Thinking of a divorce after his Visa approval a week ago.

[redwhiteblue 6]

I got married in October of 2010 in Pakistan and even stayed in Pakistan to wait for my husbands visa. I am a US born citizen, lived in Pakistan from 2000-2006 for medical school and had come back to get married as my parents wished. I said yes to guy who wrote a love letter to me in 2006 saying he was interested in me. I had informed him that if he still loved me that this is the time to ask my parents for my hand. (Dont know why Im crying for being so submissive to my parents.) Well despite my sacrifice, I thought this man would love me. Maybe I dont know what love is but he hardly spoke to me the whole time I was there. Two weeks after my marriage, I started working in a hospital. I would be weirded out when I would be on call and he wouldnt even call me. Even If I would no be on call, I would wait for him to have dinner together only to find out he already ate. We hardly had intimal relationships. He laughed when I said when people who get married do it every day. Its not like I even want it. Well, I worked there until November 2011. He apparently resigned his job in April 2011 after they merged and offered less. He hasnt worked since. Without trying to cause any fight, I tried looking for jobs myself near the end with better pay as I realized how expensive it is living there with my low paying job. After getting severely depressed and crying so much alone. Him not saying much I decided that I needed to go back to the USA. I left again around November, still sending different forms back to the Embassy. He just got his visa about a week ago.

Being depressed there and without really even fighting I asked him if I could get a divorce several times. He never responded. I asked him a month after my marriage, another month later and several times after that. I would simply say that I think we are very different people and I dont think we have a connection. This guy has never been lustful towards me. I know there is nothing wrong with me since many guys wanted to marry me and my friends do say Im attractive. Im not overweight, have a fair complexion and love going to the gym. I believe, Ive done my best for this marriage by sticking around in the heat and the bitter cold of the country. I had to buy an AC and heater myself. I hardly fought-- probably because I got so depressed and thought what was the point. I believe I turned into a zombie living there. No friends, only the hospital and patients to talk to.

After moving to the US, i thought perhaps he will miss me. Since then I think hes only called about 20 times and 75% of the time about paperwork that was filled wrong or how i would send the papers.

I feel like my life is ruined. Im 32 and not happy at all. If this guy has not changed in the one and half years of or marriage, how will he change when he comes here. My depression slowly lifted after moving back and now I fear I will be depressed knowing that this man will not really show the love that you would normally expect from a man.

I was even stupid enough to purchase tickets for his brothers wedding which are non refundable for next week. He and his mom tried to convince me not to come. How depressing is that? He had told me after I had bought the tickets that if he gets the visa hes coming here right away. I told him him the tickets are non refundable. He doesnt even want to attend his brother's wedding second week of May.

I'm thinking if I do go, can I file for a divorce there? I dont have anyone three to help me. He had told me if I wanted to get a divorce, that I should find out myself. I spent hours looking for info but maybe im not looking in the right place. I dont think i can afford a lawyer. Im just too depressed thinking about this whole situation it makes me numb and zone out.

Any advice.? What is the cheapest solution? I live in MA. No kids. (He told me a week after getting married he doesn't want kids until 2 years later and last week says until 3 years more until we are more settled. He apparently thinks I can have normal babies until 40. The irony is that when he sees kids he thinks they are soo cute.)

Need urgent help before my tickets expire incase I need them.

[Thomas&Cleofe 358]

This is truly a sad personal story....Your life is not ruined, you are still very young. If this was me....I would be doing everything I can to divorce this man and cancel his petition for visa.

[redwhiteblue 6]

He already got his visa, how can I cancel it?

[Karee 4,190]

This is truly a sad personal story....Your life is not ruined, you are still very young. If this was me....I would be doing everything I can to divorce this man and cancel his petition for visa.

Agreed. It almost seems like there's some other reason for him to come to the U.S. Maybe something to do with his family. Hard to say.

[talean nawaz 41]

If he has not entered the US yet, he does not have a greencard and can be denied admission. I would email and/or call the embassy in Islamabad ASAP to see what your options are. Also, you do not need to divorce in Pakistan, you can do it here. I married overseas in the past and divorced through an attorney here. Call the embassy!!!!

[redwhiteblue 6]

Should I give it another try? Maybe he hardly spoke to me because of the conditions and culture there? Maybe he himself was depressed there? I have no idea because I hardly even knew him before the marriage. Its quite a big of an adjustment for me. This whole situation dumbfounds me. When I ask him why he doesnt show love, he says I have American thoughts. The last time he said it, I asked him why is he coming here if he has a problem with American thoughts. And if hes brother is getting married and shows love, then he must have American thought too then. It seams this man is not capable of showing love. I cant not force a person to love me, that itself would be such a depressing and shameful thought. Its just best to go separate ways. A person cannot demand or ask for love that is not there. He's says he loves me and he will try to show it but 18 months has gone by. I wish the Embassy asked for phone records or asked him more questions. They should be able to detect possible fraud, no? He did say they were rude (and needed more documents of support.)

Do I succumb to this life? How do I tell what normal is? I dont want to turn out like the other people I've read about in this forum that after they get get their citizenship, its bye bye time. By that time, Ill have no kids.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Did he arrive on a K3 or a CR1 ? If it is a K3 then you have to support his AOS for him to stay otherwise you can not support the AOS and he should have to leave. If he has a CR1 he already "has" a green card and you can't pull it. You can divorce and move on either way.

[redwhiteblue 6]

I dont even know how you get a green card. He hasnt told me if he got it. He only told me he got the visa. Where and when do you get the green card?

K3

[Karee 4,190]

I dont even know how you get a green card. He hasnt told me if he got it. He only told me he got the visa. Where and when do you get the green card?

K3

Is he in the U.S. now?

[redwhiteblue 6]

Did he arrive on a K3 or a CR1 ? If it is a K3 then you have to support his AOS for him to stay otherwise you can not support the AOS and he should have to leave. If he has a CR1 he already "has" a green card and you can't pull it. You can divorce and move on either way.

What is a AOS? If thats the support, then my parents helped me as I was working in Pakistan and when I moved back couldnt work until I found a job. I didnt have any US income in 2011.

What is a CR1? All I know is i applied for a spouse visa from the US.

Hes not here yet. He told me to buy the tickets and hell pay me back. I refused since when he used my credit card in Pakistan, it took him 3 months to pay me back, and thats with asking in a reminder like gesture and finally getting him mother involved so I wouldnt ruin my credit history. I told him to wire the money and then maybe Ill buy the ticket.

[Karee 4,190]

What is a AOS? If thats the support, then my parents helped me as I was working in Pakistan and when I moved back couldnt work until I found a job. I didnt have any US income in 2011.

What is a CR1? All I know is i applied for a spouse visa from the US.

If he's not in the U.S. and has no plans to come here, than the visa will just expire. It's usually 6 months. I'm still assuming it's a K-3 visa.

[redwhiteblue 6]

Ticket prices must be double. Hed have to wait about 2-3 weeks for it to be cheaper.

[Karee 4,190]

What is a AOS? If thats the support, then my parents helped me as I was working in Pakistan and when I moved back couldnt work until I found a job. I didnt have any US income in 2011.

What is a CR1? All I know is i applied for a spouse visa from the US.

Hes not here yet. He told me to buy the tickets and hell pay me back. I refused since when he used my credit card in Pakistan, it took him 3 months to pay me back, and thats with asking in a reminder like gesture and finally getting him mother involved so I wouldnt ruin my credit history. I told him to wire the money and then maybe Ill buy the ticket.

Just leave him there then. He basically has a 2 year multiple entry visa.

[redwhiteblue 6]

I didnt know it had an expiration date. I wish the embassy would give me the same information they gave him.

[Thomas&Cleofe 358]

I didnt know it had an expiration date. I wish the embassy would give me the same information they gave him.

Yes....His visa has an expiration of 6 months if he does not use it before then.