Thinking of a divorce after his Visa approval a week ago.

[Karee 4,190]

How to Apply to Remove the Conditions

You and your spouse must apply together to remove the conditions on your residence by filing Form I-751. You should apply during the 90 days before your second anniversary as a conditional resident. The expiration date on your green card is also the date of your second anniversary as a conditional resident. If you do not apply to remove the conditions in time, you could lose your conditional resident status and be removed from the country.

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http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis/menuitem.5af9bb95919f35e66f614176543f6d1a/?vgnextoid=b70f8875d714d010VgnVCM10000048f3d6a1RCRD&vgnextchannel=db029c7755cb9010VgnVCM10000045f3d6a1RCRD

So even if he comes here then i wouldnt have to file the form i-751.

No, he can do it on his own with a divorce decree. Problem is he'll have to show marriage was entered in good faith.

[Memphis 26]

This is truly a sad personal story....Your life is not ruined, you are still very young. If this was me....I would be doing everything I can to divorce this man and cancel his petition for visa.

TOTALLY AGREE!!

[Jann & tom 1]

i just read your story and sorry to know about it.

but hoping God will work in mysterious way and maybe He has

a big plan for you.Everything happen for a reason.

Godbless you and praying everything will be ok in God's plan

[charlie1 4]

what are you waiting for???????????you already read the letter and nothing exciting about him.

[El-Andalusi 7]

You make it very clear that you do NOT want to be stuck in this marriage. You're not 22 anymore, you're 32, already accomplished, finished medical school, you can NOT keep dragging yourself into 'I don't know what or how to get a divorce' - it does not matter whether you know or don't know, what you know is that you do not want to be married to someone who is more interested in a Visa to the United States than in his wife. Now, he is not even interested in having a family with you whenever, he even sets time frames. The more you will wait, the more you will plunge yourself, your life, your whole sane being into a life long depression.

You're young, educated, you seem kind and non-argumentative. Yes, a lot of men out there desire you, unconditionally. You did not get yourself into this alone, you did it to please your parents, then to please this so called 'husband' and not You, only You get yourself out of this. IMMEDIATELY!

You can cancel the whole thing with one simple e-mail to the Consulate that issued the VISA to him. You do not want him to land on American soil, after all that he has done to you. Namely, he is not interested in this marriage. Do not think that him coming here, living under one roof, will make things better. It will get worst. You already experienced that in Pakistan, why go through it again in the U.S. Your home country? So, do that first. That can revoke his VISA right away, if you explain to them that you have high doubts and suspicions, that he has tricked you into believing he wants you as his wife, as you had initially perceived. You have first had experience, you lived over there and have waited long enough to be certain that this is the case. I would not go there any more, at least not any time soon. Especially not, if you cancel his Spousal Visa, since you want a divorce eventually. I would not even worry about getting a divorce in Pakistan right away, this is very hard for a woman over there if she does not have a male guardian by her side. An immediate male relative. I imagine it to be dangerous for a woman, along there, asking for a divorce. Not an expert on Pakistan, but I have a pretty good idea how it is in a ultra conservative country such as Pakistan.

Most importantly, is that you get this guy out of your life if you really believe that you do not want to be married to him any longer. Then, you make sure you rebuild yourself, cure your depression, take it as a lesson, do not live in regrets or guilt, build up your self confidence. AND MOVE ON as quickly as you can. Hopefully, that will teach your parents a lesson too. That is to accept you the way you are, and support your wishes. It sounds like you have invested so much time and energy into this painful marriage, and therefore, must act as quickly as possible.

May god bless you and guide you to eternal internal happiness and contentment.

[TBoneTX 45,572]

Do u think its mental abuse though? Hes never physically abused me. I dont think he mentally abuses me though if he hardly talks to me. Even if we are in the same room for hours.

I read the whole thread and returned to this one, which was halfway through.

Being disrespected and disregarded = mental abuse.

[Lisamarie 79]

It sounds to me like if you stay in this marriage he will have complete control over everything in your life, and you will be "just there". You will lose your identity, hopes, dreams, and will always be in the dark about what's going on, and not included in any kind of plans or decisions. The depression you're feeling now will be ten-fold. Also, I wouldn't go back to Pakistan. If you choose to divorce him, do it from here. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do. Take care.

I think he showed i was living with him for 14 months. I stayed there till end of November. I wish the embassy asked more questions. I honestly didnt think they would give him a visa. Im wondering what else could he have shown. He was clearly not into taking pictures and didnt see the point in it. It took me 4 months just to get my wedding pictures. He apparently gave the picture money to a friend to borrow without informing me. My dad had given it to his brother to pay the photographer. It took like a month for him to give me the explanation which could be true or not. I kept on asking him about when we can pick up the wedding photos. Whatever I got i took them with me to the US. The rest are still incomplete. I gave up and told him to finish that project which i doubt he has. Im not doing it if hes not interested.

Edited April 29, 2012 by Lisamarie

[Nellie&Jason 4]

He already got his visa, how can I cancel it?

This really sounds like a very sad story, that I find hard to believe in. The fact that this guy is just using you to be able to get the US citizenship seems to be so obvious here, and this may be why he doesn't even care about his brother's wedding, but wants to get in the country ASAP.

I don't see any reason why you should hold on to this marriage, cause you're young, you're educated and you have plenty of options to live your life happily the way you and not your parents or someone else wants you to.

If I were you, I would do my best to cancel the visa - I don't know how exactly though, try calling the US Embassy in Pakistan, contact US Immigration Services - just do something!! I would let him know that things didn't work out the way you imagined it, that you can't send him any money, or buy him a ticket, moreover you don't want him to show up in the country one day, because you're basically getting divorced, and then continue your life from there!

[AmyWrites 593]

Yep, this guy... seems he married you just to be able to come to the US. And you deserve better than that so divorce him and move on. Inform the embassy if you haven't already.

Also... never ever marry anyone for what you think they will become.

[Penguin_ie 5,994]

*** moving from K3 visa to Effects of Major Changes as OP actually filed for a CR-1, but issue is not directly visa process related ****

[Sveta & Ron 23]

i would be calling ins, uscis, also border/passport control offices and make sure they make notes in file your feelings and explain how he has not proven a true relationship remember he can be refused to pass customs last thing america needs is abusiers also think about your fellow female americans should you not stop him coming and get divorced he will treat other females the same and this is being said from a man abuse is not accepted in any form

[Mike & Mila 5]

Hard to do if you have Pakistani parents. Still have the house rules to live by and I would need to get a great enough job to move out. Right now studying for board exams, (not going great with the depression and all) and working part time. Even if I divorce this man, dating will be out of the question until i move out. I just want to get out somehow without feeling guilty. Give my boards by being mentally healthy meaning feel strong enough to think i can move out and not need a man until im ready.

Every day now will be "your" day. Every day without him, or thoughts of him, will produce joy for you. Structure your life and your future completly without him. Your happiness will come quickly. It's the "indecision" that produces anxiety---that produces depression. You've made your decision--now make it stick--make it stronger.!!!

[unlockingsky 94]

do you have someone in the pakistani community to talk about? maybe they can provide some better guidance.

[Emina&Refik 0]

OMG im really sorry your going through this; thats tough. BUt my now husband (we filed for a k1 bias- thats fiancee visa) is from bosnia, and I'm from there too and thats also a tough country to live in there are very little jobs and all in all its just hard to have a life there, and even though he had a really hard life with little money he still showed me love everyday while he was still there and during my visits showed me affection in front of family and friends and now that he is here in the us with me our relationship is stronger than ever he tells me he loves me every day more than a couple times a day shows me affection and treats me like a queen so don't ever think just b/c of where a man lives that its an excuse for the way he has treated you I'm sorry your going through this but what diesnt kill you will only make you stronger and you will come out a stronger person in the end of this mess i wish you good luck and you need to just get rid of him contact the embassy and inform them that you think he is doing this just for papers and that he does not really love you and see what the say. GOOD LUCK LADY!!

[frankielove 5]

You've gotten a lot of good advice, and it is hard to make a big change like this. For what it is worth, I would also argue that being ignored is mental and emotional abuse.

If it helps you in your decision, make a list of what you want your life to be like in 5 or 10 years--all your hopes and dreams, what you think a good marriage should be like. Then make a list of how life with him will be in 5- 10 years based on what you have seen so far (be very honest with yourself as you don't need to share this with anyone else). Hopefully you will better understand what decision to make after comparing the lists.

Another perspective that might help: if you had a friend who came to you for advice and told you what you have told us, how would you counsel that person? Often we can give the best advice to others, and find it difficult to follow ourselves.

I wish you all the best, and the strength to make the right decision for you.