Understanding your fiancee

[LSnBigBear 61]

Hello Everyone,

I thought I would start something positive and maybe educational for some as last night my fiancee and I had a long talk reminessing (spelling) about how we met, how we lived together and dated while I was in RP.

This brought me back to the many posts on problems of adjustment for the fiancee or problems understanding each other once this all ends of the K1 process.

I know first hand what is is like to live in a foreign country for over 5 years. Here are some thoughts as we all start our Journeys together with our fiancee.

Be understanding of her/his emotions. I lived in the Philippines on work assignment so I had plenty of items to keep my brain busy. Saying goodbye to my family every 8-9 months in USA was difficult. I had two son's in college and we fought off tears (okay they fought off I cried lol) everytime I left. Upon leaving the Philippines for what I thought was good in 2007 I cried like a baby when leaving my friends there. Upon returning for 2 years and then leaving in August of last year, once again alot of emotions with my friends and my fiancee.

Please understand your fiancee's culture. Filipinos are emotional people but they also hide their feelings well. I know what kept me moving forward was having some expat friends that I could relate with. If possible find a network or church in your area for your wife to be apart of. Do not isolate her/him.. Let them grow here and they will love you more for it. There is 21 years age difference in my fiancee and me. I am not at all worried about losing her to another man. I have faith and trust in our relationship. I will only protect her from making any mistakes and I will guide her if needed.

Just understand your future spouse. Relationships are hard enough. Throw in foreign relationships and it is even harder in communicating. Have understanding and patience. And folks I am the most unpatient person in the world lol.

Allow her or him to spread their wings some. Educate them on all ways of life and cultures. If possible find an association from their home country that you can visit with so she/he can make friends.

I only write this as I felt empty and away at times while living in Philippines. And I had 100% control over my finances and my coming and going. Had someone taken my freedom and money away then I am not sure I could have lived there.

Just one man's thoughts. Feel free to offer more advice from your experiences.

Good luck

Edited May 8, 2012 by LSnBigBear

[Olomi_811 130]

Thank you for your insight.