Should I give up or fight for him?

[teach_says 4]

1. He never mentioned to me directly that he had been losing feelings until December. I did notice that he stopped holding my hand, or kissing me, or saying "I love you" and stuff like that, but he never told me directly what was going on.

2. I need to clarify something about the texting thing. He's been deleting everyone's text messages (not just the girl's) for quite awhile now. Before I even moved here. Perhaps even since I met him, I can't quite remember. And he only started to get feelings for this girl this year (like, just a few short months ago), after his feelings for me slipped late last year. Yes, he's known her for longer, but it was clear in their conversations on Facebook that things only started to get "serious" recently.

3. Yeah, it's been around a year. I honestly can't remember as it's been so long. But, now that he seems to have turned a new leaf since he said he wanted to work on things, I've given him a second chance. Whether his intentions are true or not (or if it's cause of how people talked about him here on this thread as you said), I don't know. I'd like to think they're true. But only time will tell I suppose. Like I mentioned earlier, if things don't improve at all in like one year (once I finish school), then I'll have to re-evaluate and see if I should stay or not. I would love for things to work out, but I don't want to waste 20 years of my life...

Good luck hun, you're firm in your convictions and seem content with your decision.... I hope your marriage works out. How are things with the both of you now?

[SOflaherty 40]

I'm still curious is he has cut off contact with the girl or still trying to be 'friends' with her.

[rlogan 2,036]

Manipulative people just need to know the absolute minimum required of them. Naiive people tell them that minimum. So the abused is kept in this unfulfilled state of "not quite sick enough to leave" perpetually. He's been given a year just with a little cuddling if I am reading this right.

If I understand correctly he still has not said he loves you, which means he doesn't. But we can't judge. Everyone is captain of their own ship and master of their destiny. I tell my wife I love her probably a dozen times a day. When she does stuff for me I tell her how grateful I am because it is true. I have been with abusive people and this is like the promised land by comparison.

[Saylin 1,605]

Good luck hun, you're firm in your convictions and seem content with your decision.... I hope your marriage works out. How are things with the both of you now?

Good. They're better than they were a month ago before we talked, but not as great as they once were. But I'm not expecting a miracle to happen overnight.

I'm still curious is he has cut off contact with the girl or still trying to be 'friends' with her.

As far as I know, they still talk, but I don't know for certain. I don't think he'd ever cut off 100% contact with anyone...

Manipulative people just need to know the absolute minimum required of them. Naiive people tell them that minimum. So the abused is kept in this unfulfilled state of "not quite sick enough to leave" perpetually. He's been given a year just with a little cuddling if I am reading this right.

If I understand correctly he still has not said he loves you, which means he doesn't. But we can't judge. Everyone is captain of their own ship and master of their destiny. I tell my wife I love her probably a dozen times a day. When she does stuff for me I tell her how grateful I am because it is true. I have been with abusive people and this is like the promised land by comparison.

Well, I'm not expecting him to say 'I love you' overnight. If he has to get his feelings back to where they were, I doubt that's gonna happen within a week.

[rlogan 2,036]

Well, I'm not expecting him to say 'I love you' overnight. If he has to get his feelings back to where they were, I doubt that's gonna happen within a week.

I understand. You also don't want him lying about it.

A good counselor is going to gently force the right questions, and if both parties are being honest it can really help. The trick is getting a good counselor. When people are communicating well enough, you don't need one. But you guys definitely have communication issues. No disrespect meant - I have been in some horribly abusive relationships with master manipulators.

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

Good. They're better than they were a month ago before we talked, but not as great as they once were. But I'm not expecting a miracle to happen overnight.

As far as I know, they still talk, but I don't know for certain. I don't think he'd ever cut off 100% contact with anyone...

Well, I'm not expecting him to say 'I love you' overnight. If he has to get his feelings back to where they were, I doubt that's gonna happen within a week.

Saylin, I think you are smart woman and your heart is in the right place, but the above bolded statement bothers me a lot.

How can you begin to repair your marriage when the very thing that is corroding it from the inside out is STILL in your marriage? This isn't up for negotiation, you are his WIFE, full stop. The "Friend" should have been gone the split second you two decided to work it out. You need to ask him about this and see what his answer is, if she is, I'd leave in a heartbeat, that is so disrespectful I can't even begin to put it into words.

A year is way too long for a reevaluation of a marriage when you are already living together. I hope you didn't tell him this, as this gives him a time frame to just do the basics for 11 months and then turn it up at the very end of it so you stay. Rlogan has a point, he got caught cheating on you and he is saying he wants to work things out. He should be doing everything x100 to assure you that you are his love. I'll talk WOW speak(retired:), his DPS needs to come up in order for this to work, this other woman is pulling AGRO from you...

[SOflaherty 40]

Saylin, I think you are smart woman and your heart is in the right place, but the above bolded statement bothers me a lot.

How can you begin to repair your marriage when the very thing that is corroding it from the inside out is STILL in your marriage? This isn't up for negotiation, you are his WIFE, full stop. The "Friend" should have been gone the split second you two decided to work it out. You need to ask him about this and see what his answer is, if she is, I'd leave in a heartbeat, that is so disrespectful I can't even begin to put it into words.

A year is way too long for a reevaluation of a marriage when you are already living together. I hope you didn't tell him this, as this gives him a time frame to just do the basics for 11 months and then turn it up at the very end of it so you stay. Rlogan has a point, he got caught cheating on you and he is saying he wants to work things out. He should be doing everything x100 to assure you that you are his love. I'll talk WOW speak(retired:), his DPS needs to come up in order for this to work, this other woman is pulling AGRO from you...

Agreed. This man has no interest in working it out, he wants to have his cake and eat it too, and as far as I can see OP is allowing that to happen. This woman needs to be GONE from both your lives before you can even THINK about whether or not to work things out. Anything else is just telling him cheating on you is just fine in your book.

[rade2rising 205]

hope can be a very dangerous thing....

be careful

[Bern` 0]

Hey, I just read through the last 20 some odd pages and really hope that it works out for you, just don't become a doormat. I actually went through sometime quite similar when I moved here. Just our luck huh? Just hang in there and if you ever need to talk, PM me anytime. (: I moved to the US at 20 years old, so yeah, been there. lol