making inappropriate comments or even cheating on him. He knew about my visit to the US as my husband and I were just friends wanting to meet up. We didn't do anything while I was there. Once we revealed our feelings for one another after the visit, I promptly broke up with my boyfriend as I didn't want to cheat on him behind his back or be "that" kind of girl. My boyfriend at the time wasn't completely devastated or anything, as it was mutual (not loving one another anymore).

I hope I'm not too late but before he gets hope I suggest you download/copy/save ALL the evidence of the affair, you might need this if he gets mean with the divorce stuff (if that's the path you go down). I'll write more in another reply but I wanted to make sure you got this BEFORE you talked to him because he'll delete all evidence of it (and then deny he was having an affair).

I spent 3 hours this morning taking screenshots of a few messages he's shared with this girl. That's why I didn't want to bring it up last Friday when we talked in fear he would delete it and I'd have no proof.

[CourtneyRox 25]

Well my dear Saylin...

First of all, let me say that I am sorry to hear about this and it breaks my heart to know that you have to go through this....

ooohhh, the things I want to say about him right now...

Everyone can only give you advice based on their life experiences. I as a strong Caribbean woman, would have put a 'certain thing' on lock-down a while back! (wink) lol

After having given up your life for this man, I can imagine the frustration you must be feeling... all of us may have been there at some point or the other.

The only thing I can tell you is listen to your heart... and NEVER let a man disrespect you like that!!! ALWAYS remember HOW MUCH you are worth! Think about what you would tell your daughter in that situation.

Talk to your family, if you can, and see how supportive they may be.... You never know.

It is either he wants to work it out, or he doesn't. That would include some counselling perhaps, and for that, you need a willing partner. I am a firm believer in that once a man wants a woman, he will fight for her. However, if a man can get what he wants from a woman, he will take it.

As my husband says; a man will only get away with what his woman allows him to do. You state your standards and what YOU want. He will respect you for it. Don't put off talking for long periods of time. It will only get worse.

AW

Well said! Made me cry!

[sheeshkabelle 153]

In the end you have to do what YOU feel is right.

You love your husband, fight for him. If everything is failing, be strong enough to go.

[Fight for Love 98]

Nothing to apologies...your situation makes me awake (I was sleepy all day today. Girl u woke me up)...WOW!!! jk

Anyways ask yourself are u still happy?

I think your husband lost all his interest to u and his respect. I don’t think this kind of relationship/marriage you want to have right? If I’m in your situation I will let him go. Like the saying if you set them free and come back they are really yours. But if not, then it’s not meant to be. Any how you’re the ONLY person here who knows what is best for you. Whatever decision you make dear I wish you a good luck!!!!

here's my hug for you XXX

[AngelAndJoy 22]

I am going to guess that I am old enough to be your father (I am 52).

Upon reading this, I have a couple of emotions for you which I probably would go through if you were my daughter.

1. Anger for you: can you not see he has played you and he is being a dog? Victims ALLOW themselves to be victims. You have a choice. If you were ten years old, I'd spank you and I'd go to his home and kick his ####, his father's ####, and his dog if his dog barks at me.

2. Sadness for you: betrayal from a loved one hurts the most, and I know when it comes to love, logic flows out the window. At this point, I'd hug you and tell you 'sweetheart, I know this is hard and I know you've heard it before, but time will heal. Find your inner strength by praying for clues to get your life back on the straight and narrow'.

There are 7 billion people in this planet. Let's say one third are marriage age material, which leaves about 2+ billion. Half of that are men, which leaves one billion. Less than half of that are on the Western Hemisphere, which leaves about half a billion. Less than half of that are single. Trust me. Out of 250 Million available men on the Western Hemisphere, that moron is near the lower half of the heap.

Who'd want to marry a liar? Odds are in your favor that you will find a MUCH better person. Trust me. God works in mysterious ways.

Edited May 8, 2012 by AngelAndJoy

[ChetT 9]

From a man perspective. There must be a reason. I would not change my damn mind if I don't have a reason. I would not lose a war without a fight.

1- Look like you are almost 100% sure the online girl is the problem. If you are sure she is the reason.Personally,I would tell him I go to Canada, but in fact I will find a way to see if they are really together. Do not confront him, just find out only.

2- It's like visa denial. you have to know the reason to file another petition.Start with soft voice,ask him how is his weekend? Where/what was he doing? (he tells you....etc). The the important part(this part would rock my world if my wife ever say so to me), tell him how hard for you to move from Canada to U.S. just to be with him. without expecting anything from him beside HIS LOVE.

3- You take from there, and I hope you know his hot button. I repeat again, you won't leave him without him giving you a reason for you to walk a way ( I have no more feeling for you "is not a reason").

[Saylin 1,605]

In the end you have to do what YOU feel is right.

You love your husband, fight for him. If everything is failing, be strong enough to go.

Thanks Sheeshka. And for your personal Facebook message

Nothing to apologies...your situation makes me awake (I was sleepy all day today. Girl u woke me up)...WOW!!! jk

Anyways ask yourself are u still happy?

I think your husband lost all his interest to u and his respect. I don't think this kind of relationship/marriage you want to have right? If I'm in your situation I will let him go. Like the saying if you set them free and come back they are really yours. But if not, then it's not meant to be. Any how you're the ONLY person here who knows what is best for you. Whatever decision you make dear I wish you a good luck!!!!

here's my hug for you XXX

Glad I woke you up, lol.

And yeah, I've heard that saying (about letting someone go, etc). I never thought about it like that. Thanks.

And thanks for the hug. I definitely need a bunch right now.

[Mr. Borkström 63]

Saylin, I can not offer much in the ways of advice. I can only tell you that during the relatively short period of time I have been on this message board, you have really stood out as being a smart, caring, helpful wonderful person. There are few things that are as unjust as when bad things happen to good people. And whatever happens, whichever path you chose is best for you, remember that you are a good person. As far as I can tell you are a wonderful person and in my honest opinion you have done nothing wrong and you definitely do not deserve this. No one deserves to have something like this happen to them, but especially not someone like you. You deserve someone who are as loving and loyal to you as you are yourself. Take some time and figure out what you want to do, and stand up for yourself, your beliefs and do what's right by you. I sincerely hope that everything works out for you, that you get whatever it is your heart desires.

[Saylin 1,605]

I am going to guess that I am old enough to be your father (I am 52).

Upon reading this, I have a couple of emotions for you which I probably would go through if you were my daughter.

1. Anger for you: can you not see he has played you and he is being a dog? Victims ALLOW themselves to be victims. You have a choice. If you were ten years old, I'd spank you and I'd go to his home and kick his ####, his father's ####, and his dog if his dog barks at me.

2. Sadness for you: betrayal from a loved one hurts the most, and I know when it comes to love, logic flows out the window. At this point, I'd hug you and tell you 'sweetheart, I know this is hard and I know you've heard it before, but time will heal. Find your inner strength by praying for clues to get your life back on the straight and narrow'.

There are 7 billion people in this planet. Let's say one third are marriage age material, which leaves about 2+ billion. Half of that are men, which leaves one billion. Less than half of that are on the Western Hemisphere, which leaves about half a billion. Less than half of that are single. Trust me. Out of 250 Million available men on the Western Hemisphere, that moron is near the lower half of the heap.

Who'd want to marry a liar? Odds are in your favor that you will find a MUCH better person. Trust me. God works in mysterious ways.

Thanks for your kind words. Especially number 2.

I know you're right about other people out there, but like you said, right now, logic is out the window and my heart is taking control. And I just can't picture myself with anyone else at the moment...

[bigdog 376]

You deserve more and will. My big brother said to me loose a wife get a better wife. You know it was true (8 yrs later), sorry you have to go through this.