Feeling a Little Sad...

[saudiwife 7]

Assalaamu'Alaykum Wa Rahmataullah/Salutations MENA:

I hope this finds you well. However today I am feeling a little sad. My sister in law sent my husband photos of her son to us via text. I just love her son so much. He was born the day we got married, so I just feel this connection with him. However, giving the rules of the KSA I won't be able to visit him or them for a long time. My husband is planning to return to KSA in december insha'allah, provided that everything goes well for the AOS. I really want to go, but I can't. Not for a long time at least.

Seeing the photos, it makes me want to have a baby ASAP, but that is not possible at this time either because we are both in school, and at the moment, i am the only person working. And dear husband and I decided that we would wait until we both graduate which is 1.5 years or so. With most of my friends either pregnant or having children or had their children, I feel somewhat sad. I know we are a family, my son, my husband, and I, but I just do not feel like our family isn't complete or validated(lack of a better word).

We just celebrated six months together. I know most couples now days decide to wait on children, especially in America due to finances, but I just feel like my time can't come soon enough. I know to some it may sound a tad selfish, but the heart wants what it wants, especially at this moment. I keep telling myself 24 months isn't that long, but some way it is, and other ways it's not.

Just seeing these photos today, I just wonder will my marriage be valid among his family since I am not one of them. Will we be okay? Will this all work out? I guess I am having one of those days.

~Saudiwife

[EAbbas 213]

aww .. there will be time for that and yeah of cos its hard... we also want a baby but for us its the ap stopping it and my pregnancy would be high risk due to early labor with my other baby so i must have him here for the duration of any pregnacy.... its just time that's all and before you know it that time will be gone ... and of course... not all babies are planned they just happen.. dont worry it will happen when its the right time in Allah's time.....

as far as validating your marriagE? i don't understand i guess... do you mean his family doesnt accept? or not sure?

My husband's family is completely accepting and its the most wonderful unconditional love i've ever experienced...

I'm sure your just having a stressful time and it's all wound you up... hang in there Inshallah there are good things to happen to you

Edited May 6, 2012 by EAbbas

[tabel 8]

why not apply for the travel document (Parole) I-131. Once its approved you can go visit outside the country. I hope this helps & makes you feel better. I belelive the fee is $360.00 here is the link: http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis/menuitem.5af9bb95919f35e66f614176543f6d1a/?vgnextoid=b11747a55773d010VgnVCM10000048f3d6a1RCRD&vgnextchannel=db029c7755cb9010VgnVCM10000045f3d6a1RCRD

[Kerstin + Faisal 6]

I know exactly how you feel so much want to have babies and have a family together for so long now. We been going through the long distance relationship for about 4 years now with so much patients and hardships of trying to be together physically and settle down.

I wonder if you can both go close to a country where Saudi is and have the family come up to you guys? Just a thought. I've only visited in Jordan when he was studying at that time. Went up there for 9 months first time and then a month last year. Went vacation in Dubai, UAE and Egypt for the first 9 months so I could come into Jordan again since they only allow visitors to stay up to 3 months at a time max. Not much time physically together, but it's so expensive especially when I was working when he's studying as well. Plus to save for the whole process for almost going on 2 years now and finally he's back in Saudi with his family having a job now. Tho it doesn't pay well, but it's doable to save for trip to US to visit me and my mom and to save towards the CR-1.

So we know how hard it is to go through what your going through. Just have patients, Allah is always with you and would never do something you couldn't handle. Be strong for each other. Everything is a test for a reason. Or you may come up with a plan or such, even if he goes alone to Saudi how about using Skype? Skype will be your best friend with web calling and such. It's the greatest thing. Feeling you little bit there and seeing the family and the baby. Hope everything goes well inshallah.

[Kerstin + Faisal 6]

Oh and forgot to say this part and it won't allow me to edit in the last post.

I know when my husband told his family all about me and that we are seriously in love and wanted to marry. Straight away they were actually thought he was kidding and were in shock because he a person who's show no affection towards girls and always serious all the time. But his brother who was with him when they were in school in Jordan when I first met my husband saw the changes in him. Like his laughter and such and would go yelling about how is brother is in love.

His family accepted me the first moment he told them about me and is always telling them about all the time and showing pics. Met his parents through Skype when I was in Jordan with him. They bought me so many gifts and for him too and celebrated our marriage by having a fest, even tho we weren't there.

His dad speaks english, but his mom dosen't. I mostly talk to his mom more. Even tho I don't know much arabic and she trying to learn english we talk basic and is funny when were trying to understand each other lol.

I have no doubt they would will accept your marriage inshallah once you get to know them little by little and they for you as well through you and your husband.

[saudiwife 7]

aww .. there will be time for that and yeah of cos its hard... we also want a baby but for us its the ap stopping it and my pregnancy would be high risk due to early labor with my other baby so i must have him here for the duration of any pregnacy.... its just time that's all and before you know it that time will be gone ... and of course... not all babies are planned they just happen.. dont worry it will happen when its the right time in Allah's time.....

as far as validating your marriagE? i don't understand i guess... do you mean his family doesnt accept? or not sure?

My husband's family is completely accepting and its the most wonderful unconditional love i've ever experienced...

I'm sure your just having a stressful time and it's all wound you up... hang in there Inshallah there are good things to happen to you

Thank you for your kind words. I am feeling a little better now. I'm in my mode of let's get this AOS done and see what happens after that and then move on to another topic. I think once this AOS is done, I will feel a little better about everything else. Since we are doing the AOS from F-1 visa, I feel like, what if we do not get to start our family in time. However I do appreciate your words and sharing your own experiences, knowing I'm not alone in some circumstances makes it a little bit more easier to bare.

[saudiwife 7]

why not apply for the travel document (Parole) I-131. Once its approved you can go visit outside the country. I hope this helps & makes you feel better. I belelive the fee is $360.00 here is the link: http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis/menuitem.5af9bb95919f35e66f614176543f6d1a/?vgnextoid=b11747a55773d010VgnVCM10000048f3d6a1RCRD&vgnextchannel=db029c7755cb9010VgnVCM10000045f3d6a1RCRD

Oh I wish it was that easy. Even if he's accept for the travel document, I still will not be allowed in Saudi Arabia. They have their own 'crazy' visitation/immigration laws. Even though I am his legal wife, and we are both muslim, since he did not seek their permission to marry before we married, our marriage is not considered legal. And therefore he must pay a huge fine. So, we are working on that part now. His family is in South Saudi Arabia, so even if I go there on hajj/umrah visa, i will only be able to enter into either Jeddah or Madinah, and even that will be difficult to move around alot considering the thousands of check-points they have. He believes that if I can obtain a umrah visa, that I came make it to far as Riyadh but after that it would be too risky to go anymore south. However since his family is soooooooooooo big(his parents had 22 children total)he thinks they 'might' come to Makkah. I don't know. But I feel kind uneasy about that, cause I don't want to be risking myself of breaking any international law.

Anyway, we will see how it goes.

~Saudiwife

[Lisamarie 79]

Pardon me but I don't know the laws in Saudi Arabia and I'm just curious...would his parents have to have signed a legal document saying that they gave him permission to marry? I'm just wondering how anyone would know whether or not he asked their permission and how your marriage would be considered illegal.

I definitely wouldn't do anything illegal, just try to have patience as hard as it is. The other thing about SA is that I don't think women can travel alone if they are married. But you said you aren't legally married there, so I don't know if that would apply to you or not.

Oh I wish it was that easy. Even if he's accept for the travel document, I still will not be allowed in Saudi Arabia. They have their own 'crazy' visitation/immigration laws. Even though I am his legal wife, and we are both muslim, since he did not seek their permission to marry before we married, our marriage is not considered legal. And therefore he must pay a huge fine. So, we are working on that part now. His family is in South Saudi Arabia, so even if I go there on hajj/umrah visa, i will only be able to enter into either Jeddah or Madinah, and even that will be difficult to move around alot considering the thousands of check-points they have. He believes that if I can obtain a umrah visa, that I came make it to far as Riyadh but after that it would be too risky to go anymore south. However since his family is soooooooooooo big(his parents had 22 children total)he thinks they 'might' come to Makkah. I don't know. But I feel kind uneasy about that, cause I don't want to be risking myself of breaking any international law.

Anyway, we will see how it goes.

~Saudiwife

[saudiwife 7]

Pardon me but I don't know the laws in Saudi Arabia and I'm just curious...would his parents have to have signed a legal document saying that they gave him permission to marry? I'm just wondering how anyone would know whether or not he asked their permission and how your marriage would be considered illegal.

I definitely wouldn't do anything illegal, just try to have patience as hard as it is. The other thing about SA is that I don't think women can travel alone if they are married. But you said you aren't legally married there, so I don't know if that would apply to you or not.

Forgive me if I am wrong, and maybe somebody will help out. But as told via embassy, the permission for the marriage is usually for the girl's side, not the man's side. the man or his family must approach the woman's family for the marriage. That has not happen in this case. Due to the fact I am of legal sound mine of 29 years old and according to Shariah i do not need a believing man on behalf, because i'm a divorcee. If you are widowed or divorcee you do not need a believer (mahraam) on your behalf seeking for marriage.

In the KSA government's eyes, if one did not ask permission to marry, then you are not married in their country. So, if we have children, they would not have the right to inheritances, could not benefit as a citizen or even a nationalist of the country. So, to cut down on foreign marriages to Saudi citizens they adopted the law that they must seek permission from the government (IE: the king)to have your marriage legalized within the country. If not, and you do marry without seeking permission you will have to pay a fine, up to $25,000.00 USD (that is the last amount I have heard).

One thing is i'm not seeking citizenship just a visa to visit family for months at a time. However, their country doesn't have a tour visa, you must be there for some reason. (hajj/umrah) or business. I do plan do hajj/umrah but not now.

~Saudiwife

PS: i'm just relaying the info as told to me. If there is a new development and you know please feel free to share.

[Lisamarie 79]

Why didn't he ask for permission? It would've made everything so much easier for both of you. I'm sorry for your situation. That must be hard to not be able to go spend time with your husband...

Forgive me if I am wrong, and maybe somebody will help out. But as told via embassy, the permission for the marriage is usually for the girl's side, not the man's side. the man or his family must approach the woman's family for the marriage. That has not happen in this case. Due to the fact I am of legal sound mine of 29 years old and according to Shariah i do not need a believing man on behalf, because i'm a divorcee. If you are widowed or divorcee you do not need a believer (mahraam) on your behalf seeking for marriage.

In the KSA government's eyes, if one did not ask permission to marry, then you are not married in their country. So, if we have children, they would not have the right to inheritances, could not benefit as a citizen or even a nationalist of the country. So, to cut down on foreign marriages to Saudi citizens they adopted the law that they must seek permission from the government (IE: the king)to have your marriage legalized within the country. If not, and you do marry without seeking permission you will have to pay a fine, up to $25,000.00 USD (that is the last amount I have heard).

One thing is i'm not seeking citizenship just a visa to visit family for months at a time. However, their country doesn't have a tour visa, you must be there for some reason. (hajj/umrah) or business. I do plan do hajj/umrah but not now.

~Saudiwife

PS: i'm just relaying the info as told to me. If there is a new development and you know please feel free to share.

[Mithra 1,185]

If I'm not mistaken, her husband is here in the US. I think she's talking about going to visit his family not him.

Why didn't he ask for permission? It would've made everything so much easier for both of you. I'm sorry for your situation. That must be hard to not be able to go spend time with your husband...

[100% Al Ahly Fan 53]

In the KSA government's eyes, if one did not ask permission to marry, then you are not married in their country. So, if we have children, they would not have the right to inheritances, could not benefit as a citizen or even a nationalist of the country. So, to cut down on foreign marriages to Saudi citizens they adopted the law that they must seek permission from the government (IE: the king)to have your marriage legalized within the country. If not, and you do marry without seeking permission you will have to pay a fine, up to $25,000.00 USD (that is the last amount I have heard).

You are right about the Saudi Law requiring "approval" of a marriage to a foreigner. And yes, there will be a fee that your husband has to pay for not doing this. This may be a bit easier since you are Muslim.

My father didn't have to ask for any permission to marry my Christian Egyptian American mother back in the 70's. When we went to live in the Kingdom (back in the 80's), we had to live in Greece for, not quite, two years and wait out for the Visa. I think this was partially because her Egyptian passport had expired and she only had the United States one at that time.

If your husband (or his family) help him pay this fee you should be able to obtain a family visa for you to visit the country.

As for his family, every family is different -- MENA or not. If you are a good person, then I would assume they wouldn't have an issue with you. Just really depends on the family -- some may like you,,,some may not.

[Lisamarie 79]

Oh yeah, I missed that part...

If I'm not mistaken, her husband is here in the US. I think she's talking about going to visit his family not him.

[saudiwife 7]

100% Al Ahly Fan: Well said. As far as the family, well of course you want everybody to be in agreement. The family here seems to be accepting the idea nicely. I mean, at first they had their doubts. But afterwards, they absorb the shock and very happy for us alhamdulillah.

However, they are in America where they see this type of marriages very often. As with the family back home, they do not. It's like association brings on assimilation. It could be that they don't want to be like that, but because of their surroundings it's easier to give into culture. insha'Allah, the dua'a that I make to Allah will help them to overcome the pressure.

LisaMarie: I wish it was that easy. Getting the permission granted from the King is almost like asking our President to come to dinner with you. Many request are made, but few are granted. Seeking the permission before hand could take up to five years or longer depending on the country of the non-Saudi citizen. It's one of those situations of it is better to ask for forgiveness later than seeking permission.

Since it's done, we can always pay the fee, but what if the king would have said no if we sought the permission of marriage. Then it's a no. Nothing can be said or done, no appeals no nothing, if the king rejects you. HTH. KSA is not an easy country by any means even if you are Muslim.

~Saudiwife

[Staashi 371]

Saudiwife, did you two marry legally here in the USA? Do you know if your husband's parents had already arranged a marriage for him?