Thinking of a divorce after his Visa approval a week ago.

[Karee 4,190]

If you filed an i-864- you dont have a k-3, you have a cr-1...

regardless, call the embassy, get that i-864 pulled, he wont be able to enter, even if he has a ticket... but once he enters, there is not much you can do...

My experience is this...

I love my husband, he was amazing in Pakistan... I still love him, but America has changed him... he's not the same, he either works all the time, sleeps, or hangs out with friends getting into things Pakistanis usually dont. I miss that shy guy in Pakistan a lot, but we all grow...

I-864 gets filed with NVC in when you apply with for a CR-1 visa, not the embassy. The guy already has the visa. What is the embassy gonna do?

[redwhiteblue 6]

If you filed an i-864- you dont have a k-3, you have a cr-1...

regardless, call the embassy, get that i-864 pulled, he wont be able to enter, even if he has a ticket... but once he enters, there is not much you can do...

My experience is this...

I love my husband, he was amazing in Pakistan... I still love him, but America has changed him... he's not the same, he either works all the time, sleeps, or hangs out with friends getting into things Pakistanis usually dont. I miss that shy guy in Pakistan a lot, but we all grow...

So then what if hes that shy guy that cant show his feelings. He always says he will try but then i dont hear from him hardly.

[rkk1 34]

Hi Plymouth,

I agree with Darnell that you should read through my old posts. I am 30 years old, and a medical student, and have had some issues with my husband in India. We were having some bitter arguments lately, and everyone was deeply concerned here on this site about my husband's manipulative tendencies as he exaggerates and often creates drama to get what he wants (when we argue). People have a lot of words of wisdom, which you can read through my old threads. You may also find yourself in similar situations with your husband regarding length of family stay (my husband initially wanted his parents to come stay with us for 6 months on a tourist visa, while I was only fine with 3 weeks), as well as the issue of sending money back home (as my husband initially planned that he would send several hundred dollars each month back to India). After much arguments, my husband and I did reach some compromises, such that his family could stay for 6 WEEKS (1.5 month), and that we would not be sending any money each money to his family unless it was an emergency. He discussed the 1.5 month thing in front of my counsellor so we have 3rd party witnesses to this.

Anyhow, the point I'm trying to get to, is that despite the fury of comments on my threads from people who suggested that my husband might be a bad choice for me, my husband still seems to treat me a million times better than yours does (from what you've written). My husband begs me to come visit him as often as possible. He always buys me nice things... nice Indian clothes, small trinkets etc. He pays for all of my expenses while I am in India. He loves to show me off to his friends, co-workers, family etc... as he is very proud of me. Our physical intimacy is also good, as he is very affectionate with me. And he has always wished me a Happy Valentine's day over the last 2 years, as he seems more into it than I am. We talk nearly every day (sometimes twice a day), though we do talk less when I'm in the midst of exams or when we are arguing. I'd say that 95% of time things are WONDERFUL between us, but the 5% of the time that we are having arguments has been enough to create some doubts in my mind. Despite all of my husband's love towards me, our marriage is still at risk due his manipulative ways (as I really can't tolerate this at all). We are still proceeding at this point, but these doubts have made me a lot more proactive to either fix the problems that we have or separate ways. Luckily my husband has shown an interest in fixing our problems, as he has even talked to my counselor/therapist on the phone about how to fix our issues. At least he shows me that he wants this marriage to work. The cultural differences are really frustrating, and without that love, I just don't see how any of this would be worth it at all.

I don't think anyone has the right to tell you (or me) to end your marriage, but your situation does give me concern. Heck, even MY situation gives me concern, but at least my situation seems significantly better than yours, as I know I'm deeply loved by my husband. If you are not seeing signs of love from him, I think that is a major roadblock. It's true that he might display love differently due to being from a different culture, but regardless of those differences, you would still see that your husband wants to be with you. My husband and I both had very limited relationship experiences before meeting each other as well. My husband tended to be the clingy type (which I used to be as well with men, before I realized how defeating it was). I realized that this clinginess was also part cultural as well. But at least I never doubted whether I was wanted or not. I broke up with him once in our early days due to his clinginess, and although he was heartbroken, he got busy trying to help me screen online profiles to find another guy. I thought that was endearing, and realized that he was a decent person... so we later continued the relationship. As another example, my counselor is a Caucasian American married to an Indian man from India. She also says that her husband shows love differently from other men. He's not always verbally dripping with sweetness. But she doesn't question his love, as he shows her that he loves her by putting a cup of coffee every morning (for the last 15 years) on her nightstand for her before she wakes up. People have different ways of showing love, but at least they DO show it visibly in some way or the other if it is present.

Anyway, I guess I'm rambling here, but I hope you do realize that you deserve to be loved fully by your spouse. It may not able display itself in the same way that your mom and dad express their affection, but if it's not there, then it's really a huge issue. Unless your husband is telling you not to come (for YOUR benefit only), then that is a huge concern. Not feeling wanted by your spouse and not getting his intimacy and affection is not any way to live, as I see it.

[Karee 4,190]

Everyone keeps going on about pull this and that. The guy has valid 1 year CR-1 visa in his passport. He's can show up at the airport in Pakistan and they'll give him a ticket. Period. More than likely CBP wont give him an issue upon arrival in the U.S. Again, you can't un-ring a bell.

[rkk1 34]

So then what if hes that shy guy that cant show his feelings. He always says he will try but then i dont hear from him hardly.

Ok, so play Devil's Advocate then. Let's say your husband (giving him the benefit of doubt) really is someone who loves you but can't show feelings. I ask you... can you live the rest of your life like that?? Can you live with a man who doesn't make the effort to do nice things for you, give you intimacy, or show that he cares?

The way I feel, is that if he loves you, at least he would TRY to see what you need from the relationship and adapt himself to some degree. If he isn't evening willing to try to fix the issue, then it's hard for me to think that love exists. Differences are to be expected, but if love exists, then at least both people want to bridge that gap if they can. Even if he's the shy type, then he will at least try to show some affection and pull himself out of his comfort zone if he realizes that it's what you need to make the relationship work.

Edited April 29, 2012 by rkk1

[Iyawo Ijebu 157]

Hi Plymouth,

I agree with Darnell that you should read through my old posts. I am 30 years old, and a medical student, and have had some issues with my husband in India. We were having some bitter arguments lately, and everyone was deeply concerned here on this site about my husband's manipulative tendencies as he exaggerates and often creates drama to get what he wants (when we argue). People have a lot of words of wisdom, which you can read through my old threads. You may also find yourself in similar situations with your husband regarding length of family stay (my husband initially wanted his parents to come stay with us for 6 months on a tourist visa, while I was only fine with 3 weeks), as well as the issue of sending money back home (as my husband initially planned that he would send several hundred dollars each month back to India). After much arguments, my husband and I did reach some compromises, such that his family could stay for 6 WEEKS (1.5 month), and that we would not be sending any money each money to his family unless it was an emergency. He discussed the 1.5 month thing in front of my counsellor so we have 3rd party witnesses to this.

Anyhow, the point I'm trying to get to, is that despite the fury of comments on my threads from people who suggested that my husband might be a bad choice for me, my husband still seems to treat me a million times better than yours does (from what you've written). My husband begs me to come visit him as often as possible. He always buys me nice things... nice Indian clothes, small trinkets etc. He pays for all of my expenses while I am in India. He loves to show me off to his friends, co-workers, family etc... as he is very proud of me. Our physical intimacy is also good, as he is very affectionate with me. And he has always wished me a Happy Valentine's day over the last 2 years, as he seems more into it than I am. We talk nearly every day (sometimes twice a day), though we do talk less when I'm in the midst of exams or when we are arguing. I'd say that 95% of time things are WONDERFUL between us, but the 5% of the time that we are having arguments has been enough to create some doubts in my mind. Despite all of my husband's love towards me, our marriage is still at risk due his manipulative ways (as I really can't tolerate this at all). We are still proceeding at this point, but these doubts have made me a lot more proactive to either fix the problems that we have or separate ways. Luckily my husband has shown an interest in fixing our problems, as he has even talked to my counselor/therapist on the phone about how to fix our issues. At least he shows me that he wants this marriage to work. The cultural differences are really frustrating, and without that love, I just don't see how any of this would be worth it at all.

I don't think anyone has the right to tell you (or me) to end your marriage, but your situation does give me concern. Heck, even MY situation gives me concern, but at least my situation seems significantly better than yours, as I know I'm deeply loved by my husband. If you are not seeing signs of love from him, I think that is a major roadblock. It's true that he might display love differently due to being from a different culture, but regardless of those differences, you would still see that your husband wants to be with you. My husband and I both had very limited relationship experiences before meeting each other as well. My husband tended to be the clingy type (which I used to be as well with men, before I realized how defeating it was). I realized that this clinginess was also part cultural as well. But at least I never doubted whether I was wanted or not. I broke up with him once in our early days due to his clinginess, and although he was heartbroken, he got busy trying to help me screen online profiles to find another guy. I thought that was endearing, and realized that he was a decent person... so we later continued the relationship. As another example, my counselor is a Caucasian American married to an Indian man from India. She also says that her husband shows love differently from other men. He's not always verbally dripping with sweetness. But she doesn't question his love, as he shows her that he loves her by putting a cup of coffee every morning (for the last 15 years) on her nightstand for her before she wakes up. People have different ways of showing love, but at least they DO show it visibly in some way or the other if it is present.

Anyway, I guess I'm rambling here, but I hope you do realize that you deserve to be loved fully by your spouse. It may not able display itself in the same way that your mom and dad express their affection, but if it's not there, then it's really a huge issue. Unless your husband is telling you not to come (for YOUR benefit only), then that is a huge concern. Not feeling wanted by your spouse and not getting his intimacy and affection is not any way to live, as I see it.

I love hearing from well grounded people like you.

I salute your tenacity, sacrifices and compromises and I hope you have a wonderful life ahead.

JFK said "We choose to go to the moon. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too.".

[EAbbas 213]

Everyone keeps going on about pull this and that. The guy has valid 1 year CR-1 visa in his passport. He's can show up at the airport in Pakistan and they'll give him a ticket. Period. More than likely CBP wont give him an issue upon arrival in the U.S. Again, you can't un-ring a bell.

This has been said over and over.. his visa is only good for 6 months from the date it was issued. If he doesn't use it by then its gone... Also the reason to pull the Affadavit of support whether its k3 or cr1 is to validate the embassy canceling his visa and to give documentation as to WHY they canceled it and IF he does show up to POE he will be turned away... no chance to enter... his visa will either be taken or stamped with something to void it so he can't try it again... otherwise he WILL show up and gain entry...

Edited April 29, 2012 by EAbbas

[talean nawaz 41]

Everyone keeps going on about pull this and that. The guy has valid 1 year CR-1 visa in his passport. He's can show up at the airport in Pakistan and they'll give him a ticket. Period. More than likely CBP wont give him an issue upon arrival in the U.S. Again, you can't un-ring a bell.

Until he has a greencard, the show is not over. He may have a visa, but you can get the I-864 pulled before entry to the US. In light of a pending divorce and the embassy is notified, they can decide to revoke the visa. She will have to contact the embassy ASAP and they can inform her of the procedure.

[Karee 4,190]

This has been said over and over.. his visa is only good for 6 months from the date it was issued. If he doesn't use it by then its gone... Also the reason to pull the Affadavit of support whether its k3 or cr1 is to validate the embassy canceling his visa and to give documentation as to WHY they canceled it and IF he does show up to POE he will be turned away... no chance to enter... his visa will either be taken or stamped with something to void it so he can't try it again... otherwise he WILL show up and gain entry...

There's 20+ million illegal immigrants in this country. My bet is that DOS and USCIS barely speak to each other. I wish they did, and I wish this guy would be sent back, but my guess is he has a pretty good chance once he get's to POE to enter. The only thing that might stop him is being from Pakistan.

[Darnell 8,478]

No issue. Just trying to clarify. My guess is if that guy got on a plane a week from now after she pulls a non binding I-134 at the embassy in Islamabad, and he has a valid K-3 visa, they aint gonna stop him. That's my point.

CBP will stop him, you can bet yer last 3 years' salary on that. They're the 'END GAME' here.

[Karee 4,190]

CBP will stop him, you can bet yer last 3 years' salary on that. They're the 'END GAME' here.

For what reason? That's what I'm not getting. I hope they do, but for what? A pulled I-864?

[Darnell 8,478]

Big "O"

So Ive been married about 18 months. (Oct 1st 2010).

I read something about if you are between the 18 month and the 2 year period you can apply for a different type of greencard. Anyone know anything about that? Asking because, imagine he comes tomorrow? Anything is possible due to lack of communication.

Can you remember some of the steps you did?

ie - did you have any document intake at NVC, or no ?

if no, it is a K-3 visa, otherwise a CR-1 visa.

[Karee 4,190]

Can you remember some of the steps you did?

ie - did you have any document intake at NVC, or no ?

if no, it is a K-3 visa, otherwise a CR-1 visa.

It's CR-1.

[Darnell 8,478]

Everyone keeps going on about pull this and that. The guy has valid 1 year CR-1 visa in his passport. He's can show up at the airport in Pakistan and they'll give him a ticket. Period. More than likely CBP wont give him an issue upon arrival in the U.S. Again, you can't un-ring a bell.

Disagree, and that's cool that we disagree.

[Karee 4,190]

Disagree, and that's cool that we disagree.

I'm cool with it. we live in the same town. Go Mavs.