Should I give up or fight for him?

[duriantaste 44]

If people divorce for every single simple problems in a relationship, there would be no one married couple left. Every problem has a fix.

A marriage between two people is not a joke. Sometimes one needs to work harder than the other to keep the relationship going.

I guess you guys lie in front of whomever married you. You raised your right hand and swore that would never get divorced. Did you?

Now I know why the number of divorce keeps on going up and up and up and up. My parents has 65 years together. Ask them if it is is easy? not it is not a piece of cake. it is a lot of work. And yes some needs to work harder than other. But who cares as long that keep your words of sticking together for bad or good..for better or worse...so on.

[BrockUK 26]

Saylin,

We have never spoken or met each other, but reading your story really did bring a tear to my eye (and I am a man who ever cries!).

That man is such a guttless SOB. Many couple here have a hard enough time getting approved to be with their loved ones, so for you two to go through all of that process and sacrificing everything you have just to be together, and then for him to do that and not even man up and confess really makes me so mad!

You are such a sweet girl, and your knowledge and timeline has help so many VJ community members here. But give yourself credit, you are stronger than you think! We will be here for you whenever you need it! He doesnt deserve you, you are better off without him!

If you need an ear to listen to you, a PM is always there!

[sabi 148]

I agree with BrockUK. We have never spoken but reading your story brought shivers down my spine! I cannot imagine what you have to go through... I'm always reading those sad stories here and like you hoping it will never happen to me... But unfortunately the reality is a killer. It can happen to anyone at any time! And it's just so really sad that people who we put our faith and trust in let us down big time!

I have no advise for you as I have no idea what would I do if that happened to me... But want you to know that you have people here that sympathise with you in tht hard moment in your life.

All the best in whatever you decide!

[chaine1 116]

Every problem has a fix.

Maybe, but sometimes that fix should be a divorce. People grow and change. In my opinion, it takes a lot more courage to say 'hey I made a mistake, and I really need to end this relationship it so we can both have happier futures,' than it does to stick around in an unhappy and unfulfilled relationship.

Ask them if it is is easy? not it is not a piece of cake. it is a lot of work.

Sorry, I'm of the opinion that a good relationship is and should be easy. I think the point of being in a relationship is to have a partner in life. If my partner and I constantly disagree, then what kind of partnership is that?

I strongly disagree with your statement that a relationship is 'work.' Give and take and compromise, yes. But never 'work.' What does 'work' actually mean anyway?

[meno-is-mine 37]

Perhaps I'll add it to my list of possible places

Thank you

Maybe in the future, once I'm out of his life, he'll realise how amazing I was and should have never let me go...

You are amazing and strong. I also think he'll regret it down the line. I don't know you very well but even I can see that you're a special person with a great personality and a big heart (and that's just from reading posts written by you). That comment someone wrote about him being bored with you and how you should wear a wig and entice him blah blah blah is total #######!!! Don't listen to that. If he can't appreciate and value you for who you are then he doesn't deserve you and although it seems your world is tuned upside down now, I believe, and you should/will too, that this is a good thing and God has a better plan (and man) for you.

[Adriene H 89]

The sad thing is, I have this girl on my own Facebook. And she's in our guild on World of Warcraft. So it's not like she's a complete stranger. I haven't met her in person, but I do know her. Which maybe makes this worse.

A girl on WoW ... I used to play Dark Age of Camelot and my ex-husband

played too. The girl I always saw him running around with in game

turned out to be a guy named Christopher a couple years later

[meno-is-mine 37]

If people divorce for every single simple problems in a relationship, there would be no one married couple left. Every problem has a fix.

A marriage between two people is not a joke. Sometimes one needs to work harder than the other to keep the relationship going.

I guess you guys lie in front of whomever married you. You raised your right hand and swore that would never get divorced. Did you?

Now I know why the number of divorce keeps on going up and up and up and up. My parents has 65 years together. Ask them if it is is easy? not it is not a piece of cake. it is a lot of work. And yes some needs to work harder than other. But who cares as long that keep your words of sticking together for bad or good..for better or worse...so on.

If one person doesn't want to work to help fix the relationship then you can't do anything about it. Marriage is one of those things that requires 2people to be committed, not just one. I also believe marriage is sacred and people shouldn't resort to divorce over everything big or small. This isn't the case here though. I believe that Saylin confronting her husband and asking him i work things out with her while fully knowing everything she knew he did was an effort to salvage her marriage despite the issues, but when one party flat out says they have no interest in repairing anything (which is the case here) then what else can she do? Cut her some slack and read all her posts and you'll realize that she did try to salvage her marriage despite the discretions. In my opinion, she did all that she has the power to do.

[Musashii 21]

If people divorce for every single simple problems in a relationship, there would be no one married couple left. Every problem has a fix.

A marriage between two people is not a joke. Sometimes one needs to work harder than the other to keep the relationship going.

I guess you guys lie in front of whomever married you. You raised your right hand and swore that would never get divorced. Did you?

Now I know why the number of divorce keeps on going up and up and up and up. My parents has 65 years together. Ask them if it is is easy? not it is not a piece of cake. it is a lot of work. And yes some needs to work harder than other. But who cares as long that keep your words of sticking together for bad or good..for better or worse...so on.

Your parents have 65 years together because your dad probably did not date another girl and was not planning to divorce his wife (your mother) for another woman.

I am not Christian so I do not exactly remember the words of solemnization at weddings however what I have seen in movies, those vows also include that the couple will remain faithful to each other. Are you forgetting that part? Her husband in this case is kind of cheating on her with another girl.

All I know is what Saylin has shared with us here. We do not know her husband's story. But if what Saylin has stated is true, then she needs to do something about it and not just suffer for rest of her life just for the sake of some vows.

Btw, I never heard anything like "would never get divorced" but "till death do us part" part and being cheated on is not less than dying.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Saylin - I'm sorry about this happening in your life right now, I'm sure its beyond heart-rending.

I think you know the answer even as you wrote the first post and even as you've responded to others. It can be embarassing probably for you to feel like your marriage has failed and that is normal. It would be embarassing to have to go back home to Canada and tell others that it didn't work out, especially when you went to all that trouble of going through immigration, right?

Try as you might want to 'convince him' that he's wrong and you're the right person for him, life doesn't work out that way. You can joke, laugh, convince, prod, yell and scream but if he has decided he is no longer into the marriage and you, you must swallow that hard pill and do something for yourself. I know you want him to change his mind, we all would, but it doesn't sound like that will happen so you must take care of your own feelings and mental health during this stressful time.

I hope you take care of yourself and try to make sound decisions. Taking control of the decision making will empower you and not make you feel like you're being dragged along by whatever he decides. If it doesn;t work out it does NOT mean you are a bad person or even that he his. I'm sure you are both doing the best you can with what you know right now.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I wish it were as simple as just changing realms. I personally have many RL friends on my server(realm) as well as in my guild. Changing servers will mean she not only separates from her husband, but also potentially friends which is what she will really need at this time. Which is why I vote for kicking him and the mistress out of the guild instead (unlikely to be her call but maybe the GM's like her more ) ... OR changing guilds and having her friends go with her

I was a bit more relieved to learn that there were no REAL children involved. Being kind of a male pig, I hadn't considered the WoW side of things. Pardon my boorishness.

Your "world" is not crashing down. You are ridding yourself of a person who could not care less about you. He would prefer to "take a shower" with pixels and tosses you aside. What are you losing? Do you not deserve someone that treats you well and makes you the center of his world? You do. If you ask me it is his loss, not yours. Such a shame for him to throw away something so rare and valuable ...but idiots walk among us.

Now lookie here, you are going to get over this, sooner or later. Sooner is better.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Your parents have 65 years together because your dad probably did not date another girl and was not planning to divorce his wife (your mother) for another woman.

I am not Christian so I do not exactly remember the words of solemnization at weddings however what I have seen in movies, those vows also include that the couple will remain faithful to each other. Are you forgetting that part? Her husband in this case is kind of cheating on her with another girl.

All I know is what Saylin has shared with us here. We do not know her husband's story. But if what Saylin has stated is true, then she needs to do something about it and not just suffer for rest of her life just for the sake of some vows.

Btw, I never heard anything like "would never get divorced" but "till death do us part" part and being cheated on is not less than dying.

Your first sentence is the key really.

Cheating is a deal breaker in my mind. The other parts of the promise involve being true and faithful to your partner. "Forsaking ALL OTHERS" I take that very seriously. I also believe that your wife (spouse) and family, if you are so blessed to have children, MUST be number 1 and they MUST know it.

I believe that each person in the marriage has a RIGHT to expect that. One partner cannot urinate on the promise and expect the other to remain until death.

[IslandLady 7]

Saylin,

I've read through your posts and all the responses, and I'll be praying for you as you go through this journey. I'm happy to see where your mindset is at right now, even as your heart continues to hurt.

I pray that God will give you much wisdom and the grace and strength you need to make it through each step. Believe me: having made your decision and now that you're in the process of working through your next steps, you only need to focus on ONE step a time. Anything more than that, you may find a bit overwhelming. I pray that God will flood your heart with His peace to keep you through the difficult moments, each and every day.

Bless you girl. You have been SUCH a blessing. As we say in Jamaica... "Walk good".

[Jen and Jon 14]

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this,

From what you've said already he seems to think things are already done for. He's already admitted to have gone and visited this individual

'once or twice' (more than likely more), and has done the unthinkable already with her. Doesn't seem he's looking for a way to patch things up, but is looking for the excitement again. That will fizzle away too.

Stay Strong, and good luck

[aaydrian 479]

It's sad the way your young marriage has deteriorated but I'm sorry to say that was kinda predictable. It's never wise to leave one relationship (good/bad) to engage in another. I am guessing that your husband thought it was perfectly okay to start an affair with his girlfriend because YOU started a relationship with you now husband WHILE with you ex boyfriend. So pretty much you set a standard that your husband abided by.

I don't think marital counseling will help set your marriage straight as your husband has found a new lover and has made it known he wants a divorce. Simple counseling may be ideal for you both to clear the air before everything is finalized.

If you plan to stay in the US then you may have to live with your husband as a separated couple for quite a bit until you can afford to buy a car & find somewhere else to live as well as get really acquainted with where you intend to live (that is if you remain in the same town/county).

really the best of luck to you.

[Love mi papi 0]

I don't know you, but wanted to reply.

What you are going through really sucks. But you will survive.

I caught my EX-husband doing the same thing. I forgave him and thought that things would get better. We have a child together, I did not want her to be a child of divorce. No more than a year later, I caught him again texting and emailing the same freaking woman. He promised that he would not contact her again. BUT, a few months later, he told me another woman he worked with was hitting on him and hinting about an affair. I finally came to my senses and told him I wanted a divorce. I knew back when it first happened, that I wanted it to be over. We were never really in-sync with one another. I know my daughter suffers because of it, but Mommy is much happier.

And yes, you will fall in love again. Realize now, that you can not change a person and accept them for whom they are. This will make your life much easier. Don't settle, and find someone who loves you to the ends of the earth.

Keep your chin up and best of luck.