Husband doesn't want to file papers

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Rich: What is a VAWA center? She can file for VAWA and get a chance to explain the charges. Who told you she can't?

I am glad you are helping.

[RichieW 11]

Hi Harpa.

My wife tried to get her accepted into a Victims of Violence shelter. She needs a restraining order against her husband to get accepted. She was seeking a protection order against her husband, and possibly a place to stay. She came to stay with us after they explained to her there they couldn't help her at all, specifically due to her "legal issues." They advised her that she could not talk to her husband and to stay away from him.

She came to our home and when the husband inquired about where she and his son were, he talked to me on my wifes phone. Since Sveta had been instructed by the shelter to have no contact with her husband, so she didn't wish to speak with him on the phone.

We are trying to help, but this is completely uncharted territory for us.

Edited May 10, 2012 by RichieW

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Okay so that is the policy for entrance to a shelter. That is separate from VAWA. VAWA (Violence against women act) is an immigration law that is designed to protect people who are abused by their spouses. A successful VAWA petition can result in a Greencard for the OP. There is some advice about it from the beginning of the thread, and there are a few threads about it here. I don't know that much about it, but withholding a Greencard, abandonment, and manipulation are common forms of abuse covered by VAWA. The fact that she has been arrested is negative, but she will get a chance to explain herself.

[AstaMarisa 84]

When I went to this family court to get a restraining order they said I'm not bit up and what happened in a past doesn't count, also I have "record" so no restraining order for me. My son's teacher called shelters all day while we were at court office, but no luck. Then my husband said he wants my son home so to avoid him doing anything against me I had to go home. So I didn't even get close to VAWA..

[Ayman___ 92]

When I went to this family court to get a restraining order they said I'm not bit up and what happened in a past doesn't count, also I have "record" so no restraining order for me. My son's teacher called shelters all day while we were at court office, but no luck. Then my husband said he wants my son home so to avoid him doing anything against me I had to go home. So I didn't even get close to VAWA..

I want to know something when you was arrested did they find marks of abuse on your husband?I can't see the police arresting anyone for DV without physical evidence of abuse seems strange

[RichieW 11]

Svet, what Harpa is saying is that you need to file a VAWA petition. Based on what I and my wife have seen personally about your situation it certainly seems as though you would have a successful petition. I think you need to step back, relax, go through the VAWA petition forms and seek legal assistance. As Harpa mentioned, your "legal record" is a problem, but you will be able to explain yourself during the petition process.

http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis/menuitem.eb1d4c2a3e5b9ac89243c6a7543f6d1a/?vgnextoid=b85c3e4d77d73210VgnVCM100000082ca60aRCRD&vgnextchannel=b85c3e4d77d73210VgnVCM100000082ca60aRCRD

[gretchen_darren 67]

start with San Diego family law justice center.... then move on from there. Check with your local Russian orthodox church. Maybe they have ability to help. Reach out to Family military hotline. I am sorry but if this guy is doing what is posted here AND a part of the military. He seriously needs to spend time in Leavenworth. Leaving her without money and using the kid for dating. Something is seriously mentally wrong with the guy. Then trying to call in kidnapping charges??? Most police don't get into domestic disputes unless there is a reason. And 95% of the time, they side with the women. I wonder if her "jail" time was for her own protection?

the key here is by letting you go back to Russia, he also knows he won't have to pay alimony or child support. He gets off free as a bird by agreeing to this. He also knows with your criminal record and the 2 years, you will earn a 10 year ban minimum, if not a lifetime ban. Right now, he believes he has all the cards, and is playing the cards in his favor. This is what many of the USCIS laws are trying to fix. Not only protecting the US citizen, but also the foreign citizen. I really feel for her on this one. the sad part is the military has also allowed this. His superiors need an enlightening to his actions. Many military personnel would not stand for this if they knew what was going on. I would have her get an appointment with the MP commander, the base commander, or the military spouse representative on base, or just call the military hotline for the branch of service he is in and seek help. There is much more to this story then we are reading. And with 2 plus years of history who knows the whole story ....

[StvM 1]

Hi again. So it all changed again. We had to come back home just to avoid a bigger scandal because husband wanted to see our son so I couldn't really go against it, so we went home, but to be cool with each other we decided that he won't stay with us. I recorded the talk with him, oh my gosh so creepy! At first it was kinda awkward, we both were down and suspicious but then it went so well! He actually told me I can go back to Russia with the baby!!! I was like really??? Ok, we will go! So I hope he won't change his mind! But here is another question: how do I know if he is sending both of us, not just me? Need to find a lawyer I guess anyway. Are they giving you a lawyer when you divorcing?

Did you get passport for your son? Did you register his birth with RF Consulate (I guess one in San Francisco)? You need both passports (USA and RF) for your son, notarized statement from father, giving you permission to travel (actually same statement needed when you apply for US passport for child). Then - you free to go, if that is what you want. Statement, specifically saying that you are relocating back to Russia is not necessary.

If you want to stay, and husband agrees to go I-485 way, make all papers that needed, submit them and wait.

If he doesn't want to do it, do I-360, and see if it goes thru. You can file for divorce AFTER I-360, if it is accepted.

As for divorce - consult an attorney (consultation is free, with most of them, and there are plenty of russian speaking attorneys in San Diego area, who will understand what you need, since it is much easier for you to explain it in russian). Most likely your husband will have to pay to your attorney by court order, since you are unemployed at this time.

[AstaMarisa 84]

Did you get passport for your son? Did you register his birth with RF Consulate (I guess one in San Francisco)? You need both passports (USA and RF) for your son, notarized statement from father, giving you permission to travel (actually same statement needed when you apply for US passport for child). Then - you free to go, if that is what you want. Statement, specifically saying that you are relocating back to Russia is not necessary.

If you want to stay, and husband agrees to go I-485 way, make all papers that needed, submit them and wait.

If he doesn't want to do it, do I-360, and see if it goes thru. You can file for divorce AFTER I-360, if it is accepted.

As for divorce - consult an attorney (consultation is free, with most of them, and there are plenty of russian speaking attorneys in San Diego area, who will understand what you need, since it is much easier for you to explain it in russian). Most likely your husband will have to pay to your attorney by court order, since you are unemployed at this time.

Hi,

I don't have a passport for son yet, and yes, exactly , I looked online, seems like it's in San Francisco only and costs 145 or something. And husband says he doesn't care about my son's dual citizenship, hes said he will give me the affidavit and i m gonna have to do it all myself in Russia, but i don't feel comfortable leaving with the child who is not Russian citizen. Plus he said we won't divorce, me and my son will leave and he will stay, and he said i ll be able to come back on some spousal visa. I'm filing i-360 and I think I finally found some free attorney, will call him Monday.

[gretchen_darren 67]

be careful. He may file for divorce "in absentia" 9without you present) claiming you abandoned the marriage. by doing so, even with your affidavit, if you cannot submit to the court, he could win the rights to the son because you are not present in the US. He also knows you will have a 10 year ban to come back and defend any court order. And the only to bring you back is by getting a waiver granted. With the history which has been built up, this waiver is probably not going to be granted, or at least not without much help from an attorney. I smell something rotten and not good going on. Be careful. Make sure any affidavit he gives you about full custody of the child is registered in the court system. Make sure the custody papers are in full accordance with the fmaily court. He is starting to sound like he is playing a game where he knows you don't want to be there, but also he wants to keep on "playing single dad". (the single dad syndrome can marvelous to some guys for getting dates with girls since he is taking care of his kids.) I have 2 boys. when I have my time with them, I noticed a difference in some girls who were always casual friends to me. Something about taking care of kids makes guys more alluring. He knows this and is using this to his advantage. No way is he going to give up the child without some sort of fight. We feel bad for you, your child, and your situation....be careful... remember every time an olive branch is offered in one hand.... the other hand may contain something far worse behind his back just waiting to be used. Treat him like a Russian informer for the government. His goal is to gain status.... not family. Something changed between you and him. don't know what. maybe he was always this way and took time to reveal his true personality. Best of luck and be careful.... don't play with a snake unless you know how to deal with snakes....

[AstaMarisa 84]

be careful. He may file for divorce "in absentia" 9without you present) claiming you abandoned the marriage. by doing so, even with your affidavit, if you cannot submit to the court, he could win the rights to the son because you are not present in the US. He also knows you will have a 10 year ban to come back and defend any court order. And the only to bring you back is by getting a waiver granted. With the history which has been built up, this waiver is probably not going to be granted, or at least not without much help from an attorney. I smell something rotten and not good going on. Be careful. Make sure any affidavit he gives you about full custody of the child is registered in the court system. Make sure the custody papers are in full accordance with the fmaily court. He is starting to sound like he is playing a game where he knows you don't want to be there, but also he wants to keep on "playing single dad". (the single dad syndrome can marvelous to some guys for getting dates with girls since he is taking care of his kids.) I have 2 boys. when I have my time with them, I noticed a difference in some girls who were always casual friends to me. Something about taking care of kids makes guys more alluring. He knows this and is using this to his advantage. No way is he going to give up the child without some sort of fight. We feel bad for you, your child, and your situation....be careful... remember every time an olive branch is offered in one hand.... the other hand may contain something far worse behind his back just waiting to be used. Treat him like a Russian informer for the government. His goal is to gain status.... not family. Something changed between you and him. don't know what. maybe he was always this way and took time to reveal his true personality. Best of luck and be careful.... don't play with a snake unless you know how to deal with snakes....

I know! Everybody smells something yak here. I actually smell something bad all the time lately

I just can't wait to talk to my new lawyer and figure out what to do or at least what options I have.

He is home right now, looks calm, sleeping in living room. I'm in a bedroom, keeping all my papers and computer near and scared to go to the bathroom without taking all this with me lol.

[gretchen_darren 67]

I know! Everybody smells something yak here. I actually smell something bad all the time lately

Might just be the "bad fish" in the house......"spoiled rotten"...doesn't know a good thing until already past the freshness...

Hope all goes well for you....I know this is a rough and tough time....

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Did you get passport for your son? Did you register his birth with RF Consulate (I guess one in San Francisco)? You need both passports (USA and RF) for your son, notarized statement from father, giving you permission to travel (actually same statement needed when you apply for US passport for child). Then - you free to go, if that is what you want. Statement, specifically saying that you are relocating back to Russia is not necessary.

Incorrect. If she takes the child without a letter SPECIFICALLY stating that he is permitting the child to relocate she can be charge with international child kidnapping. He can claim she was just going to "visit" with the child. Not to mention some airlines won't let you board without a current letter giving permission to travel with the child. He can also put a hold on the passport stating he's worried she's going to "run away" with the baby. Having a letter stating he knew she was moving with the child, and gave permission for it, protects her.

[Ban Hammer 13,445]

one post removed along with one quoting.

please offer the op some useful advice - don't hijack the thread with off the wall suggestions of what you'd like to see.

for the op - i strongly suggest you visit your base command chaplain.

eta: one speculative post also removed that adds nothing to the conversation.

Edited May 13, 2012 by charles!

[StvM 1]

Hi,

I don't have a passport for son yet, and yes, exactly , I looked online, seems like it's in San Francisco only and costs 145 or something. And husband says he doesn't care about my son's dual citizenship, hes said he will give me the affidavit and i m gonna have to do it all myself in Russia, but i don't feel comfortable leaving with the child who is not Russian citizen. Plus he said we won't divorce, me and my son will leave and he will stay, and he said i ll be able to come back on some spousal visa. I'm filing i-360 and I think I finally found some free attorney, will call him Monday.

Well, I gave wrong advise before. Just checked RF Laws on citizenship, and it seems that only way for your son to become dual citizen (to get second citizenship) is to do it in Russia (with written permission from father). It says that if child born aboard, then both parents must be RF citizens, or only parent RF citizen, or one parent RF citizen, and second - stateless. But when child arrives in Russia, and one parent is RF citizen, and there is permission from foreign citizen parent, than child can acquire RF citizenship.. So, the only way for you to go to Russia with your son is to get RF visa in his US passport.