Husband doesn't want to file papers

[rade2rising 205]

how long can this go on for????

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Murysa,

Keep records of all of those incidents you noticed when your husband had your son. Record what your husband tells you the child did or didn't do - when he as sick, not being given his medicine, throwing up all night, coming back to you upset or cranky or irritable, coming back to you in dirty clothes, things like this. Make sure you include the date of the event and who told you what or what you or a doctor observed. You can use all of this information as evidence to weight your claim for full custody, to show that the child's well-being is at risk, if not actually endangered (failure to give medicine) when the child is with your 'husband'. Also keep a list of the times and dates when he was supposed to have his 'turn' and didn't, or changed it, or as you noted above, had a baby-sitter instead of being with the child himself. Keep good, detailed, unemotional records and if you get other evidence (doctor's notice, not the right amount of pills missing, etc.) record that as well. It may help.

Good luck.

how long can this go on for????

It can go on for a long time depending on the degree - or lack of - co-operation from the other party and the additional road-blocks that get thrown in the way. Have patience - and be grateful you are not the one facing Murysa's situation.

[Brad and Vika 129]

Just a couple of comments. I read a bunch of criticism of legal counsel here, and I want to caution against judging that. Some states have a presumption of 50/50 placement of kids as a baseline. Let's not advise any one to change attorneys, or that their legal advice is bad unless they know the domestic relations law where that person's case is in process. Even then, a PM might be best.

Secondly, custody and placement are different, although I don't see distinctions being drawn here (no, I haven't read the entire topic). Even if one party has primary placement, it would be pretty rare for a parents custody rights to be completely terminated regardless of how badly the parents get along.

I think courts will try to act in the child's best interest. I always thought the tough part was figuring out what "best interest" means, when the parents are not seeing eye-to-eye. Good post above about keeping accurate records from an unbiased party.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I would try and report the issues as often as you can, not just writing them down. The reason for this is your prior posts state he isn't above lying... so I wouldn't want him to say the missed pills are YOU, or the weight gain is YOU, or the sickness was YOU so that he can try and get the kid. Speak to your attorney about your concern for your sons welfare, and also how to go about reporting these things to ensure he doesn't try and blame them on you. Perhaps having a third party present at the handovers to act as a witness.

[mallafri 0]

USCIS has a special phone helpline for military personnel and their family, maybe call them and ask about your options with adjusting your status and tell them about the abusive relationship you're in. Their number is 1-877-247-4645. It's toll free, so don't think it'll show on your phone bill but maybe an American on here would know that better?!

There's also something's called IMBRA, which is about protecting and helping foreign women who come to the US on a visa and get abused. Below Iis a link to your rights under IMBRA as posted on USCIS' website:

http://www.uscis.gov/USCIS/Humanitarian/Battered%20Spouse%2C%20Children%20%26%20Parents/IMBRA%20Pamphlet%20Final%2001-07-2011%20for%20Web%20Posting.pdf

Edited November 14, 2012 by mallafri

[VanessaTony 3,567]

USCIS has a special phone helpline for military personnel and their family, maybe call them and ask about your options with adjusting your status and tell them about the abusive relationship you're in. Their number is 1-877-247-4645. It's toll free, so don't think it'll show on your phone bill but maybe an American on here would know that better?!

There's also something's called IMBRA, which is about protecting and helping foreign women who come to the US on a visa and get abused. Below Iis a link to your rights under IMBRA as posted on USCIS' website:

http://www.uscis.gov/USCIS/Humanitarian/Battered%20Spouse%2C%20Children%20%26%20Parents/IMBRA%20Pamphlet%20Final%2001-07-2011%20for%20Web%20Posting.pdf

You didn't read the entire thread did you... this was already dealt with. She's applying for VAWA. She's not "in a relationship" anymore, they're getting divorced.

[zahrasalem 114]

..

Edited November 15, 2012 by zahrasalem

[AstaMarisa 84]

Hello, guys, I not been using the forum for long time, I had to format my computer and all my bookmarks were gone so when I signed into my account I couldn't find this thread, don't know what happened, I guess it was moved once and "my content" didn't show me where it is, I thought it is deleted, but anyway I found you guys so I share with you what has been done and where we are now.

On Dec 5 I had a court hearing regarding child support/spousal support, I didn't have a lawyer but it went good, I explained I can't work and basically because of my husband who held me from filing for adjustment.. so long story short the judge ordered him to pay me about 12 000 for last 6 months (like debt) because I filed in June and then every month $867 child support and $1100 is spousal support. However he didn't pay this much, he only gave me 700 in January and 1000 in February which is still better than nothing. I'm trying to set up the automatic payment directly from his account to me but since I don't have a credit card or any bank account it's still .. well still working on it.

So another hearing (remember I told you guys that the hearing for the divorce was scheduled for January first when I saw the divorce papers?) so this hearing took place actually and I thought it's for divorce, because..well that's what I thought. Now I don't know what happened because I really had to take care of an emergency with Tyler, nothing serious but I didn't get to the court room while was still at the court house. However my husband's lawyer came out in about 7 min after the hearing was supposed to start and told me they did everything without me. I found out that they (husband and his lawyer) trying to make me pay my husband's dept (whatever dept he has), since we were married it's our both responsibility as he told me. Not to mention I don't use any of those things that he has dept on neither I got any of what we had, not even my belongings. I asked him (the lawyer) to mail me the court order. He mailed me the old court order from Dec 5 I was like okay... I don't believe the court would order me to pay the dept that he has, I can believe he brought that to the court but can't imagine the judge going "oh ok, she is not even here but granted". Well since I was sure it's about the divorce I asked if we divorced yet, he said no. Next hearing is June 6.

I was also thinking of taxes, this is painful, so spousal support is a taxable payment, the court granted me spousal support but I didn't get it (obviously if not counting the dept for last 6 mo that he had then I got about 100 as a spousal support for 2 months)..do I have to file taxes?? Thank you for your attention. Hope everybody is well.

[Karee 4,191]

Hello, guys, I not been using the forum for long time, I had to format my computer and all my bookmarks were gone so when I signed into my account I couldn't find this thread, don't know what happened, I guess it was moved once and "my content" didn't show me where it is, I thought it is deleted, but anyway I found you guys so I share with you what has been done and where we are now.

On Dec 5 I had a court hearing regarding child support/spousal support, I didn't have a lawyer but it went good, I explained I can't work and basically because of my husband who held me from filing for adjustment.. so long story short the judge ordered him to pay me about 12 000 for last 6 months (like debt) because I filed in June and then every month $867 child support and $1100 is spousal support. However he didn't pay this much, he only gave me 700 in January and 1000 in February which is still better than nothing. I'm trying to set up the automatic payment directly from his account to me but since I don't have a credit card or any bank account it's still .. well still working on it.

So another hearing (remember I told you guys that the hearing for the divorce was scheduled for January first when I saw the divorce papers?) so this hearing took place actually and I thought it's for divorce, because..well that's what I thought. Now I don't know what happened because I really had to take care of an emergency with Tyler, nothing serious but I didn't get to the court room while was still at the court house. However my husband's lawyer came out in about 7 min after the hearing was supposed to start and told me they did everything without me. I found out that they (husband and his lawyer) trying to make me pay my husband's dept (whatever dept he has), since we were married it's our both responsibility as he told me. Not to mention I don't use any of those things that he has dept on neither I got any of what we had, not even my belongings. I asked him (the lawyer) to mail me the court order. He mailed me the old court order from Dec 5 I was like okay... I don't believe the court would order me to pay the dept that he has, I can believe he brought that to the court but can't imagine the judge going "oh ok, she is not even here but granted". Well since I was sure it's about the divorce I asked if we divorced yet, he said no. Next hearing is June 6.

I was also thinking of taxes, this is painful, so spousal support is a taxable payment, the court granted me spousal support but I didn't get it (obviously if not counting the dept for last 6 mo that he had then I got about 100 as a spousal support for 2 months)..do I have to file taxes?? Thank you for your attention. Hope everybody is well.

Sounds like things are getting somewhat better anyway. I think when you are saying dept, you actually mean debt. Is that correct?

[cappucino boy 29]

I may be way off here and someone who knows more can correct me, Murysa but I don't think that they can touch you. And that's because I believe that you don't have a SSN. That one number here in the US makes it all happen, taxes, social security, a job etc... without it you don't exist on paper to the government with the exception of your USCIS filings. After all you even said you don't even have a bank account. where and how are they going to get any money. Eventually you will get your SSN after you adjust your status and you will want to keep that number from your husband and anyone who would want to do damage to you. Those papers in the court sound like they aren't worth the ink printed on them if they cant tie them to you. It's good to here from you.

My wife could do anything without a SSN and I bet they (your husband) do anything with it either.

Hello, guys, I not been using the forum for long time, I had to format my computer and all my bookmarks were gone so when I signed into my account I couldn't find this thread, don't know what happened, I guess it was moved once and "my content" didn't show me where it is, I thought it is deleted, but anyway I found you guys so I share with you what has been done and where we are now.

On Dec 5 I had a court hearing regarding child support/spousal support, I didn't have a lawyer but it went good, I explained I can't work and basically because of my husband who held me from filing for adjustment.. so long story short the judge ordered him to pay me about 12 000 for last 6 months (like debt) because I filed in June and then every month $867 child support and $1100 is spousal support. However he didn't pay this much, he only gave me 700 in January and 1000 in February which is still better than nothing. I'm trying to set up the automatic payment directly from his account to me but since I don't have a credit card or any bank account it's still .. well still working on it.

So another hearing (remember I told you guys that the hearing for the divorce was scheduled for January first when I saw the divorce papers?) so this hearing took place actually and I thought it's for divorce, because..well that's what I thought. Now I don't know what happened because I really had to take care of an emergency with Tyler, nothing serious but I didn't get to the court room while was still at the court house. However my husband's lawyer came out in about 7 min after the hearing was supposed to start and told me they did everything without me. I found out that they (husband and his lawyer) trying to make me pay my husband's dept (whatever dept he has), since we were married it's our both responsibility as he told me. Not to mention I don't use any of those things that he has dept on neither I got any of what we had, not even my belongings. I asked him (the lawyer) to mail me the court order. He mailed me the old court order from Dec 5 I was like okay... I don't believe the court would order me to pay the dept that he has, I can believe he brought that to the court but can't imagine the judge going "oh ok, she is not even here but granted". Well since I was sure it's about the divorce I asked if we divorced yet, he said no. Next hearing is June 6.

I was also thinking of taxes, this is painful, so spousal support is a taxable payment, the court granted me spousal support but I didn't get it (obviously if not counting the dept for last 6 mo that he had then I got about 100 as a spousal support for 2 months)..do I have to file taxes?? Thank you for your attention. Hope everybody is well.

[Sandra G. 5,057]

Yes report full ammount of spousal support received in 2012,but not child support. Your spousal support is not being made on time then you can ask your lawyer to file a motion for comtemp seeking enforcement of spousal support payment,and he can file as well an "earnings assigment" it means his employer will deduct from his paycheck the spousal support and child support.

[moemac59 193]

Oh Murysa,

I just finished reading this whole thread. You are one amazingly strong woman. I am happy to see that things are working out for you and wish you nothing but the best.

I am amazed and awed at how you have managed to do what you have done and not go completely insane. It sounds like your life is finally turning a positive corner.

I just wanted to say that I admire your courage and bravery and hope that everything goes in your favour with your continued journey.

[Penguin_ie 5,996]

*** One personal attack post and two quoting removed. Post with constructive advice or do not post, last warning before thread bans and suspensions ****

[cappucino boy 29]

Thanks Penjuin ;0)

*** One personal attack post and two quoting removed. Post with constructive advice or do not post, last warning before thread bans and suspensions ****

[Darnell 8,479]

Now I don't know what happened because I really had to take care of an emergency with Tyler, nothing serious but I didn't get to the court room while was still at the court house. However my husband's lawyer came out in about 7 min after the hearing was supposed to start and told me they did everything without me.

Ouch.

You should get to the clerk of the court and pay for a copy of that order / judgement. You should also ask the clerk to have that re-opened and have it re-heard by the judge, as you were not represented and you had a medical emergency with your son to take care of.

You were railroaded. He got what he wanted because you weren't there to argue the points, at all.