Husband doesn't want to file papers

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I tried to get help from military sources but it didn't end well, my husband is keeping our marriage in secret so his office doesn't know that we are still married. And for me go against him is nothing but a trouble.

There is something seriously wrong here, this is not a normal loving relationship where two people devote themselves to the other and cares for their needs. The motive for this can be little other than some sort of control/abuse. You cannot keep a marriage a "secret" and adjust status where you must demostrate you are living as married people live.

You definitely need some sort of professional help either from an attorney or from a spousal abuse organization.

[Anh map 2,098]

There is something seriously wrong here, this is not a normal loving relationship where two people devote themselves to the other and cares for their needs. The motive for this can be little other than some sort of control/abuse. You cannot keep a marriage a "secret" and adjust status where you must demostrate you are living as married people live.

You definitely need some sort of professional help either from an attorney or from a spousal abuse organization.

If the husband's CO got wind of this he would be in deep $&it.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

If the husband's CO got wind of this he would be in deep $&it.

Oh for sure, but I am not sure that is her best route just yet. She needs to protect herself and have an escape route, so to speak. There should be some sort of legal aid or womens abuse groups there. Alla served as an interpreter for a similar situation here for a woman. The organization was Vermont Legal Aid, they are one of Alla's clients. To the best of my knowledge the woman WAS able to get a green card, she was not deported and she did get a divorce. I cannot say the OP is in for fun and games but do not believe anyone that says they can get you deported or take away your child!

There should be something like Vermont Legal Aid in your area. They are an organization that receives donations and grants to assist low income people. It is NOT welfare and is NOT a means tested benefit

[Miss M 54]

I'm sorry, but why is he keeping the marriage a secret? Is there any specific reason for that? I am asking because if the marriage is a secret, then it seems that would make it hard to provide evidence of a bonafide relationship.

Is there any reason why he doesn't want you to file?

[AstaMarisa 84]

Well he works at Public Affair office so he knows how to say right words to the right person, so he is very tricky, he put me in jail twice already every time after I tried to do something on my own, he also has money, lawyers around, a car and ability to do anything. And I can't even walk out of the door, because I have my baby in my hands, don't have a car or money to get anywhere. So even if I start something he will just put me in jail like always. And as I said his English is much better than mine so he will find a way to trick people to believe him. No lawyer could help me since I'm here so I decided to just deal with him by myself, just be nice to him and pretend that I'm happy with everything. At least he won't take my son from me.. I don't know. It's really risky to do anything.

[Basalt 25]

Hi guys. I have K1 visa, came here 2 years ago. My husband brought me from Russia. We live together and have a child. It's all good but..my husband still didn't file my papers! so I have no status in US, I can't work, get a driving license or go visit my family in Russia. I decided to do the papers for adjustment of status myself and then try to ask him to sign it and send a check. What exactly should I file?? I already started with i-485 form. What is next? Thank you very much for your attention.

This is not right! Get a hold of your husband's CO or Ambudsman and get things straighten out ASAP. How can he not tell his command that he is married? You are missing out on all the Military spouse's benefits like Medical, Dental and BAH. Trouble or not, get a hold of his CO right now so you can at least get a military ID. I'm sorry to tell you that your husband doesn't care for you a bit, so you need to take care of yourself and act soon.

[AstaMarisa 84]

The reason he doesn't want me here is he is addicted to dating sites. He is always dating and I'm on his way. He tried to kick me out but I didn't wanna leave so he usually just call to police on me saying that I'm beating him. I mean I used to this so much I 'm not even mad anymore. Just wanna get independent and have at least something to start with

[Ayman___ 92]

There is help but you must call so you can get it.Sorry for what your going through. Here is a link a list of women shelters all over America http://www.womenshelters.org/

[Basalt 25]

Well he works at Public Affair office so he knows how to say right words to the right person, so he is very tricky, he put me in jail twice already every time after I tried to do something on my own, he also has money, lawyers around, a car and ability to do anything. And I can't even walk out of the door, because I have my baby in my hands, don't have a car or money to get anywhere. So even if I start something he will just put me in jail like always. And as I said his English is much better than mine so he will find a way to trick people to believe him. No lawyer could help me since I'm here so I decided to just deal with him by myself, just be nice to him and pretend that I'm happy with everything. At least he won't take my son from me.. I don't know. It's really risky to do anything.

Get a hold of the Inspector General, or the legal team on base and explain your situation to them. Do you know what service is he in and what base is he stationed at? I will get you their phone number.

[AstaMarisa 84]

How can he not tell his command that he is married? You are missing out on all the Military spouse's benefits like Medical, Dental and BAH. Trouble or not, get a hold of his CO right now so you can at least get a military ID. I'm sorry to tell you that your husband doesn't care for you a bit, so you need to take care of yourself and act soon.

No no, I use it, I have a military ID and I can go to hospital. But he is saying to his office that we are divorcing and that he is a single father. So when he takes our son to the appointments I can't go with him because he won't let me appear near the baby, because he is trying to look like a single father. But the funny thing about it is my son has a techer and she comes over and she knows that I'm always here with my son. So I don't think it's gonna work for him.

[Frank and Racquel 18]

I really love how everyone here has tried and convicted this guy with only hearing one side, and to be quite frank, her story sounds ridiculous and unbelievable. This guy is putting his life on the line for your freedom such as being able to post on boards etc etc etc , he at least deserves his say. He doesn't deserve to be labeled a woman abuser until all the facts come out. Horrible !!!!

[AstaMarisa 84]

I really love how everyone here has tried and convicted this guy with only hearing one side, and to be quite frank, her story sounds ridiculous and unbelievable. This guy is putting his life on the line for your freedom such as being able to post on boards etc etc etc , he at least deserves his say. He doesn't deserve to be labeled a woman abuser until all the facts come out. Horrible !!!!

I'm sure you would believe his side because that is what is going on right now. But actually his side is heard and mine is silent. That's why I'm still here with no papers.

[Anh map 2,098]

I really love how everyone here has tried and convicted this guy with only hearing one side, and to be quite frank, her story sounds ridiculous and unbelievable. This guy is putting his life on the line for your freedom such as being able to post on boards etc etc etc , he at least deserves his say. He doesn't deserve to be labeled a woman abuser until all the facts come out. Horrible !!!!

Because the husband is in the military he deserves more leeway? No sale. Take half of what's been told as the actual truth and the husband is not acting like a decent person.

[ceadsearc 516]

Being a soldier and risking his life doesn't excuse abuse. Of course people are advising off her side of the story, what else would they do? That is the case for every single post here. Posters have to assume what is being said is true in order to give advice. I'm not sure where your hostility is coming from in calling her out as ridiculous and horrible based on ... the idea that she COULD be lying? We all could be, you included. But unless her spouse comes here to defend himself we will have to assume what she says is true. And it does read like a classic abusive relationship.

[Ayman___ 92]

I agree with Anh map and ceadsearc .My reply to her wasn't even about her husband it was about a link to get help. Now as for being Military makes no difference even if he was a government official or even a police officer abuse is abuse and she should contact her local women's shelter or even one close to where she lives for help.