Remember me?

[Sapphire Moon 25]

Anyway, we are still together, we recently moved into a house from an apartment. This man thinks he has struck it rich. You should see him laying up in the house with his feet up, looking around like we're in some royal palace.....(5) bedrooms, backyard, big kitchen, family room etc.

and by the way...Congrats on the new house!!

[MnnnB 4]

I usually don't get on vj. But when my fiancee read this to me I had to reply. My sister from what I have read. Sometimes we as black women say what we want. But when we get it we are not accustomed to receiving "real" Love. So when a man is comfortable enough to share his feelings with us. Which in most cases is a hard thing for men to do. We don't believe that what he is saying is real. Because in truth we are asking ourselves "How and why does he Love me so much?" The answer is simply beloved. Because YOU deserve to be Loved in such a way. This question is in no means to make mockery of your post. But have you really taken a moment and read what your saying about YOUR husband? Please...please...please pray to your God and ask him to help you heal those wounds that you have endured in past relationships. There's a such thing called Dianetics check into it. I myself am checking into it as well. Because the things that you are doing are things that "we" do when we are afraid of Love. We want it so bad. But when we get it we tend to not know what to do with it. My fiancee expresses himself just like your husband does. And I used to feel just like you do. But one day I woke up and said "WHY NOT ME?!" Why can't I have a man that trusts me with his heart. And Loves me ssssoooo much. A man that Loves me just as hard as I Love him? I deserve that kind of Love. And the moment I stopped being afraid and started to accept his Love. Things became easy. The devil is out to kill, rob an destroy anything God has put in order. Don't let the devil use you to destroy what you Love. It not easy to find good men these days. And if you're looking for the perfect man you might as well stop looking beloved. Because none of us are perfect. What's wrong with that brother feeling good about home? What's wrong with him kicking back and feeling proud of where he has been blessed to be? I want my fiancee to stick his chest out every time he wakes up in the morning. I want him to feel like the King that he is. Because I am happy when he is happy. Home is where the heart is.

There will be differences because you are from two different cultures. I knew when I met my fiancee that if I wanted our relationship to work. I would have to change my way of thinking. Being humble and submissive isn't easy when one has been the rock for so long. For some reason we as Black America women feel if we humble ourselves and become more submissive to our man we are giving up our power. When in fact the power lies in being submissive and humble. If you want a healthy marriage you must be willing to change. And if he Loves you he will do the same. And you have already said that he is changing.

As for you comment about his level of maturity. I must say that you coming here on vj where thousands of people. Strangers as well as his family and friends can read the things that you are saying about YOUR husband. Isn't very mature. This is YOUR HUSBAND that you are talking about. Referring to as a negro. Really?! There are single women looking for a man that expresses his Love. And works on becoming a better man for his woman. And here you are on world wide internet putting your marriage on blast. For Real?! Not only are you putting your marriage on blast. You even have your photos on here for everyone to see. This act of immaturity is just NOT cool.

All I can say is that I pray that you get it before it's to late. Like they say "You don't miss your water until your well runs dry" IJS!

Here is a poem I wrote the day I asked myself 'WHY NOT ME?'

You know we get so messed up so often by these men. When a man comes along that simply wants to Love us. We say "He is to much how can he Love ME that much?" He is doing everything that a REAL MAN should do. But yet we shut down. Because of our own insecurities and mistrust. We have been let down so many times and had our hearts treated as if our heart doesn't even matter ( so often by the same brotha). Our delicate hearts so fragile and bruised snatched out at will and then loaned back to us when HE is ready to Love us back. Tossed to the side and forgotten about. Like a mistake in a book that has been erased. We make ourselves not Love back. But you know what! I had to open my eyes and say "WHY NOT ME!" So I had to learn how to receive REAL LOVE and know that I am WORTHY of it. And at the same time trusting enough to give REAL LOVE back. Never thought that I would ever hear myself say those words. But if I don't keep it real I am not the ~SoLiD~ woman that I say I am. ~SoLiD~ #HesBreakingDownMyWall!

[Ben and Jill 37]

I'm glad you are still together and have waded through the waters together. I truly am. I'm also happy he has stayed and didn't leave after he received his card...at least that shows what kind of man he is. Nuff said. Lots and lots of love to you both ~ xoxoxoxo

[MAO36 30]

Ditto! I was thinking the same thing!

To the OP: You both have invested years into the marriage... You both are still together and are working through it TOGETHER!

Remember the laughs you share and cherish those times when you both feel like giving up.

When I take the plunge into holy matrimony... I too need to remember the good times and stay positive through it all.

Thanks Sapphire Moon!!!

[MAO36 30]

I usually don't get on vj. But when my fiancee read this to me I had to reply. My sister from what I have read. Sometimes we as black women say what we want. But when we get it we are not accustomed to receiving "real" Love. So when a man is comfortable enough to share his feelings with us. Which in most cases is a hard thing for men to do. We don't believe that what he is saying is real. Because in truth we are asking ourselves "How and why does he Love me so much?" The answer is simply beloved. Because YOU deserve to be Loved in such a way. This question is in no means to make mockery of your post. But have you really taken a moment and read what your saying about YOUR husband? Please...please...please pray to your God and ask him to help you heal those wounds that you have endured in past relationships. There's a such thing called Dianetics check into it. I myself am checking into it as well. Because the things that you are doing are things that "we" do when we are afraid of Love. We want it so bad. But when we get it we tend to not know what to do with it. My fiancee expresses himself just like your husband does. And I used to feel just like you do. But one day I woke up and said "WHY NOT ME?!" Why can't I have a man that trusts me with his heart. And Loves me ssssoooo much. A man that Loves me just as hard as I Love him? I deserve that kind of Love. And the moment I stopped being afraid and started to accept his Love. Things became easy. The devil is out to kill, rob an destroy anything God has put in order. Don't let the devil use you to destroy what you Love. It not easy to find good men these days. And if you're looking for the perfect man you might as well stop looking beloved. Because none of us are perfect. What's wrong with that brother feeling good about home? What's wrong with him kicking back and feeling proud of where he has been blessed to be? I want my fiancee to stick his chest out every time he wakes up in the morning. I want him to feel like the King that he is. Because I am happy when he is happy. Home is where the heart is.

Hello MNNB! My Hubby said to leave me alone LOL. He loves my posts and said he's going to get on one day to give some advice and share some wisdom! Yes, he is my negro. We play around like that, No PUN intended. Thanks for the post and the Best of Luck.

[MAO36 30]

I'm glad you are still together and have waded through the waters together. I truly am. I'm also happy he has stayed and didn't leave after he received his card...at least that shows what kind of man he is. Nuff said. Lots and lots of love to you both ~ xoxoxoxo

Thanks Ben and Jill! Much appreciated!

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Hello MNNB! My Hubby said to leave me alone LOL. He loves my posts and said he's going to get on one day to give some advice and share some wisdom! Yes, he is my negro. We play around like that, No PUN intended. Thanks for the post and the Best of Luck.

One of our running jokes comes from a discussion of evil, Joseph said that evil is dark black. So I asked him if he is evil ? ( which sounds a lot like my yankee attempt of Igbo ) We have a good laugh at the whole thing.

[MAO36 30]

One of our running jokes comes from a discussion of evil, Joseph said that evil is dark black. So I asked him if he is evil ? ( which sounds a lot like my yankee attempt of Igbo ) We have a good laugh at the whole thing.

BWAHAHAAHAHAHAAHHAHA :rofl:

Sylvia.... Thanks for the laugh! He and I play around like that also. One thing I love about our marriage is that we can act a fool and noone gets offended. That is by far his best quality!

[patient2010 93]

Thanks for sharing a positive story.......

[MAO36 30]

Thanks for sharing a positive story.......

Anytime Patient! My pleasure!

[Iyawo_Omo_Yoruba 31]

I enjoyed your candid story! Many times we women have these high expectations from our men, trust me, I know this one from most recent experiences, and when they don't live up to those expectations we can become upset, yet the one thing I have been telling myself over and over is this, just because someone doesn't love us the way we THINK they should, doesn't mean they don't love us to the best of THEIR ability.

Culture, age, and perhaps what they were shown as what love was growing up, all plays a part in how they understand and carry their feelings out. The best thing we women can do, is keep communication open, be understanding and help our men to learn how to love us the way we wish to be loved. We all know no one comes with a handbook for how to love, and it is only through communication that our partners can learn, what is important to their spouses.

Keep up the good work, congratulations on your new home!!

[MAO36 30]

I enjoyed your candid story! Many times we women have these high expectations from our men, trust me, I know this one from most recent experiences, and when they don't live up to those expectations we can become upset, yet the one thing I have been telling myself over and over is this, just because someone doesn't love us the way we THINK they should, doesn't mean they don't love us to the best of THEIR ability.

Culture, age, and perhaps what they were shown as what love was growing up, all plays a part in how they understand and carry their feelings out. The best thing we women can do, is keep communication open, be understanding and help our men to learn how to love us the way we wish to be loved. We all know no one comes with a handbook for how to love, and it is only through communication that our partners can learn, what is important to their spouses.

Keep up the good work, congratulations on your new home!!

Tracey JO..... My girl! I think you've hit the bullseye on your comment. I couldn't agree MORE!! Love it, this is EXACTLY the case....... Thanks!!!!!

[Iyawo_Omo_Yoruba 31]

Tracey JO..... My girl! I think you've hit the bullseye on your comment. I couldn't agree MORE!! Love it, this is EXACTLY the case....... Thanks!!!!!

You're welcome. Glad I could share with you...Funny how we can experience similar issues, yet feel so alone in them....

[feli114 65]

I usually don't get on vj. But when my fiancee read this to me I had to reply. My sister from what I have read. Sometimes we as black women say what we want. But when we get it we are not accustomed to receiving "real" Love. So when a man is comfortable enough to share his feelings with us. Which in most cases is a hard thing for men to do. We don't believe that what he is saying is real. Because in truth we are asking ourselves "How and why does he Love me so much?" The answer is simply beloved. Because YOU deserve to be Loved in such a way. This question is in no means to make mockery of your post. But have you really taken a moment and read what your saying about YOUR husband? Please...please...please pray to your God and ask him to help you heal those wounds that you have endured in past relationships. There's a such thing called Dianetics check into it. I myself am checking into it as well. Because the things that you are doing are things that "we" do when we are afraid of Love. We want it so bad. But when we get it we tend to not know what to do with it. My fiancee expresses himself just like your husband does. And I used to feel just like you do. But one day I woke up and said "WHY NOT ME?!" Why can't I have a man that trusts me with his heart. And Loves me ssssoooo much. A man that Loves me just as hard as I Love him? I deserve that kind of Love. And the moment I stopped being afraid and started to accept his Love. Things became easy. The devil is out to kill, rob an destroy anything God has put in order. Don't let the devil use you to destroy what you Love. It not easy to find good men these days. And if you're looking for the perfect man you might as well stop looking beloved. Because none of us are perfect. What's wrong with that brother feeling good about home? What's wrong with him kicking back and feeling proud of where he has been blessed to be? I want my fiancee to stick his chest out every time he wakes up in the morning. I want him to feel like the King that he is. Because I am happy when he is happy. Home is where the heart is.

There will be differences because you are from two different cultures. I knew when I met my fiancee that if I wanted our relationship to work. I would have to change my way of thinking. Being humble and submissive isn't easy when one has been the rock for so long. For some reason we as Black America women feel if we humble ourselves and become more submissive to our man we are giving up our power. When in fact the power lies in being submissive and humble. If you want a healthy marriage you must be willing to change. And if he Loves you he will do the same. And you have already said that he is changing.

As for you comment about his level of maturity. I must say that you coming here on vj where thousands of people. Strangers as well as his family and friends can read the things that you are saying about YOUR husband. Isn't very mature. This is YOUR HUSBAND that you are talking about. Referring to as a negro. Really?! There are single women looking for a man that expresses his Love. And works on becoming a better man for his woman. And here you are on world wide internet putting your marriage on blast. For Real?! Not only are you putting your marriage on blast. You even have your photos on here for everyone to see. This act of immaturity is just NOT cool.

All I can say is that I pray that you get it before it's to late. Like they say "You don't miss your water until your well runs dry" IJS!

Here is a poem I wrote the day I asked myself 'WHY NOT ME?'

You know we get so messed up so often by these men. When a man comes along that simply wants to Love us. We say "He is to much how can he Love ME that much?" He is doing everything that a REAL MAN should do. But yet we shut down. Because of our own insecurities and mistrust. We have been let down so many times and had our hearts treated as if our heart doesn't even matter ( so often by the same brotha). Our delicate hearts so fragile and bruised snatched out at will and then loaned back to us when HE is ready to Love us back. Tossed to the side and forgotten about. Like a mistake in a book that has been erased. We make ourselves not Love back. But you know what! I had to open my eyes and say "WHY NOT ME!" So I had to learn how to receive REAL LOVE and know that I am WORTHY of it. And at the same time trusting enough to give REAL LOVE back. Never thought that I would ever hear myself say those words. But if I don't keep it real I am not the ~SoLiD~ woman that I say I am. ~SoLiD~ #HesBreakingDownMyWall!

[olumides_wife 17]

LOL! I knew that would get everyone's attention LOL. No, seriously, How are things with everyone? Yes, we are still together. I'm not quite sure how to describe our "wonderful marriage"-yes I'm being sarcastic. He has gotten better with some things and continues to show a desire to work on the others. There hasn't been any new major occurrences, which is good since he is all out of chances. My feelings are still a little mixed when I think of why in the world did I marry someone who thinks and acts so differently than what I was accustomed to. We are able to laugh about most cultural differences and misunderstandings but there are those few deeply engrained roots that neither myself or He will ever change. Yes, he's still with me after receiving his 10 year greencard. It's weird because I still remember when he received it. I specifically told him, "You got what you wanted so bounce". He said, "Michele, trust me, if I didn't love you, I would of left your butt a long time ago". He said we get on each other's nerves but someone I've become very attached to you". Wow... lol. Can you believe the way this negro expresses himself? This is the way he tells me how he feels. Arrrggh.

Anyway, we are still together, we recently moved into a house from an apartment. This man thinks he has struck it rich. You should see him laying up in the house with his feet up, looking around like we're in some royal palace.....(5) bedrooms, backyard, big kitchen, family room etc. Since we moved here, he's been sleeping like a newborn baby-lol. I still get mad at his lack of maturity, he's 36 I'm 41. I have to admit that when I do get angry, I always tell him to leave (I guess I'm also immature), but he always says "No, it wouldn't be proper to end the marriage", blah, blah, blah. "My family and friends have been brought up to make the marriage work no matter what" (he says).

Anyways..... For better or worse.... I suppose

LOL..yes indeed it did get my attention lol! I had read your first post when I joined VJ (last year) and I was like oh man I wonder what happen with that couple...it was like a story waiting to unfold lol...so I was very anxious to see your update...and well I must say wow! LOL...and well it is so clear you 2 are completely in love lol...differences at all... I agree with your hubby hang in there..especially if he wants to keep working at it (most men do throw in the towel easily, especially here in America my ex did)....so keep on fighting for your marriage girl (you know you love that man lol)...congrats on the house...I'm sure you are just as excited as he is too LOL...I can't wait until I get mine (well ours after we get married)...owning is better than renting...I think you both are going to look a back at all of this (as you are now) even further down the road and say wow....look how far we have come...my grandparents got (and still get) on one another's everlasting nerve but it's been 52 years now lol...older folks truly new what it meant "for better and for worse"....I like to say that today we have microwaveable marriages...quickly in quickly out...back in the day...granny and them (lol)...had homemade marriages...(a long time to cook; but the best dang meal you had lol)...blessings to you and your hubby!