Husband doesn't want to file papers

[AF-Wife 181]

I admire how strong your are! Hang in there and I wish you all the best. Hopefully you will have peace very soon. My husband is in the military and I get sick, when I read how he behaves. He's clearly not right in his head. The military should take part in that and kick him out. Dishonorable discharge. That's just my two cents! Keep your head up.

[Darnell 8,478]

a criminal court hearing is not the same as a divorce court hearing.

sounds like the judge at the divorce court hearing does not have all of the records from the prior criminal court hearing.

IMO, yer 'pro bono' lawyer is not really representing your wishes fully. You should attempt to shift the lawyer's attentions a bit, focusing on the enslavement your husband did on you, with the attorney, and shifting to 0 percent custody from the father, but with a full attachment on his military wages for child support .

Edited October 1, 2012 by Darnell

[resignedtoinswhim 8]

resignedtoinswhim, thank you. I honestly don't understand why my lawyer suggested 50/50. Me, my son's school teacher and case worker from the hospital, all were really surprised. Well when that meeting took place the supervisor judge said I should feel for my husband because I left him and took the child with me and because I was "stabbing with a knife", but I left because I just couldn't take it anymore and how would I just left the child? And the knife thing was already explained long time ago, if there was any cuts on the door where my husband was saying i was stabbing it then the police wouldn't just let me go without court hearing, and I assume they took me only because I said that nothing happened (because he told me if i say something they will take the child from us) and he told them some big story. But they couldn't do anything other than let me go because it was no evidence and no knife even plus many people called the police when I put on my facebook that he is trying to kill me and I need help (i did it when i locked myself in a bathroom and he took my phone so i grabbed my laptop with me just to let people know that I'm in danger). But it's still on the record, just the fact that he said so and I don't have any idea why this still matters to court if it's already proven that it's not true. I was just hoping that my lawyer would talk for me but in fact I had to say all this myself, she didn't defend me. Maybe because I don't have to pay her? He has to pay his lawyer though...

We still have November 30 date open, they changed it to 20 mins hearing but if I have any concerns I can say that I don't like how 50/50 custody goes.

I think you really need a better lawyer than this one. Have you signed anything regarding agreement for 50-50 parenting? If not, then carefully consider not signing it otherwise it would be binding. Try to collect police reports and any court hearing records to show that they were false charges in the said incidents and either no charges were filed or they were dismissed or declined. Police reports and court documents are public records and you will be able to obtain then from them by writing or physically going there.

Can anyone here on the forum, suggest any pro-bono firm/lawyer in family law in the area (i believe it is San Deigo, CA) to help OP out?

[AstaMarisa 84]

sounds like the judge at the divorce court hearing does not have all of the records from the prior criminal court hearing.

You mean what prior criminal hearing?

When I went to jail i didn't even have any hearing... they just let me go.

But I do have record of that time when he went to jail. He had a court hearing also but I don't have a record of that, only police report.

resignedtoinswhim

I did sign..

So today 50/50 started. But as I understood at the next hearing I can still ask for sole custody if I wish so. I have to ask my lawyer to make sure.

When I just started my immigration I had to get some statement that I was never charged with a crime, I think that same paper would help me in court?

[resignedtoinswhim 8]

Do check with your divorce attorney what you signed and if you can still challenge it during next hearing to get primary custody or not.

Were you arrested, fingerprinted, photographed and/or put in jail before they released you? if yes, then you must have been charged with some crime. Find out with police department. You can use incident number. If they gave you a court case number, then you will be able to do a search for that case online on court case number search. If you were charged with a crime, then it must be dismissed or declined, which you can find out by case number.

Usually you would be able to search for you husband's record online on court case search engine by either name or the court case number. If the case is not sealed you will be able to even request the case record of your husband from court clerk by giving case number or name.

Same thing for police report of his arrest. Ask police department to give you police report either by incident number or by searching for any police records by you husband's name.

[AstaMarisa 84]

I got his police report. That's all. I tried to find my criminal history many times by case number, online, at legal office where I was filing for RO, nothing found. Even superior court office couldn't find anything on me. That's why they gave me statement that I was never charged. I had picture taken in jail, fingerprints and all that but it's just no criminal history on me. Anywhere. Same for my husband. I couldn't find anything even though he had a court hearing before they let him go.

Edited October 2, 2012 by murysa

[Darnell 8,478]

ok - there should be arrest records on you and arrest records on him.

Ask for complete copies of all.

[lillakatoussa 12]

I got his police report. That's all. I tried to find my criminal history many times by case number, online, at legal office where I was filing for RO, nothing found. Even superior court office couldn't find anything on me. That's why they gave me statement that I was never charged. I had picture taken in jail, fingerprints and all that but it's just no criminal history on me. Anywhere. Same for my husband. I couldn't find anything even though he had a court hearing before they let him go.

If there was no conviction, there will be no criminal record.

ok - there should be arrest records on you and arrest records on him.

Ask for complete copies of all.

[AstaMarisa 84]

So this week Thursday dad took the baby first time since we got 50/50. And our son had to be with a nanny, husband didn't even ask me if I'm available. That is sad. I was bored at home and my baby had to be with somebody . I'm simply not happy with new custody order. Seems like he can't have him but he will do anything for me not to have him either which is selfish and unreasonable.

[Xanax 349]

So this week Thursday dad took the baby first time since we got 50/50. And our son had to be with a nanny, husband didn't even ask me if I'm available. That is sad. I was bored at home and my baby had to be with somebody . I'm simply not happy with new custody order. Seems like he can't have him but he will do anything for me not to have him either which is selfish and unreasonable.

That sucks, I'm sorry. Your husband will probably get sick of paying for a nanny soon enough and then you will get more time with your son!

[rade2rising 205]

try being nice with him it can do wonders

[Sandra G. 5,054]

rade2rising you said "try being nice with him it can do wonders". The abused person doesn't have to be "nice" with her abuser at all! You need to understand that people who suffered physical or mental abuse bond with their abusers as a survival strategy due intimidation, but once they are able to break free they should detached themselves from the abuser, and unless it relates to essential urgent communication they should communicate briefly. You can't expect anything reasonable from abusers. She is doing great!!!!!He is the perpetrator, she is the victim, please never ask to any victim to be nice with their abusers. I want to believe you are just misinformed regarding abuse.

Edited October 26, 2012 by sandranj

[AstaMarisa 84]

I honestly can't imagine how much nicer he is expecting me to be. I'm nice enough in a way that can be possible between victim and abuser.

Sandra, you right, I'm so much better, I feel free and I thank God for letting me get all these opportunities to fix my life.

But I have to get my son to dad tomorrow again, that made me stay up till late tonight, I always think how will it be. I discovered the baby didn't gain weight at all, not sure why, I did everything same and he is not sick, it makes it harder to see who is missing out now when we both take care of him. Well last time husband told me he couldn't find baby's pills in a bag (which he found later) so I assumed he didn't give it to him, and he told me our son was throwing up a lot at night for whatever reason. He also didn't take him to school (he goes to school for special kids, they work on feedings and development). So all that keeps me wondering how can I change it.

That sucks, I'm sorry. Your husband will probably get sick of paying for a nanny soon enough and then you will get more time with your son!

Yea.. I actually think he doesn't pay, his girlfriend watching my son. I am almost 100% sure.

[Karee 4,190]

rade2rising you said "try being nice with him it can do wonders". The abused person doesn't have to be "nice" with her abuser at all! You need to understand that people who suffered physical or mental abuse bond with their abusers as a survival strategy due intimidation, but once they are able to break free they should detached themselves from the abuser, and unless it relates to essential urgent communication they should communicate briefly. You can't expect anything reasonable from abusers. She is doing great!!!!!He is the perpetrator, she is the victim, please never ask to any victim to be nice with their abusers. I want to believe you are just misinformed regarding abuse.

That's the understatement of the day.

[Sandra G. 5,054]

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and I invite everyone to participate on October 30,2012 in our 2012 Domestic Violence Conference.

Center for Rural Development 2292 Highway 27 #300 Somerset, KY 42501, and in our Family Violence and Rape Crisis 16th Annual Candlelight Vigil (10/30/2012)in North Caroline. All events are hosted by non- profit organizations against domestic violence.Speak out against domestic violence.