Husband doesn't want to file papers

[Dana and Divine 61]

When he filed the I-129F he swore to provide support for you (up to 10-years per the Affidavit of Support he supplied the NVC) and marry you within an allotted time frame 90-Days from your arrival).

Do you and this man have children together?

Does he abuse you mentally only (which is what we are seeing here) or does he also "physically" abuse you.

Have you made notes of who you have spoken to within the military? If not, you should be.

Have these people who should be "helping you" and your military family...seem to be covering up the fact that you are actually married....have children...are being abused?

Lastly, where are you located? Is there someone you trust to bring help to you? If not, get out your phone book and go through the yellow pages to look for abused woman and children shelters. CALL FOR HELP....let someone come and pick you (and your children up when you husband is not at home.)

The only way you will be helpless is if you allow yourself to be helpless.

We will be praying for you.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

I'm also confused as to why her husband is afraid for her to leave. If he was, you'd think he'd file the papers to get her to STAY.

Many abusive people don't want to file for a GC because they fear that by keeping the spouse "un-free" will force them to rely on the USC so the immigrant can't leave. Many men also fear "independent" women (there are a million on this board) so in an extreme version, keeping them chained keeps them dependent on the USC. That way they get a wife at home that depends on them totally no matter what they do.

I find it despicable to attack the OP's use of English as a reason to attack her or her story. The question of her English shouldn't be answered by someone who "lives with a Russian" but by people who actually speak at least two languages. Someone who speaks only one language is not capable, in my view, of understanding what it is like to learn a second language and what is possible. When someone gets attacked they would naturally get flustered and probably reply faster and make more mistakes. For a second language, speaking is not easier than writing for all people.

The OP is very possibly a hurting abused person who needs help, and is making all kinds of excuses because that is what an abused person does. USCIS can make an appropriate determination regarding her story (if she goes that route). It's not up to us.

OP - you got some good info on your options at the start of the thread.

[Dana and Divine 61]

When he filed the I-129F he swore to provide support for you (up to 10-years per the Affidavit of Support he supplied the NVC) and marry you within an allotted time frame 90-Days from your arrival).

Do you and this man have children together?

Does he abuse you mentally only (which is what we are seeing here) or does he also "physically" abuse you.

Have you made notes of who you have spoken to within the military? If not, you should be.

Have these people who should be "helping you" and your military family...seem to be covering up the fact that you are actually married....have children...are being abused?

Lastly, where are you located? Is there someone you trust to bring help to you? If not, get out your phone book and go through the yellow pages to look for abused woman and children shelters. CALL FOR HELP....let someone come and pick you (and your children up when you husband is not at home.)

The only way you will be helpless is if you allow yourself to be helpless.

We will be praying for you.

[FinallyDone:) 10]

[pddp 240]

I learned English from TV, then I took some classes for 4 months ( 2 hours per week) to make sure grammar is in place - all that in a non-native environment. Some people are just naturally gifted at leasrnign foreign languages. Oh, and I know idioms, and slang from several English speaking countries as well, without ever setting foot in one.

Thank you, Peter Pan.

Some people have a talent for languages. Having studied English at school and watched subtitled TV all my life, I could pass for an American after less than a year in the US at 18+, a long time ago. Not the only language I learned like that, either. There's nothing suspicious about that.

Edited May 2, 2012 by pddp

[MatthewNCarolina 73]

OP, in first place what I want to tell you, whether you are lying or not is, people CAN learn English or any other language from different sources, you can be just naturally gifted like someone else said. Good for whoever went to college, school, whatever to learn a language but some people just don't need it. I'm one of those, thanks to Backstreet Boys (lol), my old radio, TV, my old dictionary and my brain I learned English by myself. Perfect? Not at all but it could be! And I'm still learning!! Native speakers in EVERY country make mistakes, every language has slang and I really do not see how native americans here speak that good.

In fact, I don't know about everybody but where we live there are so many called "rednecks" and their grammar is terrible, way worse when speaking because of slang. The public schools here are also not that great and I see a lot of people here having a hard time spelling/reading. So basically, yes you can learn by yourself, great if you went to college but there are thousands of ways to learn a language.

Anyway, some people gave you good advice and in my opinion your husband will NOT love you more if you get your AOS done at all. There's some things that cannot be fixed, things will get worse. Just think, he will "lose" control over you and then things will get more serious. The fact that he is a military does not mean anything, their character is not tested when joining. You should follow the advice it was given to you and get yourself together, you need a plan to keep you and your son safe.

If your story is true or not, it does not matter. Too bad if it is not, at least you can see that people care. If it is real, good luck and I wish you the best.

P.S: And by the way, stop defending yourself though if you are really saying the truth. You do not owe anything to anyone in here, you got good advice already and this whole argument about your English skills is pointless. If you have any other question about the main topic, feel free to send me a message, I'll be happy to help.

Edited May 2, 2012 by MatthewNCarolina

[NevermindVz 51]

Yes, speaking is easier than writing

Not necessarily. It all depends how/when you learn. For me it was the other way around. I could write nicely in English but I had tons of trouble speaking. Why? Because I didn't have the chance to talk with other English speakers and practice it. On the other hand, I had read many books in English and watched lots of movies with captions. My written English, while not perfect or close to it, was easily 10 times better than my spoken one.

To the OP: if your story is true I sincerely hope you get the help you need. If your story is not true, shame on you for making fun of such problems.

Edited May 2, 2012 by NevermindVz

[Tinchen_ 21]

ok OP whats the deal here?? everyone gives you advice on what to do?? other ppl said already be honest on ur petition , so yes say u were arrested.

ppl gave you advice for what to do if you wanna leave. there are sooo many organizations you can go to ( and u have a computer so you can do sooo much research on it). you can call them send them emails they are really helpful.

http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis/menuitem.eb1d4c2a3e5b9ac89243c6a7543f6d1a/?vgnextoid=b85c3e4d77d73210VgnVCM100000082ca60aRCRD&vgnextchannel=b85c3e4d77d73210VgnVCM100000082ca60aRCRD

http://www.womenshelters.org/sta/california

so why u dont call and ask for more information and what choices you have.. and i never ever heard about a court taking the child away from the mother. they just do it under real hard circumstance. like if you are abusing ur child, are on drugs and stuff like that. so he has to proof to the court of law that u are not a fit mother. not the other way around.

im just curios do u want ur child to grow up in a hostel environment?? dont u want the best for ur child and happiness??

im going to be honest here with you. i dont believe you. cuz if you wanna stay with ur husband why u talking evil of him here then?? you said u have friends and they believe ur side, why they not helping u then??? if he didnt helped you to file the aos papers in 2 years he wont do that. u never thought about it earlier that he doesnt wanna help you. and u said he cheats on u and didnt care if u leave. so why should he care now and be worried you could leave when u have ur status. it doesnt make sense. he gives you a computer so he knows u can find out stuff bout ur situation. he lets u go out with friends and let u go the doctor alone with ur child. so u could leave any minute. again doesnt make sense. and really u not allowed to fly after the 8months of ur pregnancy. cuz the pressure can bring u in early labor. what airline let u on the plane???

i lived for some years in cali what base is he working for?? i have a lot of friends in the military and i easy could go and get some advice for you how the law is with military.

you wrote on one of ur post : I just hope I can fill all the papers and then have one of his friends around to show it to my husband and ask him to sign what he needs to sign. He will not say no to this in front of his friend. This is my secret plan.

so why u dont do that then. if you have already a secret plan??

im curios if u have any contact to his family??? if so they maybe they willing to help u with it.

you also wrote is hard to get to appointments with a lawyer , does it mean u went and saw a lawyer already or talked to one??

with ur english its fishy cuz in some post its so freaking perfect and that, u dont learn from watching tv and movies. and then in others u make simple mistakes with the grammar and spelling. strange dont u think???

this is a study who has been done by thomas and collin.

1. Students ages 8 to 11 years old with two to three years of native language education took five to seven years to test at grade level in English.

2. Students with little or no formal schooling who arrived in the United States before the age of 8 took 7 to 10 years to reach grade-level norms in English language literacy.

3.Students who were below grade level in their native language also took 7 to 10 years to reach the 50th percentile. Many of these students never reached grade-level norms.

These data held true regardless of the home language, country of origin, or socioeconomic status.

they did it on kids cuz the brain is more capable of learning new things and languages FASTER then from grown ups. if u not a freaking genius with an IQ of 150 to 200 or be a mensa genius.

i went to college in the states took professional english classes in school, i worked in the states b4 in a office where i had to use proper english, i had also, back in germany, for many years english classes. and still sometimes its hard to use the right grammar and spelling in the proper way. if u learned that good english from tv and movies u one for the books.

you also can apply alone without him for a SSN and can open a bank account alone with no GC in cali. all u need is ur visa , passport and ssn. u also can apply for a driver license without him. i have done it in cali in the past. u also can go and use the bus if u have to leave the house, since u have a computer u can check the schedule online.

why u dont just come forward and be honest?? ppl here still would help u.

[Iyawo Ijebu 157]

There is no 'jumping to conclusions' .. on VJ, we generally only get one side of the story unless both parties involved are posting. So VJ goes by the information they are given. Could it be biased and untruthful? Yes. But it's the ONLY side of the story we get to hear in most cases. So yes, people are going to answer based on the information they're given.

I continue to stand by my ascertation and this is not the first assumption based jumping to conclusion on VeeJay.

If and when we have 2nd/3rd party confirmation then I will change my opinion.

I wish the best to the innocent child, the adults will sort each other out.

[Iyawo Ijebu 157]

Some bank employees don't know anything about account holders and K-1s. My now wife was in my account the day after she arrived and without even a SSN.

This is actually quite common and especially at smaller banks.

Gasp, some banks even give you a free shotgun when you open an account.

[Iyawo Ijebu 157]

Just because someone is in the military does NOT mean, in any way, that they are an upstanding person. I have known some really aweful people that have been in the military. It really bugs me that people always jump to "he's putting his life on the line... Or....it's because of him that we have all the rights that we do.". Some military are complete asses, lazy, don't give a ####### about their country OR you and me, and have mental problems just like regular citizens.

As with every story we read here on vj, no one will ever know the whole truth.

PS. I'm not bashing all military. One of my best friends is also military. But don't put someone on a pedestal just because they wear the uniform. They are not all godsends.

Even those bad apples are some of the reason why you're not speaking Iranian or North Korean language now. Be thankful.

Semper Fi.

[UK_Fan 192]

I really love how everyone here has tried and convicted this guy with only hearing one side, and to be quite frank, her story sounds ridiculous and unbelievable. This guy is putting his life on the line for your freedom such as being able to post on boards etc etc etc , he at least deserves his say. He doesn't deserve to be labeled a woman abuser until all the facts come out. Horrible !!!!

u've gotta be effing kidding

[Mike B. 231]

Если хочешь проверить русская я или нет, попроси свою жену позвонить мне. Только на скайп, потому что на мобиле денег нету, муж не заплатил. Достало если честно, 2 года терпела одного, пошла спросить как сделать документы, теперь опять виновата.

If so smart call me on skype (ask for name in message).

Honestly just ridiculous how people like to be mean. If you don't believe it why are you reading and answering?

It has been thrown down, folks.

[AF-Wife 181]

His being in the military and you being married to him entitles you to a dependant ID card and all the benefits that go along with being a military dependant. You need to contact the legal office at the base where he works as well as his commanding officer (CO)immediately. Something is seriously wrong with this whole situation. You know that if you can prove abuse that u will be granted permanant status without the need of your husband in the whole process.

Abuse is very serious and I have seen it end very badly, he killed her then himself. I was a paramedic on a military base and witnessed this situation first hand and watched it play out for 2 years!!! GET HELP IMMEDIATELY as this is at least mental abuse!!!!!!

OP said she has Dependent ID & tricare, ....

[Mike B. 231]

Even those bad apples are some of the reason why you're not speaking Iranian or North Korean language now. Be thankful.

Semper Fi.

No they are not. Get over yourself.