Distant Love

[Americangirl10 1]

This question may seem dumb/silly/ or even crazy to some, but I'm curious to know........if you were given an opportunity to go & spend more time with your spouse/fiance before his/her 'visa journey' was complete, would you go? How would you feel if the spouse/fiance didn't want you to come? Or told you it would be too difficult on him/her for you to come, i.e financially hard?

[X Factor 1,112]

That would be a HUGE red flag for me.

[Therealworld 90]

something is not right! If anything they should want you there right by there side!

[Caryh 5,206]

I do it in a heart beat. If they said no it doesn't work for them, I guess that would be my answer as to if they were serious about the relationship.

[theCook 0]

sorry i guess they either want you there or not

[X Factor 1,112]

I do it in a heart beat. If they said no it doesn't work for them, I guess that would be my answer as to if they were serious about the relationship.

Something smells fishy if they don't want you there.

[Pitaya 2,577]

This question may seem dumb/silly/ or even crazy to some, but I'm curious to know........if you were given an opportunity to go & spend more time with your spouse/fiance before his/her 'visa journey' was complete, would you go? How would you feel if the spouse/fiance didn't want you to come? Or told you it would be too difficult on him/her for you to come, i.e financially hard?

Do you need more affirmation of the thoughts that are likely already in your mind?

It is likely better to find out at this stage of the process.

There will be others.

Wish you good luck....

Edited May 1, 2012 by A&B

[Americangirl10 1]

You can't even imagine the thoughts I've had, I am by no means a 'rich American' so at this point, I hate I married him. Wow!

[amyandjorge 76]

lol as my husband said throughout the whole process, I was welcome to stay with him as long as I didn't mind eating beans everyday

But really, that's sad. I can't imagine a spouse saying, let's just wait to spend time together later...when it's more convenient

[kate&javi 26]

Geez... If my fiancé told me that he didn't want to be there with him, it would be a huge red flag! I already thought about returning to the US after my job contract is over here, even if he didn't have his visa yet, just to try to settle things in the US before he arrived, and when I told my fiancé, he begged me to stay here with him as long as I could.

[Americangirl10 1]

Geez... If my fiancé told me that he didn't want to be there with him, it would be a huge red flag! I already thought about returning to the US after my job contract is over here, even if he didn't have his visa yet, just to try to settle things in the US before he arrived, and when I told my fiancé, he begged me to stay here with him as long as I could.

Well he didnt say he didnt want me there. He just said now is not a good time for me to come because its hard on him. He tried to "explain" that he does want me there, yet gave many EXCUSES for all the finances he would be responsible for if I came right now. So I immediately thought, WOW! Its financially hard on me as well, especially to bring an additional person into the household. But I was willing to sacrifice to bring him here and seems as if he is not willing to do the same for me.

[thinkler 0]

HI AT WHICH POINT IS THE UR RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM? IF YOU DON`T KNOW HIM THAT MUCH THEN BACKUP. DON`T STRUGGLE FIR THAT.

REMAIN BLESS

[MangoAve 25]

Overall I agree with everyone else. The fiance should want you there with them no matter what. However finanaces may be a real issue. I would be right there with my beneficiary, but I can't afford that much time off work. This is reality here. I still see the side that an effort could be made in the situation you are describing. Even if the petitioner paid their own share to stay with the beneficiary.

[mimicoco 5]

May be he wants the best for you. sometimes the life can be really hard in Cameroon, especially without money.

[Xanax 349]

This sets off red flags in my head.

This is what I would do:

I would tell your spouse/ fiance that you understand that it is not financially viable for either of you to take a trip right now, but you feel it is necessary for the both of you to spend more time together before he moves and changes his life so drastically. Tell him you want to look out for him and yourself. I would ask my spouse to help you set a realistic time frame or goal dollar ($) amount that would signify a better time for you to go to Cameroon to visit for an extended time before he moves here.

If your spouse agrees- great, it seems like he is fairly committed to you and your relationship.

If your spouse disagrees (for whatever reason)- to me this is a major red flag and I would consider your relationship very carefully and what the ramifications would be if your fiance/ spouse was not entirely honest with his reasons for wanting to immigrate to the US (I am not implying he would be using you for immigration purposes if he did disagree, but it does not sound promising that someone who loves you and wants to spend their life with you would not want to see you and or protect you and themselves from making a mistake if the relationship is not a good fit).